Addressing the Sudden Dearth of NFL/Celebrity Couples

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Now that Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian have parted ways (nobody cheated!…unless they did) the NFL needs a fresh celebrity relationship worthy of tabloid attention. That’s why we at KSK have taken it upon ourselves to create our own pairings out of thin air. Just like the publicists do it!

Bill and Kate ( +/- 8 )

bill-and-kate

He’s got a thing for blond moms, and she needs a man in her life who can domineer her for a change. Bill will stick it out as long as it takes for him to stick it in, assuming of course that none of the children make eye contact with him. Ever.

Jay Cutler and Katherine Heigl

cutler-heigl

He’s mopey malcontent and her ego has been known to annoy the shit out of her coworkers. They might as well hook up, because nobody else can seem to stand their presence for extended periods of time.

Jeff Reed and Tila Tequila

reedtila

He loves to party and has been known to skank it up for the cameras, and she’s exactly the same in every conceivable way. It’s science.

Submit your own dream NFL/Celeb couples in the comments.

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93 Responses to “Addressing the Sudden Dearth of NFL/Celebrity Couples”

  1. Otto Man Says:

    Marcia Gay Harden and Marvin Harrison = MarHarMarHar

  2. Spatula Says:

    Ape and James Harrison (sorry, it had to be said).

  3. Gern Says:

    Courtney Love and Michael Vick.

  4. Christmas Ape Says:

    Ape and James Harrison (sorry, it had to be said).

    LaMarr Woodley might be more gentle

  5. White Bread Says:

    Ocutmom and Travis Henry

  6. Slothrop Says:

    No love for Peezy!? THAT’S DISRESPECT!!
    FIX YO FICTIONAL HOOKUPS!

  7. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Jared Allen and Britney Spears

    that’s a whole lot of hill billy craziness.

  8. Jim U. Says:

    T.O. and … himself?

  9. adam Says:

    serena williams and venus williams

    one of em sort of looks like a man
    it’d be interesting to watch to say the least

  10. IrishCream Says:

    Joe Namath and Suzy Kolber

  11. Nate Newon's Van Says:

    Oh yeah, I want to watch Vick make Courtney Love fight a pit bull.

    Santonio Holmes and Lisa Lampanelli.

  12. Farthammer Says:

    Brady Quinn and Nathan Lane.

  13. Walter Sobchak Says:

    brady quinn and taylor hanson…cause they’re both so pretty

  14. T-Bone Says:

    Hines Ward and Lucy Lu. No other relationship would bastardize the Rs and Ls of the Enrish Ranguage bettel.

  15. LaFavre's Next Retirement Says:

    Ray Lewis and Joan of Arc. He has a knife, but she has a sword. Advantage: Joan of Arc.

  16. Walter Sobchak Says:

    o.j. simpson and tara reid. i’ve heard he likes blonde chicks so it should work out, right?

    or, brian urlacher and chyna. can you imagine that?
    /vomits

  17. sadnatsfan Says:

    Mechelle McNair and Rae Carruth

  18. Zack Says:

    Anquan Boldin and Alicia Sacramone

  19. SonOfSpam Says:

    Steve McNair and Brynn Hartman

  20. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    Brett Farve and Sarah Palin

  21. jackin'4beats Says:

    Merriman and Xena because I’d like to see her pummel his ass when he tries to rape her.

  22. Zack Says:

    Phil Rivers and Mandy Pepperidge

  23. buddy randolph Says:

    Dallas Clark and that broad Dauber dated on “Coach”

  24. General Disarray Says:

    Alonzo Spellman and Lindsey Lohan

  25. joejoejoe Says:

    Jim Sorgi and Gayle King

  26. Jesse Katsopolous Says:

    Jerry Jones and Ashlee Simpson

  27. FearTheBuzzsaw Says:

    Chris Simms and Kate Hudson.

  28. CobraCommander Says:

    Ray Lewis and Lorenna Bobbit.

  29. Walter Sobchak Says:

    brett favre and rosie o’donnell…he deserves her

  30. Skins Says:

    Jason Campbell and Britney Spears…its Soup to Nuts!!1
    I’ll be hear all week…try the veal!

  31. LaFavre's Next Retirement Says:

    Me and Cheryl Miller.

  32. Kimbo Gash Says:

    Al Davis and Cloris Leachman

  33. Westbrook Is My Anti-Drug Says:

    Mark Sanchez and Lance Bass

  34. J.L. White Says:

    Adrian Peterson and Mary Magdalene

  35. scottro Says:

    Rongrastname and Erin Andrews

    /Much better chance of having video evidence

  36. Pacman Jones Says:

    Tom Brady and Miranda Kerr (oh wait), Tom Brady and Adriana Lima, dangit! I give up

  37. Otto Man Says:

    Visanthe Shiancoe and Peter King

    I think only PK’s gaping hole could handle what VS is swinging

  38. Detroit's Finest Says:

    Tony Dungy and Brüno.

  39. NothingCleverComestoMind Says:

    Peter King and one of his Urologists

  40. scottro Says:

    Casey Hampton and Robin Quivers

    They can share Double G size bras

  41. dougery Says:

    @Otto wouldn’t that be Mar(Gat)HarMar(Gay)Har?

    @ Jim U. the media will soon inflate TO’s ego to the point where yes, he will actually be able to reproduce asexually like an amoeba and will do so as a TD celebration in NE week 1. lee evans becomes even more useless and unsurprsingly trent edwards stat line does not improve.

    @Zack. You couldn’t pay me enough money to google any name anyone links with Marmalard

  42. Enrico Pallazzo Says:

    Derek Anderson and Eight Belles

    Horse fucking is always classy.

