Coach Tooka Luggit Mah Throwin Moshin, En Mah Throwin Moshin Lukes Guud!
I dunno whut Coach Childruss wus luggin forr in mah throwin moshin. I throw guud! I bin throwin to dem hahh skewl boyz en they guud at kitchen bawls frum ol’ Brittfarr. Wun day cupple weeks ugo ol’ Brittfarr was throwin’ dem bawls wit da boys reel guud. An den ol’ Peedur Keng gon’ cummon down hear ulda tamm en be awl, [in falsetto voice] “Hey there, sexy Bretty. Wanna come punch that ticket to Canton, big boy?”
An den I gitoll embarsed an say, Nossir, Misser Keng, yew is uh perfesshunal jern-o-list, en yew just playin’ widdoll Brittfarr, aincha? But den he jus keepsonnit an he gon be all, “Now now, Bretty baby. Come back to the Mariott and you can stir my sugar.” But he ain’ talkin bout no shuggur. Unless yew talkin bout da shuggur dat an ol’ feller likesa keep in’is butt.
But ol’ Peeder gon make shur Brittfarr git inda Holla Fayma, so I hadta walkit on back too da Mariott. En yeah, ol’ Brittfarr took a big stir on da buttshuggur. Ol’ throwin’ motion dint feel so guud after dat.
An den I wint back to da feeled whure da boys wure, en onuddum ask whut ol’ Brittfarr wuz doin’. Now I din’t tellum bout stirrin dat buttshuggur. Das pri-vit. So ol’ Britt made uppa lil fib en said, Ol’ Brittfarr wuz pumping HGH. En dey ask wuz HGH? I sad I dunno. But den ol’ Britt found out dat da nixt day, da whole teem winnout en got dem sum HGH. Good thang I didn’t tellum bout the buttshuggur or ol’ Peeter woodna bin able to walk for three dadgum weeks.
Tags: backwater Brett, I'm never staying at the Mariott again, jeez punter that's just wrong, MMP
July 20th, 2009 at 9:35 am
I’m starting to think the ghost of William Faulkner writes these.
July 20th, 2009 at 9:38 am
jeez punte, that’s just wrong…mainly due to its historical accuracy.
July 20th, 2009 at 9:40 am
ol’ Brittfarr took a big stir on da buttshuggur
New favorite euphemism.
July 20th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Well, at least he didn’t get his buttshuggur stirred. So he’s still straight.
/Keep telling myself that.
July 20th, 2009 at 9:44 am
It’s just… I mean… Yeah, I got nothing.
July 20th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Suddenly I’m pretty glad I skipped breakfast today.
July 20th, 2009 at 9:59 am
First resemblances of emotion coming across my face for the week…thanks, I’m going to need you guys this week.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:02 am
King really better hope Brett doesn’t tell Schiancoe about stirrin’ the buttshuggur.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Just wow. Nicely done.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:09 am
I was most disturbed by the fact I was able to understand the Britt Farr english.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:10 am
It was either stir King’s buttshuggur or not throw 300 career interceptions.
Hello HoF!
July 20th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Wrong. Just wrong.
/Slams another double espresso.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Anybody else’s sphincter instinctively tighten up?
July 20th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Reading that nearly cured my hangover.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:39 am
“Hey there, sexy Bretty. Wanna come punch that ticket to Canton, big boy?”
I definitely read that with the voice of Herbert, “the elderly ephebophile” on Family Guy
/”Stop sassin’ me boy or I’ll slap you in the penis.”
July 20th, 2009 at 10:40 am
“Stirrin’ da buttshuggur”?
Ol Brittfar been hangin’ out with Pacman. CHUH CHUH
July 20th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Do I pronounce ‘from’ so much differently that it needs to be spelled ‘frum’ in Brittspeak? Holy cow, I’ve got a lot to learn about the South.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:47 am
After months of speculation, Favre became a bear. Makes sense.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Petey just got his buttshugger pushed in.
/throws up in mouth
//HGH can cure your hangover
July 20th, 2009 at 10:56 am
somehow, upon waking this morning, I knew that BrittFar would be here.
And yet somehow, there is no Pacman post in response to the release of that Scrip Club video.
FIX YO PRIORITIES!
July 20th, 2009 at 11:01 am
And the Punte of old return.
July 20th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Did you know his middle name is “Lorenzo”? And this from Wikipedia:
“Favre earned a teaching degree with an emphasis in special education from the University of Southern Mississippi.”
So, in other words, he can teach in any classroom in Mississippi? Har har…
July 20th, 2009 at 11:12 am
WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN
July 20th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Lofty post
July 20th, 2009 at 11:15 am
If Favre wants to get in game shape before next month, he better switch to buttSplenda.
July 20th, 2009 at 11:31 am
So the gunslinger is really a buttpriateslinger. I knew it!
July 20th, 2009 at 11:54 am
” En dey ask wuz HGH? I sad I dunno. ”
this fucking killed me.
July 20th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
The humor here defines clutch – I almost spit my drink all over the monitor.
Goddamn do I hate Favre.
July 20th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Ol Peeder definitely takes his coffee with extra cream and buttsugar.
July 20th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
“jeez punte, that’s just wrong”
/seconded
July 20th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Holla Fayma worthy post!
July 20th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Will someone find a silver bullet or a steak to put in him already. It’s the only way to make sure he can’t come back again, and again and again and again and . . .
July 20th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
@Tomlinson’s Pain Tolerance
I think you may be referring to a “stake” needing to be used on Favre, but if you indeed meant “steak,” then Peter King or John Madden volunteer the tubular kind to be stuck into Brittfar.
And I’d personally prefer decapitation, followed by a burning of the body, to ensure that he won’t be back.
As for getting some stakes…I imagine that there’re quite a few being wielded by people who hate Al Davis…
July 20th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Awwww….Rexman, TPT’s post was gettin’ me all excited!!
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Holy shit, MMP.
Your Farvernacular kills me. Keep up the good work.