This Week KSK Commenter Draft: Star You’d Have Gay Sex With If Forced To Have Gay Sex
I’ve been saving the gay draft for a rainy day. And, since it’s rained for 3,490 consecutive days now, it seems like it’s about time. I’m assuming many of you will elect to not participate in this draft, and that’s okay. Because the reason I’m posting the gay draft today is to tell you this story:
I had a friend in college named Jon who, without fail, would get drunk and ask people annoying question after annoying question.
JON: Hey Drew, would you rather fuck your mom, or have your pubes ripped out?
ME: Uh, neither.
JON: No! You have to pick one!
ME: No, I don’t.
He was like a walking version of “The Book Of Questions,” which was the most annoying book ever published. He’d also spring this one:
JON: Hey Drew, would you suck a black dick?
ME: No.
JON: Why are you so racist?
Anyway, I was on a train once with him and two other friends. And he pops this one on us.
“If you HAD to fuck a guy, who would it be? Honest.”
Now, Jon never willingly answered any of his fucking questions, at least not first. And Lord knows there have been enough times in this world where some guy has purposely tried to annoy some other guy by asking that exact question. He threw the question around the horn. I said there was no way I was answering before him. Same with my other friend. Then we got to our friend Damon (not his real name).
DAMON: I’m not answering that.
JON: You have to! Don’t be such a fag!
DAMON: Okay, fine. Larry Mullen Jr.
There are a few rare moments in life where I feel like I’m going to laugh until I fucking collapse, and this was one of them. For real, who the fuck pulls out Larry Mullen Jr. when that question is asked? I think he had settled on that answer ages before someone had asked him it. After that, we played U2 on every jukebox we could find when Damon was around. I think someone also made him a Larry Mullen Jr. collage. The lesson, of course, is to never answer that question. And certainly, to never give it the level of thought that Damon did.
That said, IF YOU HAD TO FUCK A GUY, WHO WOULD IT BE?
The rules: Pick someone of your own gender to bang. Living or dead. You can either pitch or catch. You have to bang them, or else you get killed. BY RAPE! Either way, you die gay! Please wait 10 picks to choose again (like you’ll choose again, if at all). I don’t expect anything remotely resembling sincere answers here. But I’m gonna jump in the pool and give it some real thought anyway. My pick? David Geffen. Richest known gay man on the planet. He’s worth $6.5 billion. If I’m gonna suck a dick, I better be well compensated for it. I’ll be your pool boy, buddy. What do you think, Pete Townshend?
Tags: annoying questions, Big Daddy Drew, ksk commenter drafts, SEXIEST FRIDAY, shemales count even jamie lee curtis
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
June 19th, 2009 at 9:35 am
hooo boy this is….
June 19th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I’d fuck Eli, hard. Rip all the sexual innocence out of the boy
June 19th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Ed Hochuli and his beefcake arms/
No Homo
June 19th, 2009 at 9:42 am
cyborg, the mma fighter
i would obviously be the catcher
/submissive
June 19th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Shemar Moore. He’s pretty like a woman.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Santonio Holmes.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:49 am
David Beckham, because he is purty….
June 19th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Does this mean Larry Mullen Jr. is off the board?
June 19th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Gus Triendose.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Sorry, Triandos*
June 19th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Leo Decaprio – with all his babe experience, he’d probably be a good screw…and he’s pretty
June 19th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Rick “The Model” Martel
June 19th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Enrique Iglesias… I probably wouldn’t feel anything.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:56 am
I’m raping Shawne Merriman so he can get a dose of his own medicine.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Chastity Bono, immediately post-op. Because then there would be a nice, gray area.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:59 am
I mean about whether it was gay or not. I don’t actually want to have sex with her gray area.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Chase Utley.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Does Rosie O’Donnell count as a guy? Actually, I think I’d rather fuck James Harrison than Rosie.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:06 am
This draft is going to die in the second round.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Looks like I’ll be skipping this draft boys…catch ya during the sexay part of the day.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:11 am
THIS IS THE SEXAY PART OF THE DAY!
