GYI0000534069.jpg
“Well, okay, but only since the white guy asked nice.”

  • Michael Vick has been “conditionally reinstated” by Roger Goodell, the condition being that Goodell is referred to as “uncle” by Vick on all occasions. Or on the condition he plays while carrying a purse with a chihuahua inside. On the condition that he makes an uncredited cameo in “Who Dat Ninja 2″. Actually, conditions will change based solely on Goodell’s whims. Hope that’s okay, Ookie.
  • First Cuts has a rundown on the soundtrack of the new Madden game, which, even though it’s been fairly tolerable the last few years, EA decided to overhaul its usual format in favor of giving the game a playlist fit for a 10th Guitar Hero game. (Korn, Slipknot AND Cypress Hill? It’s like the Family Values Tour on the 30-yard line!) Before you get too bummed, there are still the requisite “it’s obvious the record label paid Electronic Arts handsomely to get these artists in the game” tracks. So, welcome, Set Your Goals.
  • According to US Weekly, Tony Romo has instructed his top-flight security team of smiling former Blackwater operatives to keep Jessica Simpson’s goldbrickin’ ass out of his beach front community gated compound. It’s possible she’ll stand outside the gates Lloyd Dobler-like blasting her own music until she’s gunned down in a pool of her own blood that Papa Joe will then roll around in lasciviously, but not possible enough.
  • Apparently Michael David Smith thinks the Eagles will be good this year. A rare decisive stance.
  • Joe Flacco is taking the Derrick Mason not-quite-retirement limbo a little hard. Now that Drew Bennett’s two-day career with Baltimore is over, the Ravens may look toward Matt Jones, MarHar, Brandon Marshall or possibly go on a radical law-abiding route and land generally useless receiver D.J. Hackett to take up space.