Here’s a video showing the real victims of the final-until-two-weeks-from-now Brett Favre retirement: media whores. When you think about it, in any tragedy, it’s always the whores who suffer the most.
LenWhale’s key to shedding unwanted pounds: quit pounding tequila. And if you can’t, at least quit chasing it with bacon paste.
Someone’s stirring up the rubes by wearing a Vikings Favre jersey to Packers camp. That’s the worst thing you can do in Green Bay save maybe saving there’s only low fat creamer left.
DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart, now apparently rebranded as “Double Trouble” (clever!) have started a web site where they offer to let you become a “troublemaker” for the low, low price of $34.28. Good luck with that. Though you know if two benchwarmers from the Tar Heels did the same thing, North Carolina would be all over like grits on everything.
Vehicular wackiness has been all the rage at training camps this year, be it Reggie Wayne showing up in a dump truck (somehow Najeh Davenport never thought of this), James Harrison in a Smart Car (BECAUSE THEY SMART ENOUGH TO BE LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!) and the Buzzsaw on Segways, not to mention the usually forced folksiness of athletes tooling around on bikes. Update: they got scooters too! However, unless Al Davis arrives via autogyro, I’m not really getting into this campmeme.
Finally, a sign the tip contest for your book turned out to be an abortion: the person who won (and not with even a particularly strong entry) replied by e-mail claiming they didn’t actually submit the entry.
The fair thing to do would be the give the choice to the second place entrant, but they don’t really deserve the choice either (they’re still getting the books). So, I tell you what I’m going to do: we’re gonna put it to a vote.
Gotta be the Roethlisraper jersey! Come on people, how obvious is this?
08.04.09 at 1:50 pm
Vince Wilspork
All gray jerseys, no matter the team, are horribly fuck-ugly. I hate them as a concept. Especially when my team wears them.
That being said, I voted for the towel. I don’t care if they’re cheap and replaceable, it’s like a take on that old lawyer joke: “What do you call one Terrible Towel burnt to a crisp?” “A good start”
Also, my vote seems to have put the towel and the Ward jersey in a 384-384 tie… when does the polling close??
08.04.09 at 12:59 pm
Ben
Come on, the terrible towel? At least pick something that isn’t replaceable for 5 bucks in ten minutes.
08.04.09 at 12:49 pm
Duke_of_Madness
Hines Ward will be in the jersey when it’s burned, right?
08.04.09 at 12:37 pm
H.C. Prick
Another Steeler fan voting for the Gray jersey.
I don’t have any specific issue with it, but people buying alternate jerseys causes teams to just roll out more and more alternate jerseys that increase in shittiness exponentially.
08.04.09 at 12:12 pm
jackin'4beats
Glad to see my post helped to turn the tide towards burning the Ward jersey. Remember everyone, Hines Wald is Ape’s favolite leceivel.
BURN THAT SHIT!!!
/landom pylo acts make me smirre
08.04.09 at 11:15 am
edgecrusher
Give the towel to Drew and let him work his towel-shittin’ magic.
08.04.09 at 10:34 am
xMostlyHarmless
I’ve got nothing against the Steelers as a team, even though I’m an envious fan of the other PA team….
But I can’t stand Hines Ward. Burn that shit.
08.04.09 at 10:01 am
Christmas Ape
I’m kind of puzzled by the opposition to the idea of a gray alternate jersey. Saying it’s the guy equivalent of a pink jersey doesn’t hold up because the reason the pink jersey is so bad (besides the fact that it’s pink) is that it’s a color that has tons of connotations about gender roles. The gray jersey is just slightly darker than their regular road jersey. It’s not like it has any other meaning to it. I’m certainly one to point out jersey disasters like putting your own name on the back, but is any deviation from what the team wears on the field a horrible violation?
DAMN YOU, JERSEY PURISTS!
08.04.09 at 9:48 am
Andrew
As a steelers fan I still voted for Gray Roethlisberger.
GRAY!?
WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?
anyone with a gray jersey is not qualified to have a manifesto.
08.04.09 at 12:41 am
yeah, right?
Needs More Eskimo Poon.