June 19th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Max Talbot
June 19th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Ryan Reynolds.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Second pick: Chyna.
What? Get the fuck out of here. Really? You’re full of shit. Seriously? Huh. Well, I’ll be damned.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:15 am
I’ll choose Larry Mullen, Senior. That sexy apple couldn’t have fallen far from the tree.
And since he’s old, afterwards he’ll give me a Werther’s Original.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Shaquille Oneal’s big toe…I think I could take it.
As for giving i would pick Vern Troyer (Mini-Me) just cuz it would be hilarious…maybe sad actually.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Megan Fox, bitches.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:17 am
I was going to say Ryan Reynolds just so I could ask him about his ab workout. Curse you, Grimey.
I’ll take Neil Patrick Harris. He’s gay so I know at least one of us will enjoy it, he’s not a bad looking dude, maybe he can introduce me to Allyson Hannigan and he’s funny so maybe he can make me laugh long enough to overcome the shame.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Gandhi…he’d take it like a little bitch…
June 19th, 2009 at 10:19 am
+1 Mo. That was going to be my pick. What an awesome Wire episode that was.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Derrick Rose
/Bulls fan’d.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Sting
June 19th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Lofty draft…
Naomi Watts. She’s about my size. If I’m gonna go lesbo, it’d have to be with a really girly chick, not a butchy one (not that there’s anything wrong with butchy).
June 19th, 2009 at 10:23 am
I’d probably want someone with experience who could keep a secret, so Tom Cruise.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Is Jamie Lee Curtis fair game? If so, I’m locking that shit up.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:24 am
@ BostonWahoo -
You know that he’d take all day on your ass, right?
June 19th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Clive Owen
June 19th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Carrie Underwood.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Johnny Depp.
Not sure if I would go with the pirate theme (arrrr) or the Hunter Thompson theme. But if it’s gonna be gay we may as well have a theme.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Taylor Hanson
June 19th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Go Hunter Thompson. That way you’d be too doped up to care what was happening to your bunghole.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Laila Ali. She would own me.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Eh – wtf – Eddie Izzard? I mean there’s at least, what, a 50% it would be at an orgy and shortly after you could have the ‘gay’ washed off by many many coked out european ladies (not, laddies, it would not be an orgy in Scotland).
Plus, he’s an execuitve.
/still rather pick Halle Berry but she’s been dead for 5 hours.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Is Alexis Arquette a valid choice for a guy?
If not, George Clooney. Why? Cauase then I can use the knowledge to get his cast-offs.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Denzel Washington in a heartbeat…the guy is such a beast
no homo
June 19th, 2009 at 10:37 am
@Sarah. I would watch that, yes, yes I would.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:41 am
I never ever see gourmet spud commenting on KSK. he’s way to witty for us apparently. then he randomly pops up when there’s a gay sex draft and still makes a better joke than i could think of. why do you always have to put other dick jokers to shame?
June 19th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Do shemales count? Cuz I’d do me some Fabiane Spears.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:42 am
@ Deux-Deux-Deux:
If you’re gonna do it, do it right.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:42 am
If I’m pitching, give me Tom Brady or Kobe. If I have to catch, make it Jon Stewart.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Muhammad Ali…he’s like fucking a vibrator
/thank you!
June 19th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Alex Rodriguez.
I’d want pay back for all the times he’s fucked me in the post season.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Give me Rachel Maddow.
Oh wait…she’s a chick?….But SHE is gay. So I’m still going gay, aren’t I?
/legal expertise off the back of an old Penthouse ftw
June 19th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Since I cant throw a football like the Sex Cannon….I’m going with Kevin Spacey.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Salma Hayek. Batshit crazy or not, I think about it almost every day. Also, her popping up on 30 Rock only fueled the fire.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:55 am
@ Enrico -That is awsome.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Angelina Jolie.
