“Well, okay, but only since the white guy asked nice.”
Michael Vick has been “conditionally reinstated” by Roger Goodell, the condition being that Goodell is referred to as “uncle” by Vick on all occasions. Or on the condition he plays while carrying a purse with a chihuahua inside. On the condition that he makes an uncredited cameo in “Who Dat Ninja 2″. Actually, conditions will change based solely on Goodell’s whims. Hope that’s okay, Ookie.
First Cuts has a rundown on the soundtrack of the new Madden game, which, even though it’s been fairly tolerable the last few years, EA decided to overhaul its usual format in favor of giving the game a playlist fit for a 10th Guitar Hero game. (Korn, Slipknot AND Cypress Hill? It’s like the Family Values Tour on the 30-yard line!) Before you get too bummed, there are still the requisite “it’s obvious the record label paid Electronic Arts handsomely to get these artists in the game” tracks. So, welcome, Set Your Goals.
According to US Weekly, Tony Romo has instructed his top-flight security team of smiling former Blackwater operatives to keep Jessica Simpson’s goldbrickin’ ass out of his beach front community gated compound. It’s possible she’ll stand outside the gates Lloyd Dobler-like blasting her own music until she’s gunned down in a pool of her own blood that Papa Joe will then roll around in lasciviously, but not possible enough.
Apparently Michael David Smith thinks the Eagles will be good this year. A rare decisive stance.
Joe Flacco is taking the Derrick Mason not-quite-retirement limbo a little hard. Now that Drew Bennett’s two-day career with Baltimore is over, the Ravens may look toward Matt Jones, MarHar, Brandon Marshall or possibly go on a radical law-abiding route and land generally useless receiver D.J. Hackett to take up space.
Tags: bert flacco, ksk kontent klearinghouse, michael vick, ookie comes home, tony romo, xmas ape
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July 27th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Why shouldn’t Vick be allowed to play? He did his time.
July 27th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Why shouldn’t Vick be allowed to play? He did his time.
Did I say he shouldn’t?
July 27th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Yes, Vick should be allowed to play. With his own herpes-riddled cock.
July 27th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Huh. I woulda figured Max Hardcore for a Rams fan.
July 27th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
What really disturbs me is that Coach Dungy thinks Vick would fit in great with the Colts.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
July 27th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Good for Mr. Vick. I look forward to his consistent overthrown out patterns and staring down wr’s over the middle.
July 27th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
What really disturbs me is that Coach Dungy thinks Vick would fit in great with the Colts.
Eh. Dog hatin’, fag hatin’, it’s all the same thing.
July 27th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
I’d like to see the Ravens land D.J. Qualls instead of D.J. Hackett.
July 27th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
I don’t think Vick should be kept out of the NFL, but I get increasingly fed up when ESPN has their weekly, “OMFG HE’S BLACK, WILDCAT” segment. Who says he’s still fast? Or do their anchors just assume he’s fast because he’s a black quarterback. I mean how much of a speed training regimen is there in a prison, plus he’s older. I hate to be “this guy” but isn’t a bit of racial stereotype…like it was a racial stereotype for them to say Jamarcus Russell would be fast when his 40 time alone wouldn’t even put him in the same breath as Vick and VY?
July 27th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
@Otto Man I guess that makes sense then. /hopes Vick stays unemployed
July 27th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
The coming losses in sales of Home Depot Blue Painters’ Tape will hurt Arthur Blank more than seeing Vick go to another team.
/nice sign, fuckface. Couldn’t you squeeze one more strip in the ‘C’ or the ‘L’?
July 27th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
I personally have major issues with what Michael Vick did, but I do support a second chance for someone who has paid their debt to society. I believe he has a right to move on and I have a right to vote with my checkbook and not support the team that picks him up.
Goodell claims he is not giving Vick a “suspension”, but rather trying to help him transition into the league. I’m scratching my head at that one. What does he think he might do that not playing for six games will help??? If he is somehow still inclined to go out and kill more dogs, I don’t think waiting six games is going to stop him. Now if Goodell just needs someone to hold his purse, then that’s another story.
July 27th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
“Why shouldn’t Vick be allowed to play?”
For the same reason I’m not allowed to play in the NFL. He’s a terrible QB.
July 27th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
I’d like to see the Ravens land D.J. Tanner instead of D.J. Qualls.
July 27th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
@ Grimey: +1
I was gonna go with D.J. Premier, but you win.
July 27th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
I’d rather see the Ravens land DJ Jazzy Jeff instead of D.J. Tanner.
July 27th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
I’d rather see the Ravens land D.J. E-Z Dick instead of D.J. Jazzy Jeff.
/if you’re lickin’, that’s WBALLZ
July 27th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
2Pac! Can’t C Me! Awesome!
The blind stares of a million pairs of eyes…
July 27th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
I hope Vick makes it back to the league. The guy screwed up and did his time. Move on. Barring another screw up, I’m ok with him coming back.
