Peter King Loves Himself Some Meryl Streep
When we last left Peter King and his size 46 chino shorts, he decided against staging a personal boycott of Westin Hotels. Whew. Dodged a bullet there, Westin. Peter King could have single-handedly brought you to your knees. Next time, you won’t be so lucky.
So, what of this week? Did Peter swipe any new foul balls from area toddlers? Did he hire three urologists to slap his dick around? What kind of breakfast did Pam Whiteley put out for him? Better yet, did Pam Whiteley put out herself? Read on…
I wasn’t in Denver, but I watched Bears-Broncos on TV. Or should I say, I felt it.
Little do you know, but NBC has equipped all of Peter’s home televisions with VibraVision. Any time a pass is completed, a little butterfly vibrator that directly connects the TV to King’s asspussy goes off. So when Kyle Orton goes 12 for 16, the man comes like a LION.
Hmm. Interesting how King always gets so giddy for games that take place in Denver. I think it’s time for us… to FLASHBACK.
/waves arms
CUCULOO CUCULOO CUCULOO!!!!
We interrupt Hype Week to bring you news from the other 30 teams in the NFL. Actually, just one team. The Packers
I’d just gone to bed without about two minutes left in the fourth quarter of the Green Bay-Denver Monday nighter, but I couldn’t resist. I put in an ear-bud with the Westwood One broadcast, listening to Dave Sims and Bob Trumpy describe how the Broncos went the length of the field and forced overtime on yet another Jason Elam clutch field goal as time ran out. Then Green Bay won the toss to start overtime, and the rest soon became history.
Brett Favre, 38 but playing like 24, faded back to pass for the 14th time since the half. For the 13th time he completed the pass, according to Sims, a high-arching spiral to Greg Jennings down the sideline, caught in perfect stride at the Denver 40 over Broncos corner Dre Bly. He jogged in for the winning touchdown.
“Brett Favre is magic!!!” screamed Trumpy
“I need oxygen!!!” screamed Sims
Stupid me, I should have stayed downstairs, with the TV on. Now there’s no way I could sleep for at least 15 or 20 minutes. My heart was beating a mile a minute, like I was there.
He felt it, people. He felt it right in his asscave. Back to today’s column.
This wasn’t August football against an NFC team with no rivalry history. This was a December game with the playoffs on the line. Against an archrival.
Until the third quarter, when the starters were pulled and the game became utterly meaningless.
Everything the Broncos have touched in the last five months has turned to crap.
And I know just the cleansing process to flush all that out! Just don’t fly when you do it, or else your assdam will burst!
From his car early this morning, McDaniels sounded a little edgy.
Dare I say, even hip?
Almost angry, but not quite.
Let’s call it semi-apoplecticish.
Defiant might be a better way to put it.
An NFL coach, believing everything he’s done has been correct? I’m stunned.
I can see what Pat Bowlen saw in him, and still sees in him.
Fresh face. Supple skin. Cute butt. Hoo boy, time to fetch the Lubriderm again.
“Well, I can tell you that certainly I don’t feel sorry for Kyle Orton,” said McDaniels, his voice rising an octave or two.
Oooh! Now he’s an alto!
“Kyle Orton is one tough son of a bitch.”
He can drink a fifth of Jack and still kick your ass in any unsanctioned drag race.
“Kyle Orton doesn’t feel sorry for himself, and no one feels sorry for him in our locker room. What he has here, both with the coaching staff and in the locker room, is a tremendous amount of respect.”
And he’s the perfect anchorman for our weekly games of Flipcup.
“You have to be pretty happy with what you saw from your offense, and what you saw from Cutler, tonight,” I said to Ron Turner.
Another brave question from Peter King. He asks the questions even sideline reporters would find embarrassing.
“Jay, you just drove your team 98 yards for a touchdown. What grit.”
“Matt Forte! You are underrated as a cutback runner, sir.”
“Champ Bailey! Jack says you have a great big cock.”
Tedy Bruschi retires.
“NOOOOOOO! NAWT TEDY! HE WAS SO HAHHHHD-NOSED! Why does fackin’ Gawd wawnt to take all ow-uh Teds away! Next thing you know, he’s gonna take away Teddy Sullivan’s package store-ah!!!!! Just when I was ovah Teddy Kennedy’s demise! He was like a fahhhhthah to us all! IF YOU AHHHN’T A PATS FAN, YOU CAN’T UNDAHSTAND WHAT THIS IS LIKE! HE PLAYED THE GAME THE WAY WE WOULD HAVE PLAYED IT IN QUINZEE! HE PUNCHED DAHHKIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PILE! FACK YOU!”