Seems obvious, I know. But, damn, she is one fine woman. And, she has experience with this sort of thing and perhaps she’d smell like Brad Pitt.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Brittfar. As a Vikings fan it would be particularly satisfying to bend him over and hate fuck him during his daily blow job from Peter King.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:57 am
The rules: Pick someone of your own gender to bang. Living or dead
So is it more gay or less gay to pick a cold, dead person? Cuz iwazthinkin it would be less gay.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Joe Carter.
Fitting revenge, considering that damn home run ruined my childhood.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:58 am
John Elway. I would like to be intimate with John Elway.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:06 am
@Tracer Bullet: (using best Dr Thompson voice) “This is a dangerous position for psychedelic drugs”
June 19th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Shatner, I’d fuck William Shatner.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:09 am
I’d do Peter North…just for fun. And, if shemales count, give me Gia Darling!
June 19th, 2009 at 11:11 am
ehh, i guess christian bale
June 19th, 2009 at 11:13 am
BostonWahoo: Sting the musician or Sting the wrestler?
June 19th, 2009 at 11:13 am
I’m gonna have to go with FDR. He is obviously going to be able to take it easily, plus he’s probably excellent at talking dirty, “I pledge you, I pledge myself to a new deal…[muffled by pillow]…a call to arms.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Your dad.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:14 am
George W. Bush….just to make him squeal like a pig….
June 19th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Magic Johnson
/deathwish
June 19th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Dammit, smello – that was my pick.
I’ll go with Lucy Liu. Her body rocks.
This is the perfect draft for the KSK Chicks – we get so many hotties on the board.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Marlon Brando. You could fish-hook those big goddamn jowels and give him the ride of a lifetime.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Uh….Uh….Uh….Drew Brees?
/Homer’d
June 19th, 2009 at 11:19 am
This is how you kick off Sexy Friday?
June 19th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Not falling into this trap. It’s a set up. But, I will throw this bone to Mo Charlo and MC: Gus Triandos
The entire clip is great, but Turk starts discussing Triandos at 2:35.
God, I miss that show.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Emmitt Smiff, on behalf of Eagles fans and lovers of the English language.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Herc, not Turk. Where the fuck did that come from?
June 19th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Hines Ward. Even though I’d just had sex with a man, the smire would make up for it.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:24 am
I’m not sure… but it would probably be best if he were Asian.
I guess I’ll go with that dude who played Short Round.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Cristiano Ronaldo that prissy bitch needs to get wrecked on, plus he’s crazy paid PLUS he would probably do some needless (but impressive) stepovers while taking it
June 19th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Okay, I can’t wait anymore for you people to decide who you’d be gay with.
Next pick – Marisa Miller
June 19th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Really, no one’s picked Obama? I pick Obama.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:26 am
@Tracer
So he can masturbate your balls down the feel?
June 19th, 2009 at 11:28 am
@ MajorMelFunkshun:
Sir Sting, Commanger of the British Empire, ne of the Police, born Gordon, son of Earnest, of Wallsend, North Tyneside.
He’d be gentle.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Ichiro Suzuki. How could that not be hilarious.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:32 am
NY Giants backup O-lineman Kevin Booth.
He’s got some fine-ass womanly curves, and we both went to Cornell, so we’d have a lot to talk about afterwards.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Dick Cheney. Turnabout, motherfucker.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Stephen Hawking. Behind his talking computer and non-functioning limbs, he has a heart of gold…and does anal.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:35 am
JON: Hey Drew, would you rather fuck your mom, or have your pubes ripped out?
ME: Uh, neither.
I fail to see how fucking your mother is at all on a level with getting a Brazilian, because if you guys are to be believed, you demand that all us ladies “have our pubes ripped out” as a prerequisite for you to have sex with us. But I digress.
With my first pick, I choose Nigella Lawson. It’d be like having sex with a hot version of myself, and I think that would be interesting, plus she’d make us nice sandwiches afterward.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:37 am
FIGJAM. Fuck that guy in the ass.
/wife has cancer? huh. Ok I’ll tie a pink ribbon on my dick.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Fuck, somebody took Bale.
I had an agreement with an ex of mine in which we were each given a ‘freebie to cheat’, hers was Christian Bale, mine was Jessica Biel.