08.04.09 at 12:31 am
Christmas Ape
Not that it’ll ever win, but I promise you Ape would be most displeased with burning the Woodley jersey. Promise.
Shhhhh.
08.04.09 at 12:31 am
john madden's used condom
@ Bukkake Night
winner.
08.04.09 at 12:28 am
Ordinary Olandis Gary
Not that it’ll ever win, but I promise you Ape would be most displeased with burning the Woodley jersey. Promise.
08.04.09 at 12:24 am
yeah, right?
Did you notice that there is a vote in every state but Alaska? You are missing out on the undeniable drawing power of the Aleutians!
Fix yo demographics!
08.03.09 at 11:39 pm
TW Andrews
Pemulis, are you participating in Infinite Summer? Hard to miss the name.
08.03.09 at 11:10 pm
seahawk matt
I would like to see all that shit burned to a fucking crisp! How the hell am I supposed to choose??
08.03.09 at 10:52 pm
Kelley
The Towel??? Seriously??? Are you single handedly trying to take down your team?? YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO PISS ON THE TOWEL!!!
08.03.09 at 10:39 pm
DennyCuse
Not a big fan of burning any sports memorbilia. But since Ape put it out there – gotta get rid of “Ben the Rapist” jersey.
08.03.09 at 10:24 pm
Purple Jesus Diaries
This is going to be epic. See ya, Terrible Towel.
Can I clear my browsers’ cookies and keep on voting? Loop hole?
08.03.09 at 10:16 pm
Bukkake Night in Canada
Kill your cat.
08.03.09 at 9:40 pm
Arm Strongcock
helmet crush!!!
08.03.09 at 9:34 pm
Frank GORE! GORE! GORE!
Burn the Towel. FUCK those things.
08.03.09 at 9:24 pm
rodgers_neighborhood
Burn the Fathead. Just make sure it remains on the wall during said torching.
That vid would’ve been funny if everyone wasn’t dressed like a blogger.
08.03.09 at 9:00 pm
jackin'4beats
The Ward jersey is also a shitty replica, whereas the others are not.
You’re not strong enough with the force for your Jedi mind tricks to work on us. OF COURSE the Ward Jersey is a replica. Sure it is. RIGHT!
/buln that fleaking jelsey immediatery
08.03.09 at 8:47 pm
porky1
Ape: Whatever gets burninated, the ashes should go up on eBay in a tasteful receptacle (used pudding cup?), proceeds to charity of choice. Perhaps the Feed Travis Henry’s Kids fund.
08.03.09 at 8:24 pm
Gino Tourettsa
“Beyond retarded” is the terminus of this contest.
08.03.09 at 8:05 pm
Christmas Ape
If there’s a “none of it” option, there should also be a “all of it” option.
That’s beyond retarded.
“Gee, instead of making haters choose just one thing of mine to destroy, lemme give them the option to make me torch all my shit.”
08.03.09 at 8:02 pm
Jim Gondry
“Because I’m trying not to be obnoxious and make everything about me.”
Too late for that
08.03.09 at 7:55 pm
redright88
If there’s a “none of it” option, there should also be a “all of it” option.
Just sayin’
/lives in Pittsburgh, hates the Steelers
//Throws self off Ft. Pitt Bridge
08.03.09 at 7:07 pm
Potsie
It’s a well-known fact that in years Terrible Towels are sacrificed, Super Bowls are won.
08.03.09 at 6:44 pm
LaFavre's Next Retirement
“The black Farrior jersey is winning in Colorado.”
We all know Farrior is black, RACIST!!!
08.03.09 at 6:36 pm
Duke_of_Madness
“How bout you torch your 9-5 job by posting a picture of you wearing one of the jerse…… nevermind”
We have a winner! Thank you all for playing, commenting is now closed.
08.03.09 at 6:12 pm
Gino Tourettsa
Do you eat your sundaes out of the Steelers mini-helmet?
08.03.09 at 6:08 pm
GoesTo11
Who in the hell lets their friends send shit from their email account? If they have “friends” like mine…
/shudders
Anyway, since “Burn it all” isn’t an option, gotta go with the gray Rongrastname jersey. That’s the male equivalent of a pink team hat.
