Always Be Covering: Gambling Season Returns
The NFL is back, and by some miracle there’s actually a little bit of money sitting in my neglected Bodog account. So what the hell, let’s indulge in another season of impulsive gambling!
Now before we get to this week’s bets, a quick refresher…
I am not a particularly gifted gambler, and I’m okay with that. Do not come here looking for expert advice when it comes to picking games. You may notice that I don’t keep track of my betting record. In part that’s because I’m not the kind of asshole who wants to wow you with my acumen.
No, I’m a different kind of asshole entirely (I eat veal almost exclusively).
The other reason I don’t keep track of my record is because I don’t really give a shit, so I fail to see why anyone else would. I do this because it’s fun, and that’s it. Although that’s not to say that if I happen to have a particularly successful week I won’t gloat like an asshole (with a belly full of osso bucco), because I will. Shit, that’s half of the fun.
And now, on to the snap judgments!
Cincinnati -4 vs. Denver
Taking the Bengals while giving more than a field goal takes a steady nerve and a pickled liver. Mostly I want to get in on the ground floor of the Denver implosion. Come on McD, don’t disappoint! I’m also legitimately excited to watch Chad Ochocinco beat Champ Bailey like a suspect in shackles.
Carolina +4 +3 vs. Philadelphia
Okay Jake, this is your chance to show everybody that you aren’t a total embarrassment. Philadelphia is going to be tough to handle this season, but it’s not all going to come together right away (especially defensively). Carolina should play them tight as long as Delhomme doesn’t gift them too many easy scores. In other words, I’m fucked.
Detroit +14 at New Orleans
And this is why you don’t make your picks after a few drinks. Hell, all it takes is a little bit of gin to make the Lions look like a cagey underdog. Who cares if they’re on the road against a team that beat them at home by five touchdowns last year? Who cares if they’re led by a rookie quarterback who has yet to show the ability to string together successive completions. THEY’RE SO DUE!
Baltimore -13 vs. Kansas City
New England -11 vs. Buffalo
Two veritable playoff locks take on two teams with awful offensive lines who just happened to have fired their respective offensive coordinators in the past two weeks. Oh yes, I like this quite a bit. As long as I don’t actually have to watch these two games. That’s right, the season barely fucking started and I’m already bitching about the quality of the games. Because I’m an asshole, you see.
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Aaron Maybe 24/1
Hey, why the fuck not? Maybin showed up late to camp looking like he could be dominant pass rusher right out of the gate. The odds are too good to pass up, and I probably would have just spent that $20 on pretzels anyways.
And with that, my Bodog account is empty. Maybe I’ll get lucky and win some money this week. More likely I’ll have to re-up with a fresh new bankroll for the ‘09 season this time next week.
Enjoy the first NFL Sunday of the year, and feel free to share your favorite picks for the weekend in the comment section. Oh and don’t forget to tell me I’m an idiot. That’s always fun.
Tags: Always Be Covering, Degenerate Behavoir, Gambling, gratuitous simpsons references, Unsilent Majority
September 11th, 2009 at 10:10 am
woof. let’s not forget the Lions play a break, don’t bend defense, with no reliable corners against a good passing team. NO by 28, probly by halftime
September 11th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Home teams in bold correct?
September 11th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Wasn’t there usually some scantily clad broads?
September 11th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Word of advice to prospective gamblers — if you want to make things really interesting, lose your job first. Haphazard bets are infinitely more exciting knowing that it’s the last thing you should be doing.
September 11th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Ryno- picks are in bold.
September 11th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Lazarre likes you, Maj. He said that we didn’t have to break anything.
September 11th, 2009 at 11:20 am
A classic opening weekend for money laundering
September 11th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Maj – thank you.
For those of us who don’t live close to legalized books, can any KSK readers recommend some good online sites for setting up an account?
September 11th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I might start ending every sentence/e-mail with “Because I’m an asshole, you see.”
September 11th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Love the parlay. If it doesn’t win I’m coming for you asshole.
/I’ll take the redhead, brunette, and blonde for the “Neopolitan”, thank you. Zing!
September 11th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Ryno- Obviously I use Bodog, I’m not all that familiar with the alternatives.
September 11th, 2009 at 11:35 am
im pretty scared that my chiefs won’t have any qbs left standing after the ravens decimate (ass rape) them over and over on sunday. its going to be a loooooooooong season
September 11th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I just teased my rent on New England -(0.5) San Diego +(0.5) Baltimore (-3). I see no way this can end badly.
September 11th, 2009 at 11:40 am
How do people fund their offshore gambling accounts? I looked into it, but fuck do I have to use Western Union? I feel like if I use Western Union, I should at least be helping a deposed Nigerian prince.
September 11th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Ryno, I’ve used wsex.com for two years with no issues
Deeznuts (I feel dirty just typing that), wire transfer directly from your checking account. What could possibly go wrong?
September 11th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Thanks for bringing this back Maj. Oh and no bets for your beloved Skins? I don’t think you’re believing what old Zorny’s cooking are ya?
