F—KING LAZY OLD C—KSUCKER F—K
Oh, so NOW you decide to sign, you fucking cockrut? Only now, because you were too fucking old and lazy to actually bother with training camp, you stubbled assgazer? I am supposed to be relieved that you finally “changed your mind”, you fucking douchetender? Oh, thank God you’re here! Thank God the man who had a worse passer rating than T-Jack and Gus Frerotte combined last year, AND threw more picks than both of them, is now in the fold! Huzzah! Another triumphant playoff loss to the Eagles is all but assured now!
Say, this is funny. Remember two weeks ago, when Brett Favre told Lofty Peter King just how devastated he was that he had to say no to the Vikings? When really he just was just lying right through his fucking bumpkin teeth because he didn’t want to bother to do things like get into shape or learn the playbook? That was fun. And I’m crazy excited for the press conference later today, when he explains that he changed his mind when really, he didn’t want to bother to do things like get into shape or learn the playbook. BUT THAT’S BRETT FAVRE FOR YOU. HE JUST LOVES THE GAME TOO DAMN MUCH.
YOU MASSIVE SHITBURGLAR. NOW I HAVE TO SPEND A WHOLE GODDAMN YEAR PRETENDING TO WISH YOU WELL WHEN, IN FACT, I HOPE YOU FALL OFF YOUR PORCH AND HAVE YOUR THROAT SLASHED BY A BEER BOTTLE. I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU FUCK.
Look, I get that the Vikings have a real problem with the QB position. But really, does anyone think the ultimate solution for this team is a 39-year-old pick machine who confesses to having a tired body and doesn’t actually want to do any of the hard work involved with playing the position successfully? That’s what makes Favre so fucking annoying. “Fuggit. I’ll jusgeddoutdurr anthrowitaroun.” This guy has been in the league for years and years, and he still somehow thinks he doesn’t have to do any of the shit everyone else has to do to win games. He’s quarterbacks the way Steve fucking Spurrier coaches.
The fact of the matter is that Brett Favre doesn’t actually love football. Say what you will about Peyton Manning, but that guy genuinely loves the football: studying tape and all that shit. Favre doesn’t. He just loves being a football player. He likes running out having people scream his name and all that shit. That’s all. And that’s fine. I don’t begrudge any man that right. But I don’t want to hear about how he’s coming back for the love of the game. If he loved the game so much, he’d work to NOT FUCKING SUCK AT IT WHEN IT COUNTS. Just the kind of player who fits into the Vikings organization. I hate that I root for this goddamn team.
It’s gonna be a long year. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
August 18th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Championship.
/sarcasm
August 18th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
He’s just having fun out there.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
But he’s so OLD!
August 18th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
On the plus side, there is always a decent chance that Harrison and Woodley have a quarterback dismembering party when the Steelers play them this fall.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Must feel good to beguile your way out of another 3 weeks of training camp you fucking cock hole.
Let’s hope he plays in this weekend’s preseason game vs. KCC. I’d love Bernard Pollard to get a shot at that old sack of shit.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
buy yourself a pair.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
It’s one thing to annoy people, Brett Favre. But now you have shit all over a man’s anticipation of the football season.
That just ain’t right.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
This isn’t the first, and definitely not the last time I’ll have said this, but you really gotta feel for Sage Rosenfels here.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Favre is staying at the Minneapolis Westin tonight.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
It’s okay. It’s not like they’re gonna be paying him $12 million this year or anything.
Because that would be bad.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
And if the Vikings win the Super Bowl? Do you want the lasting image of your franchise to be Brett Favre holding up a trophy? Did you just spontaneously vomit upon hearing that? Your year is assfucked either way, BDD.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Drew is not just having fun out there
August 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Ol’ Brittfarr threw us all for a swerve there, dint he?
Oh wait, EVERYONE expected this kind of diva bullshit from Brett. The ol’ Mississippi Queen strikes again.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I am crying more than Michael Vick in prison right now. Fuck these turn of events. Fuckfuckfuck. But two things …
1) T-Jack? I know that’s what us stupid Minnesotans (No accent jokes, dick faces) call him, but you just wrote a whole article on new Cowboy nicknames. We have to find something better.
2) Hm. Really thought there’d be a lot more anger in this here article. Color me surprised.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
If I was the Packers, I’d sign B. Pollard and give him some of Merriman’s RapeySuperaids before each Vikes game.
//Fuck you Brett
August 18th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
I’m sure there are some pills that can mask the fact that his body is tired.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
I will root against the Vikings until such time as Lord Cuntingdong of the Hattiesberg Mississippi Land-Owning Cuntingdongs fractures his goddamned fucking femur.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Perhaps there’s plentiful land in Minnesota to be baron…ed?
