OW-UH FACKIN’ HAHHHHTS AHHH BROKEN!
NOOOO!!! NAWT YOU, SENATAH KENNEDY! WHY AHHHH WE THE ONLY ONES SADDLED WITH SUCH SUDDEN LAWSSES?!!!
THIS IS A STOMACH PUNCH DEATH!
You people from othah faggot states don’t get it. He may have been a drunk who let a garl die, but he was OW-UH drunk who let a garl fackin’ DIE! You can’t appreciate the history this man had with his votah base! We lifted him up! If it had nawt been far the LEGENDARY BAWSTON VOTAHS, that highway bill nevah would have passed! FACKIN’ CHAHHHHLES SCHUMAH WOULD HAVE FACKED IT UP!
/drinks six pack of Cider Jack
AH, CIDAHHHHH!
/drowns girl
FACK YOU!
August 26th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Know what this means? IRISH FUNERAL!!!! Wooo Hoo!
August 26th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Show-der? Show-der? It’s Chowdah you idiot, get it right!
August 26th, 2009 at 10:19 am
+1 KSK. ciiiidah!
August 26th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Kerry’s got some rock and roll shoes to fill. He better start slamming scotch rightfuckingnow.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Too soon?
August 26th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Er uh, let’s geeeet pissed.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:26 am
One down, one to go.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:27 am
+1 for the “i’m not paying you to talk” tag
Freddy Quimby was with me the entire…night in question. We were collecting canned goods for the starving people in…er, you know, one of them loser countries.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Kennedy did pretty good for a guy that got kicked out of Harvard twice and killed a girl.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:33 am
This video seems appropriate for this post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TWLxCIgwE
August 26th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Too soon.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:45 am
I totally forgot the Tawmmy connection when I heard the news. Oh, thank you KSK.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:48 am
perfect
August 26th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I’m sure the IRA is mourning the loss of a fine benefactor. errr No offense to the IRA, of course
/please don’t slash my achilles tendons
August 26th, 2009 at 10:51 am
The real irony is that he probably did more in his 47 years as a Senator than his brothers did in their combined, loftier vocations of President and Atty General.
An even greater irony is the fact that Tawmmy from Quinzee is the man, by sheer statistics of the applicant pool, who will most likely succeed him, metaphorically speaking, of course.
/Politic’d
August 26th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Not everyone is sad about this. After all, The Dead Kennedys just gained a new member.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:53 am
A touching tribute from his strongest constituency [/Anchorman]
August 26th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Well at least the Kopechne family will have a grave to spit on now.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Cease this irksomeness!
August 26th, 2009 at 10:56 am
The Kennedy family must be drowning their sorrows right now.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Chappaquiddick Dead?
August 26th, 2009 at 11:04 am
It’s CHOWDAHHH!!!!!!
August 26th, 2009 at 11:07 am
“Well at least the Kopechne family will have a grave to spit on now.”
+1969
August 26th, 2009 at 11:11 am
1001 Ways to Die and Kill by the Kennedy Clan.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Which is funny, because Tawmmy’s family has never been interested in politics except for that time his father stabbed a guy with the American flag during an anti-busing riot.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Mary Jo Kopechne’s comments have been drowned out by Tommy’s sorrowful wailing
/pun’d
August 26th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Tommy & Co now have Welker 2.0 who has already become a HUGE fan favorite: Julian Edelman. Shockingly, he’s a white wide receiver. As evidence, he’s a thread on a Pats message board with 113 replies debating whether or not Edelman is Jewish as well as white:
http://www.patsfans.com/new-england-patriots/messageboard/10/259429-julian-edelman-jewish.html
August 26th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Vote Quimby!
http://www.hulu.com/watch/28811/the-simpsons-say-chowder
August 26th, 2009 at 11:38 am
+1 to Tracer Bullet
otherwise, too soon
August 26th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Ted’s dead, baby! I’m throwing a kegger!
August 26th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
“FACKIN’ CHAHHHHLES SCHUMAH WOULD HAVE FACKED IT UP!”
I lol’d
August 26th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.
And if they ain’t servin no Twisted fackin Tea’s at the funeral, then I ain’t goin! Ya fackin pole smokahs!
August 26th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Ted was Wicked Pissah . . .
-1 democrats in the senate (for today at least)
August 26th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I speak confidently for the other 4 New England states when I say…fuck Massachussets with a rusty spike. Fuck it right in its overtaxed, socialist state in a democratic country, poorly reflecting on the rest of an entire region’s ass.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I wonder if this douche knows he gets made of daily on this site? Think he’s changed his ways? Nooooooo.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
*made fun of
August 26th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Also, +1 for “garl”
August 26th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Diageo’s stocks are trading at 50% of their value in response to this tragedy. On the bright side, Scotch supplies are expected to exceed demand for the first time in a generation.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Grimace,
Seems to me Howard Dean, Bernie Sanders and Barney Frank all call NE home. Fix yo’ socialism.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
In lieu of Amazing Grace, the bagpipers at the service will perform their rendition of ‘In the Air Tonight’
August 26th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Not too soon. Rest In Peace. Good riddance.
