F—KING LAZY OLD C—KSUCKER F—K
08.18.09
Oh, so NOW you decide to sign, you fucking cockrut? Only now, because you were too fucking old and lazy to actually bother with training camp, you stubbled assgazer? I am supposed to be relieved that you finally “changed your mind”, you fucking douchetender? Oh, thank God you’re here! Thank God the man who had a worse passer rating than T-Jack and Gus Frerotte combined last year, AND threw more picks than both of them, is now in the fold! Huzzah! Another triumphant playoff loss to the Eagles is all but assured now!
Say, this is funny. Remember two weeks ago, when Brett Favre told Lofty Peter King just how devastated he was that he had to say no to the Vikings? When really he just was just lying right through his fucking bumpkin teeth because he didn’t want to bother to do things like get into shape or learn the playbook? That was fun. And I’m crazy excited for the press conference later today, when he explains that he changed his mind when really, he didn’t want to bother to do things like get into shape or learn the playbook. BUT THAT’S BRETT FAVRE FOR YOU. HE JUST LOVES THE GAME TOO DAMN MUCH.
YOU MASSIVE SHITBURGLAR. NOW I HAVE TO SPEND A WHOLE GODDAMN YEAR PRETENDING TO WISH YOU WELL WHEN, IN FACT, I HOPE YOU FALL OFF YOUR PORCH AND HAVE YOUR THROAT SLASHED BY A BEER BOTTLE. I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU FUCK.
Look, I get that the Vikings have a real problem with the QB position. But really, does anyone think the ultimate solution for this team is a 39-year-old pick machine who confesses to having a tired body and doesn’t actually want to do any of the hard work involved with playing the position successfully? That’s what makes Favre so fucking annoying. “Fuggit. I’ll jusgeddoutdurr anthrowitaroun.” This guy has been in the league for years and years, and he still somehow thinks he doesn’t have to do any of the shit everyone else has to do to win games. He’s quarterbacks the way Steve fucking Spurrier coaches.
The fact of the matter is that Brett Favre doesn’t actually love football. Say what you will about Peyton Manning, but that guy genuinely loves the football: studying tape and all that shit. Favre doesn’t. He just loves being a football player. He likes running out having people scream his name and all that shit. That’s all. And that’s fine. I don’t begrudge any man that right. But I don’t want to hear about how he’s coming back for the love of the game. If he loved the game so much, he’d work to NOT FUCKING SUCK AT IT WHEN IT COUNTS. Just the kind of player who fits into the Vikings organization. I hate that I root for this goddamn team.
It’s gonna be a long year. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Newt-Gingrich-Releases-2010-Tax-Return1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/pkpti-150x150.jpg)
Hello.This article was extremely fascinating, particularly since I was searching for thoughts on this matter last Wednesday.
Hello!
california sr22 auto insurance , business mortgage loan calculator , cash flow mortgage loan , car loan finance rates , cheap nail tech student loans indiana ,
Ahh the hate is strong in this one. Very strong indeed.
As a Bears fan this brings me back to my high school days when I would loudly curse and throw things at my TV as I watched Sir Wrangler rape and pillaged the Bears defense, I now look forward to the day where Cutler shreds the Vikes secondary as the Land Baron helplessly chucks the ball into the waiting hands of the Bears secondary/ Urlacher.
Such beautiful poetry it will be.
The solution to this problem is so simple, I can’t believe nobody has thought of it yet. The only thing Brett Favre loves more than football is vicodin. Call your dealer, and he’ll be back in Topeka drying out in two weeks.
BDD we must be long lost twins, awesome rant, I can’t stand the fact that the fuckin sperm burpin, hemorrhoid suckin self centered egomaniacal twat fuck is on the Vikings and anybody that says we are not true fans is a fuck pure and simple.
Boss Hogge –
We actually had some lame riots after the UoM men’s hockey team won the NCAA title two years in a row or something. I don’t know, I don’t really follow hockey, but I went to Dinky Town when they were happening and it was fairly embarrassing. I think there was only one car on fire and maybe, two? rape victims?
We’re due for another one, I guess.
Oh yeah, and they don’t have any caliber at head coach, with “The Child”
If the Vikes were a bad team, this wouldn’t be a big deal. The problem is that they’re Super Bowl caliber everywhere except at QB, so with Purple Jesus and their loaded defense (as it looks like the Williamses will avoid suspensions this year), they probably will make the playoffs despite BrittFarr, and then he’ll throw four picks against some good defense, and Minnesota will riot over a sporting event for the first time ever and lead the nation in suicides.
Praying for the Metrodome turf to do its work…
Hey Guys, Relax. Brett just had to wait until his private locker room was constructued before he signed. Could you imagine what would have happend if Brett would’ve had to first sleep in a dorm and THEN change next to his teammates?!?! As if.
What are you talking about!? Signing with the vikings just in the nick of time before the season really gets going? Thats the definition of Clutch!
Favre is the Jason Stackhouse of the NFL.
Anyone taking odds as to whether Cheesehead Judas is anything more than a pile of dust in a purple #4 jersey after back-to-backs with Bawlmer and da Stillers?
Wow. Well, a couple things:
1) Brett Favre sucks. He’s old and bad. He’s been that way for a number of years now.
2) Brett Favre is a media whore. He’s worse than Michael Jordan ever was, only he’s nowhere near the talent level of Jordan.
3) Those of you who say you are going to cheer for Favre and “He’s earned the right to play” are all witless douchenozzles. He’s a selfish fuck who doesn’t care about anything but himself and having people suck his cock.
4) While the NFC North is really fucking bad, I don’t think we have to worry about the Vikings making the playoffs. The only question in my mind at this point is whether Chilly will still be coaching by week 17.
Really, there’s nothing to see here. This is the most non-story story in years. Favre will be bad, the Vikings will be bad, Childress will lose his job, Wylf will clean house. And the merry-go-round will begin again in the spring. And all of this would happen whether Brett Favre played for the Vikings this year or not.
/Limp with hate
I think I would love to see a post with a discussion between Favre and the Sex Cannon discussing the greater points of “fuck it, I’m throwing it downfield.” And then Sexy Rexy tries to talk about Favre’s daughters…it’s just money.
Oh, and add another voice onto the “please, Bernard, cripple this assbag” train.
DOUBLE FUCK!
Fuck, does this mean that Madden is coming out of retirement?
Forget Bernard Pollard…..can’t we get Lord Brett of the Pick-Six hooked up with a twentysomething Iranian with a fidelity complex and ready access to a 9 mm?
@Navin R. Johnson: Exactly. We all know the Eagles will not be in the playoffs this season.
“Squirmin’ Thurman Says: Mark is the COOLEST Vikings FAN ever. He STRIKES fear in the HEART of every Packer fan ever. Also, he FUCKED Tim Couch in the ass with a double-sided dildo, while FUCKING himself in the ass with the other side of said dildo. True story.” Whatever. I could never be as COOL as you. By the way; you might want to keep your vagina with you in the COOL area, because I can smell it from here in Toronto.
“Actual Vikings Fan Says: The author of this article is obviously not a real Vikings fan. He’d rather see the Vikings lose than see them win a Super Bowl with Favre on the team. Hate of an individual player should never trump love for a team. God bless Brett Favre. What better way to stick it to the Packers, regardless of his performance as a Viking. Win or lose, he’s wearing purple now. The Packers and their fans will never be able to accept that. Go Favre, but more importantly, go Vikings!” OBVIOUSLY. Thanks.
By the way: I hate Brett Favre, but I think he is a top 5 QB and I will CHEER for him AND the Vikings.
The WWL just had some sort of “kakke” party with the date October 5th. Here’s to Aaron Kampman going Kimo on Favre in front of the football world and end it forever.
Hah! I love it when other teams sign suckass players.
FUCK!
Fucking Douche. I hope Bernard Pollard hobbles his FUCKING COCKTASTING ATTENTION WHORE OF A BACKWARDS ASS COUNTRY TAINTLICKING BLUE JEAN STUBBLE FACED SWINE FUCKING ASS!
And thus, Brittfarr has earned the ire of every fanbase in the league. I can’t believe anyone anywhere could root for him anymore.
Why do you root for the Vikings, again?
I barely pay attention to anything football-related, and even I am sick of hearing about this asshole Favre. I hate indecision. Real or feigned.
I’m reminded of what one broadcaster said when the Cav’s signed Shaq and people were going ga-ga, “The Cavs got 2009 Shaq, not 2005 Shaq.”
As a Packers fan, I’m just waiting for that point during the season when Childress will realize that Favre can LOSE you games you should have won.
I can imagine the look on his face now, and the press conference afterwords! The schadenfreude!
http://media.jsonline.com/images/185*139/hailthenewqueen1.jpg
^Favre as a Viqueen
Brittfar and the Vikings play the Chiefs in the pre-season. I hope that KC has given Pollard the Gigantosaur’s special rape roids.
Jesus Christ. I don’t give a flying fuck about Favre fucking around for the Vikings this year, because, eh, I don’t care about the Vikings, but this means once the season is over, we’ll have to sit through ANOTHER five thousand fucking hours of ESPN slurping on Favre’s left nut and “will he or won’t he.”
That’s it, I’m making it official. I’m putting a fifty dollar bounty on Favre’s knees. Like was done for Tom Brady last year, now needs to be done for Favre. Someone take out both his knees so that the fucking yokel has no choice but to fucking retire, and I will pay said player a crisp fifty dollar bill.
God bless Brett Favre. What better way to stick it to the Packers, regardless of his performance as a Viking. Win or lose, he’s wearing purple now. The Packers and their fans will never be able to accept that.
So you’re more interested in sticking it to the Packers than actually winning enough games to make the playoffs. Who’s the real fan again?
I wish he wore Uncle Leo’s eyebrow scowl in all of his pictures.
Well at least any speculation of Favre’s possible return is over.
Til next February
“You know I almost pity those poor bastards, I really do.” George S Patton
Bahahahahaha EAT SHIT DREW!!!! Go Pack!!!
I am expecting a KSK bounty on the land baron any day now
You guys are deader than my Granny at one of Obama’s death panels.
I was listening to KFAN all morning as the news continued to trickle in. My only thought thru it all:
“I hope Drew from KSK is serving up some hateade with this”
I hit up my Bloglines box and there it was.
Well played sir. I look forward to the Vikes’ INT and TD record being snapped by Week 10
Thank you Football God!
Anybody read Peter King’s tweets? Even he seems to think this was a mistake, calling Favre “wishy washy”
Worst
Day
Ever.
After getting drunk to celebrate the death of Brett Favre this stings even more. Cover me in painful bloody jizz and shoot me in the back of the head.
I hope MNF does another “our Brett” montage this year. Instead of Kornheiser giving BrittFar a rimjob, we’ll get Gruden calling him a “tagnacious faggot”.
/crosses fingers
I know I’m captain obvious, but it’s simple, Bretty pooh did NOT want to stay in the dorms at camp.
The author of this article is obviously not a real Vikings fan. He’d rather see the Vikings lose than see them win a Super Bowl with Favre on the team. Hate of an individual player should never trump love for a team.
God bless Brett Favre. What better way to stick it to the Packers, regardless of his performance as a Viking. Win or lose, he’s wearing purple now. The Packers and their fans will never be able to accept that.
Go Favre, but more importantly, go Vikings!
Maybe Michael Jackson should have sought out Brett Farve or Al Davis in his quest to learn how to live forever. Then he’d still be here b/c those other 2 cock suckers know a thing or two about never dying.
This is an historic, sad day for PK-watchers. The PK-BrittFarr romance is over. I haven’t felt this way since Joey and Dawson broke up for the first time. Confused, disappointed, ashamed, wistful. I always thought I’d have the disturbing, borderline-homophobic images of their unholy unions to fall back on when the NFL is on hiatus. But his cheatin’ heart has hurt Peter, and us, for the last time.
/fights back a sniffle
Moving on, is Peter King seriously going to boycott a hotel chain because they inconvenienced him? He’s really pushing the myopic, misguided, champion-of-the-little-man thing to new heights. I wish KSK could take some credit for driving him mad with power, but it sounds like thousands of equally selfish and unhappy middle-aged Tweeters are on his side. At least we’re close to taking away their Medicare.
Godspeed little toasters.
//off to print out today’s PK column and put it in the last page of the #4 scrapbook
This is what my summer has been like:
http://purplejesus.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/fubrettfavre.png?w=500&h=427
/crossing fingers that I don’t fuck up a link …
Mark is the COOLEST Vikings FAN ever. He STRIKES fear in the HEART of every Packer fan ever. Also, he FUCKED Tim Couch in the ass with a double-sided dildo, while FUCKING himself in the ass with the other side of said dildo. True story.
The Vikings homepage just expresses Homonisum.
Yeah, Favre will just hand off, because he knows that’s what is best for the team in that particular situation.
That will totally happen.
/ACL joke
Oh, my precious purple.
How you find new and interesting ways to fuck with my life.
Vegas needs to come out with an over/under on how many interceptions Favre will throw this season. I’d say a good number is 20, and I’d say over.
Mark Says:
August 18th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
@Rob in WI: Why 50 passes? The Vikings Will run all over the CHEESE.