08.03.09 at 5:49 pm
Christmas Ape
The black Farrior jersey is winning in Colorado. Did he do something to the Broncos of which I’m not aware?
08.03.09 at 5:44 pm
samsquantch
As long as you don’t burn that photo of the 400 pound hottie that always pops up. That picture is gold man-400 pounds of gold.
08.03.09 at 5:32 pm
Reggie Bush's Pimp
Voted for the Towel.
BECAUSE THEY SMART ENOUGH TO BE LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!
This is why I buy American!
08.03.09 at 5:24 pm
Gino Tourettsa
Does “The Football Fan’s Manifesto” cover the constitutionality of burning your own team’s memorabilia?
08.03.09 at 5:19 pm
Lil Lebowski Urban Achievers
In principle I agree with the towel, but in reality they give that shit away more often than Ben chows down on a delicious Choco Taco. Ape’s probably got a closet full of them.
08.03.09 at 5:16 pm
Christmas Ape
also burying this kind of vote that you dont want to do in the first place in a klearinghouse post is bull. it needs its own post
Because I’m trying not to be obnoxious and make everything about me.
Why is the Harrison jersey not on the list? This is mockery. I demand justice!
Because I don’t have one. I’M NOT LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!
08.03.09 at 5:14 pm
Animal Mother
How xmas ape isn’t listed. I think everyone would like to see him burn, and I don’t mean like when everyone says the referees gave the Steelers the SB against Seattle.
08.03.09 at 5:06 pm
MIKE TYSON
Could you add an “All of it” option?
08.03.09 at 5:05 pm
jawning
I vote Gray Rongrastname Jersey. It’s gray.
08.03.09 at 5:01 pm
Quentin LogJammin'
also burying this kind of vote that you dont want to do in the first place in a klearinghouse post is bull. it needs its own post
08.03.09 at 4:59 pm
Quentin LogJammin'
i voted the towel becasue of everything it represents, but after a very +1 post from Gotti, I will be voting from my other two computers for the Ward Jersey. Fuck you Yinzer!
08.03.09 at 4:41 pm
Greg Olsen is making me sexist
How bout you torch your 9-5 job by posting a picture of you wearing one of the jerse…… nevermind.
08.03.09 at 4:38 pm
LaFavre's Next Retirement
Why is the Harrison jersey not on the list? This is mockery. I demand justice!
08.03.09 at 4:37 pm
Gino Tourettsa
I’m cool with Ape burning any of those jerseys- as long as he’s wearing while he does.
08.03.09 at 4:35 pm
Jim U.
No mention of the Maj getting hitched?
08.03.09 at 4:32 pm
G.G.
You’re gonna burn these by throwing them in the Cuyahoga River, right Ape?
08.03.09 at 4:32 pm
spanky datass
QUIT TEQUILA!!!!1!!11!! That’s crazy talk!
“The Ward jersey is also a shitty replica, whereas the others are not.”
Damn, wish I would have remembered that! No, tequila is not effecting my memory….wait, what…
08.03.09 at 4:29 pm
StuScottBooyahs
I’ll be hitting up every library in the DC area to make sure the towel gets it.
Fuck you all… don’t give in to the assholes Ape. I voted none of it. And I’ll keep voting dammit, until something better comes along… what’s that on Warming Glow?
08.03.09 at 4:22 pm
alter(my)ego
This is the only way you will ever see JAMES HARRISON and SMART in the same sentence. “‘Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” Lincoln
08.03.09 at 4:21 pm
Christmas Ape
The Ward jersey is also a shitty replica, whereas the others are not.
he’s gay for lamar woodley, you morons.
Gotta be the Roethlisraper jersey! Come on people, how obvious is this?
All gray jerseys, no matter the team, are horribly fuck-ugly. I hate them as a concept. Especially when my team wears them.
That being said, I voted for the towel. I don’t care if they’re cheap and replaceable, it’s like a take on that old lawyer joke: “What do you call one Terrible Towel burnt to a crisp?” “A good start”
Also, my vote seems to have put the towel and the Ward jersey in a 384-384 tie… when does the polling close??
