I had five quotes on my gay little yearbook page. Here they are:
So many idiots, so few bullets. –Andrew Dice Clay
Not as edgy as I used to think it was.
90% of everything is crap. –Roger Ebert
Roger Ebert didn’t actually say this quote. Some guy named Theodore Sturgeon did. Up that percentage to 100% when discussing electroclash records.
Do one thing and do it better than anyone –Orville Redenbacher
This is the only one I kinda like.
Random Joe Paterno Quote
I’m not even a Penn State fan. I have no clue why I included this.
Oh girl, that feeling of safety cries. Well it comes where the hard heart cries. You can’t shut up and risk everything, without losing the love that remains. We’re all riders on this train. –Bruce Springsteen
If you know your Spiringsteen, you know those lyrics are completely wrong. I fucked up the transcription, making this quote both meaningless and gay. People always fuck up by trying to include serious quotes on their yearbook page. I wouldn’t include any of those quotes on my yearbook page if I had to do it over again. I think you know damn well which one I’d use.
RESPECT THE SUN. –PETER KING
Your turn. Pick a quote. Just one. Once you pick a quote by some person, all of that person’s quotes go off the board. NO PK FOR YOU! Wait 10 picks until you choose again. Semper fudge, people.
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“Remember this. Bear Bryant retired at age 69, and he died 28 days after he stopped coaching. If you don’t have something, and a purpose in your life, you’re gonna die.”- Lou Holtz
“I eat Green Berets for breakfast.” – Colonel John Matrix
“It wasn’t the New World that mattered…Columbus died almost without seeing it; and not really knowing what he had discovered. It’s life that matters, nothing but life – the process of discovering, the everlasting and perpetual process, not the discovery itself, not at all.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky
“Thinking is what gets you caught from behind.” – OJ Simpson
“Now go get your fucking shinebox” – Billy Bats
“Don’t you nevah, evah pull my levah…”
Ladies Love Cool James
We didn’t have yearbook quotes but, in the yearbook of the easiest girl in school I wrote,
“3, 2, 1, Let her fly…… in and out. Well I was fouled.” Wilbur “Shooter” Flatch
“There is no way this winter is ever going to end as long as this groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I see no other way out. He has to be stopped, and I have to stop him.” Phil Connors
Uuuuuuuh, IM BOUT IT BOUT IT – Master P.
It was funny at the time.
We got senior pages at my high school. I did a photomosaic of my ugly face with no quotes. I still like it, but kinda wish I had included something like this quote from one of the great luminaries of our time, Mr. Rickey Henderson (this is a voicemail to Kevin Towers):
“Kevin, this is Rickey. Calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”
Here’s two to make up for my gay as easter actual year book quote, goddamn catholic school:
“Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can’t buy backbone. Don’t let them forget it. Thank you.” Bill Murray in Rushmore
“When women ask you to share your feelings, I found out that they really just want to hear about love. They don’t give a damn if you’re feeling ‘patriotic and hungry.’” No idea where this is from, but it rings so very true.
We got a third of a page at my high school, so I got multiple quotes. The only worthwhile one I can remember is “Can’t we have one town meeting that doesn’t end with is digging up a corpse?” – Diamond Joe Quimby.
If I were graduating high school this year, I would have included “World Champions. World fuckin’ champions!” – Chase Utley
“Once Yao Ming gets to know me, he’ll understand what I’m about.” ~Ron Artest
“You gotta play hurt”
-Jenkins
“got tribes in africa that listen to pac going to war with brothas who bump biggie like they live on the block”-talib kweli
“There ain’t much time left, you’re born out of this insane abyss and you’re going to fall back into it, so while you’re alive you might as well show your bare ass”-Jim Carroll
“life’s a bitch and then you die. that’s why we get high, cuz you never now when ya gonna go. life’s a bitch and then ya die”- AZ
“The future will be better tomorrow”
Last words are for those who haven’t said enough – Karl Marx
“Excuse me while I whip this out.” – Sheriff Bart
OR
“I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin’ bushwackin’, hornswagglin’ cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.” – Gabby Johnson
“The Lord loves a working man. Don’t trust whitey. See a doctor and get rid of it.”
