This Week’s KSK Mock Draft: TV Show Character You’d Like To Be Roommates With
My TV went out this week. When I called DirecTV to have them come fix it, they told me they did not have access to anyone’s account information, and that I should call back in a day or two. Excuse me? A day? Whole day? What, you people think going without TV for a day is somehow acceptable? TV IS ALL I HAVE, YOU BASTARDS.
There are three services I can’t go without on a daily basis: air conditioning, Internet, and TV. The rest is gravy: phone service, lights, water, etc. All worthless. But TV? GET THAT SHIT FIXED. DirecTV, you just made MY FUCKING LIST YOU BASTARDS. Where did you lose all your account information, anyway? How the fuck do you lose that? What Serbian computer wizard has my precious account data? I would so switch to cable if cable wasn’t five times worse. AND DON’T YOU FUCKING FORGET IT.
Anywayyyyy, this week’s mock draft! Yes, this week’s mock draft is TV show character you’d like to room with. ROOMING DOES NOT MEAN YOU GET AUTOMATIC SEX. Au contraire. It almost certainly precludes it. So choose wisely. You choose a hot chick, you probably end up eternally frustrated. That said, my pick? Eliot from Scrubs, seen above.
Scrubs is a fucking annoying show. But this chick likes to get drunk, and she’s unreasonably attractive. I’m certain any number of… romantic misunderstandings?… could ensue! And she’d be too drunk to see that I have Bong Dick!
Yours in the comments. Pick one character. Fictional characters only, so no taking Conan O’Brien or something like that. I will, however, accept animated characters, because why not. Once that character is taken, all characters from their show are off the board entirely. Please wait ten picks to pick again. Now, DRAFT AWAY.
/stares at frozen blue screen. Fucking DirecTV.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, ksk commenter drafts, oh sarah chalke you are wild, waiting for vinnie chase to get taken and see uff get annoyed
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
July 10th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Is Vinnie Chase taken?
July 10th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Jeanie. But with more navel showing.
July 10th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Nancy from Weeds. Her creamy skin makes me want to cream….dammit, just thinking about it..
/masturbates furiously (at work)
July 10th, 2009 at 8:52 am
Ziva Daveed from NCIS – she’d be tidy, sexy, and could kick my ass. Plus – no need for a security system when living with a Mussad agent.
July 10th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Clark Kent. Rarely there. Won’t eat my food. Won’t steal my stuff.
July 10th, 2009 at 8:57 am
i fucking hate sarah chalke
July 10th, 2009 at 8:58 am
Lyla Garrity from Friday Night Lights. I could be her roommate as she goes off to college next year. No way that thing with Riggins lasts, and I’ll be there for her on the rebound. Only negative could be Riggins beating my ass, but it would be worth it.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Glen Quagmire, giggity. Because having a sex-crazed pilot as a roommate would mean spillover pussy for me. Giggity.
/win
July 10th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Tony Soprano. I win, bitches.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:07 am
What’s the rule on someone real but who’s sort of a character – Stephen Colbert comes to mind. Obviously I wouldn’t want to room with him, I just want to ask an annoying question regarding the rules.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Leela, she’s badass, hot, totally one of the guys and I’d get to make one eye jokes until she kills me.
I will now laugh at the prick that came here to say Bender.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:11 am
No question, Charlie from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. He may be extremely poor, dirty and sketchy, but I’m convinced that the hilarious misadventures we’d be getting into would make everything worth it. Also, he’d make me look that much better to the ladies.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Bud Bundy
July 10th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Jack Tripper. He cooks, and he hurts himself a lot which is always good to laugh at.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:14 am
George Costanza. Same reason AJ took Charlie (minus the wolf hair problem).
July 10th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Elaine from Seinfeld. I assume she’d keep things tidty and make the occasional bad decision.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Kenny Powers.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Balki Bartokomous from Perfect Strangers. I would tell all sorts of lies which led to comical situations and then come up with zany schemes to get out of them. Oh and we would have hot blonde flight attendant girlfriends.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Lurleen Lumpkin from the Simpsons, mainly because of the blackout sex potential, I could get anal on her and she wouldn’t know the next day.
/mailbag’d
July 10th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Rick Shcroeder
July 10th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Damnit. Schroeder.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Stimpy
July 10th, 2009 at 9:26 am
The Fonz.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Cameron from The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Having a dead sexy killing machine around the house would have to be useful.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Doogie Howser. His hot nurse co-worker will always be around and he could give me all the prescription drugs I want.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Caprica 6
July 10th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Gob Bluth, that chicken gets me every time…
I’ve made a huge mistake
July 10th, 2009 at 9:34 am
Monica Raymund aka Ria Torres from Lie to Me. According to her bio “She has a raw, untrained ability to read people that makes her a force to be reckoned with.”
So if it doesn’t work out for us, she can see through all the insane chicks so I can avoid them.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Dexter. I’d just spend all day feeding him bullshit about fictitious crimes perpetrated by people I hate
July 10th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Lucille Bluth. Awesome digs. Down with financial misdeeds. Unhealthy level of booze on premises. No sexual tension. Might whore out her daughter.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:36 am
damn it BG.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Jessica Rabbit. I’ve got a thing for redheads.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Jack Tripper
Because I feel so bad that he had to room with Suzanne Somers for so long. As he seems like an all right guy. Might need to revive him though.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Mr. Belvedere. Clean this shit up old man.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:43 am
I would say Don Draper, but while he would be cool to hang out with I actually think he would suck as a roommate. So I’m going with Joan Holloway.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Norm Peterson. This way I wouldn’t be the alcoholic.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Drew’s rant condensed: “You can do better, DirectTV.”
