Fun With Klassic Peter King: The Foul Ball Story
When we last left buxom donut magnet Peter King, he was preparing to take a monthlong vacation from his strenuous life of walking places, calling people, and eating things.
But just because Peter is away doesn’t mean we can’t indulge our worst impulses and make fun of him constantly. Why, this is the perfect time to delve deep into Peter’s archive of columns and saved voice mails. Today, we bring you a true classic, a story that reaffirms every suspicion you had that Peter King is a privileged twat. It comes from the March 31, 2003 edition of his column. Now, this column has lots of other adorably retarded features, like this letter…
WE NEED SPORTS IN OUR LIVES RIGHT NOW. From Scott Fagan of Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: “Out here in the desert, with a war going on next door, it is a refreshing distraction and a good cure for homesickness to read a column by a great sportswriter. Keep up the good work. You questioned bringing in rivals to the Rams, specifically Kyle Turley and Jason Sehorn, as being harmful to the team chemistry, but it has worked in the past. Look at Bill Romanowski in Oakland. Turley and Sehorn may be just what the Rams need to get back in the game.”
Or this similarly themed letter…
FOOTBALL TALK IS NOT ONLY APPROPRIATE, BUT NECESSARY. From Jason Knight of Elmwood, Ill.: “Your concern for not wanting to trivialize current world events by discussing seemingly insignificant (in the grand scheme of things) sports issues is commendable. But as an Air Force captain who has been stationed overseas five of the past six years and who deployed to Saudi Arabia for three months in 2001, I can tell you such talk is truly needed. While serving our nation abroad, we need the release of watching the games on TV, of having sports discussions with our buddies, and of reading your articles online. Please continue doing what you do. It really does help us do what we need to do.”
Let me explain something to folks stationed out in the desert fighting for our country. I love you, and I’m glad you take solace in the occasional distraction. But dude, there are LOTS of distractions out there. It’s not like Peter King’s endless bullshit is the only option for taking your mind off all the excessive heat and bloodletting. Surely, you can do better than this. Like, for example, these photos of Bar Rafaeli. See? INSTANT FUCKING IMPROVEMENT. Am I right? So please, don’t blow smoke up Peter King’s ass telling him what a vital service he provides. He’s not the fucking USO.
Okay, now onto the foul ball story. Before we get to this, let me just state that, prior to this story, I was someone who genuinely enjoyed reading King’s column on a weekly basis, even if I skipped over all the softball crap. You have to remember that this was 2003. There were only five billion other websites back then, as opposed to the five trillion we now enjoy. Very limited menu. But this was where I reached my breaking point with King. Here we go.
This is going to do nothing but make you envious of me, and so I’m not sure if I should write it or not,
Then don’t. DON’T DON’T DON’T.
but I relate it only to let you know how thankful I am for the charmed life I lead
What are you, saying grace?
and to remind you that the next time I complain about anything job-related you need to put me in my place and tell me what a fool I am.
Six years later, King is bitching about not having free coffee in the lobby of the Laguna Marriott. LESSON: LEARNED.
Last Wednesday, at the conclusion of the league meetings, I had a 5:15 p.m. flight on Continental from Phoenix to Newark.
NOOOO NOT CONTINENTAL! THEY DO THE KIT KATS WHAT KATHIE LEE GIFFORD DOES TO FILIPINO CHILD SEAMSTRESSES!
Being the baseball nerd that I am, I decided to stop in at the Arizona-Oakland exhibition game in Phoenix for a few innings, in large part because Randy Johnson was hurling. And so here came Miguel Tejada to the dish. Cool moment.
Lofty moment.
Reigning NL Cy Young Award winner versus reigning AL Most Valuable Player.
Teach versus pupil. Master vs. Apprentice. Or something.
Here’s the pitch. Long drive to right … twisting … curving foul … deep … and 10 feet foul, over the fence. I thought — and I have my reasons why — what a good thing it would be to have that ball.
Oooh, he has secret reasons for wanting that foul ball THAT HE CANNOT DIVULGE TO YOU, FOR THEY ARE A MATTER OF NATIONAL FUCKING SECURITY. I love the thought process here too. “Say, there’s a foul ball. I think I will endeavor to retrieve that foul ball.”
There was a moderate crowd on this toasty Arizona afternoon. And, after the inning, I walked out to the bleachers down the right-field line and looked over the fence that stood between the main ballpark and the back fields where the A’s train. I asked a fan where the ball was that Tejada hit, and he pointed to the first main field, where a ball sat between home plate and the first-base bag. At the same time, a kid, maybe about 7, asked some other fans where the ball was; I heard him. And those fans pointed to four foul balls sitting in sort of no-man’s land between the backstop on the first field and the fence where I was. I knew this couldn’t be true, because the ball went over the fence barely foul, not 35 feet foul the way it would have had to if it was where the kid thought it was. And so I walked to the area outside the right-field stands where a guard and an A’s official were making sure no fans got down to the lower fields and the players’ parking lot. I asked if I might be able to get the Johnson-Tejada ball. The official said no problem, and I walked down, past the alerted guard, and onto the pristine field to get the ball.
This is where King could have ended his story and maybe not ended up looking like a complete fucking ponce. Hey, he had special credentials to go get the ball. All right. Sounds like a fun time. Oh, but he goes on, no doubt emboldened by the Zulu coffee bland running through his big fat veins.
Behind me, all of a sudden, I heard the running footsteps of the kid, who’d apparently snuck behind me and got past the guard, too, and he scrambled past the backstop to get the ball he was sure was the one Tejada hit.
Why, that NO GOOD LITTLE SHIT! A child, trying to obtain a keepsake to forever cherish? HE MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS.
I picked up the True Ball,
Oooh, the True Ball! Only the True Ball will grant its owner the power of telekinesis!
and I told the kid: “I’m sure you’ve got the one Tejada hit,” just so he’d feel good about it.
And we stop here. Time to ask yourself what you do in this situation if you’re a well to do middle aged man. I think the average person would have simply handed the kid the ball he was looking for. This is because, and I know this might sound kooky, IT’S JUST A FUCKING BALL. But no. No, Peter has to lie to the kid so he can keep a foul ball that was hit DURING A FUCKING SPRING TRAINING GAME.
And when the guard saw him walking back up the ramp toward the stadium, he tried to stop the kid, but he was too quick and slipped back into the stadium. (Just like I’m sure I would have done if I was a kid and had an MVP foul ball.)
No way a young Peter King manages to elude that rent-a-cop. It’s a well known fact that rent-a-cops can outrun only four known things:
1. Palsy on a unicycle
2. Amputee tortoise
3. United States legal system
4. Peter King
I thanked Matt sincerely, told him the ball would be put to good use, and went back to watch a couple more innings before catching my plane.
Good use? Oh, I think I know the use. That’s right. BASEBALL POPCORN STRING ANAL BEADS. Now that’s what I call a seventh inning stretch!
Actually, I know why Peter really wanted to get that ball. He saw it hit and he said to himself, “You know what? I bet Paul Zimmerman has a stroke one of these days. Maybe three of them. I bet that ball could be his ticket back to full motor function!”
And now you know why I have the best job on earth.
And now you know why I hope you fall into a lake of toxic fill. Yes, Peter. I already know you have a merry existence, what with the trees and the talk. But you have to understand your audience, Peter. We’re Americans. You can do better than us, BUT YOU BETTER FUCKING SHUT YOUR TRAP ABOUT IT OR WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL YOU ARE IN A GRAVE AND COVERED WITH FRESH, DENSE SOIL. Did you really just brag about using your press access to get a collectible and then brag about duping some poor kid out of getting it? Really? What would Toone P. Wiggins say about this kind of behavior?
Ah, but it gets even BETTER. Because the following week, a reader castigated King for the incident. This would have given King ample opportunity to backtrack a bit. Ahhh, but I think you know how this will go…
Quite a few of you were offended by the story in last week’s column about me throwing my weight around to get a foul ball at a spring training game.
