A REARMINDER TO ASS US SEXBAG QUESTIONS. For instance, how could someone get a best and worst ass list so horribly wrong? This week’s author, Ufford, has another lady in mind and will be glad to tell you about it. So back those questions on in this-ah way.
While we’re dishing out reminders, the “Get Christmas Ape to Burn His Steelers Stuff-slash-Win Free Copies of His Book” contest is going on through the end of July. So continue sending on funny Photoshops, videos, tips, anecdotes, stories, nude picture of attractive female friends. I’ll announce the winners the first week of August. We’ve had some decent entries thus far, but I’m confident in saying the contest is still wide open (it’s like your mom in that respect).
Tags: book whoring, football fan's manifesto, mailbag reminder, tip contest
July 8th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Well for starters, Kade is completely insane.
July 8th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Vida Guerra making a worst ass list? I’m with UM, this guy is insane.
July 8th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Who is this jackass? Oh, he’s from Philly. That explains volumes.
July 8th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
I think that ass deserves this clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpvNtzaGTRs
July 8th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Wow. What a collossal fucking douchebag. He’s published his own 1-10 scale for judgin’ the wimmins: http://arthurkade.com/kade-scale/
And my God, how can he impugn Vida Guerra’s ass like that!? Like Zell Miller, I wish we lived in an age when people still challenged each other to duels.
July 8th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
As a resident of the Philadelphia area, I would like to say that this dude doesn’t speak for the area.
PS, best ass list and no Beyoncé? Fuck that.
PPS, worst ass list and Vida Guerra and Kim Kardashian? Fuck that.
July 8th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
And Demi Moore a 10? IN WHAT UNIVERSE, BIZARRO LAND?
July 8th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Arthur Kade may be my new synonym for “douchebag.”
July 8th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
No Stacy Keibler on the best ass list?
Fail.
July 8th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Can’t aruge with his best picks. Sure, there are other, and possibly/likely better, asses, but hey, to each his own. But Vida on the worst? Insane indeed sir.
/Great call on Stacy Keibler.
July 8th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Arthur Kades has now replaced Courics as the unit measure for fecal matter.
I hope my next dump weighs at least 80 Arthur Kades.
This guy can suck it long and hard; Demi Moore is a ten?? Listen, whitebread, I know the roundness and fullness of Vida’s and Kim’s asses intimidate you, scare you and make you feel like less of man, but to go around handing tens to women who are WAY over their prime, well, it makes your manhood even more suspect. Pussy.
July 8th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Sounds like the beginning of a lynch mob over that terrible worst asses list.
/gathers torches
July 8th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
This guy can’t even make hot chicks with douchebags since he was in 1 picture with a hot chick out of the thousands that he posted. And he’s clearly a fucking idiot with some of those best/worst ass picks. I’m sure his response to the faceplantksk ass up there would be “Ewww yucky, that athss isss justh way too big for my tasths.”
Thanks KSK for finding another fucking idiot for me to hate.
July 8th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
How about this from his site:
“I decided to change up my hair, and try a new style: Tell me if you think it looks amazing.”
July 8th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
“I hope girls take notes and work on their asses, because if you want to land hot quality guys like me and my friends,…”
Aw, the “New Haircut” guy is all growed up.
July 8th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Wow. Reading Kade’s posts is just an amazing journey into delusions of grandeur and the sad world of self-worship:
I have spent the last two weeks (What feels like forever) building incredible connections, brand presence in KA, and dealing with International press (I am being requested for interviews around the world including AUS and New Zealand) and exposure, and it was nice to finally be back in a classroom, and simplifying myself to just being an actor. The name of this game is to become the best, and everyone knows that with my tools and looks, it will happen and I will be “one of the great ones”, but with me becoming a mainstream celebrity (Forced to attend the hottest and most exclusive events like Dusk and My House), the last two weeks have been about dealing with fame, rather than becoming a movie legend.