That said, my pick is Bunk Moreland. He’ll get me laid when we run the “number two” on chicks, plus I could steal his cigars.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Bruce Wayne.
As long as he didn’t make me wear the skimpy Robin outfit — sure, I’m flattered; maybe even a little curious — that would be one sweet set-up. Stately Wayne Manor, with a butler, loads of riches and gadgets, trophy babes everywhere.
Plus, Batman’s a scientist, so I got that going for me.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Which of the Golden Girls to go with? I suppose the grim hand of death has made my decision easier. It’s either the Southern slutty one or Betty White (the dumb one)?
Yup. Gotta go slutty one.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Sarah Walker (Yvonne Strahovski) from Chuck. She is a hot piece who obviously isn’t afraid to settle for a guy a couple leagues below her caliber.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Agent Sarah Walker, from Chuck. I don’t think I need to explain this one.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:49 am
GOD DAMN IT LPT! Fuckin’ ninja over here.
Ah well, gimme Jimmy from Yes Dear. Despite the fact that he’s a Redskins fan, I think he’d be a hoot to hang around with.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Sheila Keefe from Rescue Me. Seemingly has a fountain of money, and always seems to be down for revenge sex against her imagined enemies.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Al Swearingen. I’d get to witness all sorts of cool shit, know my town’s secrets and inner workings, and have ready access to booze and blowjobs. What’s not to like?
One caveat: He has to get rid of the rotting Indian head. That thing must stink worse than Paris Hilton’s vagina.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:54 am
No one’s taken Christina Hendricks from Mad Men yet? Well allow me to have my way with her then.
/rules be damned
July 10th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Al Swearingen. I’d get to witness all sorts of cool shit, know my town’s secrets and inner workings, and have ready access to booze and blowjobs.
But wouldn’t his moustache tickle you?
July 10th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Sydney Shanowski – from some abortion called “Hope & Faith” (I had to IMDB it). 18 year old Megan Fox FTW!
July 10th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Mustache, dammit.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Robin Scherbatzky from How I Met Your Mother.
- Smoking hot.
- Super cool. Likes scotch, cigars, and laser tag.
- Totally slutty. Has slept with 2/3 main characters, and several supporting ones.
- Her friends are awesome. Barney, Ted, Marshall, and I would totally hang out.
Downside to Elliot Reid from Scrubs: you have to put up with that douchebag J.D. shacking up when the ratings start to drop.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Alex P. Keaton, so I can get a shot at nailing his sister.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Arthur Bach,
That guy knows how to party and as long as we can keep Liza Minnelli out of the equation it would be a spectacular time indeed
July 10th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Charlie Crews from “Life”
Millionaire cop with a sweet pad, a great car, and the ability to arrest my enemies.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Kelly Kapowski. Suck on these balls Zack Morris.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Cliff Huxtable. He’s wealthy, has a nice home in Brooklyn Heights, and he can solve any of my problems in 20 minutes intervals. Plus I’ll learn something along the way, and never lack for colorful sweaters to borrow.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Danny Tanner from Full House
The guy cleans and is eager to please. Plus, three daughters of legal age, even if one of them is emaciated and coked-out. Just keep Joey Gladstone the fuck out.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:02 am
tribbiani. great sandwiches, free fooz ball, plenty of hot ass migrating in and out, you can kick a barnyard animal if it gets too depressing.
thumbs up on dexter, though.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Jamie from Charles in Charge. Seeing her show as a kid was the first time TV made my underwear get tight.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Michael Knight, it borrow KIT and go cruising for some trim.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Raven from That’s So Raven. Seriously, have you seen the tits on her lately? Motorboatin’ all night long.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Gilligan. Oh, the hijinks I would witness. Plus, as the only heterosexual male on the island, I’d eventually wear down both Ginger and Maryann and could finally settle that debate.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Dr. Hadley aka Thirteen from House, as portrayed by Olivia Wilde.
Smoking hot and super freaky, and even if (as the rules suggest) I don’t get on that myself she’s just as likely to bring home girls for threesomes as she is to bring home guys for herself. Thank god for fictional sex-crazed bisexual female doctors with Huntington’s.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Juliet from LOST. Kate is way overrated.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Thomas Magnum. Don’t see how this one hasn’t been taken yet.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Hyde from “That 70’s Show”. He clearly has a great weed connection. And I’d have access to both the tall redhead on that show and Mila Kunis.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Linda from Becker.
Sexy as hell, Dumb as a stump.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:12 am
CJ Parker. Baywatch. Pam in her prime before Tommy, Kid Rock and Hepatitis.
I’ll be ready…
July 10th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Jimmy McNulty. He’s never there, but when he is, he’s boozing and messing around with sluts.
Plus, I could borrow his guns.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Hank Moody from Californication. Random hot LA pussy streamin through the place that I must take care of so his daughter doesn’t find out, Lots of fun drug parties with record producers, The hangin out with someone hilarious aspect, and I could be the one to name his novels after Slayer albums!
July 10th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Goddamn it LLUA, I was going to pick Ben Linus, just because it would be fun to live with total evil, but that’s a great choice. Juliet is MILF in a bottle, and yeah, Kate is WAAAAYYYY overrated.
Anyway, I pick Roger from American Dad. How fucking cool would it be to live with an alien?
July 10th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Pet Alligator and 80’s fashions be damned, I’m moving onto Sonny Crockett’s boat.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Conando? Si, Conando! I’d have to brush up on my Spanish, but he is suave with the ladies (which I’d mooch off of).
