Battle on the Fatback Front: Frank the Tank vs. LenWhale: WHO YA GOT?
Here we go: the first of 22 straight weeks of whoyagetting. The Titans come into Pittsburgh hoping to reverse the trend of the defending champ winning every Thursday night season opener. LenWhale started in with the trash talk early this week, vowing a repeat performance of his retarded sideline antics in Nashville last December. The Steelers, businesslike in their approach, can now counter with a fatback of their own, even if it’s one who probably won’t see many carries in the game. They just need one on the roster to satiate the overpowering Bus lust that will linger forever in the ‘Burgh. So, WHO YA GOT?
Frank “The Tank” Summers____________________________LenDale White
Listed weight
230 lbs.___________________________________235 lbs.
Actual weight
Equal to six pallets of bricks____________________________Seven pallets
Probably needs playing time first______________________________Repeatedly
What will cause him to whip you with a belt?
(Belt used primarily as a weapon – sweatpants are preferred attire)
Skimping on the sausage gravy___________________________________Minor traffic accidents
A glimpse into their humble beginnings as a spoiled chunky white child
Opposition fanbase’s signature keepsake that he can destroy
The legendary Titans “Rally Meth”___Terrible Towel (to non-Steelers fans: stupid gas station shitrag)
Friends with Snoop Dogg?
Nope____________________________He’s actually a“nephew”, apparently
Noted achievements
Only AFC North “Tank” sans arrest__________Possibly once ran for more than three yards in a single carry
Finishing move
Vigorous waddling_______________________________Taking a shot of new Diet Patron
Tags: fatback, frank summers, lenwhale, no way that kid isn't a Colts fan, who ya got?, xmas ape
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
September 10th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Ape, is that GS ad actually real? Oh. Dear. God. Tennessee is more effed than I realized if so.
September 10th, 2009 at 8:49 am
I’ll take the tank. Wooooo. Feels likes Christmas Morning. Tailgate starts at 3
September 10th, 2009 at 8:59 am
“sweatpants are preferred attire” Oh, indeed.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:04 am
I’m a Steelers fan with LenWhale in my fantasy starting lineup. Do I shoot myself now?
September 10th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Someone didn’t watch the Titans/Chiefs game last year when LenDale scored on a 70-ish yard run.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Oh, and @Boatdrinks: Tennessee isn’t “effed.” There are just a lot of people here that do drugs, which is true of every state in the union.
By the way, you’re allowed to say “fucked,” which makes you sound like less of a pre-teen.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Someone didn’t watch the Titans/Chiefs game last year when LenDale scored on a 70-ish yard run.
Doesn’t count if you do it against the Chiefs
I’m a Steelers fan with LenWhale in my fantasy starting lineup. Do I shoot myself now?
/slides gun with one round across table, leaves room
September 10th, 2009 at 9:18 am
For the 70 yard waddle, was the field built on a slope and he rolled the last 50? Can’t see LenWhale pulling that off.
By the way, Steelers by 10 tonight.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Sure, meth is bad stuff, but the shit rag is terrible.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:21 am
I work for the Army,(civilian- doing weapons design). I am currently sitting in my office wearing my James Harrison jersey over my normal business dress. Appropriate?
Seeing as both I and my team are awesome, I’m going to say FUCK YEAH.
/Can’t wait for tonight.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:22 am
I could say the f word, and do. I can’t write it. Sorry. I really can’t imagine as a Girl Scout a long while ago, and a leader a while ago, having to actually have a patch to teach present Girls Scouts not to do meth. It is just sad.
Tennessee is actually one of the most beautiful states I have ever driven through.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:38 am
that was picture of Frank the Tank you used? Really? Not this? :
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09246/995241-66.stm
you’re welcome.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:38 am
The fucks a Frank Summers?
No, really.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Wow, that kid is like a fully developed redneck caricature. And he’s only 5 years old!
September 10th, 2009 at 9:42 am
So that’s why you can’t stop eating those damn cookies.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:45 am
I’m hoping for a final score of 15-0 in favor of the Steelers
/has Jeff Reed and the Pitt Def on his fantasy teams.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Any post Ape writes about the Steelers these days has the same smug aggrandizing tone that Simmons employs when writing about the Pats or the post 2004 Red Sox. That and they are almost always completely devoid of humor. On a site so brilliantly funny, they stick out like a sore thumb.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:50 am
That meth looks like you could put it in samoa’s and sell it.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:58 am
<i<no way that kid isn't a Colts fan
You need to wait until at least Weel 4 to break out the double negatives. It took me ten minutes to get through this tag.
September 10th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Yes, all those posts where I have Roethlisberger acting like a retard and Hines doing his pidgin Engrish thing are incredibly aggrandizing. And this one, if you ignore me making fun of Frank for being fat and unproven, is totally humping the Steelers.
TEXTBOOK FACKIN SIMMONS
September 10th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Someone didn’t watch the Titans/Chiefs game last year when LenDale scored on a 70-ish yard run.
So you’re saying that if we take away that run his average per carry plummets a half yard or so? Wow, he’s fatter and slower than we all thought.
September 10th, 2009 at 10:08 am
@ jizzthrasher: I remember that 70-ish yard “run” you are talking about. It was more of a 70-ish yard “power waddle.”
September 10th, 2009 at 10:22 am
70-ish yard run known locally as “Music City Miracle Whip”.
September 10th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Fuck the corpse of Myron Cope. Did that guy have any ideas that weren’t fantastically stupid*?
*Not that a piss colored jizz rag doesn’t come in handy from time to time.
September 10th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Me fair pidgin Engrish? That’s unpossibre!
September 10th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Fatback looks thin in that picture…
Also I think we’re missing the best line from that episode of WifeSwap. “Chicken Nuggets is like family”
September 10th, 2009 at 11:01 am
no way that kid isn’t a Colts fan
Colts fans don’t bitch that much. Not even that kid.
/kid does look familiar though
September 10th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Colts fans don’t bitch that much.
Right. Especially not after the 2003 playoffs. Nor denying the piped-in crowd noise at RCA.
September 10th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Love the little “LOW N SLO” license plate on the kids wall. Says it all about him and LenWhale.
/I do love me some bacon, AND it’s good for you too?
September 10th, 2009 at 11:54 am
You’re saying LeRon McClain isn’t a tank?
September 10th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
“Someone didn’t watch the Titans/Chiefs game last year when LenDale scored on a 70-ish yard run”
/what Carson Palmer meant about somebody dying during an NFL game
September 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
KING CURTIS!!
September 10th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Oh jesus christ. Apparently the Titans are going to jump on the Wildcat offense bandwagon too tonight.
September 10th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Busted a gut on Rally Meth… That just about sums it up.
September 10th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Lenwhale’s noted achievements: Getting Reggie Bush’s women scraps at USC.
September 10th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Thank god it’s finally back.