KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: The LenWhale Diet Plan and NFL’s Wacky Races
Here’s a video showing the real victims of the final-until-two-weeks-from-now Brett Favre retirement: media whores. When you think about it, in any tragedy, it’s always the whores who suffer the most.
LenWhale’s key to shedding unwanted pounds: quit pounding tequila. And if you can’t, at least quit chasing it with bacon paste.
Someone’s stirring up the rubes by wearing a Vikings Favre jersey to Packers camp. That’s the worst thing you can do in Green Bay save maybe saving there’s only low fat creamer left.
DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart, now apparently rebranded as “Double Trouble” (clever!) have started a web site where they offer to let you become a “troublemaker” for the low, low price of $34.28. Good luck with that. Though you know if two benchwarmers from the Tar Heels did the same thing, North Carolina would be all over like grits on everything.
Vehicular wackiness has been all the rage at training camps this year, be it Reggie Wayne showing up in a dump truck (somehow Najeh Davenport never thought of this), James Harrison in a Smart Car (BECAUSE THEY SMART ENOUGH TO BE LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!) and the Buzzsaw on Segways, not to mention the usually forced folksiness of athletes tooling around on bikes. Update: they got scooters too! However, unless Al Davis arrives via autogyro, I’m not really getting into this campmeme.
Finally, a sign the tip contest for your book turned out to be an abortion: the person who won (and not with even a particularly strong entry) replied by e-mail claiming they didn’t actually submit the entry.
The fair thing to do would be the give the choice to the second place entrant, but they don’t really deserve the choice either (they’re still getting the books). So, I tell you what I’m going to do: we’re gonna put it to a vote.
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72 Responses to “KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: The LenWhale Diet Plan and NFL’s Wacky Races”
This is the only way you will ever see JAMES HARRISON and SMART in the same sentence. “‘Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” Lincoln
Fuck you all… don’t give in to the assholes Ape. I voted none of it. And I’ll keep voting dammit, until something better comes along… what’s that on Warming Glow?
i voted the towel becasue of everything it represents, but after a very +1 post from Gotti, I will be voting from my other two computers for the Ward Jersey. Fuck you Yinzer!
How xmas ape isn’t listed. I think everyone would like to see him burn, and I don’t mean like when everyone says the referees gave the Steelers the SB against Seattle.
In principle I agree with the towel, but in reality they give that shit away more often than Ben chows down on a delicious Choco Taco. Ape’s probably got a closet full of them.
Ape: Whatever gets burninated, the ashes should go up on eBay in a tasteful receptacle (used pudding cup?), proceeds to charity of choice. Perhaps the Feed Travis Henry’s Kids fund.
As a steelers fan I still voted for Gray Roethlisberger.
GRAY!?
WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?
anyone with a gray jersey is not qualified to have a manifesto.
I’m kind of puzzled by the opposition to the idea of a gray alternate jersey. Saying it’s the guy equivalent of a pink jersey doesn’t hold up because the reason the pink jersey is so bad (besides the fact that it’s pink) is that it’s a color that has tons of connotations about gender roles. The gray jersey is just slightly darker than their regular road jersey. It’s not like it has any other meaning to it. I’m certainly one to point out jersey disasters like putting your own name on the back, but is any deviation from what the team wears on the field a horrible violation?
Another Steeler fan voting for the Gray jersey.
I don’t have any specific issue with it, but people buying alternate jerseys causes teams to just roll out more and more alternate jerseys that increase in shittiness exponentially.
All gray jerseys, no matter the team, are horribly fuck-ugly. I hate them as a concept. Especially when my team wears them.
That being said, I voted for the towel. I don’t care if they’re cheap and replaceable, it’s like a take on that old lawyer joke: “What do you call one Terrible Towel burnt to a crisp?” “A good start”
Also, my vote seems to have put the towel and the Ward jersey in a 384-384 tie… when does the polling close??
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:02 pm
FATHEAD, FATHEAD!
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
which is most expensive and which holds most sentimental value?
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Dear god don’t let them convince you to trash the Towel. Myron would roll in his grave. YOI!
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
which is most expensive and which holds most sentimental value?
