Berman Awoken From Deux Deux Deux Stupor to Enshrine Ralph Wilson
Berman only forced his “nobody circles the wagon like the Buffalo Bills” shtick on the audience once, so we, the people wasting part of a Saturday evening watching the Hall of Fame induction, should feel fortunate, even if he bragged how Wilson voted against every franchise’s attempted relocation (except, y’know, his own). Then again, Wilson said he was blown away by the inherent American quality of a block of people in wheelchairs breathing OXYGEN during the parade in Canton this morning, so that feeling may not hold up.
To everyone else out having a life, don’t even bother getting laid, because you can’t give it like The Ben. THE BEN TRAIN TO SEX TOWN IS SOMETHING YOU MAKE BRAG ABOUT UNTIL YOU CALLS IT THE RAPE LATER. THE BEN KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A GIRL PEW!
Consider this your open thread for the induction ceremony and possibly the Hall of Fame Game on Sunday. There’s a chance I’ll be home. If I am, we’ll have ourselves a live blog. If not, try to breathe OXYGEN like those proud American wheelchair people.
Tags: open thread
August 8th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Mein Fuhrer! I can walk!
August 8th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Jesus, my brain just registered this line:
“THE BEN KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A GIRL PEW!”
Kudos to you, Ape. The regular kind and the granola snacks as well.
August 8th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Rod Woodson sincerely thanked Steelers fans for booing him when he was with the Ravens.
That’s…that’s…
/tear
August 8th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Flushed and puffy faced asshole. Looks like he just did six lines of quality Colombian powder with Kenny Powers and the rotting corpse of Billy Mays.
August 8th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
well since no one decided to fill me in about the HR derby liveblog, i’m in desperate need of a fix. Here’s to hoping that Ape’s craigslist-aided man-date gets canceled and we can all liveblogkkake on ape’s book-imprinted face.
August 8th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
note to self: hyphenate much?
August 9th, 2009 at 1:28 am
1.) All I remember of Ron Woodson was when Jon Gruden said they were going to exploit his shitty coverage in the Super Bowl. Every crossing route they hit was right in front of him; he had no answer for Jurevicius.
2.) Done with Berman.
August 9th, 2009 at 1:33 am
Also, has it come out yet what that casino paid the woman who submitted the affadavit?
August 9th, 2009 at 3:27 am
Not quite getting it here – are the people on OXYGEN because they’re old, or because they’re morbidly obese? From what I’ve seen of Buffalo and central Ohio, I’d believe either case. (Of course, these conditions aren’t not mutually exclusive.)
August 9th, 2009 at 3:27 am
aren’t. Fucking genius.
August 9th, 2009 at 8:12 am
“Awoken”? FIX YO VERBIAGE
/leaves to make his girl PEW
August 9th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Also, has it come out yet what that casino paid the woman who submitted the affadavit?[sic]
Oh, Tim. Nice to see not all your wild dipshit conspiracy theories are about the refs. (This guy has e-mailed me 500-word rants about how the NFL fixed the Super Bowl) But, wait, can’t your boundless imagination also conceive of an intricate plot where Andrea McNulty was paid to bring the suit against Roethlisberger in the first place? Or that a shape-shifting android sent from the future posed as Ben and raped McNulty (she’s actually John Connor’s mom, but having a Ben rape baby prevents her from meeting Connor’s father in a few months)? Somehow all your moronic fantasies work against the Steelers. It’s like you hate them or something. But that can’t be, you’re just some random fuckwit Buccaneers fan. Perhaps you got switched at birth with a Ravens crackbaby.
“Awoken”? FIX YO VERBIAGE
FIX YO ANNOYING AND INCORRECT GRAMMAR NITPICKING
/cranky when hungover
August 9th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Since BEN has a long track record of loving CHOCO TACO’S, shouldn’t we assume THE BEN TRAIN TO SEX TOWN is more of an inner-city subway than one that runs across Middle America?
August 9th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Actually THE BEN TRAIN TO SEX TOWN looks a lot like this:
http://www.crafttoys.com/Maple-Toys/train-sets/wooden-train-town-set-lrg.jpg
August 9th, 2009 at 10:41 am
@ Porky
According to that representation, the THE BEN TRAIN TO SEX TOWN has a stop where he picks up kids at a school. If so, he’s got infinitely more trouble than any of us thought.
August 9th, 2009 at 10:53 am
@Tim
what do you mean exactly anyways? like, what was her salary?
August 9th, 2009 at 10:57 am
He means being paid off by them to damage McNulty’s reputation. Because the woman filing this affidavit isn’t a defendant in the lawsuit and no longer works for the resort, so she has no vested interest in seeing Harrah’s or Roethlisberger win the case.
August 9th, 2009 at 11:36 am
First off, my last name is also McNulty, so this broad is defiling my good name too.
Second, football is back. Sure, the HOF game is like getting a hand job after years of celibacy, but it’ll do. I just have to deal with this baseball shit at work, and then I’m home free
August 9th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
/Apologizes to Ape
//Shuffles out in search of updated AP Stylebook
August 9th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
so what’s the verdict? are we liveblogkkake-ing, or is ape too busy throwing books at people’s faces?
August 9th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Rape would be the only acceptable punishment for someone who lies about being raped. I hope its McDaniel’s style.
August 9th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Jimmy McNulty approves of this lady’s namesake and underhanded ability to damage Roethlisberger to guarantee a win for the great shithole that is Baltimore.
August 9th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
I had a dog named McNut once. He liked to rape cats….in the goat ass. He got run over by a motorcycle…in Lake Tahoe. Ironiciffied ain’t it?
August 9th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
what i want to know is: who the heck is Mick Vick?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJOQ5gZawzg
August 9th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
NOBODY….. deserves the ANAL RAPE…. like Chris Berman.
/God Berman is a fucking hack.
August 9th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
The article from SI says that the whore thought she was preggers with THE BEN’s little choco taco. That would have been the worst fucking thing that could have ever happened to THE BEN.
August 9th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
I think having the oversized Roethlisfetus kicking inside her womb would’ve been the worst thing that could have ever happened to the woman.
August 9th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Sheesh, trying to breed above your station…with Ben Roethlisberger?
August 9th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
so i went and got a bottle of jack, get back home, and it looks like no liveblog. YOU CAN’T JUST TOY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THAT, APE.
/still going to drink the jack
August 9th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
@WWPJD: That’s your own damn fault for buying crappy whiskey
August 9th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
@ WWPJD: Ah, Jack Daniels!
August 9th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Congatulations to all of this year’s HOF Inductees. I’ve got nothing but praise for all of them, but as a Vikings homer, my favorite guy is Randall McDaniel.
In the summer of 1995, I worked at a Blockbuster Video in Minnetonka, Minnestota, where Randall McDaniel was (and might still be) a customer. He was always a friendly, humble and all-around nice guy and I was never, ever, sacked trying to pass a movie to a customer when he was there.
August 9th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
JESUS CHRIST! How much does Alge Crumpler weigh? Did he eat LenDale White?
August 9th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Has Woodson finished his speech yet?
August 10th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
“He means being paid off by them to damage McNulty’s reputation.”
@Ape
I don’t think McNutty needs any help damaging her reputation. She is doing a bang up job on her own. Keep those fingers crossed honey and you might hit the pro athlete baby lottery someday. Just make sure they are so drunk their vision is impaired.