Oh I got one… Jeter. I would hate fuck the shit outta Jeter. Apologies if anyone picked him already.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Stephen Colbert. And it would be precious.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Zack Braff–continuing the little bitchdom theme god he makes me so angry
June 19th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Jose Oquendo
June 19th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I see her right here…Olivia Munn I believe
June 19th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Paul Rudd. He seems like he’s be really cool about it.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:47 am
I was going to pick Joe Buck, but I really don’t want Artie’s sloppy seconds.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:48 am
mike vick
June 19th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Paul Rudd because he would Know how I know you’re gay.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:49 am
@ Jebus: Exactly.
@ Clare: Great pick. Lofty pick.
Lindsey Graham. “But Bullet,” you may ask. “Why would you fuck a not-at-all attractive elderly senator from that ass end of the universe, South Carolina?” Because that “family values” closet queen would be willing to pay and pay dearly to keep me quiet. You best believe I’m getting some earmarks. $5 million for the Tracer Bullet Library? Put that shit in Philadelphia. The Tracer Bullet Center for the Study of Pansexuality in 18-34-year-old Women? I’m gonna need one in South Florida and one in Las Vegas. The Tracer Bullet Institute for Excellence in Barbecue and Whiskey? The city of Memphis thanks you for the $10 million, Senator.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Curse you Mortimer. You beat me to it
June 19th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Barbie Woods… do a search, I dare you
June 19th, 2009 at 11:52 am
@claude: it’s the twist on the old “I humped your mom” routine.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Macaulay Culkin, from the 1st Home Alone. I’d make him cry.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Nobody’s taken Peter King yet?
June 19th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Well, thank you Clare. Never heard of that woman before. Tallyho to Google Image Search!
Oh…my pick. Fuck, Max Talbot’s off the board.
Uh…
I’ll go with Walter Sobchak. Because I’d really like to know what actually happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Jesus — I win, bitches
June 19th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Seth Green, because all my life people have said the following things to me….a lot!
“Hey, do you know who you look like? You look like that guy from Buffy”
and
“Hey buddy, go fuck yourself!”
June 19th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
(picks up guitar)
“I’m Fucking Ben Affleck”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_pFTAY7MF8&feature=related
June 19th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Feldman, from across the hall.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Gina Gershon .. them lips mmmm
June 19th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Gary Bettman and the whole time I would be saying stuff like: “This is for the 2005 Stanley Cup” and “This is for the “gay ass trapezoid”.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
OMG this is soooo hard. You know, especially because I’m not gay and everything… But I’ll give you my top 5.
1. Michael Westbrook
2. The Bus
3. Amos Zereoue
4. Tommy Maddox
5. Jeff Reed
June 19th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Ah what the hell, Harrison Ford. He’s both Han Solo and Indiana Jones. And it would probably be better than Calista Flockheart.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
For my dead gay sex pick: George Washington. Father of the country? Yeah, I fucked him.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
My theory is that if you’re gonna fuck a dude…try and pick the best one. Good enough for Angelina means good enough for me.
Brad Pitt.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
i wont give any names. but if i ever had to have gay sex, i’m doing all the stickin.
/thinks being the sticker is somehow less gay
June 19th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Glenn Beck.
Huh? What? Huh? What? Fuck you.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
I’d be the lucky pierre with the Home Improvement kids
June 19th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Alex Trebek.
“What is MY NAME, BITCH?”
/also, he’s kinda short
June 19th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Peyton Manning…. Sometimes I get a little awkward in bed, I feel like Peyton could call an audible to make it work
June 19th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Kate Beckinsale. She has nice skin. And the accent is a plus.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Lucy Liu is a good pick, too, though. Asian, hot, nice hair.
I guess most of the dudes are assuming they’re the top, not the bottom. Amusing.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Matthew McConaughey. Have you seen that body? I’m not saying, I’m just saying.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
William Hung, purely for comedic effect. There’s NO way he lives up to his name.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
No one said Ufford? Scroll back to yesterday’s Mailbag. Look at the photo and don’t tell me you aren’t melting for that hunk. And he’s a blogging star? We can cuddle and talk about the Seahawks.