No way I’m telling you that.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:07 pm
it was worth a shot
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Fuck the towel. I heard Rocky Bleier gave it to him after using it to wipe up Bam Morris’s bong water.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Hines Ward Jersey. He not even sufrable. Ray Lewis want put a bounty on him this year, so burn that.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:12 pm
LenWhale’s just putting off the tequila until he gets a new contract. Then he gon drank. O BUHLEEV DAT. HE GON DRANK.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:12 pm
I am going with the black Farrior jersey. I just have a feeling it’s Ape’s favorite.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:12 pm
It’s gotta be the Hines Wald jelsey. Possibre side-effects incrude Ape no rongel channering numbel one smaltest leceivel for comic brog posts.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:12 pm
i guarantee you ape wants to keep the hines ward jersey…therefore, it must be destroyed
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Gotta be the towel. I want you to destroy the symbol of the Stillers fandom.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:16 pm
It is clearly the Ward Jersey. Burn that bastard.
“It could be a Terrible Towel. It could be the Hines Ward jersey from the photo that got me fired from The Post (and the one I’ve worn during the last two Steelers Super Bowl wins).”
- From June 11th post by Ape starting this contest (here – http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/06/the-ksk-football-fans-manifesto-tip-contest.html#more-15801 )
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:21 pm
The Ward jersey is also a shitty replica, whereas the others are not.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:22 pm
This is the only way you will ever see JAMES HARRISON and SMART in the same sentence. “‘Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” Lincoln
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Fuck you all… don’t give in to the assholes Ape. I voted none of it. And I’ll keep voting dammit, until something better comes along… what’s that on Warming Glow?
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Um, I think that Segway is blowing Kurt
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:28 pm
I would like to nominate a new item. The thing you have your arm around in this photo: http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlDC/original/yarrrparrot.jpg
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:29 pm
I’ll be hitting up every library in the DC area to make sure the towel gets it.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
QUIT TEQUILA!!!!1!!11!! That’s crazy talk!
“The Ward jersey is also a shitty replica, whereas the others are not.”
Damn, wish I would have remembered that! No, tequila is not effecting my memory….wait, what…
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
You’re gonna burn these by throwing them in the Cuyahoga River, right Ape?
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:35 pm
No mention of the Maj getting hitched?
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:37 pm
I’m cool with Ape burning any of those jerseys- as long as he’s wearing while he does.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Why is the Harrison jersey not on the list? This is mockery. I demand justice!
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:41 pm
How bout you torch your 9-5 job by posting a picture of you wearing one of the jerse…… nevermind.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:59 pm
i voted the towel becasue of everything it represents, but after a very +1 post from Gotti, I will be voting from my other two computers for the Ward Jersey. Fuck you Yinzer!
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:01 pm
also burying this kind of vote that you dont want to do in the first place in a klearinghouse post is bull. it needs its own post
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:05 pm
I vote Gray Rongrastname Jersey. It’s gray.
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Could you add an “All of it” option?
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:14 pm
How xmas ape isn’t listed. I think everyone would like to see him burn, and I don’t mean like when everyone says the referees gave the Steelers the SB against Seattle.
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:16 pm
also burying this kind of vote that you dont want to do in the first place in a klearinghouse post is bull. it needs its own post
Because I’m trying not to be obnoxious and make everything about me.
Why is the Harrison jersey not on the list? This is mockery. I demand justice!
Because I don’t have one. I’M NOT LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:19 pm
In principle I agree with the towel, but in reality they give that shit away more often than Ben chows down on a delicious Choco Taco. Ape’s probably got a closet full of them.
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Does “The Football Fan’s Manifesto” cover the constitutionality of burning your own team’s memorabilia?
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Voted for the Towel.
BECAUSE THEY SMART ENOUGH TO BE LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!
This is why I buy American!
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:44 pm
As long as you don’t burn that photo of the 400 pound hottie that always pops up. That picture is gold man-400 pounds of gold.
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:49 pm
The black Farrior jersey is winning in Colorado. Did he do something to the Broncos of which I’m not aware?
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Who in the hell lets their friends send shit from their email account? If they have “friends” like mine…
/shudders
Anyway, since “Burn it all” isn’t an option, gotta go with the gray Rongrastname jersey. That’s the male equivalent of a pink team hat.
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Do you eat your sundaes out of the Steelers mini-helmet?
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:36 pm
“How bout you torch your 9-5 job by posting a picture of you wearing one of the jerse…… nevermind”
We have a winner! Thank you all for playing, commenting is now closed.
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:44 pm
“The black Farrior jersey is winning in Colorado.”
We all know Farrior is black, RACIST!!!
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:07 pm
It’s a well-known fact that in years Terrible Towels are sacrificed, Super Bowls are won.
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:55 pm
If there’s a “none of it” option, there should also be a “all of it” option.
