Big Fan Takes on Bigger Jew
Radio host: Uh oh. Looks like we call a from Chinatown Jack. This guy, he’s crazy, he’s off the wall, always bringing the passion. C’mon, bring that passion Jack.
Chinatown Jack: [Reading from notebook] Thanks for having me on, Sports Talk. I listen to your show and it’s great, it’s great, but unfortunately each week it’s polluted by the nonsensical ramblings of Paul from Staten Island, always flapping his gums about Quantrell Bishop this and Quantrell Bishop that. Let me tell you something: This year the ‘Skins got Brian Orakpo. He’s like Quantrell Bishop if he kept his beatings on the field. Did you see the preseason quarterback pressures this guy had? Guaranteed all-pro for the next 15 years or else I’ll pull a Bree Olsen.
Sarah Schorno: Jack, what the hell are you doing? Are you on the phone again? Goddamn it. What’s wrong with you? Get to bed!
Chinatown Jack: [Cups hand over phone and lowers voice] Can you believe these diptards in Vegas putting the over/under on Orakpo sacks at 4.5 for the season. It’s like they want to make me an obscenely rich man four times over. But then the cowards pulled it. Smart, because Orakpo’s putting up five sacks of Elisha in the first quarter, easy. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Orakpo bought a second apartment in the G-men backfield. Orakpo is gonna change the face of the game. Orakpo is gonna bring us together as a people. Orak-
Schorno: Jack!
Chinatown Jack: [Sticks hand over phone, whinces] All I want Paul from Staten Island to do is take a last good long look at his precious Elisha because, come Sunday, WE’RE GONNA TELL COOCH TO END HIS CAREER! Then we’ll fire up the bandwagon! It’s been long in coming! You’ll see!
Tags: Kogod talks like this about the Skins all the time, open thread, probably helps if you've seen the movie, wait until Unsilent meets Orakpo at the club, xmas ape
September 13th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
brilliant
September 13th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
wow, 2 points from the Raven’s D. This is my baptism by fire in FFB.
/it burns when I pee, too. Just like I was from Balamer.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Five fucking seconds into the season and one of my Giants running backs is already hurt.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Just did a youporn search on Bree Olsen. She appears to be quite fond of the cock. Also- I want to take the NFL Redzone channel behind the middleschool and get it pregnant.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
HEY COOCH, I DON”T THINK OUR 3RD DOWN PASS D IS VERY GOOOOD.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
HEY COOCH, OUR RUN D SUCKS TOO.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
This short a distance and Coughlin/Gilbride won’t let Elisha throw the ball = Elisha overpaid.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
@leigh
looks like the Giants want a 5th preseason game
September 13th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
And there’s the Skins D going to killshots, not wrapping up. COOCH, WE GONE ALL DA WAY!
September 13th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Whenever I hear an announcer say “Webster on the tackle,” I always like thinking about if Emmanuel Lewis played football.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
HEY COOCH, DEANGELO HALL IS A LAZY STACK OF CRAP
September 13th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
nice horsecollar
September 13th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Did Frank Gore just pull his hands away from that deflected screen? Seems like he could have easily run for a first
September 13th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
TODD COLLINS TIME, COOCH
September 13th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
And this is why no one takes the Redskins seriously.
PUT IN COLT BRENNAN, COOCH!
September 13th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Osi just dropped a gift on Jason Campbell’s chest.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
PUT IN COLT BRENNAN, COOCH!
Even Cooch can’t put in guys who are on IR.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Is Chinaman Jack supposed to be Maj? I thought Maj would sound more black.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
lol ever smelled the stink of desperation on one play that scored a TD?
September 13th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Even Cooch can’t put in guys who are on IR.
Eh, still can’t be worse than Campbell.
TRICKERATION!
September 13th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Fuckery. Random, utter fuckery.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Hunter Smith has to be the single gayest name for any kicker completing a fake FG by scoring a TD in NFL history. Might as well change his name to “Heather Girlieman” and be done with it.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Zorn you wily bastard you.
