brettfavre2

Oh, so NOW you decide to sign, you fucking cockrut? Only now, because you were too fucking old and lazy to actually bother with training camp, you stubbled assgazer? I am supposed to be relieved that you finally “changed your mind”, you fucking douchetender? Oh, thank God you’re here! Thank God the man who had a worse passer rating than T-Jack and Gus Frerotte combined last year, AND threw more picks than both of them, is now in the fold! Huzzah! Another triumphant playoff loss to the Eagles is all but assured now!

Say, this is funny. Remember two weeks ago, when Brett Favre told Lofty Peter King just how devastated he was that he had to say no to the Vikings? When really he just was just lying right through his fucking bumpkin teeth because he didn’t want to bother to do things like get into shape or learn the playbook? That was fun. And I’m crazy excited for the press conference later today, when he explains that he changed his mind when really, he didn’t want to bother to do things like get into shape or learn the playbook. BUT THAT’S BRETT FAVRE FOR YOU. HE JUST LOVES THE GAME TOO DAMN MUCH.

YOU MASSIVE SHITBURGLAR. NOW I HAVE TO SPEND A WHOLE GODDAMN YEAR PRETENDING TO WISH YOU WELL WHEN, IN FACT, I HOPE YOU FALL OFF YOUR PORCH AND HAVE YOUR THROAT SLASHED BY A BEER BOTTLE. I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU FUCK.

Look, I get that the Vikings have a real problem with the QB position. But really, does anyone think the ultimate solution for this team is a 39-year-old pick machine who confesses to having a tired body and doesn’t actually want to do any of the hard work involved with playing the position successfully? That’s what makes Favre so fucking annoying. “Fuggit. I’ll jusgeddoutdurr anthrowitaroun.” This guy has been in the league for years and years, and he still somehow thinks he doesn’t have to do any of the shit everyone else has to do to win games. He’s quarterbacks the way Steve fucking Spurrier coaches.

The fact of the matter is that Brett Favre doesn’t actually love football. Say what you will about Peyton Manning, but that guy genuinely loves the football: studying tape and all that shit. Favre doesn’t. He just loves being a football player. He likes running out having people scream his name and all that shit. That’s all. And that’s fine. I don’t begrudge any man that right. But I don’t want to hear about how he’s coming back for the love of the game. If he loved the game so much, he’d work to NOT FUCKING SUCK AT IT WHEN IT COUNTS. Just the kind of player who fits into the Vikings organization. I hate that I root for this goddamn team.

It’s gonna be a long year. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.