I’ve never encountered a person who combines such epic levels of vanity and vapidity. I can only hope that this is a brilliant work of satire about the world of reality tv ’stars’ and the freaks who went to the Jacko memorial yesterday to promote themselves, but I really doubt it.
July 8th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Jesus – Arthur Kade is being discussed on this site. Honestly, I never imagined in a million years that person like Artie could exist. Entire college majors could be handed out based on analyzing his delusions. I first heard of him through HCwDB, and I strangely can’t stop reading him – I hate him with the passion usually reserved for children and Satan, yet I still read him and I can’t really explain why. He literally encompasses everything that is wrong with our society today and shows why our country will no longer be a superpower within the next fifty years, but the thing that annoys me the most about him is his weird application of quotations and capital letters. Thankfully this is the anonymous internet, because I am completely ashamed that I am in some small way contributing to his celebrity.
He should have been number one on his own “worst asses” list
/ rimshot
July 8th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Arthur Kade is being discussed on this site.
Never again.
July 8th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
What a fucking idiot. I love the way he explains his worst list by reasons he wouldn’t “fuck them from behind”. Because it’s obvious to everyone that if Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie, Lyndsey Lohan and Vida Guerra burst into his douche-cave, de-pantsed, got on all fours and cocked their respective asses in the air he’d examine each one and say retarded shit like “your ass crack is too high” and “I think it would hurt to fuck you from behind”.
/goes to room to masturbate at image of that happening to me
July 8th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
From the 1-10 scale article.
“It isn’t always the supermodel type, but a girl that when you look at her all you want to do his rip her clothes off, but also carries that “stripper” hot appeal that breaths sexuality and class.”
I know all strippers I’ve met really ooze class. /sarcasm
July 8th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
This clown seems to think no ass = good ass. WRONG, sir. WRONG.
July 8th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
@Bob Loblaw: Maybe he left out a comma or an and, and meant something like “stripper hot appeal, yet also breaths sexuality and class.”?
WTF did I just spend 20 minutes clicking through and reading? Where’s the KSK ladies with some opinions on this douche? He’s not even a ruggedly handsome man.
/No homo
July 8th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Also, this guy looks like Sylvester Stallone.
Stallone’s really really gay twin brother, I mean.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
He’s a douchebag. I glanced only at the ass lists (and now I want those minutes of my life back), but that was enough to make the douchebaggery abundantly clear. It’s one thing to have a “best asses” list, but the “worst asses” list defines douchebaggery. Nobody cares whose ass you deem unworthy of grinding against, you dickhole.
If this was Fark, we’d be asking him if he needs to be at the gym in 26 minutes…
July 8th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
The clips from his acting class were the best part of the website. He hath a listhp and his only facial expression reeks of arrogance. This kind of douche does not happen on it’s own. His mummy and daddy forgot to teach him that the world does not revolve around his perfect model measurements.
Eat a hot dog you nancy boy.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
I wish I had a pretty face like Kade so i could SMASH IT!
July 8th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Upon further review, I have to ask — is Arthur Kade a real douche, or a spoof douche?
For someone who claims to be an actor, he doesn’t even have a page on IMDB.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
The only solution to this Arthur Kade problem is to feed him to the Jezebel death squad.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
that ’stripper’ hot appeal that breaths sexuality and class.
Pretty sure strippers breathe Virginia Slims and desperation, love, but have it your way.
Honestly, gents, don’t work yourselves into a lather over this guy. Have you ever been out in West Chelsea? Cities are crawling with assholes like these and all the vapid, fake-tittied dumb girls who love to fuck them. Live and let live — if you let idiots like this bother you too much, you’ll never want to get out of bed in the morning. Make your statement by treating women right, and ignore morons like this.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
@Otto: If it’s a spoof, it’s brilliant, but I don’t think it is. There’s no method, just madness.