Indeed. The movie “The Natural” called him and said he was a fucking DICK.
Brian Howie of New York takes me to task for having “swindled some little kid into believing he had the True Ball, even though you have a job that will give you ample opportunities to get another one for yourself in the future. Karma, my friend, Karma.”
Mmmmm, rich karma mochiatto…
YOU’LL GET YOURS SOME DAY, KING. From Sean Griffin of Washington, D.C.: “Let me see if I’ve got this right. You, Peter King, fabulously wealthy sportswriter, used your prestige and fame to push your way into a closed-access area so you could get a foul ball. Then you lied to a 7-year-old kid so you could keep the foul ball. Then you brag in your web column about how you cheated this 7-year-old kid out of a foul ball, so all of your readers can share in the joy of your wonderful life. Gee, how heartwarming. It’s just too bad you couldn’t have published this piece closer to the holiday season — peace on earth, good will toward men, and screw you kid, I got my foul ball, so there.”
Again, plenty of opportunity here for King to say, “Shit, you’re right. That was dumb of me. SEAN, ALLOW ME TO TREAT YOU TO A MEAL AT THE CAPITAL GRILLE.” Instead…
Wow. The anger. The rage.
See, Sean Griffin? YOU’RE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE.
I introduced myself to a guard and asked if I could get a foul ball. I walked to get the foul ball. A 7-year-old boy passed through the same gate, without permission, as the guard called after him to come back.
ZOMG! THAT BOY DIDN’T HAVE CREDENTIALS! He could get into the unusable stadium crawlspace, and then THE FUCKING WORLD WOULD COLLAPSE UPON ITSELF. Is that the kind of society you want to live in, Sean Griffin?
I picked up the ball I thought was hit by Miguel Tejada. The kid picked up the ball he thought was hit by Tejada. I’m supposed to convince this kid who snuck through the gate that he doesn’t have the right ball and give him mine?
Yes.
I had permission to get the ball I got. The 7-year-old boy stole his.
If you read this passage carefully, you can actually hear half of Peter King’s audience renouncing him. I HAD PERMISSION BECAUSE I’M A BIG SWINGING DICK. WHAT BUSINESS DOES THIS YOUNG SCALLYWAG HAVE IN THE VVVVIP AREA?! Why does this security area have no free coffee?
And I “cheated” him out of the ball?
Yes, you did. You said it yourself. REWIND!
I told the kid: “I’m sure you’ve got the one Tejada hit,” just so he’d feel good about it.
See how you talk about blatantly lying there?
I can see how you’d be offended that I tried to make the kid feel good by telling him he had the real ball, because I told what I believed to be a lie, even though it was not a malicious one. Maybe that’s wrong.
It is.
But is it right to be somewhere you shouldn’t be and, technically, to possess stolen property?
BUT HE WAS IN THE EXACT SAME FUCKING PLACE YOU WERE. You see people, when Peter King wants a foul ball, he has the power to simply summon it. But anyone else who is not of Peter King’s stature is STEALING AND SHOULD BE JAILED IN A VERY LARGE PIT. It’s tough, but fair. How else would our children learn about how hypocrisy works?
So there’s your foul ball story. It’s the quintessential Peter King story in that it is pointless, inane, and makes him look like a privileged ass. And today, I’m here to tell you that the poor miscreant boy from that story grew up to be none other than droppinadeuce.
Anyway, couple more tidbits from that column…
I think the most interesting moment of the league meetings, at least for me, came at about 6:50 last Tuesday morning. I was chatting up Troy Aikman in the lobby of the Arizona Biltmore.
6:50? I hope they had the coffee out!
Aikman had a little bit of time, and he saw Parcells sitting alone, nursing a cup of coffee and lobby-sitting
THEY DID! THEY DID! Arizona Biltmore, you are a first class operation. Kudos to you.
as he is wont to do early in the morning at road hotels, particularly when his body clock says he should be up…
and making mixed drinks out of vodka and baby blood.
