This Week’s KSK Mock Draft: Make One Thing That’s Bad For You Healthy
For this week’s mock draft you’ll be selecting an indulgent food, beverage, or other consumable that you would want to make “healthy” through the power of magic. The first pick is a no-brainer, so I’ll just go ahead and take beer off of the board. Now I can be just like Bender, drinking all day and night without having to worry about my liver turning all cirrhosis-y. If I could just get somebody to weld me a shiny metal ass I’d be in business.
Make your pick(s) in the comment section, but remember to wait ten picks before selecting again. And let’s all try to not draft bacon over and over.
July 24th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Steak, lots and lots of steak.
July 24th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Sodomy…and excellent #1 pick. Not receiving obviously.
July 24th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Bacon, Bacon, and then bacon. In that order.
July 24th, 2009 at 10:53 am
smoking.
July 24th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Menthol cigarettes
July 24th, 2009 at 10:55 am
being lazy. steal pick even this early.
July 24th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Fried Food…mmmmmmmmm
July 24th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Heroin.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Sour Patch Kids
July 24th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Scotch.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:02 am
AIDS
July 24th, 2009 at 11:02 am
pot brownies…
July 24th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Dammit … ten picks, Drew, ten! /really wanted heroin
Vodka.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Brazilian poon-tang
Because through the power of magic I would not contract the AIDS.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Bullets.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:04 am
BDD FTW
July 24th, 2009 at 11:05 am
@EP’s Finest: How is AIDS consumable? And why would you want it even if you wouldn’t die from it?
/scratches head
July 24th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Nitrous oxide.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:06 am
huffing spraypaint
July 24th, 2009 at 11:07 am
PCP
July 24th, 2009 at 11:09 am
ecstasy
July 24th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Pulled Pork.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Steak n’ Shake Frisco Melts
July 24th, 2009 at 11:11 am
I suppose heroine is pretty close to this, but percs/oxys.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Spam….
I’ll have the Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Bacon, Spam, Spam, Spam, Eggs, Spam, Beans, Spam, Spam and Spam
I love Spam(cue the singing)
July 24th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Dr. Pepper
July 24th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Zingers.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Blue Cheese.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Unprotected sex in Thailand.
Or anywhere sex is sold, really.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Mexican Food.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Pizza. Especially of the buffalo chicken variety.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:14 am
In-N-Out Double-Double, animal style.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:14 am
cocaine
July 24th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Butt Sechs. If I could convince my wife that it was good for her, I might be able to get her to try it.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Macaroni and cheese
/fat-ass
July 24th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Heroin says it all. This blog is officially void.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:16 am
And I obviously can’t read. Nice pick EP. In that case, I’ll take heroin.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Krispy Kreme Donuts
@ Inanimate Carbon Rod: Baked Beans are off.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:17 am
High Fructose Corn Syrup
July 24th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Hot and spicy pork rinds.
mmm pork rinds
July 24th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Fuck me. I’ll take Gambling
July 24th, 2009 at 11:19 am
The answer is beer. End of discussion.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Acid.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Taylor Ham aka Pork Roll
July 24th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Chocolate.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:21 am
chili cheese fries
July 24th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Steroids
July 24th, 2009 at 11:22 am
@Ron Dayne’s Strict Diet: UM took beer before this thing started. So the discussion goes on
I’ll take Nathan’s hot dogs. Because eating 68 of them in 10 minutes should be good for you.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Cheez-Its.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Butter
July 24th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Chicken Fried Steak and Sausage Gravy
July 24th, 2009 at 11:24 am
breast milk
July 24th, 2009 at 11:24 am
@ Jim U. – Steroids is an absolute steal. Nice pick.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Mountain Dew
July 24th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Herpes
July 24th, 2009 at 11:25 am
TV
July 24th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Xbox. Because If it was healthy, I would be a fucking incredible athlete.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Pasta. And I’ll just take spicy italian salsiccia to go along with it.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Brazilian guy up there really nailed it…
But how about anything from Taco Bell
July 24th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Krusty brand, partially-gelatinated, non-dairy, gum-based beverages.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:30 am
French Fries
July 24th, 2009 at 11:31 am
marijuana
Sam: [coughs] Get outta here, Dewey!
