Tonight a Special Slice of Broncos Hell
Things were looking promising for Denver for about a quarter. Jay Cutler was getting hit on nearly every dropback and Broncos fans lustily cheered IN-COM-PLETE with every one of his miscues. Even Kyle Orton’s numbers were pretty much tantamount to the quarterback he’s replacing. But then Neckbeard left the field in pain on the Broncos final drive before half with what looked like a paper cut and then Cutler led the Bears on a 98-yard scoring drive, culminating with a TD pass to Matt Forte. Oh, and Cris Collinsworth had to detail how Greg Olsen and his wife are the one true Cutlerf-ckers.
Beware those pinpricks, he’s got the McDaniels SuperAIDS!
At least “stupid” didn’t go with the obvious knockoff jersey with no sleeves. And when did the “I’m with stupid” shirts become resistant to contractions? Overenunciating around the very dumb just seems cruel.
Tags: cutlerfucker, xmas ape
August 30th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Fuck McDaniels
Fuck Neckbeard
and most importantly
FUCK MY LIFE!!!
August 30th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
It’s funny hearing from Bears fans who want to replace Hanie with Colt Brennan. Redskins fans everywhere would be devastated.
August 30th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Any pictures of Mrs. Greg Olsen ? Not that sexy Friday wasn’t spectacular.
August 30th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
fucking mcdaniels. motherfucking mcdaniels. i hope he infects himself with superaids.
August 30th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
@ dumbass broncos fan:
What no Fuck Pat Bowlen?
August 30th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
It’s gonna be fun watching the Broncos fight over last place in that shitty division with the Chiefs and the Raiders
August 30th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
I love it! Captain Insano and the Broncos are looking like the result of SuperAIDS. Thank God Snyder didn’t hire this ubertard in 2008, the one thing the Danny has done right
August 30th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
This will come back to bite the Broncos in the arse. And I will laugh. The end.
/not a fan of either team
//still laughing my arse off
///realizes I am a Dolphin fan
///cries
August 30th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Welcome, Broncos fan. Welcome to the downward spiral the Raiders have been on for a million years; lean back and stay awhile.
Stay -forever-.
August 30th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Wait a minute, Jay Cutler goes out with Greg Olsen and his wife???
Isn’t that an 8,000 out of 10 on the awkwardness scale?
August 30th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
This game was lacking in the cumslinging department. Where’s the Sex Cannon when you need him?
Ah, injured you say? Well, at least that hasn’t changed. But gettin’ hurt is just his ploy to get spongebaths from hot ass naughty nurses…
August 30th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Can McDaniels, Orton, and Orton’s neckbeard be considered a threesome as well?
Then again, McDumbass didn’t like chafing so he had Orton shave the neckbeard – which, unfortunately for Broncos fans, is also the source of Orton’s powers. Thus a helmet grazing turned into a bloody vag on the field. Luckily the lack of his Samson-esque facial hair doesn’t limit his ability to dink & dunk.
/Chicago fan who thinks 3-yard-outs are fucking pathetic
//witnessed them often during the past decade
///has nightmares about John Shoop
August 31st, 2009 at 12:15 am
Grammatically Correct girl wins. Every time.
August 31st, 2009 at 12:26 am
Seeing Orton run off the field holding his finger just looked to similar to a little kid running to his mommy with a boo-boo.
August 31st, 2009 at 12:45 am
McDaniels was the right man for this job.
I mean, that is if the the job was to take a floundering team and take them that extra step into total ineptitude. He’s gonna do great (gone in 3 years).
On a brighter note, Dumberville or whatever his name is for the Broncs made the Orlando Pace signing look really good for the rest of the NFC North. That guy looked fat, old, and slow- the perfect guy to guard Pouty McYellsalot’s blind spot.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:02 am
LOOK AT B-DAWK KILL! god dammit imma miss that during the regular season.
/still hasn’t forgiven the eagles for letting him go.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:32 am
I loved how every time the Bears made a great play it would be reviewed and confirmed just so that the officials could disappoint the Denver fans TWICE. Also I first read the part about the shirt being resistant to contractions meaning that it was maternal wear because it probably was.
Here me now and believe me later, the NFC North is 2009’s sexy division.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:39 am
Give me Pouty McYellsalotandthrowsTutties anyday.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:21 am
I thought I was the only one who picked up on Greg Olsen and Jay Cutler’s train on Mrs. Olsen.
August 31st, 2009 at 3:04 am
Who else laughed when Collinsworth was trying to weave his way outta’ that one?
