Why Is Tony Dungy Being So Nice To Michael Vick?
One of the odd things about Michael Vick’s signing last week was the continued presence of former Colts coach Tony Dungy by Vick’s side as both mentor and advocate. Why is Dungy so interested in Vick? Well, we at KSK recently found a tape of the two men meeting privately that explains a great deal. Here now is the transcript.
Vick: Oh, man.
Oh, Lord.
Oh, SHIT brother.
I am HIGH! And I’m an Eagle! God damn! How’d that happen?
Dungy: That was my doing, young man.
Vick: Oh, SHIT! Ming the Merciless! Step off, you creepy shit!
Dungy: No, Michael. It’s me. Coach Dungy.
Vick: Oh, Mr. Quiet Strength Man! How the fuck you doing? You wanna watch Gladiator with me? Fucking Gladiator and weed is DANGEROUS, like me running the ball on 3rd and 34.
Dungy: No, Michael. I’m here to support you in your rehabilitation. It was I who helped broker your deal here in Philly. It was I who convinced Mr. Lurie and Coach Reid that you were fit to play again. That you were a changed man.
Vick: Really? Why? Why’d you do that? And how’d I get so fucking HIGH? Look at my hands, man. Look at them. They’re so handsy.
Dungy: Michael, I did this because I believe in grace and forgiveness. I believe that saving wayward souls is good for the world. I believe we all have good in us, it simply needs to be brought out. But, most importantly, I need your help. Come with me.
(escorts Vick to his basement)
Come closer. I want to show you something.
Vick: THE FUCK IS THAT?!
Dungy: This is Lance. He’s the fiercest gay I’ve ever bred.
Lance: GRRRRRR!
Dungy: But I can’t seem to translate that same ferocity into the ring. I need YOU, Michael. I need your keen training skills.
Vick: Oh man, that is FUCKED UP.
Dungy: SILENCE!
(slaps Vick)
Vick: Ouch!
Dungy: You will help me train this gay to fight.
Vick: What if he doesn’t want to fight?
Dungy: Then we drown him. That’s the best part!
Vick: How long have you been doing this?
Dungy: I’ve been staging catfights for a long time now. It’s part of the culture where I come from. I mean really, they’re just gays. I don’t know why anyone would be so upset. This helps control the gay population!
Vick: Good fucking gobblers.
Dungy: Last year, Fag Newz Kennels made over $200,000 in winnings. I plan on doubling that amount this year. I need to find gays that have real gameness, like Lance here. And I need you to train them in the black brick building I have hidden on my property. And if you don’t help me, I WILL SIC MY FERAL GAYS ON YOU. Now come with me. I need to show you the rape stand.
Lance: GRRRRRR!
Vick: (throws up)
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, michael vick, Tony Dungy, weed
August 20th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Wow. Jeff Garcia approves of the rape stand and wishes to participate.
August 20th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Fucking fantastic. Ming the Merciless indeed!
August 20th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Oh. My. God.
August 20th, 2009 at 10:58 am
No Michael! Don’t do it!
August 20th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Fag Newz Kennels hasn’t been the same since their best catfighter, James Dungy, left.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:02 am
It’s always the quiet ones…
August 20th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Not the feral gays!
August 20th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Why are you publishing the Sexy Friday post on Thursday?
August 20th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Come on, it’s the gays’ fault. All they need to do is break out of their handcuffs, ball gags and walk away.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:07 am
How much to have the feral gay unleashed on britt ferr?
August 20th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Troy Aikman is hurt that Tony Dungy hasn’t called him yet. He can fight and you don’t even need a rape stand for him.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:11 am
If you can catch and fuck a chicken, you’ll be a greezy fast piece of gay eye-talian lightning.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:11 am
[i]To have Michael follow Dungy to the rape stand, turn to page 117…if you decide Michael should free the feral gays, turn to page 56[/i]
August 20th, 2009 at 11:22 am
“Nah man, I’m pretty fuckin’ far from ok”
August 20th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Maj’s new hoody looks like fun.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Never has the term cockfighting been more applicable.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:32 am
DAYUM! Perfect, lofty even. Even money says Marmalard is under the mask.
BTW, I’m stealing Good Fucking Gobblers.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Good fucking gobblers
And I have a FF team name. Now I just need a league.
/seriously, need a league. I work with a pack of Lances. Er, gimps. I mean academics. Right, academics.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Wow, that was totally unexpected.
Dungy as Ming was a nice touch though.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Also, is that Mrs. Dash on the counter? Pam? I could see this being Ina Garten’s dungeon–Jeffrey definitely has that outfit.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Now we need a bad Photoshop of Dungy’s head on Max Von Sydow’s body.
Hail Ming.
August 20th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Hey, you stole that picture off of my craigslist post!
August 20th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Yesssssssss!!!!
“You know…they call them fingers…but I’ve never seen them fing. Oh…there they go.”
August 20th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Um…. How do you breed gays?
August 20th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Geez, Punter, that’s just…oh wait.
August 20th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
According to Melissa Etheridge, turkey basters are involved.
August 20th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
@Santonio’s Coffee Thermos: Well, according to Jimmy the Greek, you take your big black buck gay, and you put him together with a Mexican woman … no, wait, that’s how you get a Cowboy QB who fumbles field goal snaps and throws away double Ds.
August 20th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Eh, Vick and the feral gay will just end up smoking weed in the basement together.
August 20th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
What would they need rape stands for?
/may be overthinking this
August 20th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Tiki Barber fights out of the Dungy camp, he’s known as “The Sensitive Sybian”
August 20th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Geez, Drew, that’s just… wronger than Punte.
August 20th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
@SonOfSpam
Well some gays don’t actually outright “choose” to be gay so then you gotta make’em.
August 20th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
FIX YO FERAL GAY!
August 20th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
So Drew, did you hear that Favre guy is on your team now?
August 20th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
holy fucking shit
August 20th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Ming the Merciless
Win, win, win!
Now if we can only photoshop Andy Reid as the fattest Hawkman ever…
August 20th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
I nearly fucking peed myself at Ming the Merciless. That is some good shit.
August 20th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Lafayette could take his punk ass.
August 20th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Brendon Haywood neither endorses nor condemns this.
August 20th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Holy shit. You guys have problems.
August 23rd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
new heights/depths
outstanding
scary
well played
August 24th, 2009 at 6:58 am
You crackers are just made you hillbillies don’t have an issue with good ol white boys shooting Deer or Native Americans for sport. He served his time your just mad because he’s about to make millions and your still living in your mom’s basement.