Dewey Cox: What are y’all doin’ in here?
Sam: We’re smoking reefer and you don’t want no part of this shit.
Dewey Cox: You’re smoking *reefers*?
Sam: Yeah, ‘course we are; can’t you smell it?
Dewey Cox: No, Sam. I can’t.
Reefer Girl: Come on, Dewey! Join the party!
[takes a hit off a joint]
Sam: No, Dewey, you don’t want this. Get outta here!
Dewey Cox: You know what, I don’t want no hangover. I can’t get no hangover.
Sam: It doesn’t give you a hangover!
Dewey Cox: Wha-I get addicted to it or something?
Sam: It’s not habit-forming!
Dewey Cox: Oh, okay… well, I don’t know… I don’t want to overdose on it.
Sam: You can’t OD on it!
Dewey Cox: It’s not gonna make me wanna have sex, is it?
Sam: It makes sex even better!
Dewey Cox: Sounds kind of expensive.
Sam: It’s the cheapest drug there is.
Dewey Cox: [at a loss and out of excuses] Hmm.
Sam: You don’t want it!
Dewey Cox: I think I kinda want it.
Sam: Okay, but just this once. Come on in.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Why is anal sex being drafted? That’s, uh, not unhealthy.
And, although menthol cigarettes have already been drafted, I’ll take the non-menthol variety (especially the blond Gauloises). I fucking love smoking. If it weren’t for the cancer thing, I’d smoke a pack a day, easy.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Guns
July 24th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Whiskey..for first course, aye, main course, aye, and pudding.
/Damn Python skit in the mailbag
/also as an eye-opener, mid-day snack and on IV
July 24th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Chewing tobacco.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Coke (soda)
Whoppers (burger king)
Twinkies (cream filled snack cake)
Do all good consumables having double meanings?
July 24th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@ jimmy dolan shake n bake: OUTSTANDING!
July 24th, 2009 at 11:34 am
skoal, redman, kodiak, if you use snus you should die anyway
July 24th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Some great, lofty picks off the board with butter and chocolate. I’ll go with cookies. I’d have a reasonable BMI if bakeries didn’t exist.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Ice Cream.
Too Easy.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Go faster, assholes, it’s my last day of work and I’m determined to waste at least half of it.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Lightning.
What, I’m the only one who finds power to be an aphrodesiac?
July 24th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Ribs
July 24th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Marlboro Reds – All other cigs are laughable smut (except for Newports on drugs)
July 24th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Sugar, then I wouldn’t worry about Cutler’s diubeatus.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:40 am
El Bandito- I went with ice cream initially before realizing I’d forgotten about beer. That’s a great value pick.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Sweet, I can’t BELIEVE no one’s taken mayonnaise yet. I would probably bathe in that shit if it weren’t so goddamn fattening.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Cheesesteaks.
A steal this late in the draft.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Blood.
Because vampires pull all the hottest ass.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Cheesecake.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:47 am
KFC Fried Chicken
i would eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. eat it as a snack in between the main meals. and probably would wake up once a night to eat some too.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:47 am
@ Jim U
Damn 10 pick rule!
July 24th, 2009 at 11:48 am
I dont care if Cookies are already taken, I’m still taking Oreos. All guilt would be taken away when I buy a pack and east it all in an hour. Oh God!
-cums
July 24th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Psilocybin Mushrooms
July 24th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Jalopenas stuffed with cheese shrouded in Jimmy dean breakfest sausage, wrapped in bacon and grilled to perfection.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:49 am
motherfucking sunlight. then i could hang out at the beach all day and not feel like a throbbing pile of burnt fuck that night. and PK would stop his bitching
July 24th, 2009 at 11:49 am
wine coolers?
July 24th, 2009 at 11:50 am
@ Futuremrs
No one picked mayo because mayo is disgusting.
Unlike Brie cheese, which is my new pick.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:51 am
jealousy and revenge
/anything that just tastes sweet
July 24th, 2009 at 11:51 am
eggs
July 24th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Pork Chops
Especially breaded and fried in butter
BMI is close to room temperature
July 24th, 2009 at 11:52 am
i hope you people realize that i am completely subsuming all of your values with butter/eggs…were it not for drew’s heroin pick and the fact that beer exists, i would be facecrushing all of yall
July 24th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Unprotected sex, period. Condoms are for chumps, the Pill makes you fat and weepy (I blame it for all my problems!), IUDs make you bleed like a stuck pig for 2 weeks a month, and every other method is bullshit.
And mayonnaise is NOT disgusting. It’s awesome.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Buffalo Wings.
soooo good.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:54 am
mike and ikes
July 24th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Buffalo Wings! The 50 piece bucket. Hot sauce IS really good for you with vinegar and peppers.
Butter is healthier than oleo and margerine!
July 24th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Peyote. easy steal
July 24th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Crystal Meth
July 24th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Eating anything from White Castle. I LOVE THAT FUCKING PLACE, but the food could clog your arteries before you take the first bite. And don’t get me started on the Chocolate Shakes….uhhhhhhhh…
/creams pants
July 24th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Spending all day surfing the web and writing witty comments on sports blogs.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:58 am
morphine. sweet, sweet morphine.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:58 am
sausage, egg, and cheese w/ chili and hashbrowns sandwiches. GET OFF OF ME
July 24th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Cigar smoking. And while we’re at it, can we eliminate it stinking up the house afterwards? thx
July 24th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@Bill Cowher’s Chiclets,
I’m faster than you. I like where your head is at, though.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Popeye’s.
The entire menu.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Buttermilk Biscuits. Sure, eating one isn’t that bad for you, but who has the willpower to eat just one.?
July 24th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Mayonnaise is awesome, unlike that gutter condiment, ketchup. Full marks, fmra.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Pan seared Fois Gras.
Fuck that goose. I want deliciousness.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
fentanyl
July 24th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Sucks to be the guy who took weed, only to have everyone else take all the awesomest foods in the world off the board. No fried chicken, sugar, butter, eggs, pizza, ice cream, cheeseburgers, bacon, pork chops, cookies, cheesesteaks, ribs, twinkies, pasta, french fries…
Your stoned ass is going to digging up carrots to eat.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Extra extra sharp cheddar cheese.
(Love brie and bleu too. This is a slimy pick, yes I know.)
July 24th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
mind-splitting, eardrum destroying rock and/or roll concerts. fuck tinnitus.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
IHOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 24th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Pepperoni Strombolis…not the regular size either, the SUPER BOLI(was well worth the grease burns which would still remind of the Super Roni Boli for days after)
July 24th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Rum, so no one will believe your story!
July 24th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
California burritos. I don’t know who the mad genius was who decided that you should put french fries IN your steak/sour cream/cheese/guac burrito, but god bless them.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
falafels, they might look healthy, but anything cookied in that much grease has to be bad for you.
/was hoping mayo wasn’t taken
July 24th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Bhang, bitches.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhang
You’re welcome UM.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Onion rings. MMM!
July 24th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
@jackin4beats: Can’t believe White Castle lasted that long.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Tequila
July 24th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Finally someone else who likes mayonnaise!
Cheetos, lots and lots of Cheetos
July 24th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Jim U.’s pulled pork pick FTW
Moshing
July 24th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Chinese food, fuck and yes!
July 24th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Can I take crack even though cocaine was already picked? If so, then crack. If not, crystal meth.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Wait a minute… mayo and unprotected sex?
Where are you, fmra? I want to knock you up.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Veal. And by veal, and mean, good for you karmically. Everyone knows it’s the most delicious meat in the universe.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Roofies.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Pork Roll
/still a fat ass
July 24th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
FAT. I’m going to generalize and say…FAT. All fat in foods…the saturated, monosaturated, polyunsaturated and unsaturated kinds, because I can’t keep track of which ones are worse.