Come on, the terrible towel? At least pick something that isn’t replaceable for 5 bucks in ten minutes.
Hines Ward will be in the jersey when it’s burned, right?
Another Steeler fan voting for the Gray jersey.
I don’t have any specific issue with it, but people buying alternate jerseys causes teams to just roll out more and more alternate jerseys that increase in shittiness exponentially.
Glad to see my post helped to turn the tide towards burning the Ward jersey. Remember everyone, Hines Wald is Ape’s favolite leceivel.
BURN THAT SHIT!!!
/landom pylo acts make me smirre
Give the towel to Drew and let him work his towel-shittin’ magic.
I’ve got nothing against the Steelers as a team, even though I’m an envious fan of the other PA team….
But I can’t stand Hines Ward. Burn that shit.
I’m kind of puzzled by the opposition to the idea of a gray alternate jersey. Saying it’s the guy equivalent of a pink jersey doesn’t hold up because the reason the pink jersey is so bad (besides the fact that it’s pink) is that it’s a color that has tons of connotations about gender roles. The gray jersey is just slightly darker than their regular road jersey. It’s not like it has any other meaning to it. I’m certainly one to point out jersey disasters like putting your own name on the back, but is any deviation from what the team wears on the field a horrible violation?
DAMN YOU, JERSEY PURISTS!
As a steelers fan I still voted for Gray Roethlisberger.
GRAY!?
WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?
anyone with a gray jersey is not qualified to have a manifesto.
Needs More Eskimo Poon.
Not that it’ll ever win, but I promise you Ape would be most displeased with burning the Woodley jersey. Promise.
Shhhhh.
@ Bukkake Night
winner.
Not that it’ll ever win, but I promise you Ape would be most displeased with burning the Woodley jersey. Promise.
Did you notice that there is a vote in every state but Alaska? You are missing out on the undeniable drawing power of the Aleutians!
Fix yo demographics!
Pemulis, are you participating in Infinite Summer? Hard to miss the name.
I would like to see all that shit burned to a fucking crisp! How the hell am I supposed to choose??
The Towel??? Seriously??? Are you single handedly trying to take down your team?? YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO PISS ON THE TOWEL!!!
Not a big fan of burning any sports memorbilia. But since Ape put it out there – gotta get rid of “Ben the Rapist” jersey.
This is going to be epic. See ya, Terrible Towel.
Can I clear my browsers’ cookies and keep on voting? Loop hole?
Kill your cat.
helmet crush!!!
Burn the Towel. FUCK those things.
Burn the Fathead. Just make sure it remains on the wall during said torching.
That vid would’ve been funny if everyone wasn’t dressed like a blogger.
The Ward jersey is also a shitty replica, whereas the others are not.
You’re not strong enough with the force for your Jedi mind tricks to work on us. OF COURSE the Ward Jersey is a replica. Sure it is. RIGHT!
/buln that fleaking jelsey immediatery
Ape: Whatever gets burninated, the ashes should go up on eBay in a tasteful receptacle (used pudding cup?), proceeds to charity of choice. Perhaps the Feed Travis Henry’s Kids fund.
“Beyond retarded” is the terminus of this contest.
If there’s a “none of it” option, there should also be a “all of it” option.
That’s beyond retarded.
“Gee, instead of making haters choose just one thing of mine to destroy, lemme give them the option to make me torch all my shit.”
“Because I’m trying not to be obnoxious and make everything about me.”
Too late for that
If there’s a “none of it” option, there should also be a “all of it” option.
Just sayin’
/lives in Pittsburgh, hates the Steelers
//Throws self off Ft. Pitt Bridge
It’s a well-known fact that in years Terrible Towels are sacrificed, Super Bowls are won.
“The black Farrior jersey is winning in Colorado.”
We all know Farrior is black, RACIST!!!
“How bout you torch your 9-5 job by posting a picture of you wearing one of the jerse…… nevermind”
We have a winner! Thank you all for playing, commenting is now closed.
Do you eat your sundaes out of the Steelers mini-helmet?