August 18th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Just wait till Purple Jesus busts a hammy and Favre suddenly decides that retirement was really the best move… until next year when he signs with the Niners.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
I just wish PTI would have the balls to put this last in the run-down and then say, ‘oops, out of time, but Favre signed today. See you tomorrow knuckleheads.’
August 18th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
I’m truly looking forward to the Culpepper/Favre NFC North Interception-thon.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Real. Comfortable. Picks.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
/runs google search on Minnesota agriculture
Agriculture: dairy products, corn, beef cattle, soybeans, hogs, wheat, turkeys
Brit Farr ain’t no rancher. Brit Farr is a land baron. AND LAND BARONS DON’T FUCKING RANCH! OR GROW SOYBEANS!
August 18th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Hey guys, I’m a Packers fan. But hear me out. I feel sorry for you all. I was glad to see Favre go, and Rodgers step into the #1 QB spot for GB. I can’t believe anyone would actually sign what could obviously be called “sloppy seconds” — And to have him play for the NFC North again? I think it’s a bad move on the Vikings. Sorry guys, the Packers should have shot that old horse years ago and put it out of EVERYONE’s misery.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Snyder and Cerrato offered him a six year, 98 million contract.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
LT’s Happy Feet:
Actually, what is the over/under on NFC North INT’s this year between Brettsy, Daunte, Cutler, Rodgers, and assorted backups? I’m going with 68, to lead all divisions.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Goth Aaron Rogers rebuttal in 10… 9… 8…
August 18th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I don’t know Ape’s ruling on the Britt Farr saga, but this should totally be grounds for switching team allegiance. Lord knows my team has had some douches on it but none approaching the level of the old Cumslinger.
The Redskins Bandwagon is calling you, BDD. Go to it.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I thought that Steve Spurrier was the Steve Spurrier of quarterbacking.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
porky1: I could see the NFC north leading all other divisions COMBINED.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
This is the GREATEST EVENT IN THE HISTORY OF FOOTBALL.
1. Favre will either completely, finally, DESTROY his legacy, or become the LIVING LEGEND he so longs to be
2. Drew Magery will get off his lazy, ‘hey I’m a real writer now who actually gets paid people’ ass more often and write more often, with greater vitriol
3. Vick. Now Favre. Sanchez. Stafford.
We are all witnesses.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Vikings fans, you’re about to get GUNSLUNG…..HARD!
August 18th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
So a $100 bounty on Favre’s knee Drew?
August 18th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
But what of the Rosencopter?
August 18th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Why the hate for ‘ole #4? He’s just a little kid running around out there having fun and playing the game the way it was meant to be played runnin’ around gun slingin’ and huntin’ and puttin’ it all on the line and drawing up plays in the sand with his finger and fartin’ in the huddle to make guys laugh and playing practical jokes in the locker room like hangin’ dead animals in lockers or dressin’ in a separate room and runnin’ and throwin’ and playin’ the game like they did in the throwback days and he should be wearing a leather helmet he’s so tough and he plays the way we’d play the game if we could, but we can’t, and it’s all just classic Favre. The ole’ little kid gun slinger.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I can’t wait for the inevitable High Noon confrontation between the evil Land Baron and Buckshot Rosenfels.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
So I guess Brittfar will ride Purple Jesus’ coattails into some MVP talk until December rolls around and he shits the bed on the Vikings playoff chances?
August 18th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Steve Spurrier was a quarterback first.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
you have about 45 seconds to look at pk’s wiki page under other work before they take that down
August 18th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
(Gently tastes article … swishes it around in his mouth) … Needs more rape …
August 18th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
This is the gift that keeps on giving for this site.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
$12 million for one year from a busted up interception-prone QB?
Dear God what is this world coming to
August 18th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
I’m enjoying the guaranteed playoff loss to the Eagles aspect.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Holy $#!*
$12 mil for a one year deal? How the hell does the Land Barron justify that kind of price tag? It’s like the Vikes would be paying him $500K per pick (that he throws).
How on Earth is this old decrepit bag of bones possibly worth $12 mil for 16 games?!
What is wrong with this world?!
August 18th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I don’t know what’s worse – Farve playing again or the resuscitation of PK’s gravy train
August 18th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Damn! StuScottBooyah was thinking the same thing as me, only 2 minutes faster!
Ah well, at least we can agree that douche-Favre isn’t worth T-Jack.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I am so furious right now. My team’s owners/managers sold OUR soul! For what?? Do they want to break the interception record this year?
We had better get a new stadium out of this. The Minnesotans I remember are greedy, lazy fuckfaces and don’t want to pay for a new Metrodome because the Vikings haven’t won a SB yet. Maybe with King FavRE ‘at the helm’ they’ll shell out and we won’t have to move to LA…because I would have to throw myself off of a cliff if we did.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
This may be my favorite post of yours ever, BDD.
