AW GAWD, STONE BEN! STONE BEN! STONE BEN!
BEN MYSTERIO JUNIOR MUST PREPARE
PLAY HOSTMAN TO WEEKNIGHT WRESTLEFEST RAW IS WARZONE
SPEND ALL DAY AND NIGHT PERFECTING DEVASTING PUMP FAKE OF DEATH
Mike Tomlin: I think that’s “a bad idea”, Ben
Ben Mysterio Jr.: MAYBE IF YOU IS SUPERSTAR QUARTERBACK GUY, THE BEN! BUT I AM SUPERSTAR WRESTLE-GRAPPLER GUY, BEN MYSTERIO JUNIOR.
BEN MYSTERIO JUNIOR DOES NOT KNOW OF FEAR OR BAD IDEAS OR HOT READS WHEN THE BLITZ IS COMING
Mike Tomlin: Everyone knows that “is an assumed identity” and that “you are really Ben Roethlisberger”
Ben Mysterio Jr.: [Slightly lower voice] NOT SO LOUD! YOU IS BLOWING THE BEN’S COVER, COACH.
Mike Tomlin: Remember, we have “lost our last two games” and face “a difficult opponent on Sunday.” Losing this game could “endanger our season.”
Furthermore, the “last thing” we need is “another pointless distraction”.
Ben Mysterio Jr.: DANGER? WHAT IS DANGER OF WHICH YOU IS TALKING?
THERE IS NO DANGER WHEN BEN IS ACCOMPANIED BY TAG TEAM BUDDY MAN, LIMAS GREED!
HE IS FORMER BAD GUY, ONCE ONLY INTERESTED IN MONEY, BUT BEN MYSTERIO JUNIOR TALK TO HIM AND CONVINCE HIM TO TURN FACE
TOGETHER WE IS THE PEW CREW!
YOU TELL HIM, LIMAS GREED!
Limas Greed: [Drops microphone, fakes injury]
HE NOT GOOD ON THE MIC, BUT VERY PROFICIENT TECHNICAL WRASSLER
TOGETHER, WE HAVE AWESOME FINISHER. I PUMP FAKE 18 TIMES, THROW WRASSLER AT HIM, HE MISSES WRASSLER AND WRASSLER CRASHES INTO EXPOSED CONCRETE FLOOR
THEN A QUICK COVER 1,2…
[Processes]
[Processes]
[Processes]
NUMBER AFTER 2! BELL RING! THE PEW CREW WIN AGAIN! TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WOOOOOOORRRRRLLLLLLDDDD!
Mike Tomlin: Don’t think I won’t replace your goofy white ass with “Dennis Dixon”
Tags: ben rongrastname, OMG WHERE'S THE FORCED MARMALARD CAMEO?, picksburgh stillers, wrasslin', xmas ape
September 29th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
“When Rongrastname see me in disguise with fake yerrow thlowback hermet wirr defately incrude numba one leceivel on lestring law TV show…”
September 29th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
+1 roid rage leading to double murder/suicide for the “PROFICIENT TECHNICAL WRASSLER” line.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Bravo, bra fucking vo for the “THEN A QUICK COVER 1,2…
[Processes]
[Processes]
[Processes]
NUMBER AFTER 2! BELL RING!
September 29th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Mike Tomlin – Don’t think I won’t replace your goofy white ass with “Dennis Dixon”
Art Rooney – Don’t think I won’t replace your goofy black ass with “Bruce Arians”
September 29th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
@ Animal Mother
Then we would have the Arian nation to deal with, but at least we are allowing them to relocate out of Idaho
September 29th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Rape is also a devastating finishing manuever.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Mike Tomlin may have to choke a bitch.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
The Pew Crew, new best fantasy football team name
September 29th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
+50 to Animal Mother. That was awesome.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
OH MY GOD! Is that…JEFF REED’S MUSIC?!!
September 29th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Art Rooney – Don’t think I won’t replace your goofy black ass with “Bruce Arians”
Steelers fans – Don’t think we won’t replace Heinz Field with “smoldering rubble”
Random fuckwit – Isn’t all of Pittsburgh smoldering rubble? snerk snerk snerk
September 29th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
@ Reggie Bush’s Pimp:
There’s a boy-band called “Wide Left” now?
