But Does It Float: Pennington vs. Marmalard. WHO YA GOT?
Everyone loves a strong armed quarterback who can pinpoint throws with surgical precision into the interstitial spaces between a swarm of defenders into the welcoming hands of a receiver. Therefore we can conclude that no one likes Chad Pennington nor Philip Rivers, and not only because Rivers is a dick and Pennington is nice to the point of being off-putting. No, they offend the eye with their bloop passes, even if Marmalard can somehow throw them 60 yards. For those who do tune into this game, please allow an additional four hours of viewing time for passes to land. Anyway, WHO YA GOT?
Chadwick Alistair Pennington__________________King Philip “The Laserfaced” Rivers
Interests
Pretending that reading Laveranues’ Google Shares is the same as talking to him_______Villainy, abstinence
Favorite floaty movie
Around the World in 80 Days_________________________Up (but only ’cause Disney is down with the the big abby)
Ball floats in the air until…
The fourth Buffalo Wild Wings ad comes on________He has a tribute in a Cincinnati theme park
Do their passes inspire cloying monologues during pedestrian and transparent award season bait?
Hey, that hit the ground!
Spell they’d learn if only Final Fantasy were real
I backed my car into a cop car the other day
Well he just drove off____________________Sometimes life’s okay
Finishing move
Having three-minute final drive end listlessly at opponent’s 40_________LETTING FRUMPY DICK NORV RUN TINY DARREN ON A GODDAMN 4TH AND 2 AGAINST THE RAVENS DEFENSE WHEN WE HAD TWO STARTING LINEMEN OUT THAT DAY, YOU BAG OF SODDENTWAT SANDWICHES
YOU RAN THE BALL AT STABBY ST. BULLETTOOTH HERE WITH ENOUGH MUNITIONS TO START HIS BREAKAWAY REPUBLIC CALLED GOD’S COUNTRY! LIKE, THAT WOULD BE THEIR OFFICIAL TITLE AT THE UN – GOD’S COUNTY. GEE TO THE MUTHAFUKKIN CEE!
Tags: chadwick, laserface, marmalard, the joke is spread as far as she'll go cap'n, who ya got?, xmas ape
September 25th, 2009 at 8:24 am
final fantasy v…what a nerd
September 25th, 2009 at 8:50 am
That’s a quality Modest Mouse reference.
September 25th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Rivers’ has four kids (and counting). Somebody’s fekking. As an aside, got corralled here at the local Outback by some SEC fans from Alabama who said that River’s little brother (currently at Athens high) is further along than Philip was.
Insofar as Pennington’s ” two minute offense ” how was that drive different than anything else the Dlphins (No ‘O’ in Miami) did that night ?
September 25th, 2009 at 8:56 am
The FF reference is osem.
Chadwick Alistair, huh? Here we thought King Phillip the Laserfaced was royalty…
September 25th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I ran my mouth off a bit too much Oh what did I say.
The door burst open,I shouted ya betta ask someboday
September 25th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Keep floatin’ them to Vinny Jackson, King Laserface.
September 25th, 2009 at 9:31 am
I believe in King Laserface. And Tiny Darren.
September 25th, 2009 at 9:33 am
If you peer in real close at Ray-Ray’s shoulders you can make out the words MON TUES WED THUR FRI SAT SUN
September 25th, 2009 at 9:41 am
There has to be another song out there involving floating. Maybe not as prominently as Modest Mouse, but there has to be at least one, right?
September 25th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Ah, there was a flogging molly album called float.
/punches self for knowing that
//looks at iTunes collection
///punches self for having the album
September 25th, 2009 at 9:54 am
there’s this guy from Washington state named Jimmy Hendricks I think…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjmtB1BaIcU
September 25th, 2009 at 10:14 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAQKdgFZCGs
September 25th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Best Chadwick pic ever?
Best Chadwick pic ever.
Also, don’t hate on Ray’s “RB Souls Vest.” In each of those individual cells, he carries the soul of a running back. Upon closer examination, you can see that they read “Eddie George, Corey Dillon, Tiki Barber, Rashard Mendenhall,” and the newest one, “Darren Sproles.”
September 25th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Yeah, sure, it’s just running backs. Not the other people he’s responsible for killing.
/Ray-Ray’s play never happens if refs make obvious PI call on Foxworth on the previous drive. 4th down is a game-winning Kaeding FG instead
//waits for more referee conspiracies by Ravens fans
September 25th, 2009 at 10:38 am
harf harf.
It was come-uppance for the missed obvious offsides call on Merriman that gave him free run at Flacco, resulting in the Chargers’ interception. Football gods cosmic justice and all that.
/don’t care what Fouts (former Charger) said about Mer-man anticipating the snap perfectly, he was off
September 25th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Kinda meh until the Ray Lewis jab… that never gets old.
September 25th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Oh and as to songs about floating… One could have opted for the subtle sexy Aqueous Transmission by Incubus. “I’m floating down a river” is pretty much one of the only lyrics for most of it.
Awesome song.
September 25th, 2009 at 10:54 am
[quote] Kinda meh until the Ray Lewis jab…that never gets old [/quote]
Kinda meh until the Ray Lewis stab…that never gets old
/fixed
September 25th, 2009 at 10:55 am
/html FAIL
September 25th, 2009 at 11:09 am
“the joke is spread as far as she’ll go cap’n”
I would have gone with “the joke is spread farther than your mom’s legs”
that’s a burn
September 25th, 2009 at 11:35 am
The tennis ball Chadwick hit just landed.
September 25th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
“Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream… interception…. interception”
And hey! Chadwick there led the Phins back from a crappy start last season to win their division! There’s no way Marmalard… oh wait…
September 25th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Chadwick’s arm is as limp as ghey in an Espresso N Go drive-thru. So King Laserface FTW.
/can I PLEEEASE have my change back, I don’t want anything else
September 25th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Every time Ray-Ray makes a tackle an angel gets it’s wings………..ripped off and then stabbed repeatedly in the eyes!!
September 25th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
The Pats AND Chargers falling apart already while my Colts are 2-0? This is getting me off faster than watching a Japanese girl get choked…
September 25th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
“Float on” by the Floaters.
September 25th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
‘the joke is spread as far as she’ll go cap’n’ better come up again as a tag.
September 25th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
@Nestminder… HTML was Win but commenting section doesnt allow the quote tag…
And I guess putting stab woulda been better. Nice. Wanted to be clear I approved more of the joke then the actual reference.
September 25th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
The Pats AND Chargers falling apart already while my Colts are 2-0? This is getting me off faster than watching a Japanese girl get choked…
Yes, 1-1 compared to a not-so-impressive two wins against the Jags and Dolphins. How will the Chargers and Pats ever recover?
September 25th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
FF5 is the best Final Fantasy
/nerd
September 26th, 2009 at 1:20 am
Every time Ray-Ray makes an appearance I always think of the post with him being in a Disney movie… fuck that was a awesome.
September 26th, 2009 at 1:20 am
Um, random a is random. Wtf.
September 26th, 2009 at 2:59 am
@Mo Charlo Never apologize for liking Flogging Molly.
Anyhow, I’m glad someone else agrees with me about American Beauty. I’m sick to death of hearing how brilliant it is from every wanna-be critic with a liberal arts degree.
September 26th, 2009 at 7:45 am
Ghost Mutt +100