COOCH IS A GENIOUS!
September 13th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
ZERO FIRST HALF CATCHES IS NOT ACCEPTABLE MADDEN CURSE VENGEANCE, FITZGERALD!
Steelers fans demand equal distribution of the curse!
September 13th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
@Christmas Ape
Fitzy was going way to high in the draft. I almost like Anquan Boldin better
September 13th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Darnell Dockett is kind of a meast
September 13th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Taken from Fox Sports:
“Favre wins Vikes debut, with assist from A.P”
AP assisted by taking Favre’s clutch handoffs for 180 yards.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Anyone else see the big ol boy rearranging his johnson behind Pam Oliver?
September 13th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Pam Oliver is not aging well at all.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
dude, don’t talk shit about Pam Oliver
September 13th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
She’s better than that monster Andrea Kramer
September 13th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Ads I’ve already grown tired of:
- Visa’s “Superfreak” ad. White people who got no rhythm = not funny.
- KFC trying to sell the shit out of their not-fried (therefore not-as-bad America) shitty chicken.
- Joe Buck. Not an ad. Just tired of him. Go do some baseball, bitch! Call Artie Lange!
September 13th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Not saying much. And as to all these sideline reporter-WE GET IT. Coach X wants to run the ball, be more consistent, and stop the other team from doing whatever succeeded in the first half. And you to stop asking dumbass questions wasting his time simply because the NFL mandates he listens to your blatherings. And all these sideline chicks are the same(or start out the same)-good looking but if you dropped Ein Andrews or Pam Oliver in a bar in midtown on Saturday night, they’d be in the top half. You only think otherwise because they work someplace where the audience is 15 to 1 men over women . I saw Andrews in person at the draft in April. She’s pretty, but if you drop her on a sidewalk outside on a weekday 5PM, she’s basically still pretty, not off the charts.
That Carrot Top is not leading man material either.
September 13th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Elisha needs a juicebox
September 13th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Forgive me if I’m repeating myself, but Jason Campbell is fucking terrible. Holy shit, he’s like Jake Delhomme without the balls.
September 13th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
@Reggie Bush
u forgot the Jim Bruer Pizza Hut commercial. G-d is that stupid
September 13th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Carrot Top is very disturbing. And Jason Campbell sucks.
September 13th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
@Slideshow: JACKPOT!
Also adding Tom Arnold’s DirecTV ads. Dumb.
September 13th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Elisha is upset, because he lost his favorite GI Joe last night.
September 13th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Oooh, Elisha’s really justifying that big contract!
September 13th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Jim Brewer is the John Madden of comedians.If the check clears, he’s there.
Also “NCIS-LA”is there that much military crime in Los Angeles they need these guys? Other than a few reserve and Guard units, are there any military personnel in LA at all? And how exactly do LL Cool J and Chris Whatverthehellhisnameis, both pushing 45-50 and not looking remotely military squared away at all, pass for fancy MPs?
September 13th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Bill Kurtis looks good as a biker bitch. With the internet.
September 13th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Doesn’t look good for Hakeem Nicks :/
September 13th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
I kinda like Aikman, he keeps calling out Elisha for his bad throws
September 13th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
I got more points from Cooley than from DeSean and Megatron, combined. Moss and Brady better give me some points, beatch.
September 13th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
UPSET ALERT: 49ers up 20-16 at the 2 minute warning. 4th-and-4 Cardinals.
September 13th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
And down goes the Buzzsaw.
September 13th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Incomplete. 49ers ball with 1:51 to play. Cardinals have two timeouts.
September 13th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Congratulations to 88’s husband and all the other 49ers fans.
Those players really do not want to see Coach Singletary’s butt again.
September 13th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Oh, how nice, ol’ BrittFar had fun out there. Good to know.
(NBC gets a few points for describing him as Purple Jesus’ ball boy, though.)