andy_rooney

Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick…

People say baseball is the American pastime. But what about football? More Americans watch football on Sundays than anything else on television. But baseball gets more viewers during the week. But that’s probably because football games aren’t played during the week. But there’s not much tackling in baseball. Or padding. It’s probably because of the summer heat, which is much hotter than winter heat, or even autumn heat.

Pittsburgh and Tennessee played on Thursday. One team is named after a city, and the other team is named after a state, but why? I don’t like teams being named after entire states, so I’m glad that the team named after a city won the game. Next year the NFL might name a team after the entire country. They’ll try to get everyone rooting for the United States Jaguars.

Donovan McNabb was hurt in his game on Sunday, but why? It was very common in the pre-industrial days for Negroes to fake injuries to get out work. The same thing happened to Juanita, my housekeeper. She’s Puerto Rican, but you get the idea.

Brandon Stokley caught a tipped pass and then ran all the way to the endzone. He tried to take more time by running parallel to the goaline for a while, but why? Why are the white players trying to make friends with certain parts of the field? I remember back in my Army days when I had a special courtship with a certain mailbox on 43rd and Broadway. I’ll always remember that mailbox. That was the second time my genitals got infected with tetanus. The nurses never seemed to mind the first time.

Seattle scored 28 points and shut out the St. Louis Rams. The Rams wear blue helmets with gold horns, but the horns used to be yellow. They changed the colors a few years ago, but why? I remember when the horns used to be white. It would be too dark on the helmet to make them black. The Vikings still have white horns on their helmets, but that’s probably because there aren’t any Negroes in Minnesota.

Drew Brees plays for the New Orleans Saints, and he threw six touchdowns against the Detroit Lions on Sunday. It wasn’t long ago when New Orleans was ravaged by a hurricane, and just recently people in Detroit lost their jobs when the job market crashed. None of this has anything to do with Drew Brees. I just think it’s interesting.

There were two games on Monday night this week, but why? Why not just have all the games on Monday night, and let people decide which games to watch. They could listen to the game on the phone if they wanted to. I remember when phones still had cords on them. You could swing the phone around on the cord all the time. It was a perfect device for getting the lady of the house back in line. But I couldn’t do that if I have to watch two football games on Monday night. There’s so little time for beating your wife during the week as it is. None of this has anything to do with football. I just think it’s interesting.

Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick…