John Elway to marry hot old chick this weekend

paige
I hope my second wife is half this hot.

Congrats to Hall of Famer John Elway and former Raiderette Paige Green who are getting married tomorrow at John’s place in Coeur d’Alene. Apparently, Elway, 49, tracked Green, 42, down after seeing her in an infomercial.

I wish had the time and wherewithal to track down random attractive women I see on television. I would be all “Hey, what’s up AT&T Rollover Minutes MILF?”

[ dscriber, Denver Post ]

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52 Responses to “John Elway to marry hot old chick this weekend”

  1. Sex Cannon and the City Says:

    I wish I was a super-bowl-winning quarterback…

  2. porky1 Says:

    If I was John Elway, I’d totally stalk and bag Rosetta Stone Infomercial Huge Rack Chick.

  3. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Worse looking commercial chick: the one on the Progressive insurance commercials. She is frightening.

  4. Walter Sobchack Says:

    @ Porky: Absolutely Rosetta Stone. When I watch DVR and that commercial comes on I don’t fast forward.

    Also, and many will probably say it weird, but I think the chick in the Progressive Insurance commercials has always seemed like she’s sending me messages that she wants to do me.

  5. Walter Sobchack Says:

    @ UU: Maybe I’m mistaking her frightening ways for physical attraction to me

  6. mullet Says:

    Seeing as they are friends, this wedding could easily be turned into a horrible Rick Reilly essay. It’s already got the subtle teeth reference built in.

  7. Animal Mother Says:

    How come every time I track down some random hot chick I see on TV or at the train station my proposals of marriage are met with screams and/or restraining orders and everyone telling me I’m some sort of stalker?

    It’s just not fair!

  8. Enrico Pallazzo Says:

    Don’t worry about Flo the Progressive Chick…she’s having a threeway with Vince the ShamWow guy and Ron Popeil.

  9. Spatula Says:

    @UU Come on man, she’s a chunky monkey. Think Monica Lewinsky but with a personality.

  10. jackin'4beats Says:

    I want to stalk the “You gotta buy a Mercury” chick. She can keep the heels on while I do her.

  11. C-Student Says:

    @ UU

    you beat me to Flo, from progressive insurance. instant boner killer.

  12. Rowdy Roddy Peeper Says:

    i think the progressive girl is into anal. just a hunch.

  13. Upstate Underdog Says:

    @Spatula, “think Monica Lewinsky”, no thanks. And it’s not that she is a little chunky. It’s the pasty skin and crazy eyes that scare the hell out of me.

  14. Walter Sobchack Says:

    If we’re going to talk about insurance girls…then I wish I could animate myself and bang the shit out of the esurance girl.

  15. Rocco Says:

    @j4B: Hell yes, Mercury girl aka Jill Wagner is smoking hot.

  16. Sea Otter Says:

    You just know that Flo does things you haven’t even read about. (”Dear Penthouse: I never thought that this would happen to a guy like me…”) It would be kind of like an hour with Madonna – not something you would want to do regularly, but probably very educational…

  17. Danger Guerrero Says:

    No discussion of infomercial chicks is complete w/o the titsticks from “Shortcuts to Internet Millions”.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVhEprAlBgY

  18. Otto Man Says:

    I heard Elway was planning on leaving her at the altar in Baltimore and then eloping with some skank in Denver.

  19. Bubby Brister's Mop Says:

    The only commercial I don’t fast forward past on my DVR is the 542542 Text Message Q&A service one. The chick playing the Text Message Answer Agent and hanging out with the vaguely gay dude is REALLY REALLY fine. I think they realize it, too, because there is one where she just randomly shows up in a bikini for the last 2 seconds for no apparent reason. *

    *Except to to take screencaps and masturbate furiously.

  20. LaFarve's Next Retirement Says:

    I’m with Upstate on the Flo debate. She creeps me out.

  21. mick Says:

    Has anyone caught the buxom blonde on those Rosetta Stone commercials?

    Good God what a set of Milky eye poppers on that hosehound.

  22. mick Says:

    How rude of me to not include a video..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMNt4-xPfzY

    ah, boobs.

  23. dm72 Says:

    @Danger Guerrero

    Dammit!!! Beat me(at) to it. Both of those chicks are hot, but I’d bang the ever living shit out of that British chick, just to hear her scream nasty things in that lovely accent.

  24. Ted Says:

    I have no idea why, but I want that Oreck vacuum chic.

  25. Lil Lebowski Urban Achievers Says:

    @ Bubby Brister

    I think it’s the go-go boots + pleated skirt on the 542542 “KGB” chick that does it for me.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5dsG11Brco&feature=related

  26. JG Says:

    Lesley Ann Machado is the Rosetta Stone girl. She just married some douchenozzle.

    http://www.facebook.com/therealles?ref=ts

  27. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    I nominate JG for Stalker of the Year.

    I need someone to second the motion.

  28. CobraCommander Says:

    I second that motion

  29. Bill Cowher's Chiclets Says:

    @ OttoMan

    Why are you and I the only ones to remember Elway’s tantrum at draft day?