Speaking of Bruschi, reader Brian M. send us this old link from 2000 talking about Bruschi potentially leaving the Pats. It includes this delightful quote from King.
If I’m New England Patriots owner Bob Kraft, I have to say no to Bill Belichick now, hire Tom Donahoe to run the football side of business, and get on with my life… I like Belichick as a coach, too, even though I find his actions this month despicable and totally without honor. I just think enough’s enough. Move on. Donahoe and Dom Capers sound good to me.
Everyone hated Belichick back then. But I like using the wisdom of hindsight to make fun of Peter King anyway. He also bitched about AirTran in the article. SOMEONE GOT A MELTY NUTRAGEOUS ON THAT FLIGHT. Back to today…
All the vibes from the Patriots locker room seem positive about Brady’s shoulder, rammed into the ground Friday night on a legal hit by Albert Haynesworth of the Redskins, and he has 17 days from the time of the hit until the Pats’ first regular-season game, against the Bills. The news, though, is sealed with a Belichickian seal.
That seal depicts a 40-year old cougar being bent over an overhead projector cart.
“Three games, no punts, 31 points in this game,” said Aaron Rodgers, who’s looking more like Brett Favre than Favre.
Someone’s aiming for a nuzzlin’. Say, what do the Pats think of losing Ted Kennedy?
The NFL loses a very big fan.
And Old Granddad loses half of its market share.
When the Patriots released Ben Coates a decade ago, New England Bob Kraft got a letter from the senior senator of Massachusetts — and a former tight end at Harvard. “I’m available,” Ted Kennedy wrote. “Anything I can do to serve the team.”
“I uh, er uh, could run a flag route. And then I could cornah a cheerleadah and uh, er uh, fondle her-uh private pahhhhts.”
That’s something he did often, write letters.
“Dear-ah Tanqueray, I uh, er uh, love your gin.”
Kraft got quite a few over the years, and Belichick got several too.
“Coach B, let’s uh, er uh, go trolling for wifeys.”
As years went on and Kraft bought the Patriots, Kennedy stayed an ardent fan.
“I uh, er uh, love that Tim Bradley as our-uh quahtahback.”
“He was the third or fourth phone call after we won those Super Bowls. First the president, then [close friend] Elton John, then Teddy.”
Wait, what? Lemme read that again.
“He was the third or fourth phone call after we won those Super Bowls. First the president, then [close friend] Elton John, then Teddy.”
/throws hands up in the air
I don’t even know what to make of that. I’m speechless. Saturday night’s all right for illegal videotaping, I guess.
“There’s no ‘Jay’ in team.”
-Sign at Invesco Field Sunday night, prior to Jay Cutler’s return for a preseason game between Chicago and Denver.
Particularly when that team is about to go 3-13.
Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me
Roy Williams, the Dallas wide receiver, wears No. 11 for two reasons:
1. He thinks it makes him look slim.
2. It’s an easy number to write when giving an autograph.
Think about just how lazy you have to be to give that second point serious consideration. Don’t overexert yourself there, Roy. I’d hate to see you waste precious energy writing autographs that have complex numbers like 8’s and 5’s in them.
Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week
You Know You Live In Boston Sign of the Times Dept: Across from each other in Terminal A at Logan International Airport are a Dunkin Donuts and a Starbucks. Last Monday at 5:55 a.m., 17 people were in line at Dunkin Donuts and two at Starbucks.
“THAT’S JUST BAWSTON PRIDE! WE LOVE OW-UH DUNKIN’! You Stahhhbucks faggots can have all the hawt jahvah you wawnt! We go with Dunkin’ becawse it’s more-ah blue collah!!!! No othah city has a bawnd like this with a franchise!”
Ocho is aiming to set some Tweet record. He’s averaging 63 Tweets a day since becoming a Twitterer on May 15. I asked him if he thought he was, well, you know, over-Tweeting, and taking too much time away from the job that pays him a lot of money. “Really, if you think about it, it keeps me out of trouble,” Ocho said. “In this job, we have a lot of time on our hands, and after I study and do my film work, I’m Tweeting. The time when trouble might be happening with other guys, I’m Tweeting.”