The unprotected sex pick reminds me of the Jeffrey Ross bit where he talks about how it would be great if you could get skills from sex, instead of diseases.
http://comedians.comedycentral.com/jeffrey-ross/videos/jeffrey-ross—sexually-transmitted-skills
July 24th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Tanning, without having to freak out and run to the dermatologist over every new freckle or mole.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
There is something up here in the state of NH called Poutine…involves I believe, potatoes or fries, cheese and possibly gravy as well as anything that can can be covered within those goodies(meat products usually-spam could be used here).
Is the only food I have been scared of even trying(even with health insurance), but it looks and sounds delicious. If it can be granted miracle healing powers of health…that’s first on the list-with a whiskey chaser
July 24th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Rumplemintz
July 24th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Moonshine. Dun and Dun.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
poutine is a tremendous pick this far down. And it’s a Canadian delicacy, ICR.
I’m picking scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, and topped hashbrowns from Waffle House. or if they’re taken, hash.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Guns wouldn’t be any fun if they weren’t bad for you. I’ll one-up the Popeye’s with Super Popeye’s!
July 24th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Pastrami. The good stuff like you get at Katz’s.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I can’t believe pie is still available at this point. Dutch apple, cherry, shoo-fly (wait for it) hair. I love all that shit.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
@col. mustard
I took weed and followed that with KFC fried chicken. I’ll be fine if those are the only 2 things i have.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Not sleeping. I fucking hate having to sleep. It would be awesome to be able to just stay awake for days on end without worrying about physical and mental exhaustion.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Italian meats
capicola, sopresatta, salami, proscuito
July 24th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Wow, FMRA. That was going to be my next one. I would be one seriously productive mofo if I could function without sleep.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
abortion
July 24th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Hopefully I’m not bending the rules too much here, but since heroin is off the board I’ll take OPIUM.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Limoncello
July 24th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Who ever said abortion was bad for you in the first place?
/not trying to start a PoFlaWa, promise
July 24th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
bacon mayonaise
July 24th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Fritos lasted this long? Gone.
Kinda jeaous of the heoin guy though
July 24th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Irish Car Bombs (the drink)
I would drink those all fucking night if they didn’t make me want to blow some shit up.
/learned about Bhang today. Thanks de-bhang
July 24th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Fat sandwiches, preferably the Fat Darrell.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Caffeine. No jitters, no gastrointestinal issues, no sleepless nights. Just pure unadulterated alertness.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Texas style, slow smoked Brisket. I prefer Oak as the wood of choice.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Extremely loud music. YES!!! ROCK!!!
July 24th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Racism
July 24th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
OPen faced meatloaf sandwich. With Fries. Gravy on everything.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Irish car bombs… UGH. Bringers of doom and projectile vomiting.
I believe for my last one I will take Being Rude… it’s not “unhealthy” per se, but if I could mouth off to people about what I really thought of them without fear of consequences, my life would kick SO MUCH ass.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Fucking the wife of a man stronger than yourself.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Dairy Queen Blizzards…cheese stuffed hotdogs….
July 24th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Damn, late to the rodeo and all the good ones are taken.
I’ll go with oysters. High in cholesterol? Not anymore.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Know beer is off the board, but if I can be specific…just stole this from Victory Beer’s Twitter…
SCARLET FIRE. Smoked malt gives this beer a flavor that some liken to bacon. Great w/ bbq
ME want now!!!
July 24th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Did I miss GUACOMOLE? I would smother many many things in guacamole. And refried beans…oh Gawd.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
HGH, also known as human growth hormone.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
@Howie Long’s man step
Not quite sure I get the racism pick. You want racism to be healthy?
July 24th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Lobster? Hell yeah!
July 24th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
FMRA, superior draft.
Steve, Ribs, Tequila, and pastrami?? shit thats great!
July 24th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Hoffmann’s Snappy Griller, aka White Hots, aka Coneys. A very specific veal, pork happy blend of spicy hot dog / sausage loveliness. Anyone needing more details, I can rhapsodize further.
I know it is not 10 picks. I am taking this off the board anyway.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
@ Boatdrinks: Guacamole is basically avocados, which are amongst the healthiest things you can eat. Lot of calories, but lots of good stuff as well.
I take slouching/poor posture. I would be a world class athlete if slouching actually improved performance.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
What? Crystal meth isn’t taken?
