Commissioner’s Office Investigating Purple Jesus For Possible Gang Related Activities
NEW YORK- Sources within the commissioner’s office report that Roger Goodell is launching an internal investigation into the possible gang related activities of NFL superstar Adrian Peterson. Suspicions arose when images of the Minnesota Vikings running back surfaced on the internet blog site Gobbler Country showed him holding a large firearm alongside his similarly attired friends.
While Peterson’s associates cannot be identified in the photos it’s apparent by their matching outfits that they are a fellow members of the football player’s illicit organization. Gangs such as Peterson’s typically feature specific colors by which members are recognized and rivals are identified. In this case the Commissioner’s office has reason to believe Peterson has started a camouflage gang, all the better to stay hidden from authorities while remaining in plain sight.
No one within the NFL could be reached for comment.
Tags: Attempts to fit in with Jared Allen and Britt Farr, it's satire people, purple jesus, Unsilent Majority
August 24th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
GobblerCountry.com?!
Jesus guys, how about a NFSW warning? Sheesh.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Bonus points for blacking out the bird’s eyes
August 24th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
These hoodlums are also believed to be involved in smuggling large amounts of prescription painkillers into the Minneapolis metro area for an unnamed drug baron.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Too bad AP isn’t holding Favre by the neck.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
This might be the funniest picture I have ever seen.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
There will be dead ducks aplenty in the Metrodome, regardless of who’s the starting QB.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Didn’t he just will that bird dead?
August 24th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Inner city Minneapolis looks kinda woodsy.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
What are these crazy mottled brown, green, and gray outfits?
/everyone in Baltimore
August 24th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
An unnamed source close to the Commissioner’s office said that local police believe Peterson’s gang may be feuding with a similar organization known to dress in bright orange.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Thug life is really… odd in Minnesota.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
I read that headline without seeing the photo and almost shit my pants. Our fantasy draft is tonight and I was like “Aw, fuck! So now who do I pick first?”
August 24th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Brittfars: One a day, one in possession.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Wait – why did he need a gun? I thought Peterson could just run and catch the birds himself?
Adios #1 draft pick in Fantasy. I’m taking a man who can catch wildlife with his bare hands. Like Michael “The Boar Slayer” Turner.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Note to AP: FIX YO CAMO PANTS!
That’s great. He’s got that look that’s a mix between complete embarassment and “You looking at ME muthafucka?”
August 24th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Best. Make-A-Wish. Ever.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
After the picture was taken, the bird came back to life and flew off professing the wonders of Purple Jesus.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I am amzed that two white kids in Miinesota were willing to stand next to a black man with a gun…
August 24th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Less bird flipping, more sex boating, please.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
All he did was reach into the pond and strangle the duck with his bare hands. Because PK told us they are strong you see.
HE DON’T NEED NO STINKING GUN!!!1!!
August 24th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I doubt he’s really in a gang.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
anyone else impressed that even in full on camo redneck gear AP still manages to look SOOO HOOOOD
August 24th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Meanwhile Tarvaris Jackson can’t get this dog to stop giggling at him
August 24th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
AP gets to run around the forest with two dirty-ass peckerwoods shooting at turkeys and pigeons and shit, but my man mike vick gets two years for fighting some funky ass dogs? BULLSHIT!!!
/sarcasm
August 24th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
THE MOSSEY OAK GANG (MOG) WILL BE RESPECTED! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
August 24th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
+1 for Spatula
Mossy indeed.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Did he ride through the swamp in a boat or just walk on water to the duck blind?
Did he borrow a retriever from Vick?
August 24th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Will he fry that up and serve it with collard greens?
August 24th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Purple Team Huntin’ Force…number one in the woods, g!
August 24th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Gobblercountry? But I hardly even know her
August 24th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
is this the gang AP is part of?
http://www.geocities.com/icyhotstuntazz/
August 24th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
I saw an interesting Gangland on this the other night. The guy on the right is still untested, and is forced to wear the overalls in deference to the older members; it’s called “bibbing”. AllDay, with the bright orange cuffs and the knit cap is a higher up or “captain” in this gang.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
+1 to sheriff gonna getcha for the icyhotstuntaz
August 24th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
The icyhotstuntaz never, EVER get old. Especially when making fun of someone.
August 25th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
He’s such a beast that even the fucking shotgun is scared