Bonus PK: The Bucket List
08.11.09
Everyone over at Sports Illustrated is crafting their own sports bucket list, and their preeminent Buckethead Peter King delivers about what you’d expect. His complete list can be found here, continue after the jump for some highlights.
1. Short-season Rookie League games
That’s like, baseball, right? We’re off to a blazing start.
Not sure where, but in places like Billings, Mont., and Casper, Wyo., with the sun setting over the left-field fence, with purple mountains majesty above thy fruited plain. Preferably with a local micro brew in my right hand.
If Casper, Wyoming is known for two things its the Casper Ghosts rookie league team and delicious craft beer. Actually Peter does bear a striking resemblance to Tim Ray, the Ghosts’ Adventure Guide.
2. Texas-Oklahoma (when both are ranked in the top five)
Fine.
3. Manchester City at Manchester United
Of all the soccer matches in the world he picks the Manchester Derby, England’s approximate equivalent of Jets-Giants.
I saw City play this spring, and the energy level for a match against Blackburn was splendid.
So Robinho wasn’t playing?
I can only imagine what the locals do when they’re playing the other locals. This time I’ll dress better. I bet there were 5,000 men with coats and ties at the Manchester City grounds.
Jack Del Rio would love it here! Unfortunately the scene was marred by another 42,000 fans wearing jerseys, singing Blue Moon, and carrying on like ruffians.
5. Pittsburgh Steelers intrasquad scrimmage/practice
Get the fuck outta here.
The players take yellow school buses to the site…
Even the elite flyers?
…and sign autographs ’til the cows come home.
Good cows. Keystone cows.
Only in western Pennsylvania, folks.
Literally. THERE IS NO OTHER PLACE ON EARTH WHERE THIS HAPPENS.
My favorite:
Amateur: The 14-inning, 3-2 Montclair (N.J.) softball victory over rival Cedar Grove in the Essex County Tournament quarterfinals in 2003. Southpaw Mary Beth King threw all 187 pitches for winning Montclair — and scored after tripling in the bottom of the 14th to win it.
Huh. I wonder what ever became of her.
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I was 20 feet away from Mr. King today in a press conference room and my god does that man have a huge head. He’s lost some weight, but his head is still the same size as when he was fat, so his body looks completely unproportional now.
Also, and I’m not quite sure how to put this, but if I just saw him and didn’t know who he was, I would assume he’s like “special-abled.” He just doesn’t have a normal looking face.
1. I don’t think you can ” bitch slap ” Mel Kiper. The hair acts as some sort of shield akin to the one used by the Predator.
2. If his daughter looks ANYTHING like him, then it’s probably been awhile since anyone’s scored on HER.
3. NFW + 1. And Simmons is getting repetitive and dumb. Seriously, “Almost Famous” best drama of the decade? It should be deleted simply because it launched Kate Hudson and her ” career “.
“Not sure where, but in places like Billings, Mont., and Casper, Wyo., with the sun setting over the left-field fence, with purple mountains majesty above thy fruited plain. Preferably with a local micro brew in my right hand.”
Dunno about where you come from, Peter, but here in America, the sun sets over the third base stands. That’s why the cliche about right field being the sun field is, you know, a cliche.
/Doubleday’d
Stop writing about this facktarded douchenozzle!
C’mon, seriously. You guys get at least two free posts a week from the sewage that spews from this asshat’s mouth. It’s just low hanging fruit, like picking on the handicapped.
Do people really, actually read PK’s column?
Seriously.
Or does SI just publish it ‘cuz they *think* people read it?
Because he’s a fucking twat.
4. Maple Leafs-Canadiens in Montreal. . . That’s a really good one
Not sure where, but in places like Billings, Mont., and Casper, Wyo., with the sun setting over the left-field fence, with purple mountains majesty above thy fruited plain. Preferably with a local micro brew in my right hand.
Good call. Those are good places for PK to die. The closest microbrewery to Casper or Billings is Moose Drool- and that’s good shit.
Peter King was drawn to Man City because he heard a story about Micah Richards and roasting and thought it was about coffee.
Anyone else surprised that an evening with BriFarr, 10 minutes in the Shawne Merriman rape cage, or 5 firm hand fistings by Purple Jesus didn’t make the PK bucket list?
People who use the term “bucket list” need to get shot in the face with a shotgun, close range. That made me laugh out loud. Excellent.
And my list would be to wait until I had 6 months left, wait for him outside his Boston condo then pull a drop-squad on his ass then drop him off of a highway overpass in the dead of night.
/I haven’t thought this through too much have I?
For fuck’s sake, that was a big pile of fail on his part.
And who do we talk to to get “bucket list” removed from the English language entirely? Oxford? The Queen? Jack Nicholson? Morgan Freeman?