@starksgotejected: they didn’t bring their A-game, but they worked him over already: http://jezebel.com/5224687/one-of-my-biggest-pet-peeves-is-a-girl-who-is-not-probably-groomed-on-all-parts-of-her-body
July 8th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I just spent a half hour on that douche’s blog and I want to murder him, “Kade Style”. I’m serious. I’m going to kill that fucker. No. Really. I’m literally going to cut his dick off, feed it to my dogs, wait for them to shit it out, freeze it, and stab him in the head with his shitcock popsicle until he dies.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
THE JEZEBEL COMMENTS GIVE YOU ASS CANCER AUGH GET THEM AWAY
July 8th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
seriously, that’s how Farrah Fawcett really died, shit’s no lie
July 8th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
That’s some A+ hate Smitty.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
@Smitty
Oh, and “Shitcock Popsicle” is now a candidate for my 2009 FFL team name.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
“(Most people are referring to me as just “Kade” now, I think this is a sign of fame, admiration, and respect of what I have accomplished, so I am going with it like Madonna, Michael, DeNiro, and Pacino)”
You can randomly cut and paste any passage from his site and get Olympian-level gaywaddery like this. If it’s satire, I fell for it. If it’s real- Christ, what an asshole. People who watch “Entourage” think this douchebag is trying too hard.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Is there any way to Kade as a guest author for the sexbag questions?
July 8th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
kardashian, while a colossal whore, is one of THE sexiest women on the planet.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
That guy makes Tucker Maxx look like Miles Davis.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Kade is a sexbag. And by sexbag, I mean scrotum.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
@ Marmalard’s revenge
No way dude. That would imply that he had balls. Also, at least scrotums have a purpose in life.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it’s that a male model’s life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn’t mean that we too can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
I liked Arthur Kade better when I had never heard of him.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
This is my favorite, from the Kade commenter “GHOSTSHRIMP.”:
“KADE BOMB! huge post buddy. you are doing every woman in the world a FAVOR with thoughtful posts like this. KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE. now they are that much closer understanding the equipment needed to climb the KADE SCALE. because you and i both know what they get when they reach the top:
NON-STOP HEAVY ANAL!”
July 8th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Arthur Kadyshes (real name) is 32 years old and worked for American Express until this past March. I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying whether he’ll have a global impact. The fact is that he will most likely be run over by a truck and buried at a funeral with no one present.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
I’ve already trademarked the phrase “Shitcock Popsicle”, so you’ll have to pay me a nominal fee for the use of its rights.
Wait a second, Entourage isn’t cool? Shit…
July 8th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
@Smitty
You’ve got me in tears, which would be fine except for the fact that I’m sitting in a boarding lounge waiting for an airplane to show up so I can fly all of the people glancing uncomfortably at me to Denver. Bravo, Sir!
July 8th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Kade -Thanks for the links to ESPN and Youtube, woulda never found ‘em without you brah.
July 8th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
This post gives you all you would ever need to know about Arthur Kade
http://cretincountry.blogspot.com/2009/03/arthur-kade-cliffs-notes.html
July 8th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
pancake-butt has never been sexy
July 8th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
What a pretentious douchebag. Vida’s ass is the worst? What the HELL is that man on?
July 8th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
What is this man on?! Vida and Kim’s asses are the worst? Like hell.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:38 am
I didn’t read everyone else’s comments yet, but please let it be that everyone finds this guy to be a huge dushbag and most likely gay. He has clearly never fucked a great ass.
July 9th, 2009 at 1:50 am
LOL. He reminds me of uber-douche Aleksey Vayner:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnW_9uiT1xg
Oh yeah, buy Ape’s book and what not.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:27 am
+1 to Slash for the JFP reference.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Have any of you ever noticed that otherwise pancake shaped Asian ass looks GREAT from behind, doggy-style? No? Well, it does, and I found that very surprising. Thank you, U.S. Army, for a one-year all-expenses paid trip to Korea (Land of the World’s FLATTEST Asses.)
Awfully lathered up for a Thursday, aren’t we…oh, that’s right, It’s SexBag day!