3b. I think if I’m Parcells I’m all over Brian Griese for little money June 2. Accurate guy, coachable guy.
You know what guy.
And if it means Chad Hutchinson has to sit for one or two years, or five, so be it.
Or even ten!
I really admire Sarah Hughes.
She always makes it a sunscreen summer!
I have a daughter her age. You know how hard it is to play sports, go to school, have a social life, study for the SAT and try to be good at all of the above?
Yes, because that’s what every teenager tries to do. And god damn, is being a teenager hard. All the loitering! All the not paying for anything! It’s agony.
This kid is a world-class athlete, and she has been admitted to Harvard! Do you have any idea how much work that takes?
ZOMG, it’s like she’s some sort of overachiever!
I laughed at all the stuff I read over the past few days about Hughes’ “slump,” and her sixth-place finish in the worlds in Washington, D.C., over the weekend. Let’s think about this for a moment. Hughes was the second- or third-best skater in America at the Salt Lake City Olympics when, in a clutch performance, she skated the greatest free skate of her life. She won the gold medal. Did that make her better than Michelle Kwan or Sasha Cohen? I don’t think so.
Actually, it did. That’s kind of the point of handing out medals.
And now she has all these other worthwhile things in her life and she doesn’t skate quite as wonderfully. So what? I applaud Hughes — no, I give her a personal standing ovation —
Whoa whoa. CLEAR OUT, EVERYONE. King is giving his first written standing O. Put enough nutmeg in your lasagna, Osteria Giotto, and perhaps you one day receive such a rare accolade.
for making her life a priority, not just her skating. This is a kid headed for a great, great life — not just a great, great life of ice skating.
Not just a good life. A GREAT life. A GREAT, GREAT life. A GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, lofty life. GIVE THAT GIRL HER OWN WEBSITE!
Good for you, Sarah Hughes, for wanting to go to Harvard and one day makes lot of money, and for wanting to do shit besides ice skate. You truly are one of a kind.
Coffeenerdness: Actually, this is a coffee-ice-cream-nerdness, Larry King dot-dot-dot note of the week: I highly, highly recommend the coffee chip ice cream at Holsten’s in Bloomfield, N.J.
But what about Picco on Tremont Street? USLURPER!
Montclair (N.J.) High Softball Note of the Week:
Not a fucking chance. I hope you someone stole a foul ball from your kid’s game, you fat shit.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, FJM style, fun with peter king, how the other half steals foul balls, klassic king
July 6th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Fix yo tags, por favor.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Sweet fuckity fuck, he was using the non-word coffeenerdness in 2003.
I’m going to go gargle lead, it seems like the only sensible solution.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:24 am
How ever DID the internet make it past 2004?
July 6th, 2009 at 9:27 am
One can only hope the kid that got the fake Tejada-Johnson ball reads this post, tracks down Peter King, and smashes PK in the teeth with the the foul ball he thought was the real one.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Can we nominate Sean Griffin for a Pulitzer?
July 6th, 2009 at 9:33 am
complaining about a 7 year old boy? King, you ooze class.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:34 am
Drew, your hate gives my spirit license to soar.
/Family Guy reference
//shows self out
July 6th, 2009 at 9:34 am
The sheer douchebaggery of this corpulent cockwallet in 2003 makes me think he’s mellowed with age. I need new King to do a fuck-you by fuck-you comparison.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:41 am
I want to burn Peter King’s face with hot coffee. How did this clown ever get to this point? Did he used to be good at his job and just mails it in now, later in his career? Please just tell me that his writing wasn’t always this awful…
July 6th, 2009 at 9:50 am
PK would probably take a pacifier from a baby if it said Starbucks on it.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:54 am
This was the last King column I ever read.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:55 am
When I was a kid I was at the Redskin’s training camp I must have met a relative of PK. During a scrimmage Darrell Green broke up a pass and deflected the ball into the stands. I grabbed it and was about to toss it back to the players, but Darrell signaled for me to keep it. This lardass piece of white trash in the stands though grabbed it out of my hands and started to walk off with it. I yelled something, not sure what, but it loud enough that the players on the field heard. The guy made it about ten feet before three Redskins players confronted the guy. Darrell Green ripped the ball of the guy’s hands, shoved him back and growled something about “I gave the ball to the kid, not you.”