/scratches arms until they bleed
July 24th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Baskin Robbin’s Large Heath Bar Shake – According to Yahoo! Health, this is the unhealthiest drink in all of America. It contains a whopping 2,310 calories, 266 grams of sugar and 108 grams of fat!
Come to papa!!!
/has coronary
//shocked back to life
July 24th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Wow, j4b, that is one hellacious calorie load. Oh, Hofmann Sausage dot com for the lover of pork!
July 24th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
My wife’s buffalo chicken wing dip.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
@ Spankdatass
Well thank you. I knew being a lazy over-eater my whole life would pay off eventually. Plus I got Watching TV and biscuits so I’m pretty happy.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Gyros
July 24th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Masterbation…I mean who wants to go BLIND?!?
July 24th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
poor spelling?
July 24th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Goddamn. You wouldn’t be able to eat sugar or fat for at least three weeks after drinking that thing.
I’ll snag Cinnabon. Oh, Classic Cinnabon roll, with your delicious and exotic Makara cinnamon, your warm cream cheese icing, your monstrous nutrition statistics (832 calories, 32g fat, 67mg cholesterol, 801 mg sodium and 117 g carbohydrates). You complete me.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Tracer, that is an excellent pick, so late in the game.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Poutine.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Gravity.
Still the #1 Killer
July 24th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Fire. How is this still on the board?? Be able to be engulfed in flames and come out unscathed, yes please.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Marriage
Damn, if anything has been unhealthy to my ticker, it’s been my wife.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Fugu – potentially poisonous blowfish. Supposedly very tasty.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
anything on this website:
http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/
July 24th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Fugu, damnit. Poisonous blowfish.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
speeding….
July 24th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
@ Tracer
Cinnabon Cinnamon has now been injected into Pillsbury cinnamon rolls and pre-made sugar cookies. Now you don’t have to go to the mall for that shit. Lofty pick!
July 24th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
dark chocolate
July 24th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Suicide bombing. If that were healthy I’d do it everyday.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Joined late. Hope my pick is still out there:
Fictional Soldiers that you want to marry
July 24th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Why is anal sex being drafted? That’s, uh, not unhealthy.
It is unhealthy if you want to go vaginal right after. At least, its’ unhealthy for the woman. If that counts.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Redheads…freckled face bitches wreck my shit everytime!
July 24th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Good old fashioned lard.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
@ Kid Presentabole,
I’ll see your Fat Darrel and raise you a
Chicken FatCat, with bacon and eggs, extra bacon
/ mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
July 24th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Rage.
I’d like my righteous anger to make me feel better, not lead me to stroke out. I’m pretty sure that my last words will be some variation on “Jesus H. Christ! Just fucking make the turn already!” right before I have a massive embolism.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Fantasy sports, specifically related to how they affect the health of my work/job
July 24th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Very Large Margaritas. MMMMmmmmm.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Death
July 24th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Proscuitto, Cappicolla or any other Italian-style meats that are still available
July 24th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Come and join hot tall dating club ___Tallloving C om___ has lots of big tall girls there! besides, it’s hot modelss, milfs, sexy chick s and handsome young men and chicks dating club!!LOL Don’t miss out!! :-)
July 24th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Peephole videos
/punch my ticket
July 24th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
quesodillas, with bacon and cheddar inside and fried in butter
/drools in corner
July 24th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Sour Cream
July 24th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
i see your double double animal style, and raise you:
http://whatupwilly.blogspot.com/2006/01/in-n-out-100×100.html
July 24th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Punching strippers
July 24th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
@ NothingCleverComestoMind: Really? Aw, man. Even the Dough Boy is trying to kill me.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Listening to Megan Fox speak
July 24th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I can’t believe it’s still out there but FATBURGER FTW.