September 11th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
In Ontario, Canada we have legalized sports betting (http://proline.olg.ca/), but you always need to play a parlay of at least 3 games. Am I better to go with a Bodog account? One of the added bonuses is that I can gamble with my ass on my chair at work instead of walking to the corner store…
September 11th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
jackin’- you know i try to avoid betting on or against the Skins when I can help it. I was all set to bet everything I could on Orakpo’s sack total (over 4.5), but Bodog took it down almost immediately.
September 11th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
@FreshlySqueezedLemons: Eh online betting is great at work and the worst thing ever when you’re smashed at two in the morning.
September 11th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I miss weed bikini girl.
September 11th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I am a KSK suicide pool newbie. So, I feel pretty good the Cowboys will beat Tampa. Otherwise my suicide pool will be over by 4pm, week 1.
Can’t even blame making the pick on drinking. I just made it way too quickly then started to wonder…Homeo, oh Homeo, will you beat the Bucs?
September 11th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Bookmaker.com. Used it for a while now. Really great site, never had any trouble with them.
September 11th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
UU- She’s bound to make an appearance at some point
September 11th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Anyone tried using Betus.com? I’ve gotten a few emails and mails offering 50%+ signup bonuses (ironically, the top ad reminded me of that).
September 11th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Good to know UM
September 11th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Where the f did you get Carolina +4 from? Covers . com has it at +1 and lists 20+ casinos and biggest line they have is +3 and only one of them has +3.
September 11th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Carson Palmer against the Denver defense? Yeah, I’ll take those four points.
September 11th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
SSB, if you take those 4 pts you’ll be betting on the Broncos.
September 11th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
I never win football bets, except my Giants as NFC Champs pick from 2 years ago. However, get me hammered in Vegas on a random Saturday and steer me to the boxing lines and I can usually pick an underdog upset even if I’ve never heard of any of them (hint: Filipino flyweights are fucking demons.)
September 11th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
My main concern with some of the sites is they won’t cut you a check unless you are withdrawing $500. I understand them not wanting you to make withdraws more than once a month – but $500 is too steep for my budget.
September 11th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Realist- that was a typo, my mistake.
September 11th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
@Rob — I use BetUS, but this is the first year I’ve put a “substantial” amount into it. I like it so far, the min. deposit is $50, but I’m not entirely sure yet how easy it is to withdraw winnings. A friend of mine uses SportsInteraction and constantly complains about how hard it is to get the money out.
September 11th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Well of course it’s a bitch to get money out, the sites want a sparkling NEW bet to catch your eye before the transfer goes through. Because literally NOTHING happens with your transaction for at least 48-72 hours–even if it’s requested at 9am on a Monday–giving you ample time to cancel your payout and give them back your winnings.
September 11th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
It’s also fun when you have $99.25 in there and need at least $100 to withdraw.
September 11th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
@UU: Obviously I’m not a gambler.
September 11th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
First, remember that gambling is NOT an income opportunity. Second, I love “thegreek”. Been berry, berry, good to me. Third, parley’s and teasers are for chumps. But fun as hell. And NEVER, ever pay for picks from all the “pro expert Vegas handicappers”. A monkey on crack throwing feces can hit more winners.
September 11th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Use Sportsbook.com. Pluses – Low minimums, secure credit card deposits and hot babe pics on the website. They offer re-up bonuses throughout the year i.e. at the beginning of pre-season they gave 50% bonuses for all new money. Pretty awesome as my $300 was instantly $450. Also, every Friday night all bets made are at half juice. (For the betting novice, half juice means that instead of laying $110 to win $100, you only lay $105.)
Minuses – Withdrawals from all the on-line sites can be slow. But I have used Sportsbook.com since 1996 and always got my money. Sometimes, it was even pretty quick (less than a week). If you want to sign up, I would be happy to refer anyone as there would be a bonus for both of us.
September 11th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Soul Funk makes a great point. Never, ever pay for some douches ‘expert’ picks. If they were so good at picking games, why do they need to sell them to you? They could just bet the games themselves and become stinking rich. LOL. These places that sell picks are all scams. They give half their clientele one side and half the other. That way they can at least go back to someone and say they were right. I know, because my dad worked at one these places for a short time. He couldn’t stomach the B.S.
September 11th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
BTW UnsilentMajority, love the parlay. As said, parlays are fun, but I just can’t get myself to give away all that juice. Like NE the best so I will just bet them straight. Everybody out there seems to love the Cowboys. When the lines came out, TB +6 looked to me as the play. Definitely going with that now as the general public is almost always wrong.
September 11th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Definitely going with that now as the general public is almost always wrong.
Except when they’re right.
September 11th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
While I don’t get the “suspect in shackles” reference with respect to that particular Simpsons episode, I can say that I remember enough to say that said episode was fucking terrible, as was practically every episode from season 12 on (not to say that the show didn’t begin slipping long before that).
September 11th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Just deposited $50 into The Greek and used the 15% reload bonus on some ridiculous 6 team parlay (Minn, SD, NO, NE, Dallas, Bal). Probably won’t win it, but hey, why not? It’s a chance, albeit a razor-thin chance, to turn 7 bucks into 300.
Also put 20 on NO -13.5…because I’m a Lions fan, and there is no way that this team comes within 3 touchdowns of New Orleans, much less 2.