MAN SPARED FROM MISERLY WRATH OF COUNT BRADY A guy who swiped Dreamboat’s priceless flower boxes and attempted to sell them for scrap metal (presumably because he thought he was in Fallout 3 for real) was reduced to panhandling when Brady tried to collect the $4,000 his vagina needs to feel fancy. But, lo, a mysterious benefactor came forward to cover his debts, freeing the poor soul from a life of servitude polishing Tom’s future child’s diamond jammies.
Tags: dreamboat, everybody likes videogame jokes, quick hit, xmas ape
July 13th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Diamond jammies. That’s when you know you’ve made it.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:03 am
GET TO THE CHRIS COOLEY/PETER KING COLUMN! Just post his stupid face, I’ll make my own jokes until Drew is ready…
I think PK ghostwrote the first half of the column and Maj ghosted the “10 Things I Think.” “I THINK I MADE THE PRO BOWL THE LAST TWO YEARS” ? Gold.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:09 am
I don’t know which Xmas Ape trait I admire the most
His favorite team having an ass-kickingly great defense and (another) Super Bowl trophy
His novel is soon to be published
Or his extensive knowledge/expertise in all things video game related.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Someone needs to take out this butthole’s (other) knee.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Why oh Why are you turning into uber douche Tom Brady? You are ramping up to Brett Favrian asshole proportions much faster than I can handle.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:42 am
man, you read that real quick-like and it sounds like Brady has a $4,000 vagina.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Because I am a godlike puritanical wanderer, I always just give the scrap metal away. For FREEEEEE. Because I care about the children.
I make up for this goody-goody attitude by killing as many people and things as possible. Slaughter with a smile.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:59 am
I think Megaton bears a striking resemblance to Pittsburgh, complete with radiation tainted water, no attractive women, a nuke bomb sitting in the middle of it waiting for someone with a heart – such as myself – to arm it and let it wipe the town off the face of the earth. Taking one for the team.
July 13th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Yes, but Megaton doesn’t have six Super Bowl titles. But then I never unlocked that one house. They might be in there.
July 13th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Also, Fallout has a separate DLC quest on Xbox Live about Pittsburgh, where it’s called The Pitt.
/pushes glasses up nose, followed by second pair of nerdier glasses
July 13th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Yes, but Megaton doesn’t have six Super Bowl titles. But then I never unlocked that one house. They might be in there.
No SB trophies in there. Just a ton of bobblehead dolls that look like the Ben.
And I bought the Pitt add-on. Gotta go dig my copy of the original to play it though.
/wipes chili stain off his XXXL Radioactive Man t-shirt.
July 13th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Pats=Enclave?
July 13th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Pffft, probably didnt get less than six caps for it anyway.
July 13th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I’VE BEEN A MEMBAH OF TALON CAHMPAHNEE SINCE TWENTY TWO SEVAHNTY SEVAHN! OWAH GROUP OF MERCENAHRIES HAS MOWAH HAAAHT THAN YOUR GROUP OF MERCENAHRIES! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
July 13th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
I too often feel the need to place priceless articles of gardening equipment on a public sidewalk, then sue old men who happen to pick them up.
I kind of like Brady back when he was a young guy fighting the odds to make it in the big leagues.
But g’damn, it took all of nine years in Bawston to turn him into a privileged white prick.
July 13th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
And XMas Ape only wears the Tribal Power Armor because Everett told him “You’re one hell of a steeler.”
/Drinks another Nuka-Cola