“Instead of driving over people’s lawns with Odell Thurman after a Rockstar and vodka, I can just talk about taking a dump!”
Rashied Davis, the Chicago wideout, can be a gunner for my team any day.
He’s tougher than Jack Bowers!
Maybe (Kevin) O’Connell just can’t do it. And if that’s the case, Belichick is doing the smart thing to cut the cord now and go with either Andrew Walter or someone the team will pick up or deal for in the next couple of weeks.
If I were them, I’d wait till Week 14, then sign Phil Simms. It’s a flawless plan.
I think Ron Jaworski, advancing tonight’s Minnesota-Houston game on ESPN, came away very impressed from watching Brett Favre throw the ball over the weekend.
“I think Brett Favre has a chance to be an OUTSTANDING player in the National Football League. The toughness! The arm strength! When I look at Brett Favre, I SEE A CHAMPION’S MENTALITY.”
/dry heaves at the thought of tonight’s telecast
Lou Holtz, on Sirius NFL Radio the other day with me and Bob Papa, said he thought Florida and Notre Dame had the best shot of meeting for the national championship in college football.
“Ith tellth youth whatth th Oonithirthity ofth Nothre Dameth cuth beeth gooth!”
Now, Holtz is a heck of a guy, but I almost barfed when I heard that.
PK’s gettin’ edgy, gang!
Saw Julie & Julia (and am not afraid to admit it).
Ooh! Was it cute?
Cute movie.
It was!
Would anyone argue that Meryl Streep’s not the best actress on the planet?
SHE’S OUR BOGART!
All the different roles she’s mastered, the disparate roles, and never, ever does she look anything but absolutely natural in them.
She’s Jeter with tits.
Who’d have thought she’d play Julia Child better than Julia Child played herself?
Everyone. That’s what actors do.
Coffeenerdness: I continue to be amazed at the lack of attention paid to coffee at hotels and restaurants.
THIS IS IMPORTANT, PEOPLE!
Do the people who run these hotels — these Marriotts, these Days Inns, these Comfort Inns — even taste the coffee they put out? This is not snobbery, but reality: Most of American coffee is swill.
For True Coffee, you have to go to Pete’s. Technically, it’s on Italian soil, you know.
The last few days were pretty emotional around our new home in Boston, with the death of Sen. Ted Kennedy.
He was a good man! He answered my texts! He gave me his gloves! He worried about sun damage!
I stood in the North End with hundreds of locals watching the motorcade go by, and a crying Caroline waving to the crowds. Touching, touching stuff.
Lofty stuff.
I just moved here, and I was captivated by it.
And there you have it. Peter King: Dead Person Bandwagon Jumper.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, FJM style, fun with peter king, these Teddy Kennedy people are worse than the people at Reagan's funeral, Tommy from Quinzee
August 31st, 2009 at 10:39 am
I hate Lou Holtz…he sounds like he gotta mouth full of nickels when he talks….I bet they gotta squeegie the camera during commercial breaks
August 31st, 2009 at 10:44 am
Is it not enough that we had to endure countless eulogies for the Vehicular – Manslaughterer, Drunkard – Rapist of THE SENATE, now we have to hear from drop – a – load as well? This is not going to be a good Monday, I can tell.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:49 am
It’s been such a tough week for Tommee. I hear he’s taking off work today at the cargo terminal because he’s too distraught.
That and WAY hungover.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:50 am
Ease up with the flashbacks, champ. You think you’re writing for “Lost”?
August 31st, 2009 at 10:52 am
“Now I have to throw in the pick that could become Ron Dayne and may solve our dilemma at running back for the next five years? ”
The fuckers. We could’ve faced Ron fucking Dayne and Capers’ shennanigans instead of pussy ass Brady for the past 8 years.
Fuck New England. With an umbrella.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:53 am
“Do the people who run these hotels — these Marriotts, these Days Inns, these Comfort Inns even taste the coffee they put out?”
Like PK would stay at a Days or Comfort Inn, seriously fuck him.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:55 am
“HE PUNCHED DAHHKIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PILE! FACK YOU!
amazing
August 31st, 2009 at 10:55 am
Well know we know why the Patriots are the Patriots and the Bills are the Bills.
Patriots Hire Belichick, Bills Hire Donohoe.