I was lucky enough to get to see him play in person. True, he’s not a great QB, but he is one of the most athletic guys I have ever seen.
/dick joke
July 27th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I’d rather see the Ravens land Dr. Marvin Monroe, rather than Marvin Harrison.
July 27th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Raven’s new WR plan: Pass on D.J Hackett, Derrick Mason, and Drew Bennett. Sign Buddy Hackett, Jackie Mason, and Tony Bennett. No yardage, but the halftime show will kill.
July 27th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I’d rather see the Ravens land Monroe from “Too Close for Comfort” than Marvin Monroe.
July 27th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
I’d rather see the Ravens land Jim Jay Bullock than Keith Bullock.
July 27th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
I’d rather see the Ravens land the Monroe Doctrine — President James Monroe’s policy in 1823 to cease European colonization in the New World — than Monroe from……what the hell is “Too Close for Comfort?”
July 27th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Okay, I hope MV still has something in the tank. But a two year+ layoff? Unless he got a lot of running time running from other guys in the beautiful accommodations of Leavenworth? Anybody got those stats to breakdown?
July 27th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
— than Monroe from……what the hell is “Too Close for Comfort?”
Just ask Mr. Rush.
July 27th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
what the hell is “Too Close for Comfort?”
What are you, Amish?
Here’s a sneak peek. Man, I forgot about the blonde daughter.
July 27th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Wait, a better clip — titled “Sara’s Monroe Doctrine.”
It has all the Ted Knight and hot blonde of the earlier clip, but 40% more Jim J. Bullock.
July 27th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
‘Tis a fine barn, but sure ’tis no pool, English.
/d’oheth!
July 27th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Okay, I’ve watched the 2nd clip Otto….I’m positive that, if this show was shot today, Monroe would be a psychopathic killer, and would have raped and stabbed Nancy Dussault.
Well, considering the involvement of Jim J. Bullock, the rape victim would have actually been Ted Knight, amiright?
July 27th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
I’d rather have Donna Dixon from “Bosom Buddies” on my team than Dennis Dixon.
July 27th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Well, considering the involvement of Jim J. Bullock, the rape victim would have actually been Ted Knight, amiright?
You are correct, sir.
I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Bullock and Tammy Faye Bakker had a talk show.
July 27th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
I’d rather have Donna Dixon from “Bosom Buddies” on my team than Dennis Dixon
I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Dixon and Dan Ackyroyd have a marriage.
July 27th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
The extra “y” is for “why God?”
July 27th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Wait, you talk about Jim J. Bullock as if he’s gay. He hangs out with Rip Taylor!
July 27th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Dixon and Dan Ackyroyd have a marriage.
The extra “y” is for “why God?”
The only explanation I can think of for Dan Aykroyd getting Donna Dixon is that “Dr. Detroit” was real.
July 27th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
My dad has Aykroyds. They’re so bad, some nights he can’t even sit on the toilet.
July 27th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
On the condition that he makes an uncredited cameo in “Who Dat Ninja 2″
One can assume a cameo with Ray Lewis as the stabbing robot?
July 27th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
The painter’s tape IS nice, but he gets mad points for using the screen to cover a set of flourescent lights as his canvas.
July 28th, 2009 at 1:44 am
a blog about ookie: http://straightbangin.blogspot.com/2009/07/synagogue-of-satan.html
July 28th, 2009 at 5:57 am
KSK Kontent Klearinghouse
I assume that Flubby knows how to do the Krypt walk.
July 28th, 2009 at 5:59 am
KSK Kontent Klearinghouse
Good to see that you guys know how to do the Krypt walk.
July 28th, 2009 at 5:59 am
/blasts self
July 28th, 2009 at 9:17 am
OT, but the new live morning SportsCenter sucks ass.
In the last three minutes, I’ve seen them throw out a graphic of nothing but gibberish, use footage of Roy Williams the ex-Cowboy safety in a piece discussing Roy Williams the current Cowboy receiver, and let Rece Davis speak. All of these things are grave errors.
July 28th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Otto – They may be grave errors, but are they NOW!?
July 28th, 2009 at 11:35 am
KSK-ee-ayyee, come out and play-ee-ayyee
KSK-ee-ayyee, come out and play-ee-ayyee
KSK-ee-ayyee, come out and play-ee-ayyee
KSK-ee-ayyee, come out and play-ee-ayyee
July 28th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Otto – They may be grave errors, but are they NOW!?
We’re going to need an electoral college map and an army of text-voting tweens to determine that.
July 28th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Thank god they’ve purged the (c)rap heavy sountracks from madden this year.
July 30th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Michael Vick’s name will always be associated with his cruelty to animals, but a lot of people think that by forgiving him and bringing him back to the sport, he can show an even better example to his young fans. We will soon see! http://www.newsy.com/videos/vick_gets_shot_at_redemption