/bending the no-Conan rule
July 10th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Topanga from Boy Meets World. Man I had a hella crush on her when I was younger.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Pick #2: Tracy Jordan of 30 Rock. Because that would definitely add an, um, element of surprise to my everyday home life.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Natalie from the facts of life. I’ll take one for the team…
July 10th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Pick #2 Pam from the Office
It was a close with Jan Levinson, but since this is a roommate pick, I’m staying away from the crazy MILF.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Zach Galifianakis
July 10th, 2009 at 10:22 am
ALF. It’s ALF.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Martin Tupper from Dream On. Now if we can only tell that bastard teenager of his to go live with his mother.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Tara from United States of Tara. I could make all 4 of her personalities pay for rent. Plus the entertainment value would be top notch.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Riley Freeman from The Boondocks. It’s always good to have a 10-year old pro-black Militant with Kung-Fu skills around when the shit goes down…cause you better be ready.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:27 am
I meant Huey Freeman, not Riley
July 10th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Claire from Heroes. Cheerleader jailbait with superpowers = WIN
July 10th, 2009 at 10:27 am
I’ll take Jesse Katsopolous. What with being in a band and all, I imagine he could hook me up with some good weed.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Boomhauer.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:31 am
This has to set a record for “Rules Broken During a Mock Draft.” Congrats, everyone!
July 10th, 2009 at 10:32 am
I’m torn between Franklin Sherman and Jeremy Hawke. I think I have to choose Franklin simply for his monkey-butler training abilities, his vast wealth, his poorly run political campaigns. Plus, I suspect he is secretly “el Kabong”.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Brock Sampson.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Mr. Belvedere. I need a fucking butler.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Ok, ok. I’ll strap a bomb to my chest and go live with the interns from Grey’s Anatomy.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:35 am
The Cryptkeeper. That house was pretty sweet.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:35 am
I’ll take Michael Westen from Burn Notice. Sure his place isn’t nice but it’s in Miami and he’s an ex-spy. It’s like a free pass to do whatever I want in Miami. Great pick jackin’4beats with Ria Torres
July 10th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Michael Michele as Det. Sheppard on Homicide. Smoking hot and armed. Boom! and boom.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Sam Axe from Burn Notice.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Monkey Business, Robin is a damn good pick.
Since she’s off the board, I’m going to go with B.A. Baracus. The van would be useful for tailgating, I could sic him on Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons who come knocking.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Marie Barone.
She cooks, she cleans and something tells me she would want me to get laid.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:39 am
first i wanted Eric Matthews from boy meets world, but thats out. then i wanted Dani from Life; also out. then i thought i could surely get Deb Morgan from Dexter (i think foul-mouth chicks, no matter how flat, are awesome), but no. you people need to sleep in on fridays.
i’ll settle on wilson from home improvement, though i see little value in this pick.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:39 am
One of the Gilmore Girls, it doesn’t matter which one, eventually the other will be over for a hot mother-daughter three-way.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Dammit Yinzer B!!!!
July 10th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Pick #2: Dan Rydell from Sports Night. More fun than Casey.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Coach from Cheers. I’m thinking that he probably got a sweet rent-controlled place on Beacon Hill or in the Back Bay, so after he croaked, I get grandfathered in. Low rent and Sox connections? done and done.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Wonder Woman. I have a thing for chicks who could kick my ass.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:47 am
smurfette
July 10th, 2009 at 10:48 am
No homo, but I’ll take Persia White who plays Lynn Searcy in Girlfriends. She might be a PETA freak, but she can be my freak.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Danny McCoy (Josh Duhamel’s character in Las Vegas). Cause he’s hot, and Fergie needs competition from a sports buff. Yea, that will work.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Splinter. I can train to be a ninja, eat all the pizza I could possibly want, and nail April O’Neil when I’ve saved her from Bebop and Rocksteady.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:51 am
President Bartlet from the West Wing. Cause he’s a fucking ex-president.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:53 am
these are hard rules to follow because not everyone includes the show’s name in their post and with shows that have a lot of characters, doing a ctrl+F for everyone is too much work. that being said:
Cartman’s Mom
July 10th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Donna Martin. She changes her hair and tits so much that it would be like screwing a new girl every 2 months.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Charmaine Bucco for 2 reasons:
1. To stare at her glorious rack all day
2. A very real chance that she might get drunk and fuck me to piss off that pussy Artie.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Fuck Sopranos was already taken, but Charmaine Bucco still has a glorious rack.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Jimmy James. So nice, they named him twice.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:56 am
I love how everyone assumes they’ll be banging the roommate. Cause that always happens.
3rd pick: JJ Evans. After sleeping on a pull-out with his brother for a decade, I figure he’ll be cool with the smaller room.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:57 am
I think living with Brandon Small from home movies would be awesome (his hijinks and movies and such), but a 25 year old guy living with an 8 year old boy might cause problems…
So I’m going with Shake from ATHF… for HIS hilarious hijinks
July 10th, 2009 at 10:59 am
One of the guys from Stella, let’s go with……umm, Michael Showalter. If for no other reason than that means that I automatically get to Room with David Wain and Michael Ian Black too
July 10th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Sookie Stackhouse, David Letterman notwithstanding. I get her in the daytime.
She could read the minds of all my friends and enemies, but probably not mine because I’m not that bright.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Ugh. “David Letterman TEETH notwithstanding.’
July 10th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Obi-Wan Kenobi from Clone Wars. Again, Jedi roommate would be way cool.
/geek
July 10th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Jimmy McNulty from the Wire
July 10th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Captain Jean-Luc Picard from the Starship Enterprise. He’s cool as hell and could be my wingman with that accent.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Dr. Jonny Fever from WKRP. Yes, quite old….but he always makes me laugh.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Chef before he went crazy. Loads of women and he’ll make all the food for you. Win-win.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:11 am
2nd pick is Brock Sampson. So my blond mullet wouldn’t look as ridiculous.