The fat fuck was escorted out by security and I ended up with the ball and Darrell Green’s autograph. I plan to someday use the ball to kill Dan Snyder.
July 6th, 2009 at 10:11 am
God bless Darrell Green.
July 6th, 2009 at 10:27 am
This is too much. If i didn’t trust Drew’s journalistic integrity (wanking motion) I don’t think that I would believe that this was ever actually written and published, by anyone. Even douche-and-a-half PK. I.am.astounded.
July 6th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Yes, I’m sure Harvard was considering only Sarah Hughes’ academic credentials when they decided to admit an Olympic gold medalist.
July 6th, 2009 at 10:51 am
“and I told the kid: ‘I’m sure you’ve got the one Tejada hit,’ just so he’d feel good about it. Then, just as the little raggamuffin was revving up to make the dash back past the Security Guard, I kicked him flush in the nuts from behind, and sat on him until the necessary authorities arrived”
July 6th, 2009 at 11:17 am
I imagine Peter King walks around with a sword tucked away in his fat folds, ready to attack Bill Simmons on a moment’s notice and shout “There can be only one!”
July 6th, 2009 at 11:18 am
I think Matt Birk should write all of the MMQBs from now on. At least he makes sense.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/matt_birk/07/03/birk/index.html?eref=sihp
Oh and here’s the link to that Naomi Campbell playboy photo that wasn’t hyperlinked from June 26. You can all thank me later.
July 6th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Let’s not get hasty here fellas…
If we don’t steal spring training foul balls hit by MVPs from 7 year olds now, when will they learn that the world is a cold heartless place that is only out to destroy our souls slowly, so the gods can mock us as they sit atop their ivory towers in golden thrones.
Pretty much the most douchebaggiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I’ve had a conversation with Kevin Federline.
July 6th, 2009 at 11:21 am
I’m sure you’ve seen this example of Peter King nonsense, of the NY Representative variety. What is it about this name?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/06/pete-king-michael-jackson_n_226062.html
July 6th, 2009 at 11:27 am
That is a fantastic retelling of his own story. What a total ass. I would hate to see this same occurence pop up at a local ice creamery with only one scoop left of Rocky Road. *Shudder* … Poor kid.
July 6th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I had read the Foul Ball story before, but I never saw King’s insipid response to critics of his douchebaggery before. His sense of entitlement is almost as large as his ass. I hope his children read that column and decide to never talk to him again. But he’s probably turned them all into little duchebags as well, so I guess the best to hope for his that he chokes to death on a coffee bean.
July 6th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Let me get this straight: PK used his powers of the press to get past a security guard who should not have let him get past him in order to retrieve a foul ball from a spring training game.
That right there is idiotic.
THEN he tricks a 7-year old who covets this very same ball into picking up a different ball (not THE Ball, mind you) for no other reason that HE wants to keep the real ball…something that a small little brat and not an adult would do.
And he then gets all defensive when his readers, angry that he’d do such a thing, react to him WRITING ABOUT IT?!
Look, there’s nothing wrong with wanting something and knowing that you’re acting like a 12-year old brat. But you don’t tell the world that you did it. You keep that to yourself!
And the worst part about it: IT HAS F–K ALL TO DO WITH FOOTBALL!!! Why write that in his FOOTBALL column? All this story is meant to do is highlight that: 1) PK has the power to go places us mere mortals can only dream of and 2) PK is an uberdouche.
Is there no one at SI.com who could have told PK “Hey, you know this makes you look like a gigantic penis. You may want to remove since it doesn’t help you and it doesn’t matter to the column at hand?”
