KSK Kontent Klearinghouse
Constants of life: birth, death, crime, gratuitous Brady Quinn jokes
“Did you guys see that poll on Bleacher Report? No? Okay, me neither. Never mind.”
An arrest has been made in the shooting of Chargers running back Curtis Brinkley. The undrafted rookie was ambushed at an intersection last month in Philadelphia. It seems the jealous shooter has a child with Brinkley’s sister and mistook him for her new boyfriend. Brinkley is expected to make a full recovery, but his NFL future is in jeopardy. Of all the crappy reasons to get shot—because someone thinks you are banging your sister. I’m sure that sort of thing happens all the time in Morgantown, West Virginia, but Brinkley went to school at Syracuse.
Congrats to Tim and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on the birth of their son Isaiah Timothy yesterday. Mother and son are both doing fine. We’re sure the little guy will be under-throwing wide open receivers and screeching against socialized medicine in no time at all.
Drew Brees left training camp after his mother, Mina Brees, passed away Friday while visiting relatives in Denver. Brees and his mother, a successful lawyer in Austin, Texas, had a rocky relationship– which he attributed in part to his decision not to hire her as his agent. Last year, he requested that she quit using his name and image as part of her unsuccessful judicial campaign. Most recently, the elder Brees was under investigation by the Texas Attorney General’s Office for letters sent to numerous restaurant owners, demanding they pay $20,000 or lose their business’ names. I know one restaurant that should definitely have to change its name—the so-called Cheesecake “Factory”. I went there recently and was appalled by the lack of hardhats and eyewash stations. Someone should call OSHA.
Current Bronco and former Jet/Raider/Patriot LaMont Jordan is being sued by the Mirage Casino in Las Vegas for $200,000 in unpaid gambling debts. What did they expect, extending credit to a Terp? Moose, Rocco help LaMont find his checkbook.
Finally, this Bleacher Report post asserts that an active NFL player will come out of the closet this season or next because Twitter and the NFL’s marketing department will make them. Yeah, it doesn’t make much sense to us either.
UPDATE: Peyton, Eli and Fredo Cooper Manning will make a guest appearance on The Simpsons this December. Ape speculates that Cooper will portray a returning Hugo Simpson. Eli has been granted special permission to stay up late to watch the episode, but then it’s straight to bed, young man.
Tags: breaking the arbitrary brady quinn gay joke moratorium, ksk group posts, ksk kontent klearinghouse, lamont you big dummy
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August 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Flubby, eat a fat cock you round glob of stupid.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Mom???
August 10th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
“that sort of thing happens all the time in Morgantown, West Virginia, but Brinkley went to school at Syracuse.”
Central NY and W.V. can’t be that different.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Yup, that’s Brady. DA was going to win the QB competition anyway, but this totally fucks Brady’s chances – I’m pretty sure there’s no love lost between Manginia and the gays. Although his strict “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy on injuries in training camp might suggest otherwise.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Touché, well played sir…
August 10th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
That Bleacher Report post might be the dumbest thing I’ve read today. And I read PK this morning.
The guy has poll up asking “When will an active gay NFL player come out?” The choices:
- this year
- next year
- after next year
- never, I’m homophobic.
That’s right, he thinks you can keep on being afraid of The Gays and they’ll just stop existing. The thinking of a lot of people in this country just got a lot clearer. Wait, no it didn’t.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
85- The poll is simply mind-blowing. I’d expect nothing less from Bleacher Report.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
No way a gay person comes out this year or in any following year. The athlete culture, especially football, will have none of that. Unless its in that OTHER football league. Mike Vick has a better chance starting for an NFL team this year than us seeing a gay player coming out in the NFL ever. There is just way too much Christianity and testosterone for anyone to reveal themselves.
August 10th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
References to Caddyshack, Sanford and Son, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s retardery.
Well played, Flubby. You know, for a degenerate Raiders fan.
August 10th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
References to Caddyshack, Sanford and Son, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s retardery.
I’m comin’, Elisabeth!
August 10th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
The way “Fredo” is struck, it kinda makes it look like “Frodo.” Which, not for nothing, would be a great name for the next Manning kid….
August 10th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Alan Lupiani is delusional, like eleven-year-old-girl delusional.
August 10th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
“You smell like scotch and cheesecake.”
August 10th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Three things you can always find at the cheesecake factory.
1. Overly nervous high school kids on their first date or going to prom/homecoming
2. Significantly overweight African American women
3. At least 40 people wearing blue tooth ear pieces
August 10th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
The NFL will mastermind a leak that outs a gay NBA or MLB player LONG before they allow one of their own to come out.
Especially since they want to make sure Howie Long is off-camera when his head a’splodes
August 10th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Three things you can never find at a Cheesecake Factory:
1. Parking
2. Portion control
3. Dignity
August 10th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Otto – I’m dying here. That was great.
+2
August 10th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
“that sort of thing happens all the time in Morgantown, West Virginia, but Brinkley went to school at Syracuse.”
All people in Morgantown are good for is burning couches (this coming from someone from WV)….Sadly a lot of those kids that go there are from NJ
August 10th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Unsilent is officially on PK’s radar
@Unsilent : I plead guilty. I was in the archives today and saw the Unitas contract … and Pat Tillman’s garment bag. Amazing stuff.
August 10th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Wow. That Bleacher Report piece was one of the most poorly reasoned pieces of shit that I’ve read in a long time.
