These broads! Foof! It’s like they got moths between their ears! I tells ‘em and I tells ‘em – downs equals tries; tries equals downs. That some kinda rocket surgery or something? What’s a guy gotta do to hammer it through in her thick skull!? It’s like her brain, it ain’t wired right, y’know? She just points at a play in progress and pretends everything goes all coo-coo bananas. Like all us guys are just playing a big practical joke in her. You ask me, she got dropped on her head as a kid. Thank God Steve came with all the uniform dress-up gear to give her the visuals. Now I’mma leave them in the locker room to diagram some stuff while I head back to the recliner. With a cold one, of course. You can take it from here, eh, Steve-oh?

[Everything is Terrible]

In other NFL-related miscellany:

  • Serena and Venus Williams are the latest entrants in the celebrity cavalcade to buy a stake in the Dolphins. By the latest count, that’s Marc Anthony, Jennifer Lopez and Gloria Estefan. Uh oh, the obscure minority celebrities are consolidating their power!
  • Hey, loogit, a legitimately clever shirt by a Packers fan! Wonders may never cease, though they usually only stagger in at odd hours.
  • Mike Tomlin made a grievous error in taking a suggestion from Jeff Reed. No, it wasn’t partying naked (yet), it was welching on a planned Steelers movie day, which sucks because James Harrison had his eye on Julie & Julia (IT’S LOYAL TO ME AND ITS SUBJECT MATTER). And lo and behold, (The) Ben ends up getting dinged up in the practice they weren’t supposed to have. It looks to be only a minor injury, but Florio won’t be denied another chance to call Roethlisberger a drama queen because he had the nerve to get his ankle rolled by a teammate.