July 6th, 2009 at 11:57 am
+1 Ghost Mutt
July 6th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
“When I was a kid I was at the Redskin’s training camp I must have met a relative of PK. During a scrimmage Darrell Green brok…”
When i was in seventh grade darrell green came to winchester, va to speak at something. i saw him walking around downtown, ran up and asked for his autograph, and he said “not today kid.”
i’ll never forgive him for that.
dick
July 6th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
My I suggest this as a future Classic Column (particularly the Travel Note)?
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2003/writers/peter_king/11/17/mmqb/index.html
July 6th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Darrell Green. Classy guy. Lofty guy.
if i was ever on a plane with king, i would hope that it crashed.
July 6th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
@SafetyDan:
Darrell Green = the union of kismet and karma
And kickass. Thank you for restoring my faith in the professional athlete, if only for a little while.
July 6th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
@ Old Gregg – only PK is stupid enough not to realize that every “celebrity” kid gets into Ivy League schools because they home school, and as a result, get “Straight A’s”………from their mom
July 6th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Now now, I’m sure Peter King had a good reason for doing what he did to that kid. After all, I bet that kid didn’t even respect the sun!
July 6th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
What a fat schmuck. I wonder if the kid ever read any of these columns. Killed his spirit forever.
July 6th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
If he’s so willing to write about duping a 7 year old, what does he do that he knows he shouldn’t write? I’ll bet he’s clubbed more than his quota of baby seals on the way to the various coffee bars of his travels. “They shouldn’t have been there – they didn’t have credentials!”
July 6th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Cocksucker actually used the word “stole” in reference to a seven-year-old retrieving a foul ball. Sweet Jesus.
July 6th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
FIX YO BAR RAFAELI CENSORSHIP!
/you had me at Bar Rafaeli
July 6th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Legally, PK is probably as much as a trespasser as the kid because I am sure a security guard, who is not the owner of the stadium, doesn’t have authority to consent to let anybody past him. He is probably in breach of his contractual duty to keep non-essential personnel out from the restricted area. The stadium doesn’t want just anybody back there, especially a fat, sweaty out-of shape guy crouching around in an area where he could injure himself.
Of course, life is unfair, but to actually brag about trespassing due to celebrity privilege and obtaining a ball, from a small child nonetheless, by material misrepresentations is really unconscionable.
/no one really cares but I felt to need to share
July 6th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
After further thought, an A’s official might be able to allow him in, but it depends on the scope of his agency and what kind of official he was.
Lying to a kid, even if not illegal, per se, is still a high crime of douchebaggery.
/sorry
July 6th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Over the weekend I was suckered into playing a nigh-interminable game of Risk with my hyper-competitive seven year-old nephew. At the three-hour mark, I started cheating big time (sneaking extra troops into Kamchatka, etc) just to end the damn game. I felt bad at first, but when the little bastard lost, he had a major shit fit, so I felt it was justified. Duping a seven year-old can sometimes be a acceptable dick-move, but bragging about it in a national column and using specious reasoning to defend your actions is pathological douchebaggery.
July 6th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
@yournamehere
Thought the same thing. His justification was way worse than the original story.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I think I would humbly like to make this request to the mostly informative ESPN Sunday night crew: Listen to the tape of Sunday night’s game. And listen to how many times you preface a factoid by saying: “You know, when we talked to Joe Blow last night, he told us …” We all know you meet with the coaches and six or eight or 10 key players per team, and then you talk to more people on the field before the game. But please, stop beating us about the head with this.
-King actually had great advice, that he now seems to have forgotten
July 6th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
The ol’ sneaking extra troops onto the Kamchtka Peninsula trick. They never see it coming.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Goddam, Peter King is fucking retarded.
And somebody help me here, I’m not a world-renowned expert on baseball, but since when is a foul ball such a big prize that it justifies fucking over a 7-year-old to get it? A home run ball, sure, but a foul? Isn’t that basically a fuck-up? Why would you go out of your way to get that? Much less tell a story about having procured it by “outsmarting” a small child?