Also, I can’t wait for the crowd reaction when he throws a game-losing INT late in the first game against the Pack. Because you know that’s pretty much guaranteed to happen.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
hahahahahahahaha! This makes my day. A couple more hate filled weeks from BDD pretty much in the bag. Watch out Pick City the Viqueens are coming to town!
August 18th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
2009 Bears interception count just went up by 5.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Fuck I hate him so fucking much that fucking fuckface fuckhead fucker fuck! And I’m not even a Vikings fan.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
. . . until next year when he signs with the Niners.
Fuck you, BigJimSlade. Fuck. You.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Another triumphant playoff loss to the Eagles is all but assured now!
A playoff appearance? Are you insane?
August 18th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Guaranteed loss in the playoffs? Since when does 6-10 get you into the playoffs?
August 18th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
fuck you brett farve fuck you
August 18th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
I never thought it would be possible to get a downgrade from T-Jack and Frerotte, but Childress has managed nicely.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
But now you won’t have to burn the purple Favre jersey you bought last week while on vacation. That’s good news right?
/Oh c’mon don’t be like that…
//There, there, now…
August 18th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Even PK crapped on the Land Baron today on Twitter. I think Vick’s got a better PR image now.
As for #4, treasure him, America. He will unite us all, blue states and red, in utter hatred. Just give him 4-5 more years, and 4-5 more destroyed franchises…
August 18th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Did you see Cris Carter’s reaction on ESPN? He is downright offended by this signing…it was actually pretty hilarious to watch.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
@Gross Rexman @Westbrook: I’m one step ahead of everybody today
August 18th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Mr. King is scheduled to be a presenter at the 2009 Thai-American Trans-Gender Child Pornography awards.
nice work, adam
August 18th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
@ladyrockess: There are cliffs in Minnesota?
August 18th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Not gonna lie, I usually love the Minneapolis radio station KFAN, but how the fuck are they excited about this?!
August 18th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Apparently Brittfarr has a tear in his rotator cuff. Had to ‘help’ Peter King with something when he told him he signed with the Vikes, I’d wager.
. . . until next year when he signs with the Niners.
…NO. FOR FUCK’S SAKE NO. SHAUN HILL THROW FOR 12 SCORES THIS YEAR PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
August 18th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Why
Your
Team
Sucks
August 18th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
@DMtShooter:
He’s apparently already destroyed Deadspin(?)
August 18th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Condolences, Drew. You’ve gotta be hating Zygi and Childress right now for allowing the drama to continue.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Nice to see that “Eugene Chung” and “Adam” are the same person.
Way to pat yourself on the back for an unfunny joke.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
LMFAO. Your tears are like sweet, sweet honey.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
@adam: Yeah, but wtf is up with both his daughters (both college graduates) living at home still? Nothing says successful adult like graduating and moving back with mom and dad.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
It’s better when your team is strugggling.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Another triumphant playoff loss to the Eagles is all but assured now!
Dear God … I fear ESPN’s Favre-Vick overload already.
I also hope for Ape’s sake there’s nothing in his book about Favre that would render it slightly-outdated on Day 1.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
This will be a BANNER YEAR at the ‘ol KSK family…
August 18th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
PK on Twitter:
“MMQB Tuesday, up by 1 pm: This is now officially a circus. Favre wishy-washiest player in memory, Vikes his enablers. This is ridiculous.”
Someone didn’t get texted by Favre to let him know this was coming!
August 18th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Hey, did you guys hear?
Favre’s coming back.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
@G.G.:
Cancel that: it’s back up. Boy, I really Favre’d THAT call….
August 18th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Nothing to do with Preseason. Mike Vick outdid him on dramatics. He had to play his ace and win the game.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
@TTGT
I guess PK forgot to mention how he’s personally enabled Brittfar through the years with all of his written/verbal suck-a-thon’s (and most likely physical rim jobs as well).
August 18th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Ya know, I used to have a lot of respect for Favre when I was younger. Now, he just keeps adding to his legend of intolerable douche. Brad Childress is borderline retarded. Cutler, Favre, Culpepper and Rodgers. Oh, what a group.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
“Don’t believe for a minute that the Brett Favre thing is over. He doesn’t like “training camps”, and I’ll leave it at that.” – From BiloxiJim when Brett “retired”. Dude is a wise sage and we should all bow to his all-powerful soothsaying abilities.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I’m so, so angry. And like you, Drew, I;m a Vikings fan who lives in DC, so I have to deal with this AND the fact that suddenly nobody in this stupid town will shut up about the goddamn Redskins.
I hate football season.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
YES YES YES! I can’t wait to unleash my load on the Land Baron’s foot after we sword fight in the showers this year.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Sweet! Two Lions wins! The Aging Diva won’t be in game shape mentally or physically by the time the first game is played, and will be totally in her second-half seasonal decline when they play again! Not even Purple Jesus will be able to save you from the humiliation!
August 18th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Nothing says ‘Attention whore’ quite like Brett Favre.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Okay, the bidding starts now to take a dive on this Wrangler wearing asshat. We all put in our work in Westin-like accommodations for training camp while this donkey fucker is fluffing his beard with that fine ass of Deanna Favre’s? Fuck all that noise. We’ll start the bidding at $500…
August 18th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
As a lifelong Packer fan whose love of the franchise is greater than the greatest player that the franchise has ever had…I hope Ted Thompson gets the phone numbers of the Navy SEAL pirate snipers and gives them a luxury box with a direct line of sight for that game. Two rules: Exploding bullets…and aim for the douche’s balls.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Heh, heh. Good one – The Steve Spurrier of quarterbacking.
I guess that makes Steve Spurrier the Chuck Long of Coaching?
August 18th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I wonder if he’ll be throwing against the Chiefs on Friday? Because if so, I think I need to give Bernard Pollard an envelope full of money and a single request…
August 18th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
“He’s the fucking Steve Spurrier of quarterbacking. ”
Steve Spurrier was a quarterback.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
@Kimbo Gash: +310. (career interception total)
August 18th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
You drop your guard for one second trying to ruin a chain of hotels and this is the thanks I get?
August 18th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Sorry Drew… but as a Packer fan who’s moved on to a younger, better thing… I’m gonna enjoy this season even more. Especially the two packer-vikes games where Favre will try to throw 50 passes in each, all into double coverage… there is NO WAY this ends well for you. Childress doesn’t have the balls to stand up to brittfarr. The only hope is AP crushing his throwing hand on their intro handshake.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Hey! You can’t compare Spurrier to Long…Chuck never had a Heisman to sully.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Even money sez Joe Kapp scalps him after BrittFarr chunks 6 pick-6s in week one.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I just watched the MNF guys weigh in on Favre’s signing. Here’s what they said:
John Gruden: “I’m jealous to be honest with you … This guy brings so much to a football team … Brett Favre will bring so much life to that organization, the Minnesota Vikings are for real now.”
Ron Jaworski: “They are the team to beat in my opinion now … they are now a complete team.”
Tirico pointed out at the end that the first meeting between the Packers and Vikings will be on Oct. 5 on Monday Night Football, at which point Jaworski pumped his fist like a little kid and said “Yeah!”
That is going to be a shitacular game to watch, folks.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
I’m gonna’ need to mute that fuckin’ game, Stu.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Tirico pointed out at the end that the first meeting between the Packers and Vikings will be on Oct. 5 on Monday Night Football, at which point Jaworski pumped his fist like a little kid and said “Yeah!”
That is going to be a shitacular game to watch, folks.
Hell, that might be the first game in NFL in which both teams’ OBs have more picks than completions combined. Purple Jesus better be in shape this year.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Person who’s loving this story? Michael Vick
Hypocrite of the year? Peter King
What still hasn’t changed? Redskins flame out in the regular season
@whatchatalkin’boutwillis: with all the missin’ G’s from your post you could start your own sports beverage line.
@Viking’s Fans in general: ROFLMAO. A million times ROFLMAO.
I wonder what a man has to say about this?
August 18th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Taking all bets! When will Favre first be booed out of the Metrodome?
I got Week 6 against the Ravens!
August 18th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Needs more Travis Henry
August 18th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Anyone have a price tag on Bernard Pollard’s services? I’ve seen his work and it’s clear he takes pride in his craft.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
As a Packers fan, I think this is awesome. As an Iowa State fan, not so much. I know a guy who talks to Sage Rosenfels weekly, and Sage has told him that Brad Childress doesn’t understand the game of football. Now we have proof.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I heard he did 24 situps yesterday and threw a few deep passes to the Fuckhole, Mississippi JV squad’s scout offense. So I don’t know what everyone’s worried about, he’s gonna be fine.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I really have no words to add. You have all said it so well. Some succinctly, some with an abundance of f-bombs. All true, lofty words. I think Ben was going for a Will Leitch fartmeter. And did what…willis leave out any Favaro cliches? I don’t think so.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
This is what I was waiting for. Bravo Drew excellent hatred right there. I liked the part where you got angry. Either way BDD you’re fucked
August 18th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
How’s the saying go? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, mandatory castration.
What a fucking asshole. And nice job Drew, you didn’t disappoint.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Jesus fucking shit biscuits.
FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!
August 18th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
This is what happens when you make fun of Tysons Corner.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Synderatto would have offered 10 years 100 million, fortythree, with the Danny not able to conceal his jizz stained pants
August 18th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
My brother sent me probably the best text ever:
“Is there a bigger joke in sports than how dumb Farve makes ESPN look every year?”
August 18th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
@StuScottBooyahs: I wonder if they would have dropped so many superlatives if they weren’t broadcasting the game?
Didn’t Q-Tip say something about industry rule #4080? I think it could be applied to TWWL and their 24 hour conflict of interest they’ve got going on over there.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Wow, such shocking news that nobody (i.e.- everyone) saw coming the second Favre asked for his release from the Jets. I guess Childress gets his turnover machine after all. Congrats on finding a team not willing to make you practice, go through training camp, watch film, etc. and still hand you a starting job. You’ve earned* it, asshole.
*has not earned shit
/hoping the Pack sends 6 men at him on every play, Jim Johnson style
August 18th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
How do the Packers respond?
Mike McCarthy will say it’s a non-issue. Aaron Rodgers will be like whatever. But what do you all think they’ll do?
August 18th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
@ Stu
You didn’t give the record like I did :p
August 18th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
What do you REALLY think? Ya Fuckin’ Ass-Mastering Reach-Around Artist! If you do not like the Vikings TEAM, then go cheer for Dallas like all of the other SHEEP.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
@ Walter: What do I think the Packers will do? Win by 2 TDs, one of which will be a Pick 6.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
/hoping the Pack sends 6 men at him on every play, Jim Johnson style
Sending six terminally-ill cancer patients on a blitz is an interesting strategy, but not one that is likely to be effective. Plus, six is a lot of roster spots to devote to one position. That’s gonna leave Green Bay short at other crucial positions, like wildcat QBs, menstruating short yardage blockers and premature-ejaculating d-backs.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
@Westbrook: True. I would’ve said 4-12.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Looks like Drew has FINALLY met his match in this Mark guy. Let’s sit BACK and watch this battle of WITS.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
wasn’t KSK following some idiot on Twitter who was like a 3rd cousin to Lord Favre?
FIX YO UPDATES
August 18th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Brett Farve is a Media Whore , whoever wrote this hilarious rant outta be congratulated
August 18th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
I don’t really care much about the Vikings but it is fucking killing me that I will have to endure another fucking summer of this prick’s retire/maybe/no bullshit every god damned day and hour on ESPN making it almost unwatchable.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
@ claude: I thought the same thing.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
So, this down-home cum-basted clompdonkey has changed his mind again, and you’re stuck with him rifling errant passes to safeties all season. You has a sad. But just think of the fringe benefits! Ol’ Britfar’s gonna serve up heaping piles of hatred fodder for this space every week, not to mention the extra vitriol MMQB’s inevitable gunslinger slurping will stir up. Shit, if you take some notes every week, you could turn your season in internal turmoil into another book deal. Or get sued. Or both!
So, chin up, my friend. Embrace the ambiguity. Hell, draft him to a fantasy team with an anti-BritFar team name, and revel in your conflicted feelings all season long. Then explode in front of your keyboard a few times a week and make me laugh.
/Bills fan still searching for similar silver linings to having the second-sandiest vagina in the league sign with his team
//Seriously, though, BritFar can go fuck himself with a rusty tire iron.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Prediction:
If the gods of football do their jobs, Brett Favre will have the same kind of season Tom Brady had last year.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Guys, this is great news, actually. One, it ensures weekly posts of hatred from Drew, which, coupled with the MMQB roasts, will give us hours upon hours of awesome content. Two, it marks a banner year for schadenfreude in the NFL. Brittfarr, Josh McDaniels, Michael Vick (for all you who aren’t like me and root for the Eagles and even some who do).
Seriously, let us rejoice and be glad!
August 18th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
@Rob in WI: Why 50 passes? The Vikings Will run all over the CHEESE.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
We need Laserface to ask Bernard Pollard and Kimo Von Oelhoffen to go hunting…
I too pray that when the Steelers play them, that Favre receives a solid disembowelment.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
@Grimace: you’re absolutely right sir. I’m having visions of Charles Woodson standing in a Metrodome endzone with the football.
/starts rubbing boner
August 18th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
this down-home cum-basted clompdonkey
Damn, how did Drew miss this? Lofty, sir, +4 pick-6s (Favre’s average per game for the season).
August 18th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I hope that when he is most visible ( like on a PrimeTime MNF game or something ), he uncorks a pass and his entire torso rips clean away from his lower half, bathing the entire stadium in a fucking Tsunami of semi coagulated blood piss and bile mixed in with some meat chunks. Just a veritable 9/11, a one-man gore-fest if you will.
The entire stadium falls silent as you hear a single “Ummmm” from Mike Tirico come through the microphone.
Only then will I be happy.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
PK is creaming his wranglers.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
BREAKING NEWS: Peter King ‘Leaning Toward’ a One Year Westin Boycott
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/peter_king/08/18/favre/1.html
Great protest. Lofty protest.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
@mark
We Cowboy fans are not sheep, we fuck sheep. (You know ’cause we’re all hicks and shit.) Now BEND OVER!!
August 18th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
As much as PK annoys me, I wouldn’t mind boycotting the Westin. Overbooking is such a dick thing to do to customers.
See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7uvttu8ct0
August 18th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Oh, to be the agent of NFC North DB in a contract year.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Headline 1 week from today:
FAVRE FEELS FATIGUED IN FIRST PRESEASON GAME, DEBATING RE-RE-RE-RE-RETIREMENT.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
After suffering through years of emotional abuse at the hands of his decreasing arm strength and questionable decision making, actually being able to sit back and enjoy watching him throw balls up for grabs will be a deeply healing experience.
Just for the record, the Giants did not beat the Pack in the 07 NFC Championship; the cold crawled in through Favre’s gaping vagina and beat the Pack.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
“The fact of the matter is that Brett Favre doesn’t actually love football. Say what you will about Peyton Manning, but that guy genuinely loves the football: studying tape and all that shit. Favre doesn’t. He just loves being a football player.” – fucking gold Drew
August 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I’ll especially like the part where Favre repeatedly audibles out of handoffs to Purple Jesus to instead chuck it downfield.
Peterson might strangle him in the huddle before the end of the first half of the opener.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Awesome! Utterly thrilled. Sorry, Drew, but this makes your website even funnier than usual. I look forward to reading your hopefully painfully-prolonged vitriol….
August 18th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Now I get to talk this first timer in my fantasy league to jump at Favre in the first round, MUUAAHH!
August 18th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
I wish there was some Favre/Vick/Cutler-free time for us football fans.
I also wish my dick was longer and thicker and more satisfying for my wife and my mistress.
How silly of me.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Your team is fucked. Sorry.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
@Pacman Yes the FF implications of this shitstorm are EVIL … and delicious!
August 18th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Brett Favre or all the (cough, cough) “sportsmedia” who OBSESS over him?
August 18th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Hopefully this will be the most violent year for quarterbacks ever. Favre at Minnesota, Paulus at Syracuse. Mmmm I can’t wait
August 18th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I know it’s already been said, but you actually think the vikings are going to be in a position to lose to the Eagles in the playoffs??? BBBWWWWAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
August 18th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
die, BigJimSlade
condolences, Drew and the rest of you Vikings fans
August 18th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Get them while you can
http://www.vikingsfanshop.com/vikings-merchandise.php
August 18th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
check out the vikings website. wow.
http://www.vikings.com/
August 18th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
It’s great that the Vikings finally have that “last piece of the puzzle in place.” What a crock of shit. I’m a Broncos fan, so I know what it feels like to have one person (McDaniels/Cutler- take your pick) shit all over your team. I’m not a Packers or Vikings fan, and I never had a reason to tune into this rivalry, but I will be cheering my nuts off for Green Bay when they rack up a few pick-sixes against Minnesota. Favre is the quintessence of what it is to be a douchebag. I actually feel really bad for BDD and other Vikings fans like him, but not the kool-aid drinking ones who are buying into the Favre-will-take-us-to-the-Super-Bowl mentality. Dumbasses.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Mark Says:
August 18th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
@Rob in WI: Why 50 passes? The Vikings Will run all over the CHEESE.
You’re missing a key point as to WHY Brittfarr wants to come back and why he wants to come back to the Vikings… to stick it to Ted Thompson and the Packers. Why, he can’t stick it to them by handing it off to AP 30+ times in those games, ol brittfarr needs to gunsling it down the field 50 times each game to prove a point.
Not a coincidence that Brett’s last good year was when McCarthy gave him less room to audible and actually held him accountable.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Vegas needs to come out with an over/under on how many interceptions Favre will throw this season. I’d say a good number is 20, and I’d say over.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Oh, my precious purple.
How you find new and interesting ways to fuck with my life.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Yeah, Favre will just hand off, because he knows that’s what is best for the team in that particular situation.
That will totally happen.
/ACL joke
August 18th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
The Vikings homepage just expresses Homonisum.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Mark is the COOLEST Vikings FAN ever. He STRIKES fear in the HEART of every Packer fan ever. Also, he FUCKED Tim Couch in the ass with a double-sided dildo, while FUCKING himself in the ass with the other side of said dildo. True story.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
This is what my summer has been like:
http://purplejesus.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/fubrettfavre.png?w=500&h=427
/crossing fingers that I don’t fuck up a link …
August 18th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
This is an historic, sad day for PK-watchers. The PK-BrittFarr romance is over. I haven’t felt this way since Joey and Dawson broke up for the first time. Confused, disappointed, ashamed, wistful. I always thought I’d have the disturbing, borderline-homophobic images of their unholy unions to fall back on when the NFL is on hiatus. But his cheatin’ heart has hurt Peter, and us, for the last time.
/fights back a sniffle
Moving on, is Peter King seriously going to boycott a hotel chain because they inconvenienced him? He’s really pushing the myopic, misguided, champion-of-the-little-man thing to new heights. I wish KSK could take some credit for driving him mad with power, but it sounds like thousands of equally selfish and unhappy middle-aged Tweeters are on his side. At least we’re close to taking away their Medicare.