Patriots win 3 Super Bowls, Bills can’t win dick.
Wishes this decade never happened.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:59 am
I’m not the man the think I am at home, oh no no no, Imma PATRIOTS FAN
burnin nubaduba nabahdwaw
August 31st, 2009 at 11:03 am
It’s gotten to the point where that picture of the shirtless moron produces Pavlovian-like laughter from me.
August 31st, 2009 at 11:08 am
I never truely understood the douchebaggery of PK until i found this site. He and bill simmions now occupy the boston douchebag throne together.
August 31st, 2009 at 11:11 am
I love how PK can gauge the intensity of the Broncos game on TV and immediately pronounce to be the MOST INTENSE since 84. The only thing intense from PK’s angle was sweaty man meats running into each other causing PK to hot flash and take a cold shower. what a douche.
August 31st, 2009 at 11:15 am
Fantastic work this week.
She’s Jeter with tits.
And now my keyboard is wrecked.
August 31st, 2009 at 11:26 am
I have not read anything other than the first sentence and I feel I have to point out that there is no fucking way Peter King can squeeze into size 46 shorts. Just no fucking way.
August 31st, 2009 at 11:28 am
Fuck me, Elton John? Never has there been a more perfect marriage of team and celebrity booster.
August 31st, 2009 at 11:31 am
A farewell tribute to the life of Tedy Bruschi:
“I’ll crap on your face, a big, brown deuce-ski/ it’ll make you have a massive stroke, just like Tedy Bruschi”
August 31st, 2009 at 11:35 am
I imagined all those Ted Kennedy faux quotes in Mayor Quimby’s voice. Oh, Simpsons, is there nothing you can’t make better with your satire?
Again, I can’t believe Peter King gets paid to write. Proof undeniable that sometimes what gets rewarded is mediocrity, not merit. He must have incriminating pictures of somebody.
And, I’m sick of hearing about goddam Ted Kennedy. He was old, he was a politician from a family full of them, he’s dead now, time to move on. And it’s not a party thing, I felt the same way about the humping of Reagan’s corpse. If it wasn’t for that white girl held captive in that guy’s backyard, the news coverage would have been all Kennedy, all the time. So there’s the silver lining in kidnaping, rape and imprisonment. It knocked back some of the Kennedy worship.
August 31st, 2009 at 11:50 am
That last little bit about Kennedy and just moving to Boston really does sum PK up in a nutshell. My god, he is a weasel.
also:
“Rashied Davis, the Chicago wideout, can be a gunner for my team any day.” the fuck is he talking about? what team?
August 31st, 2009 at 11:52 am
Hard to believe-a fat, over-served, over-indulged, untalented hack douchebag has-been mourns the passing of another fat, over-served, over-indulged, untalented hack douchebag has-been. Except King may never have been good enough to ever qualify as a has been. Emotional indeed. A look back to the life of Teddy the Swimmer, and not the Fantasyland we’ve had shoved down our throats for the last week-
http://men.style.com/gq/features/full?id=content_5585&pageNum=8
August 31st, 2009 at 11:57 am
Rashied Davis, the Chicago wideout, can be a gunner for my team any day.
Don’t tell that to Marvin Harrison, if you want to survive the night.
August 31st, 2009 at 11:58 am
So is Tawmmy going to be a regular guest of PK’s Monday column? Given all his Bawstahn talk…I fear for us all.
August 31st, 2009 at 12:06 pm
maybe diamond joe quimby can rightfully take his place as senator now.
August 31st, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Ugh, how is Lou Holtz still on TV?….oh wait, because ESPN likes to employ dipshits.
August 31st, 2009 at 12:16 pm
“You can’t seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes woman appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism.”
August 31st, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I wonder why you didn’t comment on this sentence regarding OchoCinco: “He gets out his message — as ill-versed as it sometimes is — the way he wants the message gotten out, and, as of Sunday, 137,679 people were following him.” I won’t bother with the weird use of “to get the message out” in the passive voice, but what the fuck is “ill-versed” supposed to mean? I guess it’s the antonym of this usage: “Peter King is well-versed in…” I’m not sure how to finish that sentence.
August 31st, 2009 at 12:20 pm
“/dry heaves at the thought of tonight’s telecast”
Why, Drew? Mario Williams might give you the greatest gift of all tonight… a broken, bloody (and most importantly) injured Brett Fav-ruh.
