KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: Marmalard Has (HUH? WHAT?) F*ck You Money
- Marmalard is a very rich man this morning, having agreed to a contract extension with the Chargers worth $92 million over the next seven years. The contract includes a guaranteed payout of $38.5 million and, most importantly, it means that he’ll now be the second highest paid* member of the ‘04 quarterback class. Suck on that, Rapelisberger!
- Edgerrin James has found a new team willing to pay him to average less that four yards-per-carry. For the Seahawks it’s an ever-so-slight upgrade over T.J. Duckett who will never ever be a good short yardage back no matter how suited for the position he may look or how many coaches are convinced he can become one. Of course somebody will sign him on the strength of the 8 touchdowns he accumulated last year, thus diminishing the fantasy value of the team’s primary ball carrier. What an asshole.
- The Senior Bowl might be leaving Mobile, Alabama. NOOOOOOOOOOO! Now where will Peter King continue his education on the American slave trade?
*Based on guaranteed money. Okay, I guess it depends on how you look at it. Rivers got a slightly bigger bonus than Eli, although the lesser Manning’s salary should be a bit higher. All of this will be moot when Peyton Manning and Tom Brady sign their new deals next year.
August 25th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
how should i label this saved image? Ahhh yes
“rivers-intense1″
August 25th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
looks like Peter King made a lofty call keeping Rivers off of his “Top Free Agent List”
August 25th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Is that the original laserface picture, or is it a new and improved one? Either way, worth the guarenteed money right there.
August 25th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
All the geriatrics at the Senior Bowl still throw harder than Marmalard.
August 25th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
For that amount of money, I expect him to punch LaToe Injury in the face this year.
August 25th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
c’mon, “rapelisberger”?? uncool. his accuser is a wack job liar. http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09237/993004-66.stm
August 25th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Went white water rafting in the Intense River once. It was … intense.
August 25th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
thank you wilk for this bit of information. to date, no one on this website, authors and commenters alike, had heard the true details of the roethlisberger saga. this story from the pittsburgh post-gazette is very informative. I have no doubt that KSK, and all commenters alike, are very sorry for having thought ill of big ben.
do i even need to do it? fine.
/sarcasm.
August 25th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
I also have an article from the Post Gazette you might be interested in:
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/06023/642777-66.stm
August 25th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Maybe we can get lucky and see him and neckgina fight at mid field.
August 25th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Now there’s a haircut you could set your watch to.
August 25th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
I was so hoping for a recap of the meeting between him and AJ Smith to hammer out the contract.
/disappointed
/patiently waiting for laserface to fly through a door again
August 25th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Damn, that boy is kinda handsome when he isn’t making annoying faces. I would have 17 kids with him too and teach his ass not to abstain.
August 25th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
““rapelisberger”?? uncool. his accuser is a wack job liar.”
I beg to differ, rapelisberger is very very cool. Don’t let facts get in the way of hilarity…I would also be careful about exposing your man-crush to strangers. Get land you in jail.
August 25th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
does this mean there are RiversIntense2, et al.?
August 25th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
y’all better pay somebodyyyyyyyy (no. What? Fuck you. I meant me, not Pocket Darren).
August 25th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
TJ Duckett was the first pick of a fantasy draft I had a few years ago.
The guy was serious too.
True story.
August 25th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
please give us a laserface just got paid-fuck you post
August 25th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I too have a story from the Post Gazette I know you will be interested in:
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09237/993106-455.stm
August 25th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
TJ Duckett’s problem I lay squarely at the feet of his dad.
August 25th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Isn’t he actually guaranteed the most of the three?
August 25th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
I believe that Marmalard did get a slightly larger bonus, although Eli will make more per season.
August 25th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
That’s a lot of money not being spent on pussy.
August 25th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
maybe now Laserface can buy LaToeInjury a new body like the six million dollar man
August 25th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Oh, thank GOD; the Seahawks have gone slightly more than a year without a washed-up running back who, based on past accomplishments, will be given waaaaay more touches than he deserves.
August 25th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
@ NNV
How you figure? He’s a huge pussy.
August 25th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I can’t wait for Marmalard to show up in Vegas and try to make it rain.
Only for the thrown money to just hang in the air and just make it cloudy.
August 25th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
^ great comment. lofty comment
August 25th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
+92 million Animal Mother
August 25th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
As a huge Chargers (and Rivers) fan who knows the guy is actually a fine teammate and a goody-goody Christian who will still drive his mini-van and have 16 more kids with his ugly high school sweetheart I must say I am terribly disappointed in this post.
I was expecting a full-on Marmalard post, shit! Does Merriman get a new contract? Fuck no. And LT had to take a pay cut. Lots of fodder for a good huh? what? Fuck you! post.
August 25th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
All of y’all who were whining that Eli “didn’t deserve” the money he got: what do you say now? Is Marmalard (and his zero Super Bowl rings) more “deserving”?
August 25th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
@ LI Matt yes he is more deserving cause he’s like 10x better. trent dilfer has a super bowl ring, that does not make him good at QB
August 25th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
@Aquaman:
Oh please, Joe Montana wasn’t 10x better than Eli is now.
And keep bringing up Trent Dilfer like it means something. Dilfer never had a 3,000-yard season (Eli’s had four), and he had 16 more INTs than TD passes in his career (Eli has 24 more TDs than picks).
August 25th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Gosh, thank heavens some wack-job mention Ben Roethlisberger’s name in some bullshit gold-digging non-criminal court case.
Otherwise, all the Steelers-haters would just have to accept Big Ben’s talent without having some humiliating and totally unsupported accusation to affiliate him with.
Yay justice!
BTW- it’s a proven fact that only self-loathing closet pedophiles hate the Steelers.
August 25th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
It’s a good thing Terrell Davis came along to get Elway a couple of Super Bowls, cause otherwise he would’ve been absolutely worthless!!… I mean, like Dan Marino worthless (talk about a guy who never deserved to make more than league minimum…)
August 26th, 2009 at 6:36 am
Winning a championship is the point of this whole exercise, isn’t it? If a player has contributed to a championship team, that counts in his favor, especially when comparing him to a player who hasn’t.
Sure, there are QBs with Super Bowl wins and not much else on their resumes: Hostetler, Rypien, etc. That doesn’t make the accomplishment meaningless.