  43. Enrico Pallazzo Says:

    Brad Childress and Brad Childress

    He has earned the right to fuck himself.

  44. Tomlinson's Pain Tolerance Says:

    @dougery

    I think Zach was referring to the cheerleader that Belushi steals at the end of Animal House.

    Big Ben and Katelyn Faber (Kobe’s hotel girl)

  45. Mo Charlo Says:

    Felix Jones and Sandra Oh.

    Because they both look like horses.

  46. Ken O'brien's broken dreams Says:

    Brian Griese/Chris Simms/Eli Manning/Montana’s kid in 4 years and Tori Spelling

  47. Punanisher Says:

    Jamarcus Russell and Monique

  48. jackin'4beats Says:

    Kordell Stewart and Rupaul. Kordell can be the bottom this time.

  49. Tomlinson's Pain Tolerance Says:

    Vincent Jackson, a bottle of whiskey and a car in a three way.

  50. Tim Tebow's Girlfriend's Tits Says:

    The Baltimore Ravens and Erin Andrews

  51. BabyCarruth Says:

    John Kasay and that Jewish broad from season 1 of Mad Men

  52. Mr. Pilkington Says:

    Eli Manning and Dora the Explorer.

  53. Tracer Bullet Says:

    Peyton Manning and Sarah Jessica Parker. Their children will be 80% head.

  54. Daddymag Says:

    Jesus, how come Jeff Reed and Tila Tequila hasn’t happened already?!?

  55. dannynoonan Says:

    Leonard Little and Bette Midler

  56. Scooter Biceps Says:

    Nolan Ryan and Robin Ventura

    I SMELL A SIT-COM!

  57. Boatdrinks Says:

    Christine Brennan and Visanthe Shiancoe. Because clearly she hasn’t gotten any in a LONG TIME.

  58. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Drew Brees and Mikhail Gorbachev’s daughter.

  59. StuBone Says:

    Jim Brown and Rianna…. because people reading this thread need one more thing to feel wrong for laughing at.

  60. jackin'4beats Says:

    Oakland Raiders fans and Melissa Stark. I’m sure they could get into her Black Hole.

  61. DeesTesticles Says:

    &#9835 Wes Welkah and Serena Williams, to make Boston mad.

  62. devang Says:

    Osi Umenyora and Camille Grammer.

  63. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Warren Sapp and Michelle Kwan

  64. dannynoonan Says:

    Kenny Stabler and Mindy McCready

  65. h3bru Says:

    Matt Jones and Amy Winehouse

  66. Slash Says:

    Sorry, but no. “Celebrity” couples are just about the most boring subject ever in the history of boring. The only NFL couple I’d really like to see is Michael Vick paired with a rabid pit bull.

    I guess we’re all supposed to get some sort of vicarious thrill imagining how awesome being a couple with Jessica Simpson or Tony Romo has to be, but most celebrities seem boring as shit (when they’re not being giant assholes).

    RE T-Bone Says:
    “Hines Ward and Lucy Lu. No other relationship would bastardize the Rs and Ls of the Enrish Ranguage bettel.”

    Have you ever heard Lucy Liu speak?

  67. IB6UB9 Says:

    Steve McNair and Mary Jo Buttafuoco

  68. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Andy Dick has been invited to attend Packers training camp.

  69. Cacawet Says:

    Steve Mcnair and Farrah Fawcett

  70. IrishCream Says:

    @Slash: Have you ever heard Hines Ward speak in real life? He doesn’t REALLY speak like his KSK character. It’s a joke…

  71. EDinCali Says:

    @Slash and a tampon. Geez dude, chill out.

  72. jackin'4beats Says:

    Have you ever heard Lucy Liu speak?

    That’s Rucy Riu to you rittre rady!!!

  73. ryan Says:

    Nick Harris and Emma Watson

  74. CooperIsSuper Says:

    @Slash: It’s amazing the way you [notice two things].

    Lucy Liu is the only woman to be named People Magazine’s sexiest woman of the year twice. In 2003 and then again in 2063.

    Also – I pick Tedi Bruschi and Toni Braxton. Bad hearts, same initials; plus, maybe Letterman could introduce them at the Grammy’s.

  75. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Joe Theismann and a cardboard cut-out of Melissa Stark.

  76. devang Says:

    @Gino Tourettsa – Joe Theismann and Heather Mills would be better.

  77. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    That’s WAY better.

  78. Carlos Says:

    No votes for Brandon Marshall and Rihanna? Is domestic violence not funny anymore?

  79. Gern Says:

    A wimp and a blimp

  80. anonymous Says:

    @carlos

    jim brown hits harder than some pussy wide receiver.

  81. Ken O'brien's broken dreams Says:

    Al Davis and Joan Rivers

  82. wheres waldo Says:

    eli manning and his teddy bear

  83. GPF Says:

    Daniel Snyder and Tom Cruise….like this wouldn’t make perfect sense.

  84. wheres waldo Says:

    shaun rogers and madonna, since she obviously has a weakness for athletes called “bitch tits”

  85. Arm Strongcock Says:

    NPH & Jeff Garcia’s Lisp

  86. Arm Strongcock Says:

    Jim Johnson & Satan

  87. Zack Says:

    Lawrence Taylor and Whitney Houston

  88. Zack Says:

    Reggie White and Crissy Moran

  89. The Virgin Connie Swayle Says:

    Michael Vick and Mary Louise Parker

  90. Zack Says:

    I can’t imagine anyone is still reading these things, but I’m having too much fun to stop.

    Michael Strahan and Anna Paquin

  91. KneeJerkNBA Says:

    Stephon Marbury and Courtney Love

  92. KneeJerkNBA Says:

    John Madden and a turducken

  93. dise Says:

    Eli Manning and Archie Manning

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