Theismann says ‘aloha’ to his golf cart?
An anonymous reader sent in the following story about Joe Theismann and his supposed antics on a Hawaiian golf course. We can’t vouch for its authenticity, but it’s a good read nonetheless….
Here’s a story you guys might enjoy. This happened 9 years ago:
After high school I decided to take a year off before going to college. My parents moved to Hawaii, so I figured I would bum around the islands for a year and have some fun. I ended up getting a part time job at one of the golf resorts as a bag boy. The job entailed putting people’s golf bags on carts and cleaning their clubs and putting them in storage once they were done with their round. The resort was known for having tons of celebrities around, especially sports celebrities. One day in January, which is the peak of the season, Joe Theismann shows up at the resort. He comes over to me and hands me his receipt. I take one quick look at it for his name to locate his clubs in our storage area, and I almost keel over from the reek of alcohol on his breath. While I’m grabbing his clubs a lady who’s a regular at our course starts chatting him up. They decide to play together, so I start walking to the golf cart where her bag is. Joe yells out “I want my own cart.” Probably noticing that he is drunk, she tries to get him to agree to ride together, but he keeps demanding his own cart. I end up putting his bag on his own cart and off they went.
About 45 minutes later, one of the guys from the pro shop comes down and tells me there’s been an accident with a golf cart on the 4th hole and he asked me to go check it out. He said that I need to tow a cart out there with me too. I get out there and sure enough it was Joe Theismann. He had driven his cart into the lava rocks and got it stuck. It wasn’t just one front tire in the rocks, it was the whole front end, and the front axle was lodged between two lava rocks- he had to be going pretty fast to get it as stuck as he had it. The real kicker was there were about 6 empty beer bottles in the back of his cart already. I put all of his stuff in the new golf cart I brought him and hooked up the tow car to the one in the rocks. I asked him if he would drive the tow car while I try to dislodge the cart from the rocks and he says to me “Not my problem buddy,” and drives off. Now, if you ever find yourself having to work in lava rock, just walk away. It’s sharp and pointy and very tough to balance on when trying to move anything in it and it’s easy to lose your balance and cut yourself. It took me a good 45 minutes to get that dang cart out. I spent the rest of the day in sweaty clothes and scratches all over my arms and legs from the rocks, and when he came in he didn’t even leave a tip (during peak season we would average $5-$10 tip per golf cart). I didn’t see him ever again during his stay at the resort, and I am glad I didn’t.
Even if this story is true, we don’t think it’s anything Thees should be embarrassed about. I mean who hasn’t got ‘faced on a golf course and wrecked a cart? And what’s the point of being a NFL College Football Hall of Famer and all around big shot if you can’t throw your weight around a little every now and then?
Tags: bad MS Paint, can't believe we already have a volcanoes tag, could totally see Riggo doing this, joe theismann, volcanoes
August 4th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Excessive drinking explains a lot about Theismann’s broadcasting career.
August 4th, 2009 at 10:39 am
So Joe Theismann is a bit of a douche. In other news, yesterday the sun rose in the east and set in the west.
//Redskins fan, so tell me something I don’t know.
//Hail To The Racist Names!
August 4th, 2009 at 10:44 am
I take one quick look at it for his name to locate his clubs in our storage area, and I almost keel over from the reek of alcohol on his breath.
“Delicious bourbon, brownest of the brown liquors… So tempting. What’s that? You want me to drink you? But I’m in the middle of a golf game!”
August 4th, 2009 at 10:50 am
“I spent the rest of the day in sweaty clothes and scratches all over my arms and legs from the rocks.”
That must have been a horrible experience. It probably quasi-changed your life.
August 4th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Theismann is a hall of Famer? when the hell did that happen?
August 4th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Theismann fractured his leg when he crashed that golf cart.
True story.
August 4th, 2009 at 10:52 am
I worked at a country club once. They stocked their water hazards with catfish to eat the algae. On one midnight drunken fishing tour of the 13th hole, one of my accomplices drove a cart into the hazard, sinking it to the bottom. To the best of my knowledge it’s still there.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:02 am
LT cut him off.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Theismann is a hall of Famer? when the hell did that happen?
Can you believe that fucker won a Super Bowl?