Godspeed little toasters.
//off to print out today’s PK column and put it in the last page of the #4 scrapbook
August 18th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Maybe Michael Jackson should have sought out Brett Farve or Al Davis in his quest to learn how to live forever. Then he’d still be here b/c those other 2 cock suckers know a thing or two about never dying.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
The author of this article is obviously not a real Vikings fan. He’d rather see the Vikings lose than see them win a Super Bowl with Favre on the team. Hate of an individual player should never trump love for a team.
God bless Brett Favre. What better way to stick it to the Packers, regardless of his performance as a Viking. Win or lose, he’s wearing purple now. The Packers and their fans will never be able to accept that.
Go Favre, but more importantly, go Vikings!
August 18th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
I know I’m captain obvious, but it’s simple, Bretty pooh did NOT want to stay in the dorms at camp.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
I hope MNF does another “our Brett” montage this year. Instead of Kornheiser giving BrittFar a rimjob, we’ll get Gruden calling him a “tagnacious faggot”.
/crosses fingers
August 18th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Worst
Day
Ever.
After getting drunk to celebrate the death of Brett Favre this stings even more. Cover me in painful bloody jizz and shoot me in the back of the head.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Anybody read Peter King’s tweets? Even he seems to think this was a mistake, calling Favre “wishy washy”
August 18th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Thank you Football God!
August 18th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
I was listening to KFAN all morning as the news continued to trickle in. My only thought thru it all:
“I hope Drew from KSK is serving up some hateade with this”
I hit up my Bloglines box and there it was.
Well played sir. I look forward to the Vikes’ INT and TD record being snapped by Week 10
August 18th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
You guys are deader than my Granny at one of Obama’s death panels.
August 18th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
I am expecting a KSK bounty on the land baron any day now
August 18th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Well at least any speculation of Favre’s possible return is over.
Til next February
“You know I almost pity those poor bastards, I really do.” George S Patton
Bahahahahaha EAT SHIT DREW!!!! Go Pack!!!
August 18th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I wish he wore Uncle Leo’s eyebrow scowl in all of his pictures.
August 18th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
God bless Brett Favre. What better way to stick it to the Packers, regardless of his performance as a Viking. Win or lose, he’s wearing purple now. The Packers and their fans will never be able to accept that.
So you’re more interested in sticking it to the Packers than actually winning enough games to make the playoffs. Who’s the real fan again?
August 18th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Jesus Christ. I don’t give a flying fuck about Favre fucking around for the Vikings this year, because, eh, I don’t care about the Vikings, but this means once the season is over, we’ll have to sit through ANOTHER five thousand fucking hours of ESPN slurping on Favre’s left nut and “will he or won’t he.”
That’s it, I’m making it official. I’m putting a fifty dollar bounty on Favre’s knees. Like was done for Tom Brady last year, now needs to be done for Favre. Someone take out both his knees so that the fucking yokel has no choice but to fucking retire, and I will pay said player a crisp fifty dollar bill.
August 18th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Brittfar and the Vikings play the Chiefs in the pre-season. I hope that KC has given Pollard the Gigantosaur’s special rape roids.
August 18th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
As a Packers fan, I’m just waiting for that point during the season when Childress will realize that Favre can LOSE you games you should have won.
I can imagine the look on his face now, and the press conference afterwords! The schadenfreude!
http://media.jsonline.com/images/185*139/hailthenewqueen1.jpg
^Favre as a Viqueen
August 18th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
I’m reminded of what one broadcaster said when the Cav’s signed Shaq and people were going ga-ga, “The Cavs got 2009 Shaq, not 2005 Shaq.”
August 18th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Why do you root for the Vikings, again?
I barely pay attention to anything football-related, and even I am sick of hearing about this asshole Favre. I hate indecision. Real or feigned.
August 18th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
And thus, Brittfarr has earned the ire of every fanbase in the league. I can’t believe anyone anywhere could root for him anymore.
August 18th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
Fucking Douche. I hope Bernard Pollard hobbles his FUCKING COCKTASTING ATTENTION WHORE OF A BACKWARDS ASS COUNTRY TAINTLICKING BLUE JEAN STUBBLE FACED SWINE FUCKING ASS!
August 18th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
FUCK!
August 18th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Hah! I love it when other teams sign suckass players.
August 18th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
The WWL just had some sort of “kakke” party with the date October 5th. Here’s to Aaron Kampman going Kimo on Favre in front of the football world and end it forever.
August 18th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
@Navin R. Johnson: Exactly. We all know the Eagles will not be in the playoffs this season.