Yes, I spelled “ridiculous” correctly. It’s not that difficult.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Johnny Fever for the win
July 10th, 2009 at 11:12 am
McBain.
Ice to see you Mendoza!
July 10th, 2009 at 11:13 am
I’d like to go on tour with Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem. Sure, I wouldn’t get much sleep, but the spontaneous musical numbers, the booze and drugs, trashed hotel rooms, Muppet groupies and wild times would be a stone groove for a few months. Hell, I’d even impregnate Janis just to see what would happen. After a while, Zoot and Floyd would probably get fatal overdoses, Animal would kill somebody and get euthanized and I could write a tell-all book.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Lucy from Peanuts. My psychiatrist would only cost 5 cents.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Really? No one’s taken a Star Trek character yet? I’m pulling Captain fucking Kirk, man. Living on a spaceship and nailing spillover green chicks sounds good to me.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:15 am
JJ from good times; I figure that if i room with him, i can mack on Thelma when she visits.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:17 am
I’ll jump back in here with Larry David. He’s rich as shit, plays golf, plus when we hang out at Jeff’s I could finally kick Susie right in her vagina. I’ve been aching to do that for years.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:17 am
I need a wealthy benefactor in my house. So I’m going with Higgins from Magnum P.I.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Thank you Howie…..
July 10th, 2009 at 11:17 am
2nd: I’d want to room with Sheldon Cooper, PhD from The Big Bang Theory… cuz then I’d be the one in the mixed up relationship with Penny, the hot blond across the hall.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:18 am
The Mooninites
“Your jambox is now his, by way of our actions”
July 10th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Munch from Law & Order.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Good pick, Megatron. Lofty pick. Taken pick.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Optimus Prime. I’d always have a ride; clearly the Decepticons would leave me and my first pick Marie Barone alone and then we’d have pie.
S
Fffff
S
July 10th, 2009 at 11:20 am
damn. ctrl+f, Jones.
Since Slothrop already took JJ, for a less insidious reason, I’ll have to go with Chris Knight from Real Genius. We can get smashed together and he can later help me figure out what the hell is with the electrical problem in my car.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Fail
Maybe i should room with Mistah Kotter so he can teach me to read…
July 10th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Wow. Stephen Colbert’s on-air personality. I can’t believe it made it that far… *waits for some jackass to claim it’s not a fictional character*
July 10th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Jack Bauer……i wouldn’t have to worry about issues becuase he would be handling any problems in 24 hours
July 10th, 2009 at 11:23 am
I’ll take Elvira. Smoking hot red head masquerading as a trampy boobed up slut. What’s not to like?
July 10th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Dani Reese from Life.
Sarah Shahi is a quality pick. No one denies this!
July 10th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Buck Rodgers. He’s cool as hell, there’d be lots of adventure, we’re in the future with space ships and photon blasters and shit, and most important, I’d get a shot at Erin Grey in her prime.
Bee Dee Bee Dee Bee Dee!
July 10th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Steve Urkel. He’d be irritating, sure, but he also knows the formula for “cool juice.” If that stuff can make him pussy magnet “Stefan Urquelle,” it could make me goddamn Brad Pitt.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Bugs Bunny …. back to the funny as shit reason
July 10th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Sookie from True blood, doesn’t mind flashing her cans and could tell me what other people are thinking.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Gino, now Statler and Waldorf are off the board. Damn!
July 10th, 2009 at 11:31 am
@goto11: Capt. Picard was already taken, but since that is a different show, you can have Kirk.
/nerded out
I’ll now take Saundra Santiago, who played Gina Calabrese in Miami Vice (TV show). Hot like fiyahhhh.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:31 am
I’ve given this some thought, and with Pick #4 I’m gonna go ahead and take Scooby Doo. A dude I can sit around with all day and get high with that’s also a talking dog? What more do you need in a roommate?
July 10th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Misty from Pokemon, she has nice legs and a cute (albeit annoying) pet in psyduck.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:35 am
With Bunk, Charlie, and Swearingen all taken I’ll have to go with Killface. So I can tell people I live with a guy named Killface.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I take Jim Belishi from About Last Night. He likes to drink and is a lot of fun. Plus the stories.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Doug Heffernan from King of Queens. Basically he’d sit back and enjoy a Highlife with me while Optimus Prime protects the house and Marie makes us some damn lasagna from scratch. Damn my roommate scenario is looking right.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Lion-o from thundercats. I’ll get to drive the thundertank when Panthro get’s too drunk to drive (he looks like he likes his scotch) and Cheetara would be fair game.
/ducks
July 10th, 2009 at 11:46 am
@ Boatdrinks
I considered drafting Statler and Waldorf, but I figure I’m going to turn into one of them if I ever reach old age, so I went with The Electric Mayhem instead. And good call on Bugs Bunny- his tunnels can go anywhere!
July 10th, 2009 at 11:47 am
The character of Drew Carey from “The Drew Carey Show.” Dude had a brewery in his backyard….bu he also lives in Cleveland. Ugh. Maybe I’ll just crash there during the summer months.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Mr. Drummond from Diff’rent Strokes.
Rich guy who will seemingly take in anyone off the street and also has hot, slutty daughter. Perfect roommate.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Ah, Remy from the movie Ratatouille. Yes, he is a rat, but man, can he cook.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Since my namesake is already taken, Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Great value thius late in the draft. Gellar in her prime, and if any vamps or demons show up I’m set.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Brock, planning ahead. Good move!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Mef and Red from the short lived tv show. All day long it would be blunts, bitches and booze!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Echo from Dollhouse.