Who in the hell lets their friends send shit from their email account? If they have “friends” like mine…
/shudders
Anyway, since “Burn it all” isn’t an option, gotta go with the gray Rongrastname jersey. That’s the male equivalent of a pink team hat.
The black Farrior jersey is winning in Colorado. Did he do something to the Broncos of which I’m not aware?
As long as you don’t burn that photo of the 400 pound hottie that always pops up. That picture is gold man-400 pounds of gold.
Voted for the Towel.
BECAUSE THEY SMART ENOUGH TO BE LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!
This is why I buy American!
Does “The Football Fan’s Manifesto” cover the constitutionality of burning your own team’s memorabilia?
In principle I agree with the towel, but in reality they give that shit away more often than Ben chows down on a delicious Choco Taco. Ape’s probably got a closet full of them.
also burying this kind of vote that you dont want to do in the first place in a klearinghouse post is bull. it needs its own post
Because I’m trying not to be obnoxious and make everything about me.
Why is the Harrison jersey not on the list? This is mockery. I demand justice!
Because I don’t have one. I’M NOT LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!
How xmas ape isn’t listed. I think everyone would like to see him burn, and I don’t mean like when everyone says the referees gave the Steelers the SB against Seattle.
Could you add an “All of it” option?
I vote Gray Rongrastname Jersey. It’s gray.
also burying this kind of vote that you dont want to do in the first place in a klearinghouse post is bull. it needs its own post
i voted the towel becasue of everything it represents, but after a very +1 post from Gotti, I will be voting from my other two computers for the Ward Jersey. Fuck you Yinzer!
How bout you torch your 9-5 job by posting a picture of you wearing one of the jerse…… nevermind.
Why is the Harrison jersey not on the list? This is mockery. I demand justice!
I’m cool with Ape burning any of those jerseys- as long as he’s wearing while he does.
No mention of the Maj getting hitched?
You’re gonna burn these by throwing them in the Cuyahoga River, right Ape?
QUIT TEQUILA!!!!1!!11!! That’s crazy talk!
“The Ward jersey is also a shitty replica, whereas the others are not.”
Damn, wish I would have remembered that! No, tequila is not effecting my memory….wait, what…
I’ll be hitting up every library in the DC area to make sure the towel gets it.
I would like to nominate a new item. The thing you have your arm around in this photo: http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlDC/original/yarrrparrot.jpg
Um, I think that Segway is blowing Kurt
Fuck you all… don’t give in to the assholes Ape. I voted none of it. And I’ll keep voting dammit, until something better comes along… what’s that on Warming Glow?
This is the only way you will ever see JAMES HARRISON and SMART in the same sentence. “‘Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” Lincoln
The Ward jersey is also a shitty replica, whereas the others are not.
It is clearly the Ward Jersey. Burn that bastard.
“It could be a Terrible Towel. It could be the Hines Ward jersey from the photo that got me fired from The Post (and the one I’ve worn during the last two Steelers Super Bowl wins).”
- From June 11th post by Ape starting this contest (here – http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/06/the-ksk-football-fans-manifesto-tip-contest.html#more-15801 )
Gotta be the towel. I want you to destroy the symbol of the Stillers fandom.
i guarantee you ape wants to keep the hines ward jersey…therefore, it must be destroyed
It’s gotta be the Hines Wald jelsey. Possibre side-effects incrude Ape no rongel channering numbel one smaltest leceivel for comic brog posts.
I am going with the black Farrior jersey. I just have a feeling it’s Ape’s favorite.
LenWhale’s just putting off the tequila until he gets a new contract. Then he gon drank. O BUHLEEV DAT. HE GON DRANK.
Hines Ward Jersey. He not even sufrable. Ray Lewis want put a bounty on him this year, so burn that.
Fuck the towel. I heard Rocky Bleier gave it to him after using it to wipe up Bam Morris’s bong water.
it was worth a shot
which is most expensive and which holds most sentimental value?
No way I’m telling you that.
Dear god don’t let them convince you to trash the Towel. Myron would roll in his grave. YOI!
which is most expensive and which holds most sentimental value?
FATHEAD, FATHEAD!