“What’s That? You Want Me to Drink You? But I’m in the Middle of a Football Game.”

ortonhurr

A neckbeard-less Neckbeard made his first appearance in a Broncos uniform Saturday Friday and marked the occasion with three particularly ugly interceptions in one half of action against the 49ers. And Seahawks fans continue lustily salivating over their all-too-easily acquired no. 1 pick in next year’s draft.

/it’s funny because Jay Cutler was only marginally better in his debut with the Bears.

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45 Responses to ““What’s That? You Want Me to Drink You? But I’m in the Middle of a Football Game.””

  1. Frank GORE! GORE! GORE! Says:

    Shoulda seen Nick Reed kick some ass in the Hawks’ first game. 2 sacks and a pick.

  2. Avenging Jack Murphy Says:

    I miss Cutler already. It won’t be the same without his whiney a$$.

  3. Ghost Mutt Says:

    Mr. Orton, are you aware that your not wearing pants?

  4. Danish Says:

    /Screaming into pillow
    //Weeps silently
    ///Jerks off, to fell better
    ////Cums all over Elway-poster

  5. Animal Mother Says:

    Between the Broncos, Raiders and Chiefs, if the Chargers don’t win at least 11 or 12 games, then Norv deserves to get fired.

    /Will LaToeInjury stay healthy this season?
    //Will Norv return to his running ways?
    ///Will Merriman be able to rape his way thru the AFC like old?
    ////Will Marmalard be able to put any zip on his lofty floating hanging orbiting throws?

  6. Otto Man Says:

    “This play is written on a cocktail napkin. And it still says interception. And interception is spelled wrong!”

  7. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    Cutler is already blaming receivers for his bad throws

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/football/bears/chi-17-haugh-bears-chicago-aug17,0,7533484.column

    And the Chicago media is trying to say that you have to put up with that stuff when you have a franchise QB.

    /Packers fan
    //Possibly developing a man crush on Goth Aaron Rodgers

  8. Fact Check Says:

    @Animal Mother

    Between the Broncos, Raiders and Chiefs, that’s only 6 potential wins for the Chargers no matter how healthy, rapey and floaty they are.

  9. Man Bear Pig Says:

    @DavidtheUnderpantsGnome

    The best part about that article is that everyone acknowledges it was a bad throw. So Hester’s bad play or not, Cutler was still at fault.

    /doesn’t hate the Broncos, per se, but will gleefully watch that team implode this season

  10. Woone P. Tiggins Says:

    Obviously the neckbeard was the source of his powers, and now that he’s been shorn of it like Samson, he’s become impotent.

  11. krustophenia Says:

    oh bourbon, brownest of the brown liquors

  12. TW Andrews Says:

    Fuck me this is going to be a long season. I hope that Neckbeard is so bad this season that it absolutely destroys McDaniels future as a head coach and he ends up drawing up plays for a backwater HS team in Western Mass, talking about his days with the Patriots and wearing his rings like a douchebag.

  13. Required Name Here Says:

    way i see it as a bears fan, we didnt have our main RB or our main TE in there. and its the bills, and if i learned anything from Ape’s commercial, OTHER than booktotheface, its that Buffalo sucks ass. So who cares if Cutler did bad against the Bills?

    Bears fanned

  14. Danger Guerrero Says:

    Coach McD: Mr. Orton, why are you burning you jersey?

    Neckbeard: As of now, Kyle Orton no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

  15. broncos fan Says:

    Captions:
    Goddamn Hangover

    Why don’t these lasers work, damn you laserface!

    Fuck! What team am I on? Fuck!

    I can almost hear my fart over the boos.

    /Ever notice that more busts come from picks in the top 10
    //Last time Denver picked in the top 10 was 1991, and that isn’t about to change

  16. J.L. White Says:

    Josh McDaniels: You are wearing a black and brown neckbeard in a half-windsor knot.

    Kyle Orton: Oh, I am, am I? Is that what you think? Well if that’s what you think, I have something to tell you. Something which may shock and discredit you. And that thing is as follows. I’m not wearing a neckbeard at all.

    /Seahawks just acquired Denver’s 2010 2nd round pick for 2 popsicles and an old bird cage.

  17. Tomlinson's Pain Tolerance Says:

    When the Seahawks fuck up with next years #1, how long until they blame the refs, the league, the commissioner and the Steelers? (in that order)

  18. Rob in WI Says:

    When the Seahawks fuck up with next years #1, how long until they blame the refs, the league, the commissioner and the Steelers? (in that order)

    Don’t they blame the media in there at some point too? Other than the East Coast bias I mean

  19. Kimbo Gash Says:

    The Josh Mc Daniels era will last just as long as it takes Pat Bowlen to eat a mile of Mike Shanahan’s shit.

  20. Rockabllyrebl Says:

    Actually the Seahawks are undefeated time now, how’s your team doing?

  21. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Also: I thought it was Friday night.

  22. Hawky McHawk Says:

    Dear Josh and Neckbeard,

    Thank you in advance. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you!
    I wana have you’re little neckbearded babies. Best draft pick ever! Matt replacement here we come!
    Go Hawks.

    P.S. Cutlerfucker I love you too. Thanks for the dumdassery!

  23. seahawk matt Says:

    God Bless the Denver Broncos!

  24. DancingBaptist Says:

    Cutler is a franchise quarterback? Did I miss a memo or something ?