“You know, Cutler and Olsen and Olsen’s wife, they go out together, and it’s a threesome…and oh, fuck, this is getting bad”
August 31st, 2009 at 3:12 am
…and before they had a threesome, Cutler and Olsen had been hooking up all night. Sounds like Cutlerfucker is having way too much fun in Chicago.
August 31st, 2009 at 7:42 am
Pours out dip cup for Tedy B.
August 31st, 2009 at 8:50 am
ooh, i cant wait for tawmmys reaction to teddy b strokin’ out of the nfl.
strokin’. ha.
August 31st, 2009 at 9:01 am
Two words I never need to see in the same sentence: “Collingsworth” and “threesome.”
August 31st, 2009 at 9:09 am
Bronco fan? Welcome to Football Hell…
August 31st, 2009 at 9:19 am
Hmm. ESPN had an ad for Monday Night Football describing Jaws, Gruden and Tirico as “three deep in the booth.”
Somehow, that seems even worse.
August 31st, 2009 at 9:19 am
Mrs Olson sounds like fun.
August 31st, 2009 at 9:34 am
@ Gross Rexman
Orton didn’t hit a helmet, he cut his finger on Ogunleye’s hand.
August 31st, 2009 at 9:41 am
This is karmic payback for enjoying the Raiders’ voyage of suck so much.
Fuck, is this ever going to be a long season. Fortunately, I live in NC and the Broncos won’t likely be on TV more than 2 or 3 times. Thank you, God.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:26 am
I can’t remember my team having ever had a quarterback who was legitimately good at the quarterback position (though the cumslinger could give it to ya’ll ladies in any other position you could imagine).
If the catch is he’s “pouty,” “yelly” and “smart enough to want the hell away from Josh McDaniels,” I’m okay with that.
It’s still wayyyyy better than a Sexy Rexy vs. Neckbeard shit sandwich showdown.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:42 am
Hey Ufford wherever you are, I hope you’re getting excited to receive our #1 overall pick next year.
I hope the superaids gets full-blown before the end of the season and takes McD gently into that good night.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:47 am
Did anyone catch Rodney Harrison referring to Tedy Bruschi’s “stroke” as a heart attack last night? Would there be any reason to lie about that for Tedy??
August 31st, 2009 at 11:28 am
@ Bton Bears Fan: I saw that, and it seems weird that you can cut your finger on someone’s hand. Was Ogunleye rocking razor blades on his gloeves or something or is neckbeard’s hands like Louis Winthorpe’s?
August 31st, 2009 at 11:39 am
That Patriots coaching staff sure is a wellspring of genius!
August 31st, 2009 at 1:14 pm
I believe McDaniels will be a solid NFL coach, it just won’t be with the Bronco’s. His press conference for his next team will reference how much he learned from his mistakes in Denver.
/sad Bronco fan
// wishes Bowlen would stop giving all the power to the head coach.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:23 pm
What are you people bitching about? You did not expect a karmic payback for all the chop blocking? You have nothing to be proud of, ever. Any team that gives up 56 points in a Superbowl should be banned from the NFL. The only thing Soccer does right is demote shitbox teams to lower divisions.
August 31st, 2009 at 3:03 pm
*surveys AFC West*
*determines San Diego could post a losing record and still sweep the division*
*realizes how pissed off New England fans would be*
*masturbates furiously*
August 31st, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Hmm, you gotta love Greg Olsen pimping out his wife to get more passes his way
August 31st, 2009 at 5:18 pm
How much are the San Diego Chargers loving life right now? Could there be 3 more dysfunctional teams right now than the Broncos, Chiefs and Raiders?
August 31st, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Haterade, maybe the fact that our team went from mildly promising with a decent shot at the playoffs with a decent defense, to what may soon be a team with a good young running back and a WR2, and nothing else.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Greg Olsen is a repressed gay, I think it’s fairly obvious in the 7th Floor Crew’s recorded works. And yes, I’m a another bitter Broncos fan.
September 1st, 2009 at 12:26 am
@Tomlinson’s Pain Tolerance
I figure that if i pretend he doesn’t exist, he might go away. It’s a better plan than wishing for him to die, cause that has backfired for Raider’s fans for years.
September 1st, 2009 at 9:59 am
@Another
You forgot McDaniels
September 1st, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Huh, I guess it ends up Orton had an open dislocation (it penetrated the skin). I guess he’s slightly less whimpy now?
http://blogs.denverpost.com/broncos/2009/08/31/orton-recovering-from-painful-dislocation/
September 2nd, 2009 at 12:52 am
nope, neckbeard’s still a bitch in my book. I’ll have the crybaby over this tool anyday
/slits wrists knowing that superbowl chances are decreasing exponentially each year