These skits only serve to make me hate Peter King more. Who the fuck does he think he is? Hes taking quality air time away from Hines Wald, Marmalard, Tom Coughlin yelling at people, Elisha, Ron Mexico’s letters from house arrest, Big Ben playing Call of Duty, Uncle Rico, Britfarr, Silky Rodney Peete, Kill Kill Kill, Lenwhale, Marvin and Ocho Under One Roof, Brady Quinn Gay Jokes, Who Ya Got? and all the other things that make this site great.
Die PK Die!
I would have loved to see him pick the Old Firm derby and find himself lost in Glasgow the day of the game, in mid-riot, asking aimlessly why his coffee is watered down.
Don’t forget to top it all off with a deep probing two fisted bunghole exam ya fuckin yahoo.
It’s OU/Texas
I saw City play this spring, and the energy level for a match against Blackburn was splendid.
So Robinho wasn’t playing?
Ha ha. Brilliant.
And picking the Manchester derby is more akin to picking the Lakers vs the Clippers or Ohio State vs Ohio University.
#19
Walking from point A to point B – thrilling!
Why that Peter King, if I ever met him in a back alley, why I’d take pictures of his daughter in an inebriated state, post them to the internet in a comical fashion and then I’d say “Hey you! You include a lot of useless personal and general detail into what is usually a nice column on professional American style football!”
That’s what I’d do…..
My bucket list: Farvaro turns to King and says, “Get off my dick, nigga. And tell yo’ bitch to c’mere.”
In a perfect, karmically-correct world, PK would’ve been stuck on that Continental plane overnight.
“WHERE THE FUCK IS THE EXTRA COFFEE??? I’VE ALREADY BACKED UP THREE TOILETS!!!”
Actually, those people suffered enough.
god damn it. im going to see buckethead in concert in a month, and now i fear i’ll see PKs face in his white mask for the entire show.
Man City vs. Man U?? Spoken like a truasshat trying to sound well-educated.
Now if we could just get him tickets to some matches in Bogata…
Looks like the King has found his crown.
That photoshop has gotten Patton Oswalt’s KFC bit stuck in my head.
“Somebody move my jaw for me….”
“Not sure where, but in places like Billings, Mont., and Casper, Wyo., with the sun setting over the left-field fence, with purple mountains majesty above thy fruited plain. Preferably with a local micro brew in my right hand.”
…..and Brett Favre’s dick in my left.
Tim- the “My Favorite” section was for him to pick out the best events he has already witnessed.
Devang- I was hoping somebody would appreciate that. I imagine that eddiebear did not.
Seeing King get fired and have to drink Folger’s Crystals for his caffine fix. Better yet, he’d start hanging around Starbucks, rifling through the trash to suck on the used filters. That would be satisfying.
Ummm, so it’s a bucket list of things you should see, and a random high school softball game that has already been played featuring a daughter of his that we can only pray doesn’t lok like him?
The only thing PK left out of his pre-TX/OK foodfest is Chris Farley’s “Da Bears” self-heimlich.
The purple mountains’ majesty is nowhere near Montana or Wyoming. The Appalachians get no respect.
So Robinho wasn’t playing?
Well done sir.
Rookie league baseball sucks. The pitchers can’t get the ball over the plate and the batters swing at everything. Also the filed is always a piece of shit since they can’t afford a real groundskeeper.
Other than that, it’s certainly something you should see for yourself.
People who use the term “bucket list” need to get shot in the face with a shotgun, close range
Eh, I usually need a bucket after reading a PK column anyway.
The Casper Ghosts are the only professional baseball team to wear glow in the dark hats. True story.
I’m pretty sure Mary Beth King hasn’t scored since.
Stealing a spring training home run ball from a 12 year old kid would have made his list but he already did it. Fat fucking mother fucker.
“If Casper, Wyoming is known for two things its the Casper Ghosts rookie league team and delicious craft beer. Actually Peter does bear a striking resemblance to Tim Ray, the Ghosts’ Adventure Guide.”
Also a striking resemblance to Fatso, the fat troublemaker ghost who bullied Casper.
@Lafavre’s Next Int:
Bob Costas can survive most conventional nuclear weapons, industrial pesticides, and even the occasional flyswatter or rolled-up newspaper.
My bucket list: A small nuclear device goes off live during the studio show for Football Night in America killing PK, Costas, Olberman, Bettis and Tiki.
My Bucket List:
Kick Peter King in the balls and bitch slap Mel Kiper in the same day.
I am too lazy to research, but I swear that in that “Stuff White People Like” site, loving the concept of soccer is a requirement for douchebaggery. King just upped his douche ratings to Infinity +1000 with his Manchester Derby reference