“Peter has a natural curiosity and boyish enthusiasm about many things in his life, especially this game that we all love,” Ebersol said. “He may be in his early fifties, but he has all of the enthusiasm of that young boy from Connecticut who, from an early age, simply adored sports.”

“From day one, I’ve eyewitnessed his passion for his job, the excellence of his world and his love of sport. All of it is only surpassed by the fact that he is one of the best persons in the world and a great family man.” – Chris Mortensen

Especially all the bullshit hyperboles about his selflessness and how great of a guy he is, which are too numerous to quote but can be found in the article that miamidiesel linked to.

THIS IS EXTORTION. THIS SMELLS OF SUN DISRESPECT.

“I can’t go on. Brett’s gone and nothing I do can bring him back. After coming to this realization, and attempting to drown my sorrows in KitKats and Starbucks Dark Roast Sumatra Blend, unsuccessfully; I had a bowel movement that brought me to this conclusion: Everything said about me on KSK is true. I am an anal wart on the prolapsed sphincter of Football, and I don’t deserve to live. 2)b. and my bullet points, aren’t. Goodbye, forever.”

And that is why KSK is giving Pete the break that he deserves. While breaking into his house to recover the “True” ball stolen from a child, so it can be placed in the SI Fall of Fame.

Did anyone read this shit? Is that for real? Could anyone who has ever read even a sentence of Peter King seriously write something like that or is everyone fucking with me? I imagine it to be something like the Simpsons episode where Homer helps design a car for his long lost brother Herb, and the lab guys call up Herb to tell him what a disaster Homer is, then Herb makes them say the exact opposite of everything they said about Homer to Bart and Lisa. That’s the only fucking way anyone can write a column like that about that fat fuck Peter King

I think.

Awesome “great award. lofty award” comment in the response section, BTW.

So?

Perhaps you should allow those of us who read him at 7 am to participate in our own deconstruction of the article at an earlier time (with a 10 am cutoff, say), followed by your professional demolition at noonish.

I need something interesting to read during lunch. Deadspin, RIP, just doesn’t do it anymore.

I also just had the terrible thought that there was a life-altering event that prevented your posting. A birth, a death, a positive test for an STD. God, I pray that no evil has befallen our PK defecator. If you’ve had such an event, our hopes and our prayers are with you.

IF not, fuck youse. Youse guys are gettin paid for this shit. I WANT MY PK POST. NOW!