His basic reasoning was “because I think so,” and “why not?”
50% of surveyed NFL players may say that they will accept openly gay players in the locker room … but:
– what about the other 50%; and
– what people say in a survey and what they do/how they act in reality are two different things.
I’d be shocked if an openly gay player was truely accepted by his teammates.
Unless it was a kicker or punter. Because, you know, they’re weird, and not really football players anyway.
August 10th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
It also cites that 10% of the NFL is gay, im not trying to be homophobic or anything here, but is that not insanely high? even if every kicker and punter plus brady quinn is gay, thats not even 5%
August 10th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
I’m pretty sure Troy Polamalu and Hines Ward are gay.
August 10th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Elisabeth Hasselbeck didn’t eat her young? I would have thought she was the type.
August 10th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
I thought there was a website a while back about Tony Romo being gay. The guy who wrote ate a lot of cheeseburgers if I remember correctly.
August 10th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Where’s the Mother Fuckin’ MMQB column? I ended up doing real work today because you were too lazy to post the column.
August 10th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Worst. Mailbag. Ever. Not enough anal.
August 10th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
It’s like 2:00 here on the West Coast, get your damn PK breakdown up, lazy jackass’.
August 10th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
speaking of MMQB, there’s a new article on Slate about life in North Korea. the author says, “I brought 150 Kit-Kat bars into the country, and I always took several out of my bag when I was alone with a North Korean. They would hesitate for a few seconds, look around to make sure that no one else was watching, and then stuff the Kit-Kats into their pockets.”
somehow I think meltiness was not a significant concern.
August 10th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
@muff stubble – I believe Drew is on vacation this week.
August 10th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
So no one else can do the MMQB column since Drew is on vacay? Did everyone else on this site forget how to write? Half the fucking column is written for you. Next time, let me know, and I’ll write it.
August 10th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Many of us with hollow lives live for the MMQB explication de texte.
So?
Perhaps you should allow those of us who read him at 7 am to participate in our own deconstruction of the article at an earlier time (with a 10 am cutoff, say), followed by your professional demolition at noonish.
I need something interesting to read during lunch. Deadspin, RIP, just doesn’t do it anymore.
I also just had the terrible thought that there was a life-altering event that prevented your posting. A birth, a death, a positive test for an STD. God, I pray that no evil has befallen our PK defecator. If you’ve had such an event, our hopes and our prayers are with you.
IF not, fuck youse. Youse guys are gettin paid for this shit. I WANT MY PK POST. NOW!
August 10th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
WTF?
http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2009/08/10/high-praise-for-peter-king/
Awesome “great award. lofty award” comment in the response section, BTW.
August 10th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Don’t get your tit in the wringer, Cavey will have PK tomorrow.
I think.
August 10th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Maybe the reason we didn’t get the weekly King dismantling is Drew had an aneurysm upon finding out that Peter King is now a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. This could be the terrible event rk was wondering about.
Did anyone read this shit? Is that for real? Could anyone who has ever read even a sentence of Peter King seriously write something like that or is everyone fucking with me? I imagine it to be something like the Simpsons episode where Homer helps design a car for his long lost brother Herb, and the lab guys call up Herb to tell him what a disaster Homer is, then Herb makes them say the exact opposite of everything they said about Homer to Bart and Lisa. That’s the only fucking way anyone can write a column like that about that fat fuck Peter King
August 10th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Now, I know we get out of hand here on a regular basis. We opine fervently on topics ranging from anal to football analysis. But this constant flogging of Peter King must stop. He’s funny and insightful and endearing. A “lofty” link to our football past…all the way back to the 80’s. It is clear that the site’s authors have had a change of heart and are doing what they can to end the suffering for good ol’ Pete. Upon receiving the 2009 Dick McCann Memorial Award from the Professional Football Writers of America, Pete had this to say:
“I can’t go on. Brett’s gone and nothing I do can bring him back. After coming to this realization, and attempting to drown my sorrows in KitKats and Starbucks Dark Roast Sumatra Blend, unsuccessfully; I had a bowel movement that brought me to this conclusion: Everything said about me on KSK is true. I am an anal wart on the prolapsed sphincter of Football, and I don’t deserve to live. 2)b. and my bullet points, aren’t. Goodbye, forever.”
And that is why KSK is giving Pete the break that he deserves. While breaking into his house to recover the “True” ball stolen from a child, so it can be placed in the SI Fall of Fame.
August 10th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
I do like the idea of an occasional Kingkakke.
August 10th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
What? No PK post today?
THIS IS EXTORTION. THIS SMELLS OF SUN DISRESPECT.
August 10th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Who here hasn’t had a rocky relationship with mom because of a decision not to hire her as one’s agent?
August 10th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Oh my God. Peter King is the Brett Favre of columnists.
“Peter has a natural curiosity and boyish enthusiasm about many things in his life, especially this game that we all love,” Ebersol said. “He may be in his early fifties, but he has all of the enthusiasm of that young boy from Connecticut who, from an early age, simply adored sports.”
“From day one, I’ve eyewitnessed his passion for his job, the excellence of his world and his love of sport. All of it is only surpassed by the fact that he is one of the best persons in the world and a great family man.” – Chris Mortensen
Especially all the bullshit hyperboles about his selflessness and how great of a guy he is, which are too numerous to quote but can be found in the article that miamidiesel linked to.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:22 am
Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra. Gaydy Quinn is not bra.