Don’t Touch Anything in That Scrap Heap You’re Not Interested in Overpaying For
Old Man: Buy something, will ya?!
Customer: Hmm. Whatcha got here? Couple hundred yards of coaxial cable. Rolltop desk with only one drawer missing. A discarded Twister wheel without the actual Twister mat.
Old Man: Yup. Finest collection in months.
Customer: Say, what’s this big hulking thing? Whoa, it kinda moved!
Old Man: That there’s a Byron Leftwich.
Customer: Huh. [Shakes shoulder pad] He got a lot of mileage on him?
Old Man: Had a few dings in his time, but he can still get the ball out if you give him a few minutes. Look close and you see he even got hisself a Super Bowl ring.
Customer: Oh yeah, so he does. What’s the damage?
Old Man: I’d be willing to part with him for a second round pick.
Customer: [Stifles laughter] You want maybe I throw in my first born?
Old Man: No need for jokes. You want to do business or don’t you?
Customer: Hey, what’s this? He’s got a Steelers jersey right on under this Bucs one. You’re just flipping old rundown QBs, aren’t you?
Old Man: I don’t know how he got that. I tell you, he’s in fine working order. See for yourself.
[Leftwich's arm cheeks back, making rickety sounds like an old wooden roller coaster, followed by a too-hard release to a running back in the flat]
Old Man: Told you. Even if you don’t like him as a QB, being big and rigid, you can dress him up as one of those tobacco shop Indians.
Customer: Still think the price might be a hair too steep. What about this one?
Old Man: Thassa Luke McCown.
Customer: Well, I do already have a Josh McCown. It’d be nice to have the full set. Would bring some cohesion to my practice squad.
Old Man: Tell you what: You take the McCown, I’ll thrown in this Josh Johnson, free of charge.
Customer: Don’t have much use for him, but I suppose I can barter him for a UFL mug. How much?
Old Man: 1st round pick.
Customer: WHAT?
Old Man: You heard me.
Customer: That’s insane. You’ll never get value for that! You – you’re not even trying to sell these things, you withered old packrat.
Old Man: You seen the feller trying to move Tyler Thigpen? I needs to have a word with him.
Tags: backup QBs, tampa bay buccaneers, xmas ape
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August 27th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
its all fun and games until Dan Snyder/Count Al pays the asking price if their QB goes down.
August 27th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Not bad with the Zelda reference, but would much rather have preferred the “WHATDYA BWUYIN?” line from Resident Evil 4.
August 27th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Old man Withers here is still in business only because of Count Al.
August 27th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I would rather have a job inspecting returned/defective penis pumps than be the Bucs’ QB coach this year.
August 27th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
not to mention their RB woes.. bucs want to match their old winless season and once again go down in history for all time.
August 27th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
I forget – in Zelda, Blue Candle > Red Candle….or other way around?
**also – this post needs more fat Steelers chick
August 27th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
are you suggesting that byron was fat steelers chick’s husband while in pittsburgh and she left him when he left the team and thats why she isnt married anymore and hes not buying her fat ass food anymore so she slimmed down?? cause that sounds about right even if it is some soap opera crap.
August 27th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
I’d take Josh Johnson over those two busts. At least I don’t know if he’s a bust and he’s the cheapest in the pile. Even if he sucks, I can flip him to someone else because of his “potential”, the same sell people use with Tarvaris.
August 27th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Red Candle > Blue Candle
August 27th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
who do yall think will get the job when favre starts sucking after 8 games in? rosenfels or tarvaris?
August 27th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
what in holy fuck do my Chiefs have to do to get rid of brokie croyle? what the flaming pig shit is he doing to make the new regime think hes worth keeping? the only thing more fragile than croyle is michael beasleys psyche.
August 27th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Wonder how much old man Newsome wants for a Cleo Lemon
August 27th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Rowdy Roddy – have you seen his wife’s chest?
He’s worth keeping around
August 27th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
@ ryno: well shit, i know shes hot, but what good does that do me or the Chiefs? thats what google was made for! hell, she can probably strap on some pads and take a hit better than he can.
August 27th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
It’s good thing I wasn’t a GM when Leftwich came out. I thought that guy was going to be a beast in the NFL. Of course, ESPN giving him the Favre treatment back then probably didn’t help in my analysis.
August 27th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
God damn it. Looks like we’re cruising to 4-12 this year.
August 27th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
remember the footage of Leftwich being carried by his Marshall linemen? Yeah me either. I think Florida could take these guys. USF too.
August 27th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
i hate how tampa hoards qb’s. not a bucs fan, but how many qb’s do you need on one roster? jon gruden was the worst for this. i never understood why a free agent would want to go somewhere that he has to compete with 7 or 8 other qb’s. its like going to a nightclub where the ratio is like 12 guys to every 1 chick. there is a slim chance you’ll get her but is she really worth the effort?
August 28th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
I read that the Bucs coach think Leftwich won the starting job with his performance last night. If so, the Bucs are in trouble: I’ve never seen a QB throw inaccurate passes so hard.