August 31st, 2009 at 12:30 pm
“I don’t even know what to make of that.”
i do. that Kraft and Belichick are big ol’ queens. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
August 31st, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Notre Dame? Champions? haha. Are they now playing Coast Guard and community colleges?
August 31st, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Next thing you know, he’s gonna take away Teddy Sullivan’s package store-ah!!!!!
NO MO-AH TWISTED TEAS FO-AH YOU!!!
August 31st, 2009 at 12:50 pm
BRRROOOOSSSKKKIIIII
http://audio.wgr550.com/m/audio/17953440/classic-bits-tedy-bruschi.htm?q=bruschiRT
August 31st, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Did he ask Ron Turner to get Ed Reed’s gloves for him?
August 31st, 2009 at 1:12 pm
To all the Teddy Quimby bashers who predictably and unnecessarily inserted themselves into a non-political PK post: we get it. You didn’t like Ted Kennedy. He was evil incarnate. Whatever.
When Reagan kicked the bucket we had to hear for weeks about how he was better that Superman and Pope combined. We still have to hear it. Never mind that his actions killed and fucked over about 100000 times as many people as all the Kennedys combined. Get over it.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:17 pm
here here!
August 31st, 2009 at 1:27 pm
TGIPKM
August 31st, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Let’s see if I get the prior poster’s logic about Reagan correct here: he helped end the Cold War, which had cost millions of lives from the USSR’s own citizens, while Uncle Ted was negotiating at the same time with the Politboro in order to undermine Reagan’s policies. Awesome logic, that.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:36 pm
BTW, my problem is not with King deifying Kennedy, but that I don’t care what any sportswriter thinks about anything other than sports, period. There’s a reason why they became sportswriters in the first place,right? If King felt the same way about Reagan, who gives a f-ck? Stick to what the subject matter’s allegedly supposed to be about, and leave the other crap by the roadside.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Never mind that his actions killed and fucked over about 100000 times as many people as all the Kennedys combined. Get over it.
*****************************************************************************************
Really?
Apologies in advance. (POFLAWAR incoming)
You remember that little thing called ” the Vietnam War”. Care to take a crack at how many US casualties? Around 50K. (Remarkable that we’ve lost so few in Iraq and Afghanistan comparatively).
Let’s presume an equal number of Viet-Cong, NVA and others.
So that’s 100K combatants, not to mention civilians. (I’d go 10x, but I’ll limit my scope for time’s sake).
Care to tell me where and how Reagan’s actions contributed to the deaths of 100k x 100,000 ?
August 31st, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Uh oh…I feel a flame war coming on…
August 31st, 2009 at 1:41 pm
a PoFlaWa? On the Internet? Fuck. That. Noise.
I’m with GrungeDave and start the bounty for a land baron’s ACL at ONE crisp and clean double sawbuck.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Well, it’s official. Tedy Bruschi retires.
That’s it! Pats are going 2-14 this year!
I wanted to say 0-16, but my team’s coach is Dick Jauron. Argh.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Tim Horton’s is better than either Dunkin’ or Starbucks! No one denies this!
August 31st, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Tawmee’s on fire this week…
August 31st, 2009 at 1:49 pm
@asking for trouble
you picked a damn good name to post under..lol. fuck you.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:49 pm
You missed the part about him telling you why Dick Lebeau should get into the HOF as a great coach immediately following the section where he describes his ineligibility based on his coaching merit.
I just used more 3 dollar words than peter king . . .
/punches self in face.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Every US war in the past 100 years has been initiated by Democratic presidents and their administrations – you could ask the Kennedy – Lovers to look it up, but they’re too busy slobbering over their awesome legacies and furiously trying to whitewash their past deeds and behavior. Doesn’t fit the narrative, you know.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Amen Dmac.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:04 pm
while Uncle Ted was negotiating at the same time with the Politboro in order to undermine Reagan’s policies. Awesome logic, that.
Awesome alternate universe, that.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:09 pm
I’m surprised Kennedy found time to play football at Harvard, I figured he was too busy finding other students to take exams for him.
/throws fuel on FlaWa
August 31st, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Every US war in the past 100 years has been initiated by Democratic presidents and their administrations – you could ask the Kennedy – Lovers to look it up, but they’re too busy slobbering over their awesome legacies and furiously trying to whitewash their past deeds and behavior. Doesn’t fit the narrative, you know.