Eliza Duskhu as a blank slate, so I can make her into whatever I want.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
The characters from “Oz” are still on the board, everybody.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
#2 pick: Jessica Biel. Can’t believe she lasted that long. And I’m pretty sure I could get Killface to get rid of Timberlake, I’m guessin he’s not a big fan of boy bands.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Brett Favre — he’s TOTALLY a character and dreamy!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Steal of the draft Goat!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
E from Entourage so I could kick him in the nuts every morning and tell him what a pathetic cocktaster he is.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
3rd pick. Smurfette. Blue pussy FTW.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
The World’s Most Interesting Man would be an outstanding roommate.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Det. Mick Belcher from Hill Street Blues (the best all time drama).
Not really a neat freak, but will not hesitate to bite some dirtbag.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Carl Fredricksen from Up, You mean I get a flying house? Awesome! Plus some other pretty cool roommates whom will not go named for reasons of not spoiling.
1. Michael Showalter from Stella
2. Carl Fredricksen from Up
July 10th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Carl Fredricksen from Up, You mean I get a flying house? Awesome! Plus some other pretty cool roommates whom will not go named for reasons of not spoiling.
1. Michael Showalter from Stella
2. Carl Fredricksen from Up
July 10th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Tattoo from Fantasy Island. A midget in a suit.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Vicki from “Small Wonder.” But only if she’s completely anatomically correct.
She’d do whatever she’s told, won’t bore me with small talk (get it?), and lives in a cabinet in my bedroom.
And it’s only statutory if it’s a human female…
Win-win-win. Right, Michael Scott?
/takes a bow
July 10th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Alyssa Milano from Charmed
Old school hot, and likes sports? Yes please.
/has nair for those arms
The thing with female roommates is, even if you don’t bang them, you’ll “accidentally” catch them coming out of the shower a few times.
/creepy, but honest
July 10th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
I gotta get my drafting done now before work…
1. Lois Lane (aka Erica Durance) from “Smallville”
2. Sergeant Bosco Albert “B.A.” Baracus from “A-Team”
3. Paula Marshall from “Sports Night” (note: she played the ‘adult film actress’ Jenny in a few episodes.)
July 10th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Walker. Texas. Ranger. Chuck Norris for the win
July 10th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Lisa from the short-lived tv adaptation of Weird Science.
Unlimiited wishes granted by an extremely hot, uninhibited chick.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
#3 pick Veronica Mars – Kristen Bell. We good go around solving crimes, then fuck.
1. 18 year old Megan Fox from Hope & Faith
2. Sarah Michelle Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
3. Kristen Bell from Veronica Mars
I like the way this is shaping up.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Neela Rasgotra from ER. Everyone needs a hot nurse roommate who you don’t feel like strangling right? And she can nurse me back to health after all the Fight Club tournaments.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
typing fail
July 10th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Huggie Bear
nuf said
July 10th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Alan Shore from Boston Legal.
Witty, wealthy, and a fantastic wingman. Plus, I can get into whatever the fuck legal hijinks I want and he has my back.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Capt. Spears from the Band of Brothers (technically, it was a TV series).
I’d have the safest motherfucking house on the block.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Hawkeye from MASH. A bit too maudlin at times, but overall he seems like a good drinking buddy and wingman.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
This is too easy, how is it not taken? Max Guevara from Dark Angel. {Yes, I had to look my roommate up on wikipedia}. A 19 year old Jessica Alba, and she’s genetically engineered to be a super-soldier? Yeah, I can see why that fell past round 3 for some of you.
/Win.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Sydney Bristow from Alias. Jennifer Garner in her prime.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Fuck, how did I slip on Walker? No one’s taken an SNL character yet, right? Lot’s to choose from, but I’ll take either one of the Two Wild and Crazy Guys From Czechoslovakia, since they’re already roommates anyway. Party fuck’n time. Plus, I’m friends with Belushi in drag.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Jack Donage (sp?) from 30 rock
July 10th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Ellie Bartowski (Sarah Lancaster) from Chuck.
Assuming Cpt. Awesome is out of the picture this could be all sorts of win. She gets a little silly when tipsy which could always lead to a good time, and the possibility of getting a fly-by from Sarah Walker (Yvonne Strahovski, my all-time #1) or Anna Wu (Julia Ling, another quality choice) may present itself from time to time.
Plus, who WOULDN’T want to look at Sarah Lancaster every day? DAMN.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Can’t believe she was still on the board, y’all!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Van Wilder. Tons of parties with hot ass floating around all the time. Just keep Tara Reid away (unless I’m really, really, REALLY hammered).
July 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Latka Gravas from Taxi. Why? Why not? It’s Andy Fucking Kaufmann. To recap:
1. Glenn Quagmire, Family Guy
2. Lurleen Lumpkin, The Simpsons
3. Jimmy from Yes, Dear
4. Raven, That’s So Raven
5. Roger the Alien, American Dad
6. Claire Bennett, Heroes
7. Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman
8. Obi-Wan Kenobi, The Clone Wars
9. Latka Gravas, Taxi
/good draft, good draft
July 10th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
I’m going with Devon Miles from Knight Rider. You get the mansion, the cool semi truck, KITT and Bonnie. C’mon, a woman who is attractive and can fix cars…what’s not to like?
KITT–TURBO BOOST
July 10th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Tony Danza from Who’s the Boss.
He can cook, he can clean, he is a good boxer (according to that one episode). Plus his daughter would become a sexplosive minx in seven or eight seasons.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Jamal King from How High (as astutely played by Redman): for fairly obvious reasons.
