Always Be Covering: Especially In Gambling Mecca
It’s an extra special week for my gambling habit, because I’m heading out to Vegas this afternoon. Somehow I’ve never been in Vegas during football season, so this is the weekend I finally rectify that situation. I’m not going with my group of righteous bros to show everyone how hard we throw down. Instead I’m going in my capacity as a blogger–and lover of both food and sports gambling–to check out the new Lagasse Stadium at the Palazzo.
A sports bar with it’s own built-in sports book? Yep, I will whore myself for that in a heartbeat. And now, on to the picks…
San Francisco +7 at Minnesota
The 49ers don’t fuck around on defense, and they have enough offense to keep things close against a Vikings team that has padded their record with wins over Charleston Southern and Troy. If PJ tries that bulldozer shit on Patrick Willis he might stay down for a while.
New Orleans -6 at Buffalo
Drew Brees is going to make Donte Whitner cry while former Saint Albert Connell breaks into his house.
Cincinnati +4.5 vs. Pittsburgh
Kiss the baby.
Oakland +1.5 vs. Denver
No real rationale here. I guess I just like betting against Denver for some reason. Start playing down to expectations, you fucks!
Dallas -9 vs. Carolina
Initially I wasn’t going to make a pick for this game. Then Drew alerted me to the following sentences. “This line is absolutely absurd. Five points too high.” (via)
Come on, Vegas, you’re making it too easy! Sweep the leg and so forth.
Now I happen to agree that the line is a bit inflated (sort of like every other spread involving the Cowboys), however Simmons’s hubris compels me to pick against him. Plus I’m pretty much convinced that Jerry will do anything to secure an easy win this week. So if DeAngelo Williams doesn’t come out after halftime you know it’s because Jerry installed a trap door in front of his locker that leads directly into the inescapable catacombs below.
That’s it for me. Enjoy the games, and try to not lose more than you can afford.
Tags: After they see the way I gamble they'll invite me back to lose more money, Always Be Covering, Gambling, I am a whore, I only read Simmons when Drew shares his asinine assertions over email, Minnesota and UF play the same schedule, Unsilent Majority
September 25th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Patrick Willis is the greatest linebacker in the NFL. Truth.
September 25th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Holy shit that’s a lot of khaki and plaid. They must have spent thousands on “I think she really likes me” blowjobs.
September 25th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Legasse stadium in Vegas. It’s perfect: Fake cook in a fake town.
September 25th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I love the 9ers this week, along with Oakland. Also like the Jets, Ryan will keep this team pumped!
September 25th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Yeah, I read Simmons’ picks and he seriously tried to buy a Julian Edelman jersey off NFL.com. True story. I don’t know what’s worse. That he tried to buy the jersey of a white WR that had one good game, or that I’m not surprised by it. (and neither should you)
September 25th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
But r u staying in Vegas for Yom Kippur?
September 25th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
So, Minnesota, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Denver, and Carolina. Got it.
There are a lot of shady lines this week – I don’t think Minnesota has proven itself to be good enough to lay 7 points. And the Oakland line originally opened at -2.5 – it’s moved a full four points since Monday. I have the feeling Vegas is getting up to some nasty tricks this weekend.
September 25th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I’ll be home for services.
September 25th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I’d pick the opposite of all your picks except new orleans. just an fyi
September 25th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Why would Vegas inflate the line to entice action against a popular team? Why, Bill, why?
September 25th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Does anyone realize the forecast in Buffalo on Sunday? 15mph winds and rain. Taking the Saints might be a good idea, but taking the over is bona fide retarded.
September 25th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
15mph winds and rain.
SOMEBODY BUILD AN ARC!
September 25th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
(in flanders children voices)
“God said, to Noah, go and build an ark-y, ark-y”
(or something like that. my memory is rubbish)
September 25th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
The real question is, how Twisted Teas are you going to have during the game?
September 25th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Also from Simmons column this week:
“Even when Tom Brady blew out his knee eight minutes into the 2008 season, no Patriots fan gave up. We still have Belichick. We still have that foundation. We can figure this out.”
This is the same douche who wrote this the week after Brady’s injury (in a column titled “Gone in 8 Minutes”):
“Getting final word on the Brady injury felt like being an actor on a cop show and identifying a murder victim at the morgue: Yep, that’s it. That’s the 2008 Pats season. You can pull the sheet back over it. Thanks… We’re screwed. I will now attempt to hang myself with my Wes Welker jersey.”
Sounds like a true believer right there. I continue to be amazed that Peter King and Bill Simmons (1) have national platforms to broadcast their bullshit, (2) have access to countless premier events and get to mingle with players and celebs and (3) make shitloads of money. This. World. Is. Fucked.
September 25th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
miamidiesel – if you think that is fucked, somebody paid some jackass rapper millions of dollars to write and perform a song called “LOL SmileyFace”
America fucking sucks sometimes.
September 25th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
don’t need an ark, Breesus will just walk on top the of the water….
September 25th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
First rule of football.
Do not let your money near Jamarcus Russell.
September 25th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
What pisses me off about Simmons is that with his latest Patriots column he has built himself a win-win situation. Either he is wrong, but gets to enjoy seeing the patriots do well; or he is right and gets to remind us several times that he was RIGHT ALL ALONG. Either way, Simmons wins.
God, what a douchebag.