So the Persian Gulf War never happened? Or was that President Dukakis’s doing?
And the current wars we’re in — Iraq and Afghanistan — were they launched by President Gore?
And FDR “initiated” World War II exactly how? Was he the one invading Poland, or was that him flying the Zeroes over Pearl Harbor?
Did Woodrow Wilson kill the Archduke in Sarajevo? Was that Harry Truman leading North Korean troops across the 38th parallel in June 1950?
I know, none of this “fits the narrative” you’ve created. But that’s because here on the Planet Earth, we don’t get our history lessons from Glenn Beck.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:10 pm
@Otto: It’s so awesome that Rush, Glenn, and the rest of the Dittos are bringing their Dominican sex slaves in for the weekend. It’s going to be epic.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:10 pm
@Dmac
Your brilliant insight is lost here. Try AM radio.
/zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
August 31st, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Now Otto, give Dmac some credit, by the old definition, Jeff Davis, John C. Calhoun, and the rest of the Secessionists were Democrats when they started the Civil War. 48 years before Dmac’s ridiculous claim, but still, a very bloody war.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Trolling a football site over Ted Kennedy has got to be as lame as it gets for neocons…
Quick, go see if there’s a burning controversy over at Oprah.com or Redbook.com. Maybe People.com has an online poll going on Ted Kennedy: Hero or Not?
August 31st, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Nah, Dmac said the last hundred years, so I stopped at World War I. (You dodged a bullet, William McKinley! Uh, so to speak. Sorry.)
Dmac probably was stealing from Bob Dole’s complaint about “Democrat wars” but forgot to update it for all the fighting since 1976.
Sounds about right. Totally unoriginal and completely stupid.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Wait…why the hell are we talking politics on a football blog?
/dick in cake joke
August 31st, 2009 at 2:29 pm
It seriously took me over an hour to read this. PK is fucking stupid that I couldn’t take it – not after this past week of selling my belongings on craigslist and most emails were the most retarded things I’ve ever read.
“how much is the couch?’
me: 250, as was stated in my post
“how about I give you 50?”
/urge to kill rising
“can you send me a photo of the booksehlf?”
me: i provided a link to a photo gallery in my post, click on it, you’ll see photos
“can you send me the photo? I can’t view it online”
/more urge, must kill
PK fits the bill for some of these emails.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:29 pm
The Monday PK column has made me look forward to the drudgery of the work week. Is this a sign that my life is a pathetic farce or that it’s never been better? I don’t even read this assclown. the line “Dear Tanqueray, I er ah love you-ah gin” made me laugh like I was on shrooms. Please don’t ever take away this sheer awesomeness.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I wonder which Kennedy shat his pants faster – Teddy when he died or Kinoy when AP juked him 2 years ago?
August 31st, 2009 at 2:54 pm
What is a Politboro? Is it an amazing place with purple skies and Obama birth certificates that finally prove he was born in Kenya? I’m pretty sure you can’t mean politburo, since that would make you insane. I’m all for not deifying Kennedy but please.
August 31st, 2009 at 3:00 pm
I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:
a. Lou Holtz, on Sirius NFL Radio the other day with Bob Papa and I, said he thought Florida and Notre Dame had the best shot of meeting for the national championship in college football. Now, Holtz is a heck of a guy, but I almost barfed when I heard that. His theory: Notre Dame has a cake schedule, and even if the Irish aren’t the second-best team in the country (clearly the case), they still could finish 12-0 and earn the right to play for the title.
My point: Hasn’t Notre Dame gone 10-15 over the last two years? And isn’t USC still on the schedule? The team that outscored Notre Dame 76-3 over the last two years? I don’t care if Southern Cal graduated every player on its first, second and third teams. To think Notre Dame is going to beat USC is a pipe dream. And to think Notre Dame is going 12-0 … well, it’s just not going to happen.
How is this a non-football thought? It’s not an NFL thought but Petey, it’s still football.
August 31st, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Could Peter King be a bigger Boston ass sucker? I think he ranks right up there with Peter “Brown Tongue” Gammons and Bawstan Bawb Ryan. The Pats waste a 3rd round pick on a QB and cut him a year later and King is praising that decision. Then he sucks the dead ass of Chappaquiddick while blowing Bawb Kraf. All in a day’s work for this douche bag. If McDaniels weren’t the wonder boy protege of Belicheat, King would have blasted him. It is only fitting that the fat ass is living in Boston. No other place is deserving of him polluting their air.