I win.
(though I think Slash has the best stable)
June 19th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
RE PirateSloth Says:
“(though I think Slash has the best stable)”
It’s debatable whether I’d actually be able to score Kate Beckinsale or Naomi Watts. But since it’s a fantasy draft, why not go for broke? And I just don’t understand the appeal of lumberjack-type chicks. If you’re gonna fuck another woman, wouldn’t you want one who was, you know, womanly, rather than manly? Otherwise, why not just fuck a guy? I don’t get the butch dyke thing. Don’t have a problem with it for other people, just don’t get it.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
John Stamos!
June 19th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Spencer Pratt. I figure, as many times as I’ve said “Fuck that guy,” the least I can do is follow through.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Liberace. I always liked that story about how he had himself buried upside down so his friends could stop by for a cold one whenever they were in town.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
mmm… alessandra ambrosio, hell yeah for the hot version of yourself
June 19th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
@ dick_gozinia
bradd pitt will give you herpes. then you have a whole new set of issues
gay herpes
June 19th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Burt Reynolds, bitches.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
David Bowie, and I’d just think about it anyway. No questions at all.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Takeru Kobayashi.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
@ adam – so would jessica alba, but i’m pretty sure that wouldn’t stop anyone here.
Brad Pitt herpes by way of Jolie > Jessica Alba herpes by way of Jeter
If I’m catching, I’m taking Jared Leto. I met him in Toronto and he was a very small, slight fellow. I don’t think he’d hurt much.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Sean Connery because at least it would be funny.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Fernando Torres of Liverpool. He’s purty.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I like the hefties, so I’m goin’ with Big Daddy Drew.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I didnt realize how many girls read this site until this draft. i’d pick, but aww, too bad all the good ones are off the board, i guess i’ll just have to live in secrecy with my gay picks.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
I’ll take Osama bin Laden, cause if anyone deserves an ass-fucking, it’s him. Plus his muslim buddies would have to kill him after I was done, since homosexuality is punishable by death.
/I get to live, cause I’m not muslim.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
i once screwed around with a girl who had herpes. she told me, it was coo for like 2 weeks. no prob.
then i saw up close what a herpes sore looks like
/would rather fuck a stoma
June 19th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Ving Rhames.
/No man, I’m pretty fucking far from OK.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
For my second pick, I choose L L Cool J
doing it, doing it, and doing it well…. and he can teach me how to get those abs while he blows me
/ NO HOMO
June 19th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Roselyn Sanchez. She’s beautiful and she seemed pretty cool in an interview I saw with her. Actually, any number of hot Latinas would be fine, hers is the first name after Salma Hayek that occurred to me.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Albert Pujols, a hate bang over the railroad tracks of Minute Maid where he sent Brad Lidge’s fast ball and his H-Town career…
June 19th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Does Janet Reno count as gay sex?
June 19th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Tim Tebow because i have a mancrush on him. If he walked up to in the middle of the street and bend over, I would.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
@CobraCommander You know how I know you’re gay? You made more than 1 pick.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
David Niven, to add a touch of class to the whole affair.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Yeah, I know he has been picked but I’m going with Drew Magary as well. If nothing else to be mentioned in Playboy.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Peter Angelos has been ass plunging the O’s for 15+ years, so it’s time he gets a little of his own medicine. The line starts here boys, just stand behind Brady Anderson and wait your turn.
No homo
June 19th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
@ Stunned, BDD writes for Penhouse, and his articles don’t all start “Dear Penhouse Forum, I never wanted to be a catcher…”
June 19th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Nobody picked Ned Beatty?
June 19th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Peter Falk, he’s got a glass eye, so I’d have him take it out and wink me.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Kate Winslet. I actually do have quite the girl crush on her. And, as Slash mentioned, the accent is a plus.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
the dude from twilight
June 19th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
do asian lady-boys count. At least the have boobies.