July 6th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Look, I hate King as much as the next guy, and I truly enjoyed BDD’s breakdown of this King Klassic, but all you guys must be getting fucking soft in your old age. I guess a lot of you have kids?
Well guess what, I don’t have fucking kids, and that means all your fucking kids and this 7 year old bastard from 6 years ago can suck a hot fart from the darkest corners of my ass. That little bastard wouldn’t have appreciated jack shit and while I grant that King likely only uses the ball to impress his douchey Bostonian neighbors, this kid is 13 years old now and probably plays fucking soccer.
So fuck the sense of entitlement you guys get for kids. Goddamn.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Three things I think I think…
1) After he got the foul ball, PK espied a young baby with a lollipop. He thought stealing that would be a larf.
2) Palsy on a Unicycle kicked ass when they opened for Metallica.
3) I’d like to say what I truly think of PK, but I’ve never met an actual douchenozzle and would be afraid of insulting said implement.
July 6th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Its sad knowing that King is the kind of person that will never see what he did to that kid as wrong. He just thinks “well, the rules say this, the rules say that, he shouldn’t be there, I should” what a flaming bag of horse shit. Technically, the rules say that he shouldn’t be there either! Its shit like this that makes me think that there are circumstances where violence is justified.
July 6th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I think what we’re trying to say here is that getting a baseball is a big deal to a little kid, it shouldn’t be a big deal to a grown man, unless it’s the ball from the game-winning home run from the deciding game in the World Series, and even then, it’s bad form to knock a kid out of the way to get at it. Hustling your fat ass (well, OK, in PK’s case, waddling) to get a foul ball from a child in an exhibition game (not even a regular season game) is pure, unadulterated douchebaggery.
July 6th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
While King is on hiatus you guys should do a breakdown of his fantasy football draft in SI’s fantasy magazine. Like everything else King does it inane and nonsensical.
July 6th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
@Jack
Why? How early does he draft Mass Transportation?
July 6th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
Good use? Oh, I think I know the use. That’s right. BASEBALL POPCORN STRING ANAL BEADS. Now that’s what I call a seventh inning stretch!
I just snorted partially chewed soft pretzel bits out of my nose.
You could dump a thousand cubic miles of vinegar into Lake Superior and have CERN come up with a mammoth delivery system of untold intricacy that could be considered the next Wonder of the World, and it still wouldn’t be nearly as big a douche as Peter King is.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:12 am
He’s not the fucking USO.
Wasn’t King just advising Fisher, et al, on the experience of going to visit the troops. King actually IS the USO. Didn’t they used to get Playmates?
July 7th, 2009 at 7:36 am
One disclaimer. I’m a UT grad and love Vince Young, and if you hate him as much as I love him, then that’s too bad. In this mailbag – http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/peter_king/06/16/mail/1.html – PK answers a question about how VY was probably coddled at UT.
Here’s the deal PK, VY was a GOD at UT. He was cool, he was a winner, he came through in the clutch every single time. So of course he was coddled. Who wouldn’t coddle a superstar? So you decide to speak negatively of the coaching staff of a college that’s a perennial title contender? And the counter example is Tom Brady? Tom Brady sucked in college!! That’s why he went low. Please don’t tell me that the coaching staff at Michigan were going to coddle Tom Brady in any way.
This smacks of racism PK, or atleast homerism. You’re so hell-bent of beating up VY that you’re blind to the obvious. VY might such as a pro QB but he was a fantastic college QB, just like Brady might be a good pro but sucked as a college QB. So let’s not get carried away here. You’re an asshole PK.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
What an asshole…. If I ever see this tub of shit I will make sure to bring this story up to anyone with in earshot.
July 13th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I sent him hate mail for years as a result of him characterizing the kid as having “stolen” the ball.
What a duffushead he was and is.
Well done Drew.
July 28th, 2009 at 4:56 am
in my point view FOOTBALL TALK IS NECESSARY.. i would like to appreciate AIR Force captain who took step when serving our nation abroad, we need the release of watching the games on TV, of having sports discussions with our buddies, Please continue doing what you do.