August 31st, 2009 at 3:31 pm
PK is obviously engaged in covert polemics with the Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/name_one_masterpiece_of_cinema
August 31st, 2009 at 3:35 pm
@Rufus: I think Utah and Boise State would disagree with Lou’s logic.
August 31st, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Nazi Punks! Nazi Punks! Nazi Punks! Fuck Off!
/Dead Kennedy-ed
August 31st, 2009 at 3:52 pm
i forgot about this being pk monday. after the shitty (ongoing) week (and soon to be season) the Chiefs are having…this took the pain away. thank gawd for er ah tawmmy and er uh ah gin.
Vote “Diamond” Joe Quimby
August 31st, 2009 at 4:16 pm
@Otto Man
I will say that the Vietnam War was initiated by the Kennedy and LBJ Administration. Assertions that the other wars were started by all Democratic Presidents is quite moronic.
http://www.amazon.com/Best-Brightest-David-Halberstam/dp/0449908704/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251749626&sr=8-1
August 31st, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Gentlemen, please. Anyone who considers themselves loyal or identifies with any political party–be it Republican, Democratic or other– can go fuck Peter King.
Good column as always. I swear, PK has got to have a lot on a lot of people to keep being able to write shit like this. He just mails it in every freaking time.
August 31st, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Wow, Dmac really shut the fuck up after his entire theory was shat on like one of Umenyiora’s strippers (see how I worked in the football angle?)
I’m not going to deify Teddy K either because he was human and fucked up as much as he did good for society, but to really think you (Dmac) could slip that idiotic rant past a bunch of astute bloggers who can’t wait to use facts – go look up that word in a dictionary – FACTS to back up their claims just makes you look like the fucking yokel neocon that you really are. Do us a favor and go suck on Glenn Beck’s dick, Rush Limbaugh said that’s the only way to vaccinate yourself against Autism…so it must be true.
August 31st, 2009 at 5:18 pm
“Facts are stupid things.” – Ronald Reagan (1988 RNC)
August 31st, 2009 at 5:58 pm
When I read the line about Dunkin Donuts, my immediate reaction was I hoped that brought on a “FACK STAAAHHHHBUCKS!!” from Tawmmy.
Close enough :)
August 31st, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I think I’m lost…looking for funny dick jokes and I seem to have landed on Fox News War Room
August 31st, 2009 at 6:26 pm
In (a very half-hearted) defense of Dmac, his statement that all wars in the last 100 years were initiated under Democrat presidents might be considered technically accurate if you consider that the only two declared wars the US has fought in the last century were the World Wars, fought under Wilson, FDR, and Truman. Now, that doesn’t mean much at all, other than illustrating how Congress has spent the last 60+ years abdicating its role in authorizing the use of military force abroad, but it is factually accurate. Although he stated that pretty sloppily, and tried to include Vietnam in the discussion, so there’s evidence to suggest he’s not even aware of what I’m talking about here.
As for Ted Kennedy consulting with the Soviet politburo on how best to undermine Reagan’s reelection campaign, there’s actually a pretty interesting story behind this combined with actual evidence from secret politburo records released by Boris Yeltsin. See for yourselves: http://www.forbes.com/2009/08/27/ted-kennedy-soviet-union-ronald-reagan-opinions-columnists-peter-robinson.html. It’s unclear what, if anything, came of these contacts, but there’s pretty strong evidence that ol’ Teddy Ballgame was on the wrong side of his debate with Reagan over how to deal with the Russians. The fact that we no longer have to worry about Russian nukes targeted at us is a pretty strong point in Reagan’s favor.
In other news, that comment about Reagan being responsible for bajillions of deaths is as shit-balls retarded as anything Dmac said. If Teddy Ballgame’s the greatest Senator of the last half-century, then Reagan’s certainly the best President. Let’s leave it at that, bury the dead Irishmen, and go home.
In other other news, Jay Cutler still sucks.
August 31st, 2009 at 6:46 pm
The fact that we no longer have to worry about Russian nukes targeted at us is a pretty strong point in Reagan’s favor.
No, it’s a pretty strong point in communism’s fundamental flaws. The Soviet Union was in an economic crisis as of the 1960s, wrapped up in deteriorating trade pacts with the Warsaw Bloc and unable to compete with the raw animal magnetism of Western-style capitalism. By the time Reagan and Gorbachev got on the world stage, all that was left to do was to work out an endgame.