King Fat with chili (and/or bacon depending on how sedentary I want to be for the rest of the day), skinny fries and a chocolate shake? Fuck and yes.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Getting chop blocked in the knees by Trent Green.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
White bread.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
I can’t believe it’s not off the board yet, but queso dip. I mean come on, it’s cheese…melted…on a chip. If it’s gone and I missed it, then put barbeque nachos in it’s place
July 24th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Not sure if this is a violation of the rules, but fuck it: Vicodin. Only had it by perscription a fwe times in my life, but that is the best shit. Not too strong, not too weak, just right. And it made watching “The Fountain” for the first time an awesome experience.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
I didn’t realize I did so many unhealthy things until I read this. Thanks, KSK!
July 24th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Halcyon. I took a half tablet half hour prior to dental surgery for wisdom teeth removal…man that was good stuff. I am now done.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Fast Food in general?
mmmmmmm salts and fats good for you?
/your welcome
July 24th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
I think we need a separate draft for “activities” since this one is for “consumables” and I don’t think you can consume abortion, speeding, suicide bombing, etc.
For my pick, how about peanut butter? I loves me some pb&j, pb w/ bananas, pb w/ apples…y’all didn’t leave me many good options!
July 24th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Hash, preferably out of a hookah.
Boosh.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Damn, late as shit.
I’ma go with Royal Farms Potato Wedge Fries.
/had some the other day for the first time in about a decade.
//body was like, “Dude. Fuck. You.”
July 24th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Biscuits and gravy. Fuck my high cholesterol.
Menthol cigarettes? Are you a chick or just gay?
July 24th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Football.
After pop warner, high school, college, one season of arena ball and all those pick up games of tackle football, it would be nice to not have to live the rest of my life with the little nagging injuries from doing something I loved for free for all those years.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Tap water. FTW.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
@Animal Mother: Nah. The game wouldn’t be nearly as much fun if you weren’t killing yourself in the process.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Since whiskey and beer have been declared healthy, the reason I felt so shitty this morning can’t been blamed on Messers Jameson and Guinness. It was that greasy Chinese food I devoured last night. So I’ll pick The Kung Pao Chicken and Pu Pu Platter from Chin’s Kitchen.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Gnocchi, preferably with alfredo sauce.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
kit kats
/Peter King approves
July 24th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Easy cheese (or any fake cheese spread). The bacon-flavored kind, to be specific. On Triscuits.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Choco Tacos – Sleeper pick
July 24th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Jesus, just about everything I could have ever thought of to make you happy has been selected. I’ll take Calamari and just assume nobody has taken it.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Communion wine and wafers.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Rice Krispy treats, preferably from Taylor’s in the Village.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Dairy Queen blizzard
July 24th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
period blood.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I’m taking Alcohol in general. There’s no rule that says it can’t be unspecific.
July 24th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Power’s Gold Label Irish Breakfast Whiskey.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Dear Rufus T. Firefly, I already drafted Ice Cream, which encapsulates all manner of blizzard, sundae or parfait.
For my last pick, I will take being a Vikings fan. I absolutely will die of a heart attack because of them within the next few years, and I wish that could live longer to see them never win a Super Bowl.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Ok El Bandito, as a fellow Vikings fan, I’ll take Juicy Lucy’s then.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Another long-suffering Vikings fan pick: anything from Leann Chin’s. It’s similar to Panda Express, but the quality of the ingredients is way better (though it’s probably just as unhealthy).
I blame the Irish for my liver and the Chinese for my stomach. No more railroad jobs for those assholes.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Alcohol in general.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
How about Frogurt? Still on the board, yes? With plenty of potassium benzoate toppings, please…
July 24th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
…that’s bad.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
And finally…coconuts.
Wrapping it up:
1. Opium
2. Extremely loud music
3. Human growth hormone
4. Fugu
5. Coconut
So I’ll be sitting around built like Conan, stoned off my ass, rocking so hard my face melts off, eating handfuls of poisonous sushi and artery-clogging coconut treats. I guess I’d basically turn into Nathan Explosion. Good draft.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Throwing down a Primanti Brothers Sandwich from Pittsburgh. Fries, Cole Slaw, meat(s) all on a sandwich will kill you.
Damn peru internet wasnt workin good last night, so I just got my picks of Taco Bell and Primanti Bros. I’m happy
July 24th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Food shaped like dicks.
“You know what kind of food is shaped like dicks? The best kind!”