September 25th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
@miamidiesel: As I look back on my life, by far my biggest failure is that I have never figured out how to make a shitload of money for putting out consistently substandard product like King and Simmons do. I’ll never forgive myself for not working that one out.
September 25th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Enjoy the games, and try to not lose more than you can afford.
But that’s what makes it fun!
September 25th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I’m not going with my group of righteous bros to show everyone how hard we throw down.
So no Houze? No J-Bizzle? What will they do while you are gone? How will they pass the time without you?
Oh wait, they’re tag-teaming your wife? Oh, ok, I guess it’s cool then.
September 25th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I was gonna say your Bengals bet is a bad one. But actually, the visit to Bunghole Stadium usually involves a much closer game. They get raped when they come to Pitt later, but I wanna say last years was a 3 point game.
I like Raiders over Broncos
Dont like Cowboys that much over Carolina. I think Romo doesnt rebound from his horrid last week, and Carolina gets their shit together some. Carolina still should lose but not by 9. Plus theres probably no MBIII
September 25th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Remember, bet with your head, not over it. And that’s one to grow on.
September 25th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
@Reggie Bush’s Pimp Say
I thought they were space docking her?
September 25th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
That Lagasse Stadium looks a lot like the failed 40/40 club originally owned by Jay-Z. If they’ve done what I’m expecting, and just reopened it under the Emerill name. If so, I would highly suggest going elsewhere. The sports book aspect of it sucks. They have TVs all over that place, but they’re usually all tuned to the same one. You have to go outside of the bar, to a tiny booth (like a movie ticket window) to make your bets. It doesn’t even have the glorious LED screens inside there, which let you know you’re in a sports book. Worst off, there are no free drinks. Other books (like Mirage, Mandalay) require you to make bets to get free drinks. The 40/40 club didn’t even do that. All in all, it ends up feeling more like a restaurant than a book. You might get some cheers for the one game, but don’t expect everyone to be on the edge of their seats for your Oakland Denver bet.
September 25th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Palazzo sucks. Stay on the Venetian side.
September 25th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Pfft. Butterface.
September 25th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
@Gern – I actually think Palazzo is a great Casino, but it lacks a Tao-like club that draws the normal eye-candy parade. They failed when they tried to have 40/40 fill that void and be the sports book at the same time.
September 25th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I wondered when that place was going to open up. It looked done in the spring from the outside and there were signs up everywhere for it, but was closed when we tried to check it out.
September 25th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
@ Ted – that’s what they call it these days? He he.
@ Rocco – butterface, but that’s why God invented breasts and ass, so that there was no reason to stare at her face.
September 25th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Hey Maj, if you like the table gaming while in Vegas I’ve got my one and only Vegas tip. Check online at whatever travel booking site you use and find the lowest priced rooms. Gamble there. I just got home from Vegas a couple of hours ago. Top two are the Stratosphere and Hooters Casino. Both locations are struggling and they try to make it up by having lower limits, free promotions and the like. I got my ass handed to me at MGM, NY NY, Mandalay etc but I killed it at Hooters.
To answer the bigger question, if you are willing to drive 70 miles west into the middle of fucking nowhere Nye County, NV and you can shell out $1600.00 you can spend time with two (2) lovely ladies at the Chicken Ranch. Best money I ever spent.
Pahrump, baby!
September 25th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
$1600 for 2 ladies at chicken ranch…
Or you can just put 600 of that into a flight to Lima Peru, come find me, and I can guarantee you latin ass in pairs for modest drink purchases of $5.
September 26th, 2009 at 12:00 am
@ Andy: I am willing to listen to your future travel offers. But when you get to my point in life, there is a lot to be said about clean and legal.
Final point: Patron, beer and bourbon do not mix well, bring an extra pair of undies and don’t be surprised when your nose bleeds in -35% humidity. I guess that’s actually 3 final points.
Jesus, that’s one hell of a town.
Forgive me father-uh, for I have a sinned-uh.
September 26th, 2009 at 4:03 am
I used to live and Vegas, and most of the sports books are pretty good, and they will have every single game on. My personal fav is the one at the Red Rock, it’s huge. Alas, I live in fucking Turkey now. No gambling, no live poker *i hate playing online* no hot, loose, easy women….shit, they don’t know the meaning of promiscuous out here. And as far as Pahrump is concerned….just go to a club first, then if you can’t find anything drive your ass out there. Going to a place like Pure, Body English, Tryst, Jet, the new one at Encore that I only went to once before I got shipped out, those are damn good places to score some pussy. As for betting on football, I always look for that one game that seems like a sure thing, one that’s too good to be true, and then bet the opposite.
September 26th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
so let me get this straight you are not trying to win money, rught? You have now picked against Denver in 3 straight weeks and so far you are 0-2. What a dumbass
September 26th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Play of the week: Lions to cover at home vs the Skins. Why? Why not? The Skins seem very Jekyll and Hyde. Detroit has a puncher’s chance here. The Lions are way (read two seasons) overdue. The Lions will continue to hide Stafford with even fewer pass attempts. Their run game wasn’t terrible against the Vikings. And the Skins aren’t nearly as good as the Vikes’ run D. Madness I admit. But this is the week. If not now it is 0-16 again. And no, I am not a Lions’ fan/homer. C’mon Unsilent Majority bet it, bet it heavy.
Hangs head in shame…raises arms in self defence…awaits the onslaught.
BTW the Iggles are frauds.