“Squirmin’ Thurman Says: Mark is the COOLEST Vikings FAN ever. He STRIKES fear in the HEART of every Packer fan ever. Also, he FUCKED Tim Couch in the ass with a double-sided dildo, while FUCKING himself in the ass with the other side of said dildo. True story.” Whatever. I could never be as COOL as you. By the way; you might want to keep your vagina with you in the COOL area, because I can smell it from here in Toronto.
“Actual Vikings Fan Says: The author of this article is obviously not a real Vikings fan. He’d rather see the Vikings lose than see them win a Super Bowl with Favre on the team. Hate of an individual player should never trump love for a team. God bless Brett Favre. What better way to stick it to the Packers, regardless of his performance as a Viking. Win or lose, he’s wearing purple now. The Packers and their fans will never be able to accept that. Go Favre, but more importantly, go Vikings!” OBVIOUSLY. Thanks.
By the way: I hate Brett Favre, but I think he is a top 5 QB and I will CHEER for him AND the Vikings.
August 18th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Forget Bernard Pollard…..can’t we get Lord Brett of the Pick-Six hooked up with a twentysomething Iranian with a fidelity complex and ready access to a 9 mm?
August 18th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Fuck, does this mean that Madden is coming out of retirement?
August 18th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
DOUBLE FUCK!
August 18th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
I think I would love to see a post with a discussion between Favre and the Sex Cannon discussing the greater points of “fuck it, I’m throwing it downfield.” And then Sexy Rexy tries to talk about Favre’s daughters…it’s just money.
Oh, and add another voice onto the “please, Bernard, cripple this assbag” train.
August 19th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Wow. Well, a couple things:
1) Brett Favre sucks. He’s old and bad. He’s been that way for a number of years now.
2) Brett Favre is a media whore. He’s worse than Michael Jordan ever was, only he’s nowhere near the talent level of Jordan.
3) Those of you who say you are going to cheer for Favre and “He’s earned the right to play” are all witless douchenozzles. He’s a selfish fuck who doesn’t care about anything but himself and having people suck his cock.
4) While the NFC North is really fucking bad, I don’t think we have to worry about the Vikings making the playoffs. The only question in my mind at this point is whether Chilly will still be coaching by week 17.
Really, there’s nothing to see here. This is the most non-story story in years. Favre will be bad, the Vikings will be bad, Childress will lose his job, Wylf will clean house. And the merry-go-round will begin again in the spring. And all of this would happen whether Brett Favre played for the Vikings this year or not.
/Limp with hate
August 19th, 2009 at 1:01 am
Anyone taking odds as to whether Cheesehead Judas is anything more than a pile of dust in a purple #4 jersey after back-to-backs with Bawlmer and da Stillers?
August 19th, 2009 at 2:05 am
Favre is the Jason Stackhouse of the NFL.
August 19th, 2009 at 2:32 am
What are you talking about!? Signing with the vikings just in the nick of time before the season really gets going? Thats the definition of Clutch!
August 19th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Hey Guys, Relax. Brett just had to wait until his private locker room was constructued before he signed. Could you imagine what would have happend if Brett would’ve had to first sleep in a dorm and THEN change next to his teammates?!?! As if.
August 19th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
If the Vikes were a bad team, this wouldn’t be a big deal. The problem is that they’re Super Bowl caliber everywhere except at QB, so with Purple Jesus and their loaded defense (as it looks like the Williamses will avoid suspensions this year), they probably will make the playoffs despite BrittFarr, and then he’ll throw four picks against some good defense, and Minnesota will riot over a sporting event for the first time ever and lead the nation in suicides.
Praying for the Metrodome turf to do its work…
August 19th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Oh yeah, and they don’t have any caliber at head coach, with “The Child”
August 19th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Boss Hogge –
We actually had some lame riots after the UoM men’s hockey team won the NCAA title two years in a row or something. I don’t know, I don’t really follow hockey, but I went to Dinky Town when they were happening and it was fairly embarrassing. I think there was only one car on fire and maybe, two? rape victims?
We’re due for another one, I guess.
August 20th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
BDD we must be long lost twins, awesome rant, I can’t stand the fact that the fuckin sperm burpin, hemorrhoid suckin self centered egomaniacal twat fuck is on the Vikings and anybody that says we are not true fans is a fuck pure and simple.
August 21st, 2009 at 12:17 am
The solution to this problem is so simple, I can’t believe nobody has thought of it yet. The only thing Brett Favre loves more than football is vicodin. Call your dealer, and he’ll be back in Topeka drying out in two weeks.
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:05 am
Ahh the hate is strong in this one. Very strong indeed.
As a Bears fan this brings me back to my high school days when I would loudly curse and throw things at my TV as I watched Sir Wrangler rape and pillaged the Bears defense, I now look forward to the day where Cutler shreds the Vikes secondary as the Land Baron helplessly chucks the ball into the waiting hands of the Bears secondary/ Urlacher.
Such beautiful poetry it will be.
December 1st, 2009 at 8:14 am
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