The Miami Dolphins Know What Football Fans Want
Int. Dolphins HQ two weeks ago.
Executive 1: So we’ve changed the stadium’s name, associated ourselves with Jimmy Buffet, and brought in some other big name owners like Gloria Estefan, Marc Anthony, and Jennifer Lopez. You know, for the fans. Still, I feel like we need something else to get them packing the stands this season.
Executive 2: Well everybody hates the team’s fight song, maybe we could come up with something a little better to improve fan support.
Executive 1: I like where you’re going with that, but a new song will cost money, and frankly we don’t have time to start pricing out songwriters.
Executive 2: Well I happen to know of an artist who can take an existing song and breathe new life into it in a matter of minutes.
Executive 1: Really? What’s this guy’s name? Is he expensive?
Executive 2: His name is T-Pain and he’ll record pretty much anything in exchange for something shiny. My kids say he’s all the rage.
Executive 1: Sounds good. How does he do it?
Executive 2: From what I understand he sings into this magic box and it turns any boring old song into a guaranteed hit that the kids will love for at least a week.
Executive 1: [into intercom] Get me T-Pain’s people on the phone. Oh, and how about that drunk artist who paints all of that annoyingly colorful crap? Yeah, let’s get him in on this project too!
via All Hip Hop
Tags: Autotune will always be popular, Fight songs that actually make you want to punch yourself, Horrible Ideas, miami dolphins, there's a feller in there that'll pay you ten dollars if you sing into his can, Unsilent Majority, youtubage
August 10th, 2009 at 11:33 am
*speechless*
August 10th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Perhaps a quarterback that can throw the ball over 5 yards might also appease the fans
August 10th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Oh good, let’s not record a fight song that will be dated in 8 months and require another do-over next season. Score one for tradition!
There are a lot of reasons that it sucks to be a Raiders fan right now, but the team anthem ain’t one of them.
/the autumn wind is a raider
August 10th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Autotune this and it might sound the same: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsYSp64Zw18
August 10th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Announcer: “Dolphins with the ball… Third and SHORTAYYYY….”
August 10th, 2009 at 11:46 am
“When you say Miami, you’re talkin’ Super Bowl.”
Well, technically, sure. Miami often hosts the game.
August 10th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Fuck, that was horrid.
August 10th, 2009 at 11:59 am
That was still better than any song by the Black Eyed Peas.
August 10th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
“ROBOT VOICE,
ROBOT VOICE,
All of the kids love the ROBOT VOICE!”
/blizzard man’d
August 10th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
I imagine that Bill Parcells’ reaction to that crap would have been stronger if he hadn’t endured years of Jerry Jones fucktardery. Now he probably just got up from his desk, closed the door and went back to work.
August 10th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Ape’s father thinks this whole “modernization of football” thing is crap.
August 10th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
I’m confused, was this real or parody?
If real: This is what milquetoast white executives get when they try to be hip and edgy but are scared of hip and edgy.
If parody: FIX YO PEEZY
August 10th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
That makes Hail to the Redskins sound like the effing National Anthem…dam that was bad
/Should change his name to Ear Pain
August 10th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
re: Windy City’s comment
http://www.hulu.com/watch/45819/saturday-night-live-blizzard-man
August 10th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
An entire miami dolphins post and not a single mention of Peezy? THAT’S DISRESPECT.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
@Maj
Thanks for the link… hard to believe that Kenan Thompson can be… well, not funny, but not kill a sketch every once in a while.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
As a diehard Dolphins fan, I’m sorry. I truly am sorry.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
I agree w/ Dat RoRo Kid. I am sorry as well. And I thought the hokey “Oh we are the Dolphins//The greatest football team” fight song was embarrassing.
This has it beat by a mile.
/ashamed
August 10th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
That’s a catchy tune – too bad they’re only 50 years late with it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvWn_yGaA-Y
August 10th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
horrible. but still better than that shitty redskins fight song.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Wow. So not only is it shit, but it’s shit they stole from the fucking Oilers?
T-Pain really should choke himself.
August 10th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
The best part was when he first said ‘Super Bowl” and they showed a pic of Dan Marino.
AWK-WARD.
August 10th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
@ Navin R. Johnson
Nice catch. The music business sounds like a snap- just rip off somebody else’s song, Auto Tune it and then call it your own.
August 10th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Needs an “At least it’s not Jimmy Buffett” tag.
August 10th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
@Chad:
Normally I would agree with you. After hearing the “song,” not so much.
/wastin’ away again in Miamidolphinville…
August 10th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Luv ya Blue.
Kiss My Ass T-Pain.
/Bum Phillipsed
August 10th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
I don’t want a book thrown at me, but seriously how much longer can I stay true to my boyhood team? If we divorce and I never remarry, is that ok?
August 10th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I have a friend in the Dolphins hierarchy and can pretty much say this “mock” conversation is 95% truthful.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
I love the “10 dollars to sing in the can” tag almost as much as I love watching the Dolphins fail.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
i don’t know what was worse, the song or the you tube video. Needs more J-Peezy
August 10th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
That was fucking sad.
August 10th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
This is the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:10 am
Wow i love the beat! it so sick. Go miami dolphins. But so sad they fail. Anyways have you guys tried personalizing your own football ball?
August 11th, 2009 at 12:34 am
Never thought I’d be on a boat.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:38 am
This is a joke right?
If not, I’d like to see T-Pain and those team executive go David Carradine on themselves.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
this is what trent green heard when he got knocked out.
August 12th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
I can say good bye to my childhood love for the Dolphins. Today. Now in fact. It is over!