August 4th, 2009 at 11:04 am
@ Theismann fractured his leg when he crashed that golf cart.
It’s a shame it wasn’t his neck.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Theismann is a hall of Famer? when the hell did that happen?
Never, apparently. My mistake.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Theismann is a hall of Famer? when the hell did that happen?
Don’t give Redskins fans any ideas. They’ll go all Art Monk on everyone and complain for 15 years until they put Theissssssmann in the Hall just to shut them up.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Don’t give Redskins fans any ideas. They’ll go all Art Monk on everyone and complain for 15 years until they put Theissssssmann in the Hall just to shut them up.
Why isn’t Mark Rypien in the hall of fame? THIS IS THE GREATEST INJUSTICE EVER FOISTED UPON FANKIND!!!
August 4th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Let me tell you something: The football is not round. Let me tell you something else: Whoever scores more touchdowns will win this game.
/Theismann’s grill in Alexandria serves deep fried poo for $45.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:20 am
/Theismann’s grill in Alexandria serves deep fried poo for $45.
I’ve lived five minutes away from it for three years now and have yet to set foot into the place.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:21 am
He should have asked him for one of his gloves.
I would expect no better behavior from someone who had his accountant let his wife know they were getting a divorce.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:25 am
The best Theismann announcing moment happened during a Bears-Lions Sunday Night game. The Lions had just blocked a field goal and Theismann offers this gem.
Theismann: You see that guy who burrows up the middle there. We used to call that guy the fudge-packer. See how he just wedges himself up in there and gets all sorts of penetration, back when I played we’d name him the fudge-packer on our field goal block unit.
Mike Patrick: (Uncomfortable laughter)
Paul McGuire: That means something else where I come from Joe.
Priceless.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Too bad Theisman didn’t break his fucking ankle on a lava rock.
Fucking asshole.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:29 am
This just confirms the fact that Lawrence Taylor is one of my favorite players of all time.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I spent the rest of the day in sweaty clothes and scratches all over my arms and legs
Are you sure you’re not a meth addict?
August 4th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Joey T. knows a lot about fudge packing.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:51 am
CART BOAT!
August 4th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Wait…a man was golfing while drunk?! And driving a small vehicle designed to make the drinking easier and more fun?
What next? Did he try to cop a feel off some 45-year old divorcee with a new set of funbags?
/all I know about golf I learned from Caddyshack
August 4th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Can you believe that fucker won a Super Bowl?
/pfft. In the strike year.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
It’s too bad a coked up L.T. didn’t rip out Theisman’s voicebox instead of snapping his leg in 2.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I spent the rest of the day in sweaty clothes and scratches all over my arms and legs
Makes you really reevaluate the whole taking a year off before going to college thing, huh? But you could have spent that year off in worse places, like Detroit or Indy or Jacksonville, amirite?
/the red tan Theisssss had was from all the drinking then…right.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Ape we’re neighbors. Now I can get around to stalking you.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Any sympathy I had about the horribly broken leg is dissipating, not entirely gone yet.
August 4th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Kornheiser: How do you think Brett Favre would have handled this lava rock situation?
Tirico: God damn it….
August 4th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Lived in Virginia many years ago. Can confirm that Theismann IS a total jerk AND his restaurant serves less than quality food.
NOBODY DENIES THIS!
(Phrase I use whenever possible, thank you KSK)
August 4th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
he comes into the outback where i work on a regular basis…
each time i’m conflicted because
1) he did help the redskins win a super bowl
b) he is the biggest douch nozzle i’ve ever seen or met
but each time he does i recall a story i was told about him being KTFO at a bar in Vienna back in his younger days
too bad it wasn’t his femur that LT snapped, then it could’ve severed his femoral artery andput him out of his misery
August 4th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
His broadcasting career aside, he’s one of the nicest pro or former pro athletes I’ve ever met. I met him when I was working for Upper Deck. He was signing some merchandise and had nothing but kind words. He signed gear for friends, got on the phone with my dad (big skins fan) and was just generous in general.
He may suck at broadcasting and this story may be true (don’t know, wasn’t there) but he’s not a complete P.O.S.
August 4th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
I think Theezman and Shooter McGavin are the same person.
August 4th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
He’s the spokesman for that group that is promoting tailgating without alcohol. What a putz!