The Jaguars Want YOU To Be Their Newest Season Ticket Holder
The Jacksonville Jaguars, in an effort to attract more season ticket holders, are offering a Jaguars Rewards program that will offer them discounts through supportive local businesses.
“The Jacksonville Jaguars are offering local businesses free advertising to help increase profits during these hard times. It’s fast, easy and free. All that’s required is a valuable offer for Jaguars Season Ticketholders, such as: Buy one entrée get a second one 1/2 off, or 25% off of your next dry cleaning bill.”
That’s right, a second entrée for half the price. That’ll give Fatty McNotickets something to think about. And remember, those are just two examples of the great deals waiting for you. Continue after the jump for more advantages of of the rewards program.
• 25% off of face paint and hair dye from the Make Believe costume shop of Jacksonville (teal only).
• One leisurely walking tour of Jacksonville (bring comfortable shoes, a sleeping bag, and enough food and water to last 10 days).
• Buy one season ticket and get a minority ownership stake in the franchise.
• 10% off at any of the Jacksonville area’s 18 Waffle House locations.
• One FREE tire balancing (offer not valid if your wheels won’t take a balance, road king package available for a moderate price).
• 15% off of your first visit to Silky Garrard’s Pleasure Emporium. Gratuity not included.
• FREE circumcision performed by Jacksonville’s own Tim Tebow (no brises)
• FREE dead hooker removal (limit one per card holder). Have a dead hooker on your hands? Let the city of Jacksonville handle the pickup and disposal with all the discretion you demand with this one time only offer. It sure beats trusting the job to your blabbermouth fifth-grade son like some Eatonville degenerate.
What kind of discounts would it take for you to sign up to be a Jacksonville Jaguars season ticket holder? Let us know in the comments.
Tags: Coupon books make the best gifts, gratuitous simpsons references, jacksonville jaguars, Unsilent Majority
July 9th, 2009 at 10:01 am
• 10% off at any the Jacksonville area’s 18 Waffle House locations.
They were also considering a promotion in which you could get your hash browns scattered, covered and smothered at no extra charge, but management considered it too costly.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:02 am
A BOGO on all partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages would be nice.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:02 am
FREE Steve Beuerlein jersey… no really, just take one
July 9th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Everybody knows 10 year olds make bad accomplices. What was this guy thinking?
July 9th, 2009 at 10:13 am
All new season ticket holders get a long, awkward hug from Jack Del Rio.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:15 am
You forgot a voucher for a piece of Fred Taylor’s ACL
July 9th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Please tell me one of you KSKers is workign on a buddy story of Goddell and Mora Jr climbing the mountain. MAybe something along the lines of Vertical Limit (yes I know that movie sucks but it had a hot blond chick).
July 9th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Don’t forget about the 10% of Zubaz and 10% off at Supercuts for mullets.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:26 am
@Westbrook: Said coupons now good at all Boston area Bob’s Stores. Tell ‘em Scott Zolak sent you for an additional ligament. Help Scott close up the register at the Framingham Bob’s and you just might get a look at one of Fred’s game-worn pulled groins.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:29 am
20% off all the seafood at Beaver Street Fisheries, where you can fish for all the beaver you can handle.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Caption: Jaguar fan and local physician Dr. Jerry Phillips. One of the first local small business owners to partner with the team, he is offering season ticket holders 10% off the cost of their first proctology exam.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:37 am
10% off at any the Jacksonville area’s 18 Waffle House locations.
Go on…..
July 9th, 2009 at 10:40 am
25% off our reversable Jaguars windbreakers. One side has the Jags, the other side has your choice of legitimate NFL franchises! (Offer not valid for Raiders)
July 9th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Free tooth cleaning when you pay for cleaning of other tooth.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:48 am
A “douchebag hunting license”, applicable to the period of time immediately before, during, and after the “World’s Largest Cocktail Party”. Hollow points are OK, unlimited kills. Bag’em and tag’em!
July 9th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Special Jaguars foam fingers, in the shape of Torry Holt’s bendy claw-hand
July 9th, 2009 at 10:51 am
What about half-off a one-way plane ticket out of Jacksonville?
July 9th, 2009 at 10:57 am
I’m gonna bet they have way more than 18 waffle houses in the metro area.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:06 am
you get to clean out Matt Jones’ old locker… with your nose
July 9th, 2009 at 11:07 am
@ Slothrop
The voucher is good for a whole groin if you’re a lady. Or Brady Quinn. NTTAWWT
July 9th, 2009 at 11:20 am
FREE dead hooker removal (limit one per card holder)
What about dead hooker storage? I thought I saw a sign …
July 9th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Free 52″ flatscreen TV for each Troy Williamson reception
/no flatscreens this year
July 9th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Buy one season ticket and get a minority ownership
I realize they view it differently down south, but that’s really not cool
July 9th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Half-off of Skoal, but not Skoal bandits because those are gay.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Lil Wayne for the win
July 9th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Lil wayne, take a +3/5
July 9th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
@jackin’4beats
Oh, so that was what I was smelling at the Jax Gold Club.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Rob in WI – that sir, was outstanding… in a very twisted, horrible, racist sort of way
July 9th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Give lil’ wayne chrebet the coupon book! He can paint the town teal- with savings!
July 9th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Lil Wayne whipped it good.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Also included: right to be first in line to purchase LA Jaguars tickets in 2011.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
One free “Keep Choppin’ Wood” axe-swinging lesson from former Jags punter Chris Hanson, supervised by Uberdouche Del Rio.
July 9th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
5% off stained jorts at the local thrift shops.
July 9th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Buy a pair of season tickets, or we’ll club this baby seal!
Club a seal to make a deal!
July 9th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
They only have 18 Waffle Houses? Amateurs.
Sincerely,
The Raleigh-Durham area.
July 9th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Steve McNair’s autograph.
/never mind
July 9th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Uh … sex mailbag?
July 9th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
First half hour free at Fran LeMaigne’s Air Boat Adventures
July 9th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Furthermore, the best news to come out of Florida today…
http://www.gainesville.com/article/20090708/ARTICLES/907089978/1105/NEWS?Title=Six-officers-subdue-390-pound-man-after-traffic-stop
July 9th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
No discounts on mullet and comb-over repairs at the local hair salon/Jiffy Lube??
And which minorities are we talking about ownership? I’ve had my eye on this 19 year old Asian girl…………
July 9th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Free chicken at KFC (offer valid until commencement of riots).
July 9th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
@Animal Mother…
Your handle and 19 year old asian comment go disturbingly well together.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
FREE dead hooker removal (limit one per card holder)
There’s a Mr Scarborough on line one, he wants to know if it’s good for interns too?
July 10th, 2009 at 10:02 am
lil’ wayne: Oh man, still laughing, tears and all.
July 11th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
I am a Jaguars season ticket holder, have been for 7 years, but now I will be for life thanks to the discount at Silky’s Pleasure Emporium.