“What’s That? You Want Me to Drink You? But I’m in the Middle of a Football Game.”
A neckbeard-less Neckbeard made his first appearance in a Broncos uniform Saturday Friday and marked the occasion with three particularly ugly interceptions in one half of action against the 49ers. And Seahawks fans continue lustily salivating over their all-too-easily acquired no. 1 pick in next year’s draft.
/it’s funny because Jay Cutler was only marginally better in his debut with the Bears.
Tags: denver broncos, gratuitous simpsons references, mcdaniels' SuperAIDS, neckbeard, post only an excuse to run that photo, xmas ape
August 16th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Shoulda seen Nick Reed kick some ass in the Hawks’ first game. 2 sacks and a pick.
August 16th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I miss Cutler already. It won’t be the same without his whiney a$$.
August 16th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Mr. Orton, are you aware that your not wearing pants?
August 16th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
/Screaming into pillow
//Weeps silently
///Jerks off, to fell better
////Cums all over Elway-poster
August 16th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Between the Broncos, Raiders and Chiefs, if the Chargers don’t win at least 11 or 12 games, then Norv deserves to get fired.
/Will LaToeInjury stay healthy this season?
//Will Norv return to his running ways?
///Will Merriman be able to rape his way thru the AFC like old?
////Will Marmalard be able to put any zip on his lofty floating hanging orbiting throws?
August 16th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
“This play is written on a cocktail napkin. And it still says interception. And interception is spelled wrong!”
August 16th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Cutler is already blaming receivers for his bad throws
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/football/bears/chi-17-haugh-bears-chicago-aug17,0,7533484.column
And the Chicago media is trying to say that you have to put up with that stuff when you have a franchise QB.
/Packers fan
//Possibly developing a man crush on Goth Aaron Rodgers
August 16th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
@Animal Mother
Between the Broncos, Raiders and Chiefs, that’s only 6 potential wins for the Chargers no matter how healthy, rapey and floaty they are.
August 16th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
@DavidtheUnderpantsGnome
The best part about that article is that everyone acknowledges it was a bad throw. So Hester’s bad play or not, Cutler was still at fault.
/doesn’t hate the Broncos, per se, but will gleefully watch that team implode this season
August 16th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Obviously the neckbeard was the source of his powers, and now that he’s been shorn of it like Samson, he’s become impotent.
August 16th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
oh bourbon, brownest of the brown liquors
August 16th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Fuck me this is going to be a long season. I hope that Neckbeard is so bad this season that it absolutely destroys McDaniels future as a head coach and he ends up drawing up plays for a backwater HS team in Western Mass, talking about his days with the Patriots and wearing his rings like a douchebag.
August 16th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
way i see it as a bears fan, we didnt have our main RB or our main TE in there. and its the bills, and if i learned anything from Ape’s commercial, OTHER than booktotheface, its that Buffalo sucks ass. So who cares if Cutler did bad against the Bills?
Bears fanned
August 16th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Coach McD: Mr. Orton, why are you burning you jersey?
Neckbeard: As of now, Kyle Orton no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!
August 16th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Captions:
Goddamn Hangover
Why don’t these lasers work, damn you laserface!
Fuck! What team am I on? Fuck!
I can almost hear my fart over the boos.
/Ever notice that more busts come from picks in the top 10
//Last time Denver picked in the top 10 was 1991, and that isn’t about to change
August 16th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Josh McDaniels: You are wearing a black and brown neckbeard in a half-windsor knot.
Kyle Orton: Oh, I am, am I? Is that what you think? Well if that’s what you think, I have something to tell you. Something which may shock and discredit you. And that thing is as follows. I’m not wearing a neckbeard at all.
/Seahawks just acquired Denver’s 2010 2nd round pick for 2 popsicles and an old bird cage.
August 16th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
When the Seahawks fuck up with next years #1, how long until they blame the refs, the league, the commissioner and the Steelers? (in that order)
August 16th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
When the Seahawks fuck up with next years #1, how long until they blame the refs, the league, the commissioner and the Steelers? (in that order)
Don’t they blame the media in there at some point too? Other than the East Coast bias I mean
August 17th, 2009 at 12:36 am
The Josh Mc Daniels era will last just as long as it takes Pat Bowlen to eat a mile of Mike Shanahan’s shit.
August 17th, 2009 at 1:34 am
Actually the Seahawks are undefeated time now, how’s your team doing?
August 17th, 2009 at 2:01 am
AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Also: I thought it was Friday night.
August 17th, 2009 at 2:36 am
Dear Josh and Neckbeard,
Thank you in advance. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you!
I wana have you’re little neckbearded babies. Best draft pick ever! Matt replacement here we come!
Go Hawks.
P.S. Cutlerfucker I love you too. Thanks for the dumdassery!
August 17th, 2009 at 3:41 am
God Bless the Denver Broncos!
August 17th, 2009 at 8:09 am
Cutler is a franchise quarterback? Did I miss a memo or something ?