Reagan deserves credit there, to be sure — he negotiated with Gorbachev five times between 1986 and 1988 and helped bring about the peaceful implosion of the USSR. It’s a shame so few conservatives remember his flexibility on the issue. If Reagan were president today, they’d all be shouting “appeasement” and “Munich!” at him until he cried.
If Teddy Ballgame’s the greatest Senator of the last half-century, then Reagan’s certainly the best President. Let’s leave it at that, bury the dead Irishmen, and go home.
Uh, no.
Tell me, what did Reagan do to make him the greatest? Was it quadrupling the national debt and setting us on the path to our current economic crisis with the supply side bullshit? Running away from Beirut after we lost 220 Marines there? Trading arms for hostages with the Iranians? Secretly funding an illegal war in Nicaragua in what his own Chief of Staff said would be “an impeachable offense”?
Reagan’s the best president of the last half century just like Ryan Leaf is the greatest all-time quarterback of the NFL.
August 31st, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Gentlemen, please. Anyone who considers themselves loyal or identifies with any political party–be it Republican, Democratic or other– can go fuck Peter King.
+1000000
August 31st, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Simply whether King gave Ted Kennedy a happy ending or put a flaming bag of nulcear poop on his porch every Thursday, NOBODY reads ANY SPORTS COLUMNIST to know what they think about politics. With this nonsense King approaches Lupica levels of wanton douchebaggery. Bad enough King nor Lupica cannot do their jobs in the first places, they need to STFU about politics.
August 31st, 2009 at 8:35 pm
It’s also worth noting that United States involvement in VietNam began during the Eisenhower administration.
@Otto: He was great because his administration oversaw the dismantling of HUD, the racial profiling policies of “Operation: Pipeline,” and allowed crack to flow into the inner city to help fund the Contras.
August 31st, 2009 at 8:46 pm
/throws hands up in the air
I’m getting that tattooed somewhere on my body. Don’t care where.
And: No more political comments from KSKommenters. KSK bloggers, fine, because they can make it Fun-ay. All y’all Kommenters, if it’s not about football, Peter King douchetasticness, or debating whether or not to have sex with your hawt roomate, then shut the fuck up.
August 31st, 2009 at 9:13 pm
In other news, that comment about Reagan being responsible for bajillions of deaths is as shit-balls retarded as anything Dmac said
If I may… I believe the comment was “killed or fucked over”. I know this because I wrote it. And its true. Most of Reagan’s deaths were dirty foreigners who don’t really count of course, but he did, in fact, fuck over millions of Americans in various ways.
The point of my comment was this: Ted Kennedy was a fat drunk who got drunk one night and as a result drove off a bridge and tragically killed a young women. A crime to be sure, but also a tragic accident which I’m sure he regretted. Reagan willingly shredded the Constitution in order to back a bunch of murdering thugs.
But hell, the man loved Jelly Beans, so I guess that cancels things out!
August 31st, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Can i just point out a line from PK’s 2000 article:
“Elian Gonzales belongs with his father, in Cuba. What right do we have to take a child from his father and two grandmothers, all of whom appear perfectly capable of taking care of him? What nerve. Send the kid home. “
Talking about Elian is lofty stuff.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Bruschi’s exit music? “Goodbye Yellowbrick Road”
September 1st, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Puker-Warning …. read this at your own risk … I just read these archives and puked 47 times.
These are some of the best of King sucking Favre’s cock moments
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/inside_game/peter_king/news/2001/03/02/king_favre/
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/inside_game/peter_king/news/2000/12/11/mmqb/
But it’s mighty amusing how some of King’s prophecies have fallen flat over the years. Yes – I may not be fair to King, given this is hindsight – but hey life isn’t fair is it??
September 1st, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Wow.
Anyone and everyone who believes ANY politician is anything other than a lying, blood-sucking, cheating, devious cunt is either naive or a fool or just plain stupid.
Way to show us all how gullible you are for swallowing politico jizz, gang.
“Football”, anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?
September 11th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Reagan was awful. Communism collapsed on its own. End of story. Reagan also armed terrorists in Nicaragua and Iran. Yet we name an airport after him. It’s a fucked up country, but at least we still have a national treasure like Peter King.