This Woman Would Like To Report A Rape
He just…he just came up to me…he said he was interested…that he knew my “system.”
He said that he knew how to make things work…
I just felt like I had everything except…you know, him…
He said…Oh, god, I can’t believe this happened…
He said that if I didn’t give him what he wanted…that I would lose my job…
And you know…things haven’t been so great lately…
And I just felt…
Oh, I don’t know what to do…
I don’t know what to do…
I need you to testify.
What?
Mrs. Childress, if you don’t speak up now, there’s no telling who else this man is going to take advantage of next. This could happen again and again. For years. We have a chance to put him away for good. But we need your help.
My friends…I told them I didn’t want it…but they didn’t believe me.
They saw…they saw me driving him from the airport…
And then when we got back to my place…He…he just wouldn’t listen to anyone…
He said he wanted to be with me…but I knew he didn’t love me!
Oh, is that what this is about? You’re just trying to get back at this guy, aren’t you? This wasn’t a rape, this is some crazy person just trying to make herself feel better.
That’s not true!
YOU WANTED HIM LAST YEAR, BUT YOU COULDN’T HAVE HIM! AND NOW THAT YOU TWO AREN’T CHASING EACH OTHER AROUND ANY MORE, YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER! ADMIT IT!
No!
Elliot!
Fine…I’ll be doing some many shit off-camera.
This was a mistake! I knew this was a mistake! [Runs off]
That poor, poor girl. [Head sinks in disappointment.] Wow, I sure am showing a lot of tit.
Tags: Minnesota Vikings, MMP
August 19th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Punte’s back in rare form! Out-fuckin’-standing!
/rape’s never funny
//
August 19th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Jeez punter, that’s just right.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Wow, I sure am showing a lot of tit.
And the world is better for Mariska Hargitay cleavage.
/Vikings taking punchline of the season title from Eagles
August 19th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
“Wow, I sure am showing a lot of tit.’
I disagree, she’s not showing enough.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
A lot of tit, yes. Enough nipple? No.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
/Shakes fist at Upstate Underdog.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
What sort of manly shit is Elliot doing off-camera? Drinking? Yelling at lower-ranked policemen? Brooding about his family? All three at once?
August 19th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Geeze punter that’s just wrong (in terms of the rape joke)
with that said she was asking for it!
Will there be a House of Punte podcast this year?
August 19th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Fantastic work Punter, it’s so wrong but it feels so right.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Fine…I’ll be doing some many shit off-camera.
PED’s?
August 19th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
What sort of manly shit is Elliot doing off-camera?
Ogling his daughter?
August 19th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Hopefully, this case holds up better than crazy McNutty’s against Big Ben.
Tip #1 don’t send your friend an email boasting about hanging with a pro QB and making plans for the next night with him less than 24 hours after you want to claim that he raped you. Don’t you know those emails are in your computer forever even if you delete them?
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09231/991790-66.stm
August 19th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
no terrible photoshop tag?
August 19th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Meloni wishes he was still standing naked in the shower on the set of Oz.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Mrs Chilly just needs a big glass of vodka.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
GOREx3: you forgot getting the crap kicked out of him by a skel. or getting shot. or getting stabbed in the lab of his own fucking station house. tad careless, that guy.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
What sort of manly shit is Elliot doing off-camera?
Having semi-consensual sex with Tobias Beecher while Beecher wishes he’d have committed vehicular manslaughter in Florida.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
There are some of us OUT HERE that are wishing he was still naked in the shower at Oz.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Good stuff, Punter!
August 19th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
A rape joke without the mention of Ben Roethlisberger? I have seen it all now.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
1. agree. there is never too much tit.
2. many. PEDs. lofty.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Bet he don’t feel as raped as Drew.
/loves me some Hargitay yes I do
August 19th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Is it considered rape if the “victim” begs for it? For months and months? And everyone already knows about it?
August 19th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
She made that shit up
/Tawana Brawley’d
August 19th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
No means yes and yes means anal
August 19th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
If Chilly has daughters I do not want (DO NOT WANT!) visual proof!
/scared by photoshop
August 19th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
What sort of manly shit is Elliot doing off-camera? Drinking? Yelling at lower-ranked policemen? Brooding about his family? All three at once?
Fucking his cellmate Tobias?
August 19th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Goddamn it, dsl beat me to Oz. That’ll teach me to make a comment before reading all the way through.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
I see Punter is already in midseason form. Outstanding.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Elliot is off camera applying his dick cream and fondling his sweaters.
August 19th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Oh Elliot. Your total disregard for constitutional rights and any victim over the age of 11 has truly captured America’s heart.
August 19th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
I’m sure if given the option, Childress would still happily accept that photoshopped hairdo.
/No, and then no, and then no, and then no, and then no, and then no, and then yes, still means yes
August 19th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Never really watched Oz. Was it better than Deadwood?
August 19th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
@ Unsilent: Followed up by humping the fridge of course
August 19th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Can’t wait for when they interview the suspect.
“hellnowerentrape..bitchaskinferit”
August 19th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
@dm72
/rape’s never funny
Except on the internet and apparently in Minnesota. I know funny, and this is funny.
/TBS’ed
August 19th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Peter King just jacked off to this.
August 19th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
@ Ryno – In a nutshell, it’s basically impossible to watch the show and NOT see two dudes having sex with eachother. So, in that sense, it’s worse than Deadwood (unless you want to see two dudes having sex). On the plus side, it’s impossible to watch the first few seasons of the show and NOT see Adebisi’s hat.
http://www.blue22.net/features/adebisi/images/mug_ADEBISI.gif
So, there’s that. It’s a pretty amazing hat, but still there’s the whole man-on-man thing
August 19th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
@Ryno Nothing is better than Deadwood.
/Meloni was a fag on six feet under too.
//Feed Farve to Woo’s pigs.
August 19th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
@Unsilent: Smearing mud on his ass optional.
August 19th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Who are these people? What is this?
August 19th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Brad Childress may be a low-hanging fruit, but you went the extra mile with that one. I hope they eventually make that episode.
August 19th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@ dsl: Adibesi’s hat was half the reason to watch Oz. How did it stay on?!
The other half, of course, was split between anal rape and wondering how Beecher would screw up his life next.
August 19th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Best post in a long, long time. Well done. Except for the whole making light of rape.
August 19th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
You should have used the new improved bearded Childress
August 19th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
That chick has a shit ton of forehead on her.
Cameron Diaz would be proud.
August 19th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Great call on the Mariska Hargitay tit. Just don’t get to see enough of it these days. PUNTE…is she your new Judith Light?
And Christopher Meloni is now telling kids bedtime stories on Noggin…imagine my surprise when I saw him on there knowing he’d been raping guys on Oz just a few short years ago.
August 19th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Never really watched Oz. Was it better than Deadwood?
Different really. For one, I’ve never been able to see JK Simmons as anything other than Schillinger and the guys who played Sayed and Adebisi will always be Sayed and Adebisi to me.
That said, NO ONE tops Swearengen. Sweagin! Hang dai!
August 19th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Well, compared to her mother… she’s fairly conservative
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3931871232/nm0543790
August 19th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Pulling up your dress, bending over and telling him to, “Do what you want to me” is not rape.
It’s sad. Very, very, very, very sad, but not rape.
But he did toy with your feelings for two years, and that’s just wrong.
August 19th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
In other random football news the sec lifted its newly installed ban on social media. Now maybe I can read Tim Tebow Tweet during games
August 19th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
*Stands up and claps*
Bravo, good sir.
August 19th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
CR FTW!
August 20th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Wait!? Someone raped Anne Coulter? What does this have to with the Vikings?