Now I live in a flying house with unlimited amounts of weed and Michael Showalter.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
@ Bogey Golf
Her show has only been picked twice so far. Totally still on the board.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Sarah Reeves from Party of Five. Jennifer Love Hewitt in her prime…mmm..mmm…mmmm
July 10th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
a very young Jessica Beil from 7th Heaven
/criminal
//worth it
July 10th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Oooo…good pick on Jessica Beil…I was going to pick someone else from that show but nice snatch…pun totally intended
July 10th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Jesus, who are the retards who keep taking movie characters?
July 10th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
“The Cryptkeeper.”
You’ve got to be willing to move to Oakland and share his pad with Jamarcus Russel.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Jenna Jameson–she was on one episode of WWE/F back in the day as a manager of a wrestler. Think about the pals she hangs out with. That’s the sleeper pick (literally)
July 10th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Jesus, who are the retards who keep taking movie characters?
Yeah, it’s me. I have adult ADD or something – or the business world has beaten me into only learning via PowerPoint bullet presentations.
Ok, I now take the skank from Desperate Housewives. No automatic sex, eh? – WRONG.
/wife controls the remote
//dammit
July 10th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Bear from “BJ and the Bear”. Fuck you guys. I now have a chimp.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Jolene Blalock as T’Pol from Star Trek Enterprise, no emotions (can’t get bat-shit crazy)
July 10th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Growing impatient…i’ve got 5 picks all tee’d up nicely too…do my posts count in the rotation hahahah
July 10th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Ali Larter (Heroes) She plays triplets so think of how that could turn out.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.scifiupdates.com/home/images/stories/profile/Ali%2520Larter%2520004.jpg&imgrefurl=http://hollywood-stars-wallpapers.blogspot.com/2008/09/ali-larter-sexy-wallpapers.html&h=417&w=300&sz=24&tbnid=cHE7nvsUYlbTrM:&tbnh=125&tbnw=90&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dali%2Blarter&hl=en&usg=__GM9oykKE4f-JG4-JHnPd1Xb4Hyw=&ei=wndXSvjqMY-kMP_twJ0I&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=3&ct=image
July 10th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Kaylee Frye from firefly…Sooo hot and can fix anything, plus i think she’d be a devil in the sack..
July 10th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Since everyone else is posting with the assumption that they’re banging their roomates, though the rules said not to assume such, I’ll play along and pick Jennifer (Bianca Kajlich) from rules of engagement. WAG hotness
July 10th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Kirsten Bell from Deadwood.
/laughs at everyone that took Veronica Mars instead
July 10th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Alright i gotta run out on a sales call so i’ll pick now and resume later.
Berg from Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza place. Ryan Renyolds is effing hilarious. Plus he’s married to Scarlet. This guy is the king.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Nancy Botwin!!
July 10th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Menace II Sobriety, sorry, I took Biel with my second pick. Pick 4: Jimmie Walker from Good Times.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
@Big Daddy Drew: I am one of those Retards, and thus negate my last two picks leaving me with only Michael Showalter from Stella, I decide to my second pick (since I negated 2-4) and Pick Catalina from My Name Is Earl, just because I love me Latinas. Please refer to my previous drafts for confirmation.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Is Webster still on the board?
July 10th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Jake. If he can put up with the Fatman, I should be ok.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Bond. James Bond.
For the fact that he’s not always there and there’s always potential for sloppy seconds…
I win.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
tv. TV. tee vee! TEE FUCKIN’ VEE!!!
July 10th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Holy Shit there are some dumb ass guys on here today. If you bought a ticket, rented the video or watched it from ON DEMAND then it’s a MOVIE not TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
July 10th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Ross from Friends. So I could stomp the shit out of him.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Morena Baccarin as Inara Serra from Firefly.
- She has her own space ship.
- She’s a space whore.
- She’s hot as fuck.
So far:
1) Robin Scherbatsky
2) Inara Serra
July 10th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Justine Bateman from Family Ties. I used to have fatasies of going down on her when I was like 11 or 12.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
No way did NPH make it this far. Barney Stinson Bitches…nuff said.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Charlie Harper from 2 and a half man. Nice place, plenty of booze, woman, drugs plus maid service.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Jamaica St. Croix from Son of the Beach: The live action Foxy Cleopatra. Man is she gorgeous.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
MCGYVER! Nothing’s broken in our house!
July 10th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I would like to point out that I went to my old standby. When all else fails start drafting exotic women.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Schneider from One Day at a Time. Dude, I clogged the toilet again…
July 10th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Baily Quarters from WKRP. Helped me ruin many socks in the day.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Dwight Schrute. Free beats.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
… or beets
July 10th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Rosie from the Jetsons. Need someone to clean my crap up.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Needs more:
Control F Says:
‘I really do exist.’
(phallus phunny)
July 10th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Sweet Valley High twins, for the win.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Just to recap, with photographic references my picks (Having redacted and then, in proper fashion, waited my turn to draft replacements for, the movie picks)
1. Michael Showalter – Stella by extension drafting the rest of the group
2. Catalina – My Name Is Earl
3. Jamaica St. Croix
July 10th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell. Or Joey Potter from Dawsons Creek. Something about the girl next door. Joey could do my homework for me as well.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Krazee Eyes Killah, from Curb your Enthusiasm.
Yo Delicious! Get a tissue, my man’s gonna sneeze!
July 10th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Eva “Papi” Torres A hot girl with the mind of a man? Hello comparing notes.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Spike from Degrassi Junior High.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
SHIT. Of course I have to work on the day that the best draft ever is going on.