/what?
/go fuck yourself
This site makes me hate me.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Jason Mewes.
No, I don’t know why.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Will Leitch
June 19th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Bob Mould, so I could get my own angst-tastic song about it. After it was over, I’d tell him that Grant Hart was better.
Omar Little from “The Wire.” You’ve got a 50% chance of cashing in big. Plus, there’d be Honey Nut Cheerios after.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
I will take James Bond in the Goldeneye.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
The most interisting man in the world from the Dos Equis commercial. I’ll give him an akward moment…
June 19th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
The most interesting man in the world from the Dos Equis commercial. I’ll give him an akward moment…
June 19th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
The rules said “living or dead”. The dead have been underrepresented so far.
I’m going historical with Caligula. That would be a wild night.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Sarah Jessica Parker.
Don’t tell me that doesn’t count as gay.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Busey.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Tennis star Amelie Mauresmo. No one is buying that she is actually a chick.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
@Stunnedmonkey:
Don’t make me claw your eyes out. Bitch.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
1.) I need to pay better attention b/c I didn’t know commenter Slash was female.
2.) Some of you have way too much knowledge of Shemales.
3.) I’m choosing Ned Beatty. Just for the story.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Ed Norton. Easily.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Oh, the irony of being usurped on my pick by Dick Gozinia.
Fine, I’ll take Warren Beatty, then.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Marisa Miller is off the board, so I’ll stay within the VS model family and go with Gisele Bundchen. Tawwmy from Quinzee is not allowed to watch.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Hey you guys! They’re fightin’ over Drew!!!!
June 19th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
@FearTheBuzzsaw:
At least you weren’t usurped by Dickins Cider! HEY-OH!
June 19th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Pope Benedict XVI.
Mortal sin THAT, motherfucker.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Alyssa Milano for the win.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Uh, I do actually get the “Dick Gozinia” (Dick Goes In Ya!) joke. Just wanted to make that clear.
/stumbling musta come from my crazy night w/ Drew
June 19th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
I’m going Johnny Weir. He is fabulous!
June 19th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Can I suggest Aishwarya Rai for any of the ladies? Perhaps hold her hair back for you?
/needs a moment.
June 19th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Is it fair that I’m even playing this, being a bi female?
June 19th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Wow I’m shocked no guys took Rue Paul – it’s a guy, but at least he dresses real pretty ;)
and for my choice : Jessica Alba ( only cause Angelina Jolie was taken all ready )
June 19th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
@ Southeast DeeKay
I know, I think I’m cheating too, but hey, noone said we couldn’t play just cause we’re bi :D
June 19th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I think the guys are done playing anyway, considering the homophobic vibe I get from all other comments sections. So I’ll go ahead and take my 2nd pick: Mila Kunis. So long as she doesn’t talk.
June 19th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I’ve already mostly lost interest, so to close I guess I’ll go with Thandie Newton. Gorgeous, and again with the awesome accent.
June 19th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Kirby Puckett circa 2009…I still owe him for the 91 Series. I would have to pitch for obvious reasons.
June 19th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
I’ll take Nia Long, I like chocolate milk!
June 19th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Daniel Craig after a sweaty parkour chase. Doesn’t matter who’s driving along as there is some flailing and elbow shots.
June 19th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
I’d want a guy with a small dick that comes fast. ~ paraphrased from Norm MacDonald
June 19th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
So, at various points in my life, I’ve been told that I look like Ed norton, Peyton Manning, and Jason Mewes. Should I be distrubed (or proud) that all three have been selected?
Also, no Brady Quinn? Are there no Cleveland fans secure enough in their sexuality?
If I have to make a second pick, I’ll go with Sidney Crosby. People in Detroit, Washington, and Philadelphia keep insisting that he’s a girl anyway.
June 19th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I would like to give Craig T. Nelson a “Screaming Eagle”.
June 19th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Chris Martin from Coldplay…I bet he would be gentle like the breeze.
June 19th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
the rotted corpse of george burns
June 19th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
John Stamos was taken dammit….