August 26th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
AH, CIDAHHHHH!
/drowns girl
I just Twisted Teakaked my keyboard reading that. Well played, sir.
August 26th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
(What scares me is that now I can easily decipher the ramblings of Tommy, Hines Ward, Rapeslisberger, etc. without having to sound them out phonetically in my head.
It must be like when nerds can finally understand Elvish or Klingon.)
August 26th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Get ready for a solid week of all-Teddy-all-the-time. As a conservatard, I despised his worldview and policies, but he was also one of the most willing Senators to reach across the aisle to accomplish goals that he believed in… which is more than you can say for most of the rest of the corrupt, money-grubbing, douchebags (from both sides of the aisle) who “represent” us. That’s the nicest thing I can muster to say about him, but he ain’t no damned hero (except maybe to O.J. and others that aspire to get away with murder), regardless of what we’ll hear all week.
/dick joke
August 26th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Hey, Grimace, what New England state did you just downgrade to “Northeast” or “Canada”
August 26th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Nice job haters. Hope people have equally nice things to say about you when you’re tits up.
A bunch of big talk from people who hide behind made-up names… might I ask what you guys (and gals?) have done in your lives?
The anonymity of the internet is simultaneously great and really irksome.
August 26th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
@ Your Wife’s Lipstick
Hilarious. Your sarcastic righteously indignant ranting seems so real.
August 26th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
His FAHHKIN MELON WAS BIGGAH DENN TOM BRADIE’S CAHHH-JONES!
August 26th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
“might I ask what you guys (and gals?) have done in your lives?”
Not kill a woman like Ted K. did.
August 26th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
@Your Wife’s Lipstick: Says the guy “hiding” behind a made-up name
August 26th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Of the group of senators who were likely responsible for a drowning in Massachusetts, I’d say he was one of the most notable.
August 26th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I heard they’re going to observe a moment of incomprehensible babbling before the next Special Olympics.
August 26th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
“Not kill a woman like Ted K. did.”
Yes, but have you ever destroyed an entire country like Dick Cheney?
August 26th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
The “stomach punch” Simmons reference is noted and appreciated.
If Tommy weren’t so grief-stricken, he would have mentioned that the only man qualified to replace Kennedy in the Senate is Bill Belichek. His fucking — oops, excuse me, fackin’ — genius will get health care passed, the budget balanced, and the Patriots officially declared as America’s Team.
August 26th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Hey Teddy! Huh? what? huh? Fuck you!
August 26th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
But seriously, RIP
August 26th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
FACKIN’ CHAHHHHLES SCHUMAH WOULD HAVE FACKED IT UP!
Truer, loftier words were never spoken.
It’s good to have Tommy back. Life seems empty without him.
August 26th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Little known fact: Tawmee fronts a karn covah band called ‘WICKED LOBSTAH’. True.
August 26th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
First Highway Bill reference I saw all day. I hate this bit, but I have to give you guys credit for knowing your shit.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
“Get ready for a solid week of all-Teddy-all-the-time. As a conservatard, I despised his worldview and policies, but he was also one of the most willing Senators to reach across the aisle to accomplish goals that he believed in… which is more than you can say for most of the rest of the corrupt, money-grubbing, douchebags (from both sides of the aisle) who “represent” us. That’s the nicest thing I can muster to say about him, but he ain’t no damned hero (except maybe to O.J. and others that aspire to get away with murder), regardless of what we’ll hear all week.”
Almost thought you were talking about a douchebag named McLame. Fack ‘em all. The only reachin’ they need to do
is around, and not around here.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Best Tawmmy post FACKIN EVAH
August 27th, 2009 at 1:13 am
Yeah, +1 to Tracer Bullet.
August 27th, 2009 at 9:58 am
By far the best character on this blog.
Nothing to do with football, but a masshole accent works really well if you try to taunt Ryan Howard.
August 27th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Are we ever going to get a feature with Tawmmy, Marmalard, OchoCinco, Rongrastname, Mr. Smirre, and JJ forming some kind Justice League from hell?
August 28th, 2009 at 5:38 am
pretty sure tommy is not a fan of that immigration bill from 1965, what with all the useless spics it’s brought in
August 28th, 2009 at 11:22 am
I totally understand the Tommy posts making fun of New England fans for the way a lot of us talk about our sports teams… there’s a lot of morons around here and there’s no getting around that. But dumping shit on us for being sad that our Senator for the past 47 years, who spent his career fighting for basic human rights for all Americans, passed away… I just don’t see the humor in it.
Sure he was kind of an asshole, but if you’re going to pick on senators for drinking, womanizing, and killing mistresses… the list doesn’t exactly stop with Ted. Stick to the sports stories, guys.