Elliot Reid is an awesome pick: intelligent, can get freaky, but she is very neurotic. If she was still on the board, I’d go with Robin Scherbatsky (anyone who namedrops a third line winger from the Canucks is A-OK in my book), but for my 1st pick, I’m gonna have to go with…
Toki Wartooth from Metalocalypse. Headbang to some death metal, get trashed with/sex up the spillover Dethklok groupies, constantly make fun of Murderface, inadvertently murder scores of people at a moment’s notice, and getting to hang out at the fucking Mordhaus. Many advantages there.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Serena form Gossip Girl – She’s hot, rich, and naive and the place will be filled with her young, hot friends.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I take Artie, the Strongest Man … in the World!
July 10th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I’ll take Gina Torres to round out my picks nicely. She was on Xena and Conan and all those other dumb ass UPN/CW shows so she counts. She’s married to Laurence Fishburne so I can’t do her, but I can stare at those lips all damn day.
She’s also loaded so the mortgage/rent would be taken care of.
/sugar momma!!!
So to recap:
1. Monica Raymund (Ria Torres) from Lie to Me
2. Joan Halloway (Christina Hendricks) from Mad Men
3. Huey Freeman from The Boondocks
4. Lynn Searcy (Persia White) from Girlfriends
5. Capt Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) from ST:THG
6. Neela Rasgotra (Parminder Nagra) from ER
7. Gina Calabrese (Saundra Santiago) from Miami Vice
8. Nebula (Gina Torres) from Hercules: The Lengendary Journeys
Not too shabby if I say so myself
July 10th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@j4b
Lynn Searcy is a dynamite pick. Her and Joan Holloway together? That’d give me an aneurysm. IN MY PANTS.
/subtle
July 10th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
I’m going to indulge my mother’s fantasy of me marrying a nice Jewish girl at take Dr. Lisa Cuddy from House.
So far:
1) Robin Scherbatsky
2) Inara Serra
3) Dr. Lisa Cuddy
So, slutty morning show host, slutty space whore, and slutty chief of medicine. If I can’t get laid in this house, I don’t deserve a penis.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Duff Man. Free beer and beer girls 24/7!
July 10th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Seven of Nine from Star Trek: Voyager, Jeri Ryan. In her divorce proceedings, it said her husband would take her to swinger’s clubs. So she’s open to that. For the win!
July 10th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Eve from Angel. Yeah whatever, i’ve seen the show. So what. Wanna fight about it. Its a tough pick on this show though…Darla was smokin hot and so was the Werewolf chick…i decided to go with one that wasn’t going to eat me or my roommates.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Duff man. Awesome pick…
July 10th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Rashida Jones’ character on Parks and Recreation
July 10th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Dobber from Coach
July 10th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
This is an easy one for me:
#1 Tiffani Amber Thiessen as Kelly Kapowski on Saved By the Bell. Started going thru puberty when that show came on. WOW !!
#2 Charisma Carperter as Cordelia Chase on Buffy and Angel. One hot piece of ass then and now.
#3 Robert Urich as Spenser on Spenser for Hire. That show is the ONLY thing I like about Boston. Spenser would be a cool roommate, youd always have an adventure. And Im sure his buddy Hawk could get me some killer green (and white on occasion….)
July 10th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I’ll take WWE Wrestler John Cena. He’ll always have my back in a fight, he’s rich, the dude looks like he knows how to party AND he’s a big sports fan. So we could just chill out and watch football.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
dr. Quin Medicine woman.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
and for the cartoon win…… stewie from family guy.
/doesn’t wait 10 picks.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
fred sanford from sanford and son- i figure we could just sit around all day, drink ripple and make racist jokes
July 10th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
London tipton on the sweet life of zach and whathisface. dumb, hot, rich and asian? yes please
July 10th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Eden Lord (AnnaLynne McCord) from Nip/Tuck. She might be crazy but damn she’s hot and rich.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
And for my next pick:
Lois Griffin, from Family Guy. Hot redhead, and freaky as hell. Yes, she’s a cartoon, but so’s Jessica Rabbit, dammit!
So far:
1) Robin Scherbatsky
2) Inara Serra
3) Dr. Lisa Cuddy
4) Lois Griffin
Fuck. Yes.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Since nobody took them–and shame on everyone for overlooking–I’ll take Crow and Tom Servo. We’ll just sit on my couch and make fun of crappy movies, which is what I do anyway.
/I know it’s two characters, but they were made from the same machine that allowed Joel to control when the movies start and end.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
MARY RICHARDS (The Mary Tyler Moore Show)
July 10th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Towelie.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
I’ll take Spock as my second pick. If John Cena and I are going to get bored, we may as well have an uptight stiff to do pranks on. Plus, the guy is a genius, and can show me the Vulkan grip.
1) John Cena
2) Spock
July 10th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Tiffany Baker from Sherman Oaks. Yeah, I had to dig deep in the way-back machine, but she was the sluttiest of hot sluts from the mid-90s, and this has turned into a “list of the hottest roommate possible with a chance to bang” draft.
July 10th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Catdog.
July 10th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Arthur Kade.
Oh wait, they actually have to have a role on a show. Never mind then.
July 10th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Erin Andrews
July 10th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Claire from Heroes was taken hundreds of picks ago, but she would be the best fuck – not the best roomate.
She would re-grow her hymen after every fuck. It would be like fucking a virgin everytime you slam her.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Macho Man Randy Savage from the Slim Jim’s commercials series.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Urkel.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
I’m goin with Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star. Having a roommate who can make a man spontaneously explode by poking them would be badass for bar fights.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
The Mooninites from ATHF. Come on who wouldnt want a friend with a quad laser, tractor beam, space ship, crazy uncle, and the ability to commit First Degree Grand Theft Coffee Table.
