franktanklenwhalewyg

Here we go: the first of 22 straight weeks of whoyagetting. The Titans come into Pittsburgh hoping to reverse the trend of the defending champ winning every Thursday night season opener. LenWhale started in with the trash talk early this week, vowing a repeat performance of his retarded sideline antics in Nashville last December. The Steelers, businesslike in their approach, can now counter with a fatback of their own, even if it’s one who probably won’t see many carries in the game. They just need one on the roster to satiate the overpowering Bus lust that will linger forever in the ‘Burgh. So, WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Frank “The Tank” Summers____________________________LenDale White

Listed weight

230 lbs.___________________________________235 lbs.

Actual weight

Equal to six pallets of bricks____________________________Seven pallets

Has he been swagger jacked?

Probably needs playing time first______________________________Repeatedly

What will cause him to whip you with a belt?
(Belt used primarily as a weapon – sweatpants are preferred attire)

Skimping on the sausage gravy___________________________________Minor traffic accidents

A glimpse into their humble beginnings as a spoiled chunky white child

Opposition fanbase’s signature keepsake that he can destroy

The legendary Titans “Rally Meth”___Terrible Towel (to non-Steelers fans: stupid gas station shitrag)

fankeepsake

Friends with Snoop Dogg?

Nope____________________________He’s actually a“nephew”, apparently

Noted achievements

Only AFC North “Tank” sans arrest__________Possibly once ran for more than three yards in a single carry

Finishing move

Vigorous waddling_______________________________Taking a shot of new Diet Patron