    As to Philip Rivers’ mortar-esque throws, no, they’ll still look like skeet.

  25. LaFavre's Next Interception Says:

    Neckbeard: I thought you left a bottle of Jack in the locker room. I can’t find it.
    Cutlerfucker: It’s on top of Brandon’s locker, way in back.
    Neckbeard: Brandon, where’s Cutlerfucker’s bottle of Jack?
    Brandon: Oh, that. I beat my girlfriend over the head with it. It sort of broke.
    Neckbeard: I hate Denver!

  26. T-Bone Says:

    This is going to be the greatest unplanned implosion since 9/11.

    /Looks around with hand in air for someone to high five

    Too soon?

  27. petarded king Says:

    quarterbacks on contingency? no! money down!

  28. Slothrop Says:

    holy smokes am I glad that BDD is coming back from vacation on the day PK tells us he killed a deer. I only hope he gave the carcass to BrittFarr to put in Childress’ desk when he comes back.
    /was also on vacation. true liver damage. lofty liver damage.
    //no one cares, I know.

  29. Danger Guerrero Says:

    The player’s union had a fit when they looked at the proposed terms of Neckbeard’s contract:

    -paid $8 a night
    -may eat 2 popsicles
    -allowed to keep the old bird cage he brought to the negotiations

  30. Walter Sobchack Says:

    i understand that human beings are irrational beings. but the thought that ANYONE who calls themself a Broncos fan would think that Kyle Orton would deliver anything positive is beyond comprehension. i’m a packer fan and had the pleasure of seeing orton play often. prepare to get owned in every way possible. it is going to be one of those feelings like when you get kicked in the balls and you feel like you’re going to puke, but you don’t…you just roll over and rock yourself in the fetal position.

  31. Otto Man Says:

    As a Chiefs fan, all I can say is that schadenfreude is the new Schottenheimer.

  32. Greg Olsen is making me sexist Says:

    Did Ape seriously just compare Neckbeard and Cutlerfucker?
    //Thinks Ape inhaled too many terrible towel fumes

    What is Marmalard’s nickname for Orton going to be??? I can only wait
    //crossing fingers for Mount McBingely or Whoreton

  33. Markus Says:

    @ Otto Man

    Das ist schön und hilarious

  34. IrishCream Says:

    Orton: Well, Josh McDaniels kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly,” and replace “dog” with “son.”

  35. PirateParrotDrugLord Says:

    Yeah…I really don’t see how denver thought this trade was a good idea.

    I also look forward to watching a mediocre team, implode. Maybe they will bring TO over at the trade deadline, he could set a record destroying two franchises in one year.

    Both Buffallo and Denver should make sure they have adequate pill supllies so TO can actually kill himself and spare us all from that awful show of his.

  36. Christmas Ape Says:

    Did Ape seriously just compare Neckbeard and Cutlerfucker?

    No, I just said Cutler didn’t exactly set the world on fire in his preseason debut either.

  37. Tim Tebow's Girlfriend's Tits Says:

    Did Ape seriously just compare Neckbeard and Cutlerfucker?

    Uh… While keeping in mind that Cutler had far better receivers, look at their numbers from last year.

  38. Rock Says:

    Every year people think that preseason has any credible power of prediciton. It’s almost too easy to point out that Detroit went 4-0 last preseason. Preseason doesn’t mean jack shit.

    /doesn’t mean Orton and Cutler won’t suck, just that there is no real evidence that they will.

  39. Rock Says:

    Grr, predicTION.

  40. Christmas Ape Says:

    Every year people think that preseason has any credible power of prediction. It’s almost too easy to point out that Detroit went 4-0 last preseason. Preseason doesn’t mean jack shit.

    The final score of preseason games doesn’t mean anything, but the play of individual players can be a decent barometer of how they’re gonna start the year.

  41. herc rock Says:

    Yes. Kill me.

  42. Arthur Kade mows my lawn Says:

    Walter Sobchack: “i understand that human beings are irrational beings. but the thought that ANYONE who calls themself a Broncos fan would think that Kyle Orton would deliver anything positive is beyond comprehension. i’m a packer fan and had the pleasure of seeing orton play often. prepare to get owned in every way possible. it is going to be one of those feelings like when you get kicked in the balls and you feel like you’re going to puke, but you don’t…you just roll over and rock yourself in the fetal position.”

    Kyle Orton vs. Green Bay Packers:

    12/07/2005: Win, 19-7
    12/23/2007: Win, 35-7
    11/16/2008: Loss, 3-37
    12/22/2008: Win, 20-17

    Kyle Orton played like absolute garbage in those games against the Packers…and yet, 3 out of 4 times it was the Pack who got “owned in every way possible”.

    Also, the two seasons that Kyle Orton was the Bears’ starting QB (2005 and 2008) the Bears finished far, far ahead of the Packers in the standings.

    And the cherry on the sundae: Kyle Orton’s career record as a starting QB: 20-11.

    Conclusion: Epic fail.

  43. Mike D Says:

    McDaniels is going in – week 5 at the latest

  44. dumbass broncos fan Says:

    I believe that I speak for all Bronco’s fans with this small bit of wisdom:

    FUCK!
    MY!
    LIFE!

  45. Jay Says:

    He reminds me of Elway, don’t see what all the Bronco fans are bitching about. Spitting image.

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