July 10th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Nellie Oleson from Little House on the Prairie. Just for the “I hate you sex” and free candy.
July 10th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Betty Rubble. Wilma was a bitch and Betty has the sweet ass! Plus I would have Bam-Bam to protect my righteous ass.
July 10th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
America Ferrera from Ugly Betty.
/never seen it but she’s hot
July 10th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Satan from the “Bible Man” series.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Hugh Hefner.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Captain Hero from Drawn Together. He was the man.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
1. Jackson Teller from “Sons of Anarchy.” Bitchin’ motorcycles around the house. Well-stocked clubhouse frequented by hookers in whom I have an ownership stake. Occasional opportunity to see Maggie Siff emerge from the shower. Handguns.
2. Robert Hawkins from “Jericho.” Spare nuke in basement.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Benjamin Linus from Lost, so I could summon the smoke monster on My enemies
July 10th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
I’ll go with Verne Shillinger from Oz. That man knows how to treat a roommate.
July 11th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Major Kusanagi from Ghost in the Shell. She’s got a full cyber-body so she’ll never grow old, her tits won’t sag, and you’ll never had to hear about her fucking cellulite (the only thing worse than seeing it, is hearing about it). Plus, she’s hot and kicks ass.
July 11th, 2009 at 12:09 am
Thanks Dr. Steve. I remember seeing Persia White on TV and thinking to myself “Man, I bet that chick knows how to fuck.” But I kept that little tidbit to myself hoping that this draft would one day come around.
YEAH BABY.
/and I never really watched Girlfriends
July 11th, 2009 at 12:48 am
I’ll take Xena Warrior Princess.
/No, that’s ok, I’ll show myself out.
July 11th, 2009 at 1:39 am
I would much rather fuck Ginger over Mary Ann. Personal preference. I like a little sluttiness ( is this a real word?) As long as it isn’t after marriage. Just saying.
We’re all sharing here, right?
/AmIright?
July 11th, 2009 at 3:06 am
Good Lord. Max…you win. Everything. You win everything.
Why the fuck did Servo and Crow and the whole SOL crew not even cross my mind??
Seriously, this draft was awesome. An abundance of excellent picks to be had.
July 11th, 2009 at 3:11 am
I pick Lebron James because he is rich and tall!
Wait, what is a “rules?”
July 11th, 2009 at 3:13 am
Jackin’ – sadly we did not have cable in my house, so whenever I was sick from school in HS, I’d have to choose between The View, soaps, The 700 Club, and syndicated UPN shows. Let’s just say Lynn helped me feel…better.
Seriously. My mom would wonder why I would go through a box of Kleenex in the span of 2 hours when I only had strep throat.
July 11th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Tony Stark. Have you seen his house? Motherfuck, I could probably take over five rooms and he wouldn’t notice.
July 11th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Thirteen from House
July 11th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
since rules arent being followed here, ill take the girl from across the street who was walking around naked in her apartment on seinfeld. win.
July 11th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Either Bret McKenzie or Freakazoid.
July 12th, 2009 at 4:42 am
Is Roy from ‘The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show’ still on the board?
July 12th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Alice the maid from the Brady Bunch. She cleans, cooks, does laundry, runs errands, essentially a slave who doesn’t complain or attempt to escape.
July 12th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Coach John McGuirk from Home Movies.
Now there’s a winner.
July 12th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Oh I’d also have to room with Kyle Orton so we could comb eachother’s neckbeards.
July 13th, 2009 at 1:52 am
FTW Right Here:
Stripperella. Yeah, cuntnuggets, Stripperella. Best Case Scenario: I getta have hot cartoon animated sex all the time, you know, the kind every man has wanted since Who Framed Roger Rabbit came out. Worst Case Scenario: She turns out to be the hepitatis-drenched emotional train wreck that is Pamela Anderson instead of some ‘ficticious’ character (quite likely, actually) BUT who is a chalk-laden eraser away from being swept out of my life. Then I will cash her royalties checks and be Stan Lee rich.
July 13th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Homer Simpson with the 299th pick? Yoink! Biggest steal since Brady.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Well, it would seem pretty difficult to find an ideal pick without breaking the rules when just about every single TV show has been used. So, uhhhh, I’ll take Tyler Hudson from Matlock. That guy was awesome, plus I could have him get Matlock to defend me next time I’m framed for a murder.
I think the best picks (non-”hot girl from a TV show so I can have sex with her!!!”) have to be Cliff Huxtable (Cock Flashy) and Coach from Cheers (Slothrop). Neither are exceptional as a plain pick, but the explanations are equally hilarious and practical.
@Steve (re: Hawkeye): Then why not just take Trapper John? He works well (or better) for the same purpose and 1,000 times less annoying than fucking Hawkeye can be. And Hawkeye is too much of a comedian (when he’s not being preachy or a huge downer), Trapper has the better wit.
@MarionCobretti: I love The A-Team, but B.A. is a terrible pick. He’s nicknamed “Bad Attitude” for a reason, you know. I mean, sure, he could fix your car or turn a junker into a tank for you, but he’d be screaming at you every fucking second. Face would be solid. Lives pretty well and cleanly, is an awesome conman, plus you could bed some hot ’80s chicks from being around him.
@Commenter: Wow, who knew that people liked Drawn Together? Bet you liked Crank Yankers, Lil’ Bush, and Mind of Mencia too. Die, it’s people like you who make TV suck so bad.
@Megatron Jones (re: JJ): Or Florida. /vomits
@Everyone who took Veronica Mars: You know she has the clap, right? Plus she’ll keep winding up with Logan anyway. I’ll laugh along with Carnivore there.