MAGGIE DID IT!? WTF!? Nashville Police Chief Ronal Serpas announced that police have ruled that the McNair shooting was, in fact, the result of a murder-suicide committed by 20-year-old Sahel Kazemi, which is what most people had assumed all along. That isn’t to say that another conclusion wasn’t possible, but the dimestore detective work being done by a few overzealous bloggers the past week wasn’t making any alternatives seem all that plausible. Or even coherent. In the future, let’s try not to prosecute people on the Intarwebs based on squishy conjecture or even a few vaguely ominous rap lyrics, mmmmkay?
Tags: BUT WHAT WAS THE MOTIVE???, gratuitous simpsons references, quick hit, xmas ape
July 8th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
She apparently became enraged to discover that unlike Farsi, “cum dumpster” and “wife” are not synonymous in English.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
This is why nobody wants the Iranians to get a nuke.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
I feel like making some smart-ass joke, but there’s really nothing funny here. The only really unusual thing is that the woman shot the man, instead of the other way around. Hope her 20-year-old pussy was worth it.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
The year is 1965, and you and I are undercover detectives on the hot rod circuit. Now, let’s burn rubber, baby!
July 8th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Let that be a lesson to every famous athlete who starts dating a waitress they met at dave and busters.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Exactly, chris – her friends claimed she had no experience with firearms BUT THAT POLICE TRAINER GAME IS RIGHT THERE FOR ANYBODY TO USE!
July 8th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
20 year-old girls are nothing but trouble.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
20-year-old pussy was worth it.
It usually is.
Let that be a lesson to every famous athlete who starts dating a waitress they met at dave and busters.
Stick with the underage babysitter?
/Chmura’d
July 8th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
He set the alarm, but kept hitting the snooze. It would piss off anyone, right?
July 8th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
And he was getting some more ass on the side?
Damn, the man was a pimp.
July 8th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
They started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended in tragedy!
July 8th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
“That girl isn’t even a 7. I can’t believe he had sex with that ass. I hope he didn’t hit it from behind “Kade Style” because she wasn’t hot enough for that.”
-Kade
July 8th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Motive? Three words: P M S.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
I still believe that the REAL shooter was Waylon Smithers; that would have made more sense.
But of course, for that ending to work, you would have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence. And that would be downright nutty!
July 8th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
I am still convinced OJ did it. I mean, we’re not going to ignore all that Simpson DNA evidence again are we?
July 8th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
@Slothrop: You’ve got a lot of nerve.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
@JL White: No, not nerve, I’m full of moxie. and bourbon.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
@Slothrop: I’m filled with piss n’ vinegar……at first I was just filled with vinegar.
July 8th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Florio an asshole? That’s unpossible!
July 8th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
Now we find out she popped him while he was sleeping. Damn, that is cold. Holly Robinson Peete was right – this is Fatal Attraction all over again, when married men across America were scared into marital fidelity for, oh, a good three or four days.
July 8th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
It’s been Lou Holtz all around. MJ, Farrah Fawcett, McNair, McNamara… one hell of a killing spree. Or as Ray Lewis calls it: Saturday night.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:35 am
Okay, so…why do we hate The Big Lead again? Think I need a refresher course on this…
July 9th, 2009 at 8:00 am
People still use MySpace?
July 9th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Ronal Serpas? Wasn’t he the evil alter ego of Verbal Kint?
July 9th, 2009 at 9:13 am
So, no one else is bothered by the fact that she had gunshot residue on her left hand, but was shot in the right temple?
Or that a cop who had a grudge against McNair just happened to be the officer who arrested her for DUI?
Or that the police won’t disclose who told them that Kazemi was suicidal and who told them that she just happened to run into some guy in the Dave and Buster’s parking lot who just happened to have a gun on him when she said that she needed a gun?
Or that the press has been unable to find anyone to confirm those reports?
/conspiracy theoried
July 9th, 2009 at 9:32 am
@ People still use MySpace?
I’m on it all the time
they don’t let you just walk in to elementary schools these day
July 9th, 2009 at 9:49 am
However, it is OK to date the lead singer of the Chuck E. Cheese band.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:54 am
According to the police, Kazemi had told friends that she was thinking about killing herself in the days prior to the incident. She had suspected that McNair was seeing another woman.
No shit, he was married.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:40 am
McNair had thwarted her previous attempts to steal candy from a baby. But with him out of the picture, she was free to kick up her heels and indulge her sweet tooth. This led to cavities, because she doesn’t brush, and the Big Book of British Smiles frightened her into an ultimately unsuccessful molar extraction by firearm.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Looks like Chief Ronal Serpas had the same backwards-talking dream with flaming cards I had.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Kazemi: “A thousand nations of the Persian empire descend upon you. My bullets will blot out the sun!”