You’re missing a key point as to WHY Brittfarr wants to come back and why he wants to come back to the Vikings… to stick it to Ted Thompson and the Packers. Why, he can’t stick it to them by handing it off to AP 30+ times in those games, ol brittfarr needs to gunsling it down the field 50 times each game to prove a point.
Not a coincidence that Brett’s last good year was when McCarthy gave him less room to audible and actually held him accountable.
It’s great that the Vikings finally have that “last piece of the puzzle in place.” What a crock of shit. I’m a Broncos fan, so I know what it feels like to have one person (McDaniels/Cutler- take your pick) shit all over your team. I’m not a Packers or Vikings fan, and I never had a reason to tune into this rivalry, but I will be cheering my nuts off for Green Bay when they rack up a few pick-sixes against Minnesota. Favre is the quintessence of what it is to be a douchebag. I actually feel really bad for BDD and other Vikings fans like him, but not the kool-aid drinking ones who are buying into the Favre-will-take-us-to-the-Super-Bowl mentality. Dumbasses.
check out the vikings website. wow.
http://www.vikings.com/
Get them while you can
http://www.vikingsfanshop.com/vikings-merchandise.php
die, BigJimSlade
condolences, Drew and the rest of you Vikings fans
I know it’s already been said, but you actually think the vikings are going to be in a position to lose to the Eagles in the playoffs??? BBBWWWWAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Hopefully this will be the most violent year for quarterbacks ever. Favre at Minnesota, Paulus at Syracuse. Mmmm I can’t wait
Brett Favre or all the (cough, cough) “sportsmedia” who OBSESS over him?
@Pacman Yes the FF implications of this shitstorm are EVIL … and delicious!
Your team is fucked. Sorry.
I wish there was some Favre/Vick/Cutler-free time for us football fans.
I also wish my dick was longer and thicker and more satisfying for my wife and my mistress.
How silly of me.
Now I get to talk this first timer in my fantasy league to jump at Favre in the first round, MUUAAHH!
Awesome! Utterly thrilled. Sorry, Drew, but this makes your website even funnier than usual. I look forward to reading your hopefully painfully-prolonged vitriol….
I’ll especially like the part where Favre repeatedly audibles out of handoffs to Purple Jesus to instead chuck it downfield.
Peterson might strangle him in the huddle before the end of the first half of the opener.
“The fact of the matter is that Brett Favre doesn’t actually love football. Say what you will about Peyton Manning, but that guy genuinely loves the football: studying tape and all that shit. Favre doesn’t. He just loves being a football player.” – fucking gold Drew
After suffering through years of emotional abuse at the hands of his decreasing arm strength and questionable decision making, actually being able to sit back and enjoy watching him throw balls up for grabs will be a deeply healing experience.
Just for the record, the Giants did not beat the Pack in the 07 NFC Championship; the cold crawled in through Favre’s gaping vagina and beat the Pack.
Headline 1 week from today:
FAVRE FEELS FATIGUED IN FIRST PRESEASON GAME, DEBATING RE-RE-RE-RE-RETIREMENT.
Oh, to be the agent of NFC North DB in a contract year.
As much as PK annoys me, I wouldn’t mind boycotting the Westin. Overbooking is such a dick thing to do to customers.
See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7uvttu8ct0
@mark
We Cowboy fans are not sheep, we fuck sheep. (You know ’cause we’re all hicks and shit.) Now BEND OVER!!
BREAKING NEWS: Peter King ‘Leaning Toward’ a One Year Westin Boycott
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/peter_king/08/18/favre/1.html
Great protest. Lofty protest.
PK is creaming his wranglers.
I hope that when he is most visible ( like on a PrimeTime MNF game or something ), he uncorks a pass and his entire torso rips clean away from his lower half, bathing the entire stadium in a fucking Tsunami of semi coagulated blood piss and bile mixed in with some meat chunks. Just a veritable 9/11, a one-man gore-fest if you will.
The entire stadium falls silent as you hear a single “Ummmm” from Mike Tirico come through the microphone.
Only then will I be happy.
this down-home cum-basted clompdonkey
Damn, how did Drew miss this? Lofty, sir, +4 pick-6s (Favre’s average per game for the season).
@Grimace: you’re absolutely right sir. I’m having visions of Charles Woodson standing in a Metrodome endzone with the football.
/starts rubbing boner
We need Laserface to ask Bernard Pollard and Kimo Von Oelhoffen to go hunting…
I too pray that when the Steelers play them, that Favre receives a solid disembowelment.
@Rob in WI: Why 50 passes? The Vikings Will run all over the CHEESE.