September 29th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Wilkes-Barre? Isn’t that Iggles country? Ben Mysterio should team up with John Cena and set a new record for X-Pac heat.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Maybe Mike Tomlin doesn’t [/finger quotes] “shower regularly” [/end finger quotes]
September 29th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
If Sunday’s game against the Bengals is any indication, Tomlin will joke around through most of Ben’s WWE appearance, then look flabbergasted at the end when Ben’s knee gets dislocated.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
“OMG WHERE’S THE FORCED MARMALARD CAMEO”
Forced cameos are they only reason anyone comes to this site. Way to be a bitchy diva and insult your readers. I’m un-bookmarking KSK.
/douchebag commenter impression from the “Death of Sexy Fiday” post
September 29th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
You’re welcome.
/I alerted them to The Ben on RAW/
September 29th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
You’re welcome.
/I alerted them to The Ben on RAW/
Several people mentioned it during the live blog last night
NO CREDIT FOR YOU!
September 29th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Aw…Aw, Ape. I emailed you guys. EMAILED.
/crushed
//spirit broken
///ragequit life
September 29th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I think Ben should fight Michael Vick in a “Mask vs. Muzzle” match, to determine the Top QB in Pennsylvania. Ben should win since white guys always get the push in pro wrasslin’.
/needs a forced Hines Wald cameo
September 29th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Limas Sweed dropping things never gets old. Pretty much because he keeps dropping things in real life.
September 29th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Anyone ever notice… Cutlerfucker and the fat ugly kid on “Two and a Half Men”? Just sayin’.
September 29th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Jerome Bettis will look like he’s going to hit Matt Stafford, but waffle Rongrastname instead, showing allegiance to his hometown of Detroit.
September 29th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
… But seriously, where’s Marmalard.
September 29th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
How many rings Rey Junior got? Nuff said.
September 29th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
@Animal Mother–I will kill myself if Arians ever becomes the HC. The only time his offense looks efficient is when the leader of the Pew Crew is calling the plays in the No huddle.
September 29th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I’ve sworn never to go to Pittsburgh, but I may change my mind if I can go to Tomlin’s barber. That hairline is razor sharp.
September 29th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I’d rather go to the Steelers’ barber shop than the Cowboys’ barber shop.
And I can’t believe Mike Tomlin uses finger-quotes.
September 29th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
“Anyone ever notice… Cutlerfucker and the fat ugly kid on “Two and a Half Men”? Just sayin’.”
I always thought the Two and a Half Men kid looked like James Farrior.
September 29th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
i think harrison would be a better tag team partner. i’d be afraid of a double raping…one by a white guy who’d probably just get it over with…and one from a guy who would go medieval on me.
September 29th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
@ The Dude – +1
It does have a nice ring to it. I wonder if anyone has a copyright on Arian Nation yet? I could make a fortune in t-shirts alone in places like Boston and Philly!!
September 29th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
They made sure to note that Ben will have his entire offensive line with him for protection. So Santino, Chavo, and Hornswoggle should have no problem getting through to him to make multiple motorcycle crash jokes.
To be fair, Vince McMahon is so out of touch he thinks he booked Terry Bradshaw.
September 29th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
+1 to the “Limas Greed” line and accompanying photo. Awesome.
September 29th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Wait, when did Margo Magee become the Steelers’ HC?
/Nerdiest comment ever?
September 30th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Ben Mysterio Jr.: (doing DX crotch chop) I showed TV repair lady my HHH chop and she got mad. Said I hurt her fur taco spot. MMmmmm, choco taco.
/Ben Mysterio Jr. is a more believable wrestling character than the Miz.
September 30th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
@ El Duke
McMahon has allegedly booked MC Hammer to host a future RAW, so yes, he so embarrassingly out of touch.
September 30th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
*is so
September 30th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Please tell me you’ll make Finger Quotes Tomlin a KSK regular. There’s a certain “understated brilliance” to it.
October 1st, 2009 at 4:45 pm
That’s Brett Keisel not Big Ben
He’s bringing the whole O-Line and any other team mates who are WWE fans
Do your home work
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:38 pm
No, it’s Ben. He took Keisel’s jersey when he did that during training camp.
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09124/967522-66.stm
/check your homework
October 2nd, 2009 at 6:15 pm
I give this 4.5/5 because of the lack of Marmalard and Shawne Merriman.
Maybe Tiny Pocket Darren could have made an appearance as well.