  30. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    @Bill

    Because kids these days are functionally retarded and can only remember the last QB to do that?

    /Elisha

    //Only 26, but kids in HS now cause me to weep for this country

    ///Weep from my eyes, not my dick

  31. Mo Charlo Says:

    Chick from the BlackBerry Storm commercial. Frealz.

  32. jackin'4beats Says:

    @Bubby Brister: no need to thank me, just doing my job

    http://542542.com/videos/12-bet-your-skirt

  33. Mo Charlo Says:

    Michele Nunes is the chick from BlackBerry Storm commercials. (Furthermore, if you hate the iPhone, try a Storm on for size. I’ll prematurely accept your apologies.)

    http://www.michelle-nunes.com/

    Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze!

  34. Sport's Fedora Says:

    Thank you for bringing attention to this. I, too, have found myself strangely attracted to that rollover minutes mom. Maybe it’s the way she bosses everyone around. I’d roll HER over for a few minutes. Hey ohhhhh!

  35. DancingBaptist Says:

    + 1 to whoever said the hot woman in the blue dress for I think it’s the Buick? Wow, I could….wait…be back in 10 minutes.

  36. Otto Man Says:

    @ OttoMan

    Why are you and I the only ones to remember Elway’s tantrum at draft day?

    I’m a Chiefs fan and my hatred of that horse-faced idiot runs deep. I can’t find it, but I remember him making some snide “thanks for trading me, Baltimore!” joke back when he was inducted in the Hall of Fame. No, no. Thanks for being an asshole, John.

  37. Gern Says:

    Esurance girl>Judy Jetson??????

  38. The Pirate Sloth Says:

    I’d find the Progressive chick.

  39. therealthing Says:

    I’m kinda shocked no one mentioned “Lauren” from the Windows commercial(s). I think she’s cute, and no worse than fucking Flo from Progressive.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIS6G-HvnkU (Ignore the Mac/PC bantering in the comments section)

    Honorable mention: That chick in the tight pink shirt in the HP/Verizon commercial. Incredible rack, almost made me get an mini-notebook. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqsR68mHE0A

  40. SoulFunkJesus Says:

    She looks like she uses a strap-on and rides Elway like the pony boy he is.

  41. Benji Says:

    I dig Flo the Progressive Insurance chica. I am however extremely upset that the milf from New York’s local area Lexus dealers has been replaced by Lynn Hoffman. The prior lexus lady just seemed classy but with a nasty side.

    Jill from the mercury commercials is the winner, though, as her dress is rather sheer. Still can’t compete with the Kate Walsh cadillac ads for some “rapid gear-shifting.”

  42. alter(my)ego Says:

    We Baltimorons like a good drunk. I think it’s the Law of Similar Attraction. We hated Irsay. Not a good drunk. We hated Elway because he reminded us of what a douche Irsay was. We love Art Modell, because he’s a good drunk.

  43. Maudes_Mustache Says:

    The Progressive chick doesn’t look as much like a “stalker ex- girlfriend” in normal pictures:

    http://images.tvrage.net/people/4/11841.jpg

  44. The Howitzer Says:

    Like the Mercury girl and Judy Jets..er I mean the esurance animated one. (It’s gotta be f!cked up when an animated chick reminds you of another hot animated chick who reminds you of Archie comic book Betty, who I would jack off to in High School). Anyway, I would trade them all in for a night with Stacy London (does some womanie shampoo commercial).

  45. Guy Manndude Says:

    I tried to stalk the esurance girl for a while before someone told me she wasn’t real. I guess now I don’t have to win a superbowl.

  46. Cheyne Stoking Says:

    I wonder what it was that first attracted Paige Green to millionaire John Elway?

  47. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Thank you, porky1, Walter, mick and JG.

    The Double Bubble from the Rosetta Stone ads is one of my all-time favorite spokesmodels. I always get pissed off when the gray-beard is the spokesman, but the Asian chick who says she’s “learned more in two weeks thans in months of taking formal classes” is still pretty good.

    Damn, I’ve seen that Rosetta Stone commercial a shameful number of times.

  48. BadLiberal Says:

    Does anyone besides me remember that redheaded woman who used to pitch for HughesNet? The satellite ISP? She was skinny and kind of annoying and way overdid the hand motions to Emphasize Her Enthusiasm.

    And oh my Lord I wanted to nail her.

  49. Fred Rico Says:

    So,when Elway stalks women from TV commercials they marry him,and Progressive Insurance slaps me with a restraing order,and you’re telling me America isn’t an elitist society?

  50. Paul Says:

    Are you guys forgetting about the chick from the YellowBook ads? Holy crap is she hot. Alexandra Daddario in case you’re wondering.

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9mq55_alexandra-daddario-in-yellowbook-ad_lifestyle

  51. sassafrass Says:

    Shades of Michael Scott. Except this time the woman hadn’t died in a car crash by the time he tracked her down.

  52. Jason Says:

    This might just be a New York commercial, but the woman who blends a drink before smoking, I would plow her all over..

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