Just sayin’
/lives in Pittsburgh, hates the Steelers
//Throws self off Ft. Pitt Bridge
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:02 pm
“Because I’m trying not to be obnoxious and make everything about me.”
Too late for that
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:05 pm
If there’s a “none of it” option, there should also be a “all of it” option.
That’s beyond retarded.
“Gee, instead of making haters choose just one thing of mine to destroy, lemme give them the option to make me torch all my shit.”
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:24 pm
“Beyond retarded” is the terminus of this contest.
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Ape: Whatever gets burninated, the ashes should go up on eBay in a tasteful receptacle (used pudding cup?), proceeds to charity of choice. Perhaps the Feed Travis Henry’s Kids fund.
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:00 pm
The Ward jersey is also a shitty replica, whereas the others are not.
You’re not strong enough with the force for your Jedi mind tricks to work on us. OF COURSE the Ward Jersey is a replica. Sure it is. RIGHT!
/buln that fleaking jelsey immediatery
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Burn the Fathead. Just make sure it remains on the wall during said torching.
That vid would’ve been funny if everyone wasn’t dressed like a blogger.
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Burn the Towel. FUCK those things.
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:40 pm
helmet crush!!!
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Kill your cat.
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
This is going to be epic. See ya, Terrible Towel.
Can I clear my browsers’ cookies and keep on voting? Loop hole?
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Not a big fan of burning any sports memorbilia. But since Ape put it out there – gotta get rid of “Ben the Rapist” jersey.
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
The Towel??? Seriously??? Are you single handedly trying to take down your team?? YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO PISS ON THE TOWEL!!!
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:10 pm
I would like to see all that shit burned to a fucking crisp! How the hell am I supposed to choose??
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Pemulis, are you participating in Infinite Summer? Hard to miss the name.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:24 am
Did you notice that there is a vote in every state but Alaska? You are missing out on the undeniable drawing power of the Aleutians!
Fix yo demographics!
August 4th, 2009 at 12:28 am
Not that it’ll ever win, but I promise you Ape would be most displeased with burning the Woodley jersey. Promise.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:31 am
@ Bukkake Night
winner.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:31 am
Not that it’ll ever win, but I promise you Ape would be most displeased with burning the Woodley jersey. Promise.
Shhhhh.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Needs More Eskimo Poon.
August 4th, 2009 at 9:48 am
As a steelers fan I still voted for Gray Roethlisberger.
GRAY!?
WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?
anyone with a gray jersey is not qualified to have a manifesto.
August 4th, 2009 at 10:01 am
I’m kind of puzzled by the opposition to the idea of a gray alternate jersey. Saying it’s the guy equivalent of a pink jersey doesn’t hold up because the reason the pink jersey is so bad (besides the fact that it’s pink) is that it’s a color that has tons of connotations about gender roles. The gray jersey is just slightly darker than their regular road jersey. It’s not like it has any other meaning to it. I’m certainly one to point out jersey disasters like putting your own name on the back, but is any deviation from what the team wears on the field a horrible violation?
DAMN YOU, JERSEY PURISTS!
August 4th, 2009 at 10:34 am
I’ve got nothing against the Steelers as a team, even though I’m an envious fan of the other PA team….
But I can’t stand Hines Ward. Burn that shit.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Give the towel to Drew and let him work his towel-shittin’ magic.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Glad to see my post helped to turn the tide towards burning the Ward jersey. Remember everyone, Hines Wald is Ape’s favolite leceivel.
BURN THAT SHIT!!!
/landom pylo acts make me smirre
August 4th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Another Steeler fan voting for the Gray jersey.
I don’t have any specific issue with it, but people buying alternate jerseys causes teams to just roll out more and more alternate jerseys that increase in shittiness exponentially.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Hines Ward will be in the jersey when it’s burned, right?
August 4th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Come on, the terrible towel? At least pick something that isn’t replaceable for 5 bucks in ten minutes.
August 4th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
All gray jerseys, no matter the team, are horribly fuck-ugly. I hate them as a concept. Especially when my team wears them.
That being said, I voted for the towel. I don’t care if they’re cheap and replaceable, it’s like a take on that old lawyer joke: “What do you call one Terrible Towel burnt to a crisp?” “A good start”
Also, my vote seems to have put the towel and the Ward jersey in a 384-384 tie… when does the polling close??
August 4th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Gotta be the Roethlisraper jersey! Come on people, how obvious is this?
August 4th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
he’s gay for lamar woodley, you morons.