As to Philip Rivers’ mortar-esque throws, no, they’ll still look like skeet.
August 17th, 2009 at 8:09 am
Neckbeard: I thought you left a bottle of Jack in the locker room. I can’t find it.
Cutlerfucker: It’s on top of Brandon’s locker, way in back.
Neckbeard: Brandon, where’s Cutlerfucker’s bottle of Jack?
Brandon: Oh, that. I beat my girlfriend over the head with it. It sort of broke.
Neckbeard: I hate Denver!
August 17th, 2009 at 9:13 am
This is going to be the greatest unplanned implosion since 9/11.
/Looks around with hand in air for someone to high five
Too soon?
August 17th, 2009 at 9:49 am
quarterbacks on contingency? no! money down!
August 17th, 2009 at 9:56 am
holy smokes am I glad that BDD is coming back from vacation on the day PK tells us he killed a deer. I only hope he gave the carcass to BrittFarr to put in Childress’ desk when he comes back.
/was also on vacation. true liver damage. lofty liver damage.
//no one cares, I know.
August 17th, 2009 at 10:08 am
The player’s union had a fit when they looked at the proposed terms of Neckbeard’s contract:
-paid $8 a night
-may eat 2 popsicles
-allowed to keep the old bird cage he brought to the negotiations
August 17th, 2009 at 10:41 am
i understand that human beings are irrational beings. but the thought that ANYONE who calls themself a Broncos fan would think that Kyle Orton would deliver anything positive is beyond comprehension. i’m a packer fan and had the pleasure of seeing orton play often. prepare to get owned in every way possible. it is going to be one of those feelings like when you get kicked in the balls and you feel like you’re going to puke, but you don’t…you just roll over and rock yourself in the fetal position.
August 17th, 2009 at 10:45 am
As a Chiefs fan, all I can say is that schadenfreude is the new Schottenheimer.
August 17th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Did Ape seriously just compare Neckbeard and Cutlerfucker?
//Thinks Ape inhaled too many terrible towel fumes
What is Marmalard’s nickname for Orton going to be??? I can only wait
//crossing fingers for Mount McBingely or Whoreton
August 17th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@ Otto Man
Das ist schön und hilarious
August 17th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Orton: Well, Josh McDaniels kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly,” and replace “dog” with “son.”
August 17th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Yeah…I really don’t see how denver thought this trade was a good idea.
I also look forward to watching a mediocre team, implode. Maybe they will bring TO over at the trade deadline, he could set a record destroying two franchises in one year.
Both Buffallo and Denver should make sure they have adequate pill supllies so TO can actually kill himself and spare us all from that awful show of his.
August 17th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Did Ape seriously just compare Neckbeard and Cutlerfucker?
No, I just said Cutler didn’t exactly set the world on fire in his preseason debut either.
August 17th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Did Ape seriously just compare Neckbeard and Cutlerfucker?
Uh… While keeping in mind that Cutler had far better receivers, look at their numbers from last year.
August 17th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Every year people think that preseason has any credible power of prediciton. It’s almost too easy to point out that Detroit went 4-0 last preseason. Preseason doesn’t mean jack shit.
/doesn’t mean Orton and Cutler won’t suck, just that there is no real evidence that they will.
August 17th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Grr, predicTION.
August 17th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Every year people think that preseason has any credible power of prediction. It’s almost too easy to point out that Detroit went 4-0 last preseason. Preseason doesn’t mean jack shit.
The final score of preseason games doesn’t mean anything, but the play of individual players can be a decent barometer of how they’re gonna start the year.
August 17th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Yes. Kill me.
August 17th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Walter Sobchack: “i understand that human beings are irrational beings. but the thought that ANYONE who calls themself a Broncos fan would think that Kyle Orton would deliver anything positive is beyond comprehension. i’m a packer fan and had the pleasure of seeing orton play often. prepare to get owned in every way possible. it is going to be one of those feelings like when you get kicked in the balls and you feel like you’re going to puke, but you don’t…you just roll over and rock yourself in the fetal position.”
Kyle Orton vs. Green Bay Packers:
12/07/2005: Win, 19-7
12/23/2007: Win, 35-7
11/16/2008: Loss, 3-37
12/22/2008: Win, 20-17
Kyle Orton played like absolute garbage in those games against the Packers…and yet, 3 out of 4 times it was the Pack who got “owned in every way possible”.
Also, the two seasons that Kyle Orton was the Bears’ starting QB (2005 and 2008) the Bears finished far, far ahead of the Packers in the standings.
And the cherry on the sundae: Kyle Orton’s career record as a starting QB: 20-11.
Conclusion: Epic fail.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
McDaniels is going in – week 5 at the latest
August 18th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
I believe that I speak for all Bronco’s fans with this small bit of wisdom:
FUCK!
MY!
LIFE!
August 19th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
He reminds me of Elway, don’t see what all the Bronco fans are bitching about. Spitting image.