Brats and beer at a ballgame or BBQ in the summer is one of the most heavenly ways of slowly killing yourself.
July 24th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Dave and Busters waitresses
July 24th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
OJ.
He used to be cool, but now he’ll kill you just for returning his ex-wife’s sunglasses to her house.
And maybe for sticking your dick in her ass. Maybe.
July 24th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Andrea McNulty
July 24th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Andrea McNutty’s snatch.
July 24th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
I’m surprised no one picked “E”. Might ake nightime activities interesting. For my food pick, maple bars a/k/a Long Johns. A most wonderful doughnut.
July 24th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
In case I should be a bit more clear. “E”= ecstasy
July 24th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Autoerotic asphyxiation
July 24th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Jersey Shore Italian hoagie. Imported ham with cappicola, genoa salami, proscuitto, provalone, oil & vinegar, salt & pepper with a dusting of oregano.
Bonus points if we can make sure it doesn’t give us heartburn.
July 24th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Bonus points if we can make sure it doesn’t give us heartburn.
I hope Zantac isn’t bad for you. That shit has been a lifesaver for me since about the time I hit the 30-year-old mark. And now that all the stuff I like to eat and drink has been declared healthy by this draft, I’m going to need plenty of the cheaper generic-brand Zantac.
July 24th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Kool Aid.
Because watermelon is good for you and fried chicken is taken.
July 24th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Chocolate-covered meth cigarettes. Shout out to Colbert.
July 24th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Racism
July 24th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
10 hours late…..FUCK
July 24th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Cheese curds. Because they’re the only food left.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
The Luther Burger. Enough said.
July 24th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
Late as usual, give me McDonalds Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuits.
July 25th, 2009 at 12:48 am
Couldn’t go to sleep without nabbing METHANOL.
July 25th, 2009 at 1:20 am
One final one before sleep takes hold…Riblets from Applebees. Of course sleep won’t take place with a bellyful of them delicious treats
July 25th, 2009 at 2:10 am
cocaine,cocaine,cocaine,and rape…….because DMT is not bad for you!
July 25th, 2009 at 2:14 am
Shooting yourself in the leg.
Plaxico Buress = Jerry Rice x 12
July 25th, 2009 at 2:16 am
Scratch that last part..Plax would have to shoot every one of his body parts repeatedly just get to Rice’s level
July 25th, 2009 at 2:19 am
Since everyone has been going with food, drugs, and diseases (and this draft is probably done) I’m going to pick again – WRIST CUTTING!
Emo kids healthiest demographic on the planet.
July 25th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
@ Granimal…someone did pick “E”. It’s called “ctrl+f”…use it.
My pick: KSK.com
July 25th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Is jerkin’ it with a belt tied around your neck still on the board?
July 25th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
No one took french fries???
July 25th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Oh, they went early. Would’ve been shocked otherwise.
July 26th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Cincinnati Chili (if I must be specific, Skyline).
WF
/likes Atlanta, but actually misses Cincinnati
//shows self out for admitting that
July 26th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Dots flavored gumdrops
July 27th, 2009 at 1:40 am
sex without a condom
July 27th, 2009 at 11:12 am
@El Bandito Blancito: We’ve been over this. They are called wings. That’s it. Not Buffalo wings, not chicken wings, not hot wings. Just plain wings. You order them crispy and extra saucy, hot. By the bucket. With pitchers of cold beer.
July 27th, 2009 at 11:22 am
“…indulgent food, beverage, or other consumable…”
“Gravity. Fire. Guns. Death. Unprotected sex. Sleep. WTF people.
July 27th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Three days late and chicken fingers are still on the board? Mine. The only thing keeping me alive between all the beer, wings, and chicken fingers I eat is Lopid.
July 27th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Doritos also still on the board? Yes please.
July 27th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Mighty Taco chicken burritos. Think I’ll have two for lunch, actually. With a loganberry.
July 28th, 2009 at 2:57 am
Your girlfriend’s smoking hot best friend. I’ve never met anything more consumable….
/going to hell
//doesn’t really mind
July 28th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Tic tacs