EAT, SLEEP, BREATHE COLTS (but mainly eat Colts)
This afternoon we have another edition of the sporadic “Inside a Tailgate” series. It’s a feature that gives you insight into some of the goings-on with fans around the league. And it gives us a chance to count a YouTube video as a post. Nice.
00:01 – Chubs tells “Reggie Wane” that he will handle the introduction duties. I’ve just seen this guy, but I have always been able to make snap judgments about people. I predict this guy will open his introduction with some Proust before making a dry self-deprecating observation on the human condition. That, or quoting Stone Cold Steve Austin. It could go either way.
0:03 – Hitch up you sweatpants, Bulbous Fett.
0:08 – Waiting for his cue… Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy here is used to working with professionals. Give his ass a countdown, you clod.
0:10 – “HEY! WE’RE COLTS FANS!” This is your brilliant introduction? This is the least expository introduction in the history of introducing stuff. Christ, this thing is already going downhill.
0:16 – Now he introduces Shawne Merriman, “defensive player for the Chargers”. Dude, if we don’t already know who he is, your impression is kind of pointless.
0:20 – This guy seems to shortchanging Merriman’s surname by a full syllable– pronouncing it ‘Merman’. It seems they fear this Mer-Man and thinks he intends to drag them before King Poseidon and his briny palace in Atlantis.
0:24 – Two days later, he moaned and flopped in precisely the same manner when the EMT administered the defibrillator.
0:31 – “RETARD….OUT!” He says it like that’s his end communication signal.
0:36 – At first I thought it was a novelty helmet, merely festooning his head whimsically before the big game. I know realize he is living with a serious head injury and that thing is a medical necessity under doctor’s orders.
Tags: indianapolis colts, inside a tailgate, ksk group posts, youtubage
July 14th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
I would shoot my-self if I had to sit next to that guy during a game.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
“RETARD OUT”
If only they would listen to their own commands.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Oh and make sure to check out the rest of this guys videos, they’re equally annoying.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Everyone else in the video is bundled up for the cold. Flabalanche is sweating.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
The kid in the Reggie Wayne jersey moseyed over to ask the fat guy if he could go and get him some wine coolers. How he got roped into being in the video? We’ll never know.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
I think that was Monkey Business.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
“Chubs”? “Bulbous Fett”?? “Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy”???
Someone’s got the ole Double-J in mind.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
@Gino,
Sweating is an understatement. I did not notice at first since it is a uniform shade of blue, but the whole fucking front of his shirt is soaked, even the parts at the bottom not directly in contact with skin.
/now skipping lunch today
July 14th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I didn’t realize Patton Oswalt had put on that much weight for “Big Fan.”
July 14th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
At 39 seconds you can see the beer, sweat and Axe Body spray all over the front of Don Retardo’s shirt. I can understand eating a Colt, but how do you sleep and breath a Colt?
July 14th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
‘As a non-Colt’s fan’ I think LaFavre’s is correct!
July 14th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Can’t watch the video yet due to no flash at work but could the guy pronouncing Merriman as “Merman” be an old Baltimore Colts fan bringing his Balmer Merlin accent to the midwest?
July 14th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
I swear he drinks Busch beer just cause it has the Colts color scheme. Thats really a full size keg at his feet! That guy is so fat (How fat is he?) He needs a boomerang to put on his belt! Badumpbump.
July 14th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
@Widespread Native Hoosiers slur syllables together sometimes. That’s why we say “In-dya-nap-liss”
July 14th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Now we know what happened to the kid who funneled six beers and passed out at the Colts-Chargers game: this guy ate him.
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/04/get-that-demon-liquor-up-out-of-you.html
July 14th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
I though Drew was a Vikings fan.
July 14th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I love these. I can’t wait for the Philly one.
Blah Blah Blah, iggles. Blah blah blah, Keystone, Blah blah blah, stupid mooks….etc
July 14th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
EAT, SLEEP, BREATHE COLTS
Sleep and breathe? That wastes valuable eating time!
July 14th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I don’t think he’s sweating. It looks more like the way gassy moisture escapes an overcooked sausage.
Probably smells that way too.
July 14th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
I was sentenced to six years in Indy. This guy is every Colts fan. Only skinnier.
July 14th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Speaking of Patton Oswalt, this guy is the definition of B-word fat. “The Colts are gonna buh-beat those buh-bastards.”
July 14th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
EAT SLEEP BREATHE COLTS
This retard’s diabetes/hypertension-related sleep apnea allow him only to eat Colts.
July 14th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
I know that this is off topic. But right now on the NFL.com homepage, on the lower left side there is an article entitled, “Debate: Will Young Get Shot” regarding the titans back-up QB. Poor taste in choice of words?
July 14th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it looks like this pep rally took place right before the Divisional playoff game that put Marmalard on the map. The fat man was a witness to douchetastic history.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
The Patriots have Tawwmy from Quinzee, the Colts have Rick from Mars Hill. The Vikings have, well, they have Drew.
July 14th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
+1 Kid
July 14th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Eat: mouth. Breathe: mouth. If this guy could learn to sleep with his mouth, he could successfully cross the ‘cut off you nose to spite your face’ Rubicon with no ill effects. And what a step for Fatkind that would be.
July 15th, 2009 at 1:29 am
/facepalm
That’s a fucking embarrassment.
July 16th, 2009 at 2:29 am
@Monkey Business: I was thinking Jimbo from Fountain Square, but your way works too.
/Once met a guy named Joe from Fountain Square who had his name engraved into his belt.
//He still felt the need to introduce himself, even though I could very clearly read his name.