Give me Tony Hawk.
June 19th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Sarah Shahi
June 19th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Jimi Hendrix. I assume that he woos me with the geetar
June 19th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Alexander the Great, provided I can find his tomb.
June 19th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Jared Leto……………what? Have you SEEN the “Alexander” movie?
June 19th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Pierce Brosnan
June 19th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
My second pick, Oscar De La Hoya.
Mainly because he dresses in drag, so he’d probably let me pitch.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Jimmy fucking Mcnulty
(Dominic West)
June 19th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Morrissey
June 20th, 2009 at 12:35 am
Brad Renfro
Oh wait…
June 20th, 2009 at 1:30 am
The Spanish soccer announcer, during the deed he will be yelling “Gooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
June 20th, 2009 at 1:51 am
Bruce Springsteen. The dude wrote Born To Run. On behalf of NJ, I owe him that much.
June 20th, 2009 at 2:06 am
My nephew says, Alton Brown.
He could cook up a nice pot roast to ease the anal suffering.
/ I worry about my nephew
June 20th, 2009 at 2:12 am
@Kid Presentable: His highway will be jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive.
June 20th, 2009 at 3:32 am
Ist round: Rafael Nadal
2nd round: Tom Ford (ok, gay, but macho about it)
3rd round: Rocco Siffredi (why not?)
4th round: Steve Nash (he’d be so polite about it)
and no, not in the least gay. Just comfortable.
June 20th, 2009 at 4:43 am
I’d pay four figures to see Clare with Nigella Lawson.
For my pick, I’d take Nick Stahl. He’s kind of a little guy with a slim build, so it wouldn’t be that different from banging a 5′7″ chick with A-cups.
Madonna is starting to look like a man nowadays, but I think I’d sooner fuck Nick Stahl.
June 20th, 2009 at 4:46 am
Katherine Heigl.
Mr. Leigh can watch.
June 20th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Kristen Bell. This game is easy.
June 20th, 2009 at 10:54 am
I guess my second (and last) pick would be Tony Romo, because he obviously doesn’t have a problem with fat people.
June 20th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Steve McQueen. I mean, he is basically the manliest man ever to walk American soil. If I can’t be him, I could be in him.
ho ho ho.
June 20th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
@ mtnz – Wow……..an entire list. Is that the order of the guys you would have gay sex with or is that the names of the guys in the group that you wish to penitrate you?
June 20th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Grady Sizemore. Easy. Plus he’s very durable.
June 20th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
Braylon Edwards
that way I have an experienced catcher and I can get him back for f***ing me over in fantasy football
June 21st, 2009 at 1:09 am
Gary Oldman. STEAL OF THE DRAFT!
June 21st, 2009 at 2:04 am
myself
June 21st, 2009 at 4:58 am
Diane Lane as she was in the first half of Unfaithful (before stupid Richard Gere bludgeoned the hot French guy to death with a snow globe). That man ruins everything.
June 21st, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Shirley Manson. And 100% agree with SEDK!
June 21st, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Chris Cooley. The man can pull off short shorts.
June 22nd, 2009 at 12:49 am
Gonna go with Lee Pace on this one. I openly admit to having a crazy man crush on this guy.
June 22nd, 2009 at 5:04 am
myself, fuck yeah
June 22nd, 2009 at 4:55 pm
FDR
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Id let Alexander Ovechkin do me
June 23rd, 2009 at 1:20 am
The whole purpose of this game is to find out which commenters are female.
I’ll take Brett Butler.
June 23rd, 2009 at 6:54 am
To give: Marc Anthony — don’t tell me J Lo hasn’t already loosened that ass up. Plus it would be funny to see his cadaverous body split in half.
To receive: Bill Gates — for the sugardaddy WIN!!!!
June 23rd, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Ted DiBiase (Sr. as if I even have to make that clear)
June 23rd, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Jerry Krause as payback for fucking the Jordan-era Bulls
June 24th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Hey guys, I’ve been outta town all week, what’s been going…uh…on?