The Jacksonville Jaguars, in an effort to attract more season ticket holders, are offering a Jaguars Rewards program that will offer them discounts through supportive local businesses.
“The Jacksonville Jaguars are offering local businesses free advertising to help increase profits during these hard times. It’s fast, easy and free. All that’s required is a valuable offer for Jaguars Season Ticketholders, such as: Buy one entrée get a second one 1/2 off, or 25% off of your next dry cleaning bill.”
That’s right, a second entrée for half the price. That’ll give Fatty McNotickets something to think about. And remember, those are just two examples of the great deals waiting for you. Continue after the jump for more advantages of of the rewards program.
• 25% off of face paint and hair dye from the Make Believe costume shop of Jacksonville (teal only).
• One leisurely walking tour of Jacksonville (bring comfortable shoes, a sleeping bag, and enough food and water to last 10 days).
• Buy one season ticket and get a minority ownership stake in the franchise.
• 10% off at any of the Jacksonville area’s 18 Waffle House locations.
• One FREE tire balancing (offer not valid if your wheels won’t take a balance, road king package available for a moderate price).
• 15% off of your first visit to Silky Garrard‘s Pleasure Emporium. Gratuity not included.
• FREE circumcision performed by Jacksonville’s own Tim Tebow (no brises)
• FREE dead hooker removal (limit one per card holder). Have a dead hooker on your hands? Let the city of Jacksonville handle the pickup and disposal with all the discretion you demand with this one time only offer. It sure beats trusting the job to your blabbermouth fifth-grade son like some Eatonville degenerate.
What kind of discounts would it take for you to sign up to be a Jacksonville Jaguars season ticket holder? Let us know in the comments.
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I am a Jaguars season ticket holder, have been for 7 years, but now I will be for life thanks to the discount at Silky’s Pleasure Emporium.
lil’ wayne: Oh man, still laughing, tears and all.
FREE dead hooker removal (limit one per card holder)
There’s a Mr Scarborough on line one, he wants to know if it’s good for interns too?
@Animal Mother…
Your handle and 19 year old asian comment go disturbingly well together.
Free chicken at KFC (offer valid until commencement of riots).
No discounts on mullet and comb-over repairs at the local hair salon/Jiffy Lube??
And which minorities are we talking about ownership? I’ve had my eye on this 19 year old Asian girl…………
Furthermore, the best news to come out of Florida today…
http://www.gainesville.com/article/20090708/ARTICLES/907089978/1105/NEWS?Title=Six-officers-subdue-390-pound-man-after-traffic-stop
First half hour free at Fran LeMaigne’s Air Boat Adventures
Uh … sex mailbag?
Steve McNair’s autograph.
/never mind
They only have 18 Waffle Houses? Amateurs.
Sincerely,
The Raleigh-Durham area.
Buy a pair of season tickets, or we’ll club this baby seal!
Club a seal to make a deal!
5% off stained jorts at the local thrift shops.
One free “Keep Choppin’ Wood” axe-swinging lesson from former Jags punter Chris Hanson, supervised by Uberdouche Del Rio.
Also included: right to be first in line to purchase LA Jaguars tickets in 2011.
Lil Wayne whipped it good.
Give lil’ wayne chrebet the coupon book! He can paint the town teal- with savings!
Rob in WI – that sir, was outstanding… in a very twisted, horrible, racist sort of way
@jackin’4beats
Oh, so that was what I was smelling at the Jax Gold Club.
Lil wayne, take a +3/5
Lil Wayne for the win
Half-off of Skoal, but not Skoal bandits because those are gay.
Buy one season ticket and get a minority ownership
I realize they view it differently down south, but that’s really not cool
Free 52″ flatscreen TV for each Troy Williamson reception
/no flatscreens this year
FREE dead hooker removal (limit one per card holder)
What about dead hooker storage? I thought I saw a sign …
@ Slothrop
The voucher is good for a whole groin if you’re a lady. Or Brady Quinn. NTTAWWT
you get to clean out Matt Jones’ old locker… with your nose
I’m gonna bet they have way more than 18 waffle houses in the metro area.
What about half-off a one-way plane ticket out of Jacksonville?
Special Jaguars foam fingers, in the shape of Torry Holt’s bendy claw-hand
A “douchebag hunting license”, applicable to the period of time immediately before, during, and after the “World’s Largest Cocktail Party”. Hollow points are OK, unlimited kills. Bag’em and tag’em!
Free tooth cleaning when you pay for cleaning of other tooth.
25% off our reversable Jaguars windbreakers. One side has the Jags, the other side has your choice of legitimate NFL franchises! (Offer not valid for Raiders)
10% off at any the Jacksonville area’s 18 Waffle House locations.
Go on…..
Caption: Jaguar fan and local physician Dr. Jerry Phillips. One of the first local small business owners to partner with the team, he is offering season ticket holders 10% off the cost of their first proctology exam.
20% off all the seafood at Beaver Street Fisheries, where you can fish for all the beaver you can handle.
@Westbrook: Said coupons now good at all Boston area Bob’s Stores. Tell ‘em Scott Zolak sent you for an additional ligament. Help Scott close up the register at the Framingham Bob’s and you just might get a look at one of Fred’s game-worn pulled groins.
Don’t forget about the 10% of Zubaz and 10% off at Supercuts for mullets.
Please tell me one of you KSKers is workign on a buddy story of Goddell and Mora Jr climbing the mountain. MAybe something along the lines of Vertical Limit (yes I know that movie sucks but it had a hot blond chick).
You forgot a voucher for a piece of Fred Taylor’s ACL
All new season ticket holders get a long, awkward hug from Jack Del Rio.
Everybody knows 10 year olds make bad accomplices. What was this guy thinking?
FREE Steve Beuerlein jersey… no really, just take one
A BOGO on all partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages would be nice.
• 10% off at any the Jacksonville area’s 18 Waffle House locations.
They were also considering a promotion in which you could get your hash browns scattered, covered and smothered at no extra charge, but management considered it too costly.