The family of Navin R. Johnson
I can’t believe no one has submitted this:
“The Bears are who we THOUGHT they were! And that’s why we took the damn field. Now, if you wanna crown ‘em, then CROWN THEIR ASS! But they are who we thought they were, and we let ‘em off the hook!” – Dennis Green
“Don’t you hate pants?” – Homer Simpson
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” – George Carlin
“Hey, I can drive.” – Billy Martin
/actually in my senior yearbook
“Don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk.” – Shaq Fu
We didn’t do yearbook quotes in high school. But a kid I was kinda friends with named James wrote this in my middle school (7th grade) year book:
“Remember the trees. Remember the grass. Remember me or I’ll kick your ass.”
It was the last time I ever saw him. I had actually forgot him until now.
“It’s our wits that make us men”
“Keep a clean nose, watch the plain-clothes, you don’t need a weather man to know which way the wind blows.”
“This is a bad town for Psychedelic drUGS..
/I know the rules, dammit man!
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son. -Vernon Wermer
Is there anything gayer than the tragically hip?
@Curtis P. Enis: That had me laughing for quite a while, love it.
Nimby won this draft as far as Simpsons quotes are concerned, being one of the funnier jokes in that whole series and that it was Homer’s HS yearbook quote. I came very close to putting that as my yearbook quote back when, but my general dislike for quoting other people won over so I went with nothing.
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
Francis Albert Sinatra
Bart: Dad, what’s a muppet?
Homer: Well, it’s not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man… (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don’t know.
we didn’t do senior quotes because we were a public school and had 600+ kids graduating, little money and no yearbook. i just wanted to quote the simpsons.
I know hippies. I’ve hated them all my life. – Eric Cartman
Mine was “force feed animal crackers to vegetarians”
If i was a Michelin, I wouldn’t tire. – Common Sense
“There comes a time when every man feels the urge to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and start slitting throats.” – H.L. Mencken
“It hurt real bad”.
John Bobbit
“Every morning I wake up and piss excellence” -Ricky Bobby
They wouldn’t put it in so I have nothing in there
“Look out for number one, but don’t step in number two” – Rodney Dangerfield
@Boy who couldnt fly – It is the old lady walking down the sidewalk that asks Gutter, “Can you blow me where the pampers is?”
Can you blow me where the papers is? – Gutter
I as well was the victim of censorship. The nerds on the yearbook staff (read: my friends) were forced to change it to “show me.”
+1 Clayton Bigsby for the reference to a made for HBO movie about minor league baseball set in 1950′s Florida that has been out for over 20 years and is not available on DVD.
He brings it two days in a row.
“man! fuck dat spider” – Marques Slocum
@Clare: how small was your school that you all got a page?!
We didn’t get yearbook quotes, but if I could do it now, I’d put:
Work like you don’t need your parents money, love someone almost as much as you love yourself, dance like everyone’s watching.
“The dead only know one thing – it’s better to be alive.”
–Private Joker, “Full Metal Jacket”
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!- Ric Flair
You know how I know you attended a twee prep school?
You had something called “yearbook quotes” and you assume everybody else did.
Simmons does the same thing.
“Love conquers all. Every cloud has a silver lining. Faith can move mountains. Love will always find a way. Everything happens for a reason. Where there is life, there is hope… Well, they gotta tell ya something.” -Aileen Wuornos (Monster)
You can’t get much more uplifting than that!
“Life ain’t nuthin’ but bitches and money”
- Ice Cube
“Dick slappin is my game” Ashley Schaeffer
woooo
I have a true quote from my 8th grade yearbook. Some douchebag wrote, “Don’t beat of too much!” I think he spelled “off” wrong, or was referring to a whole new level of masturbation I hadn’t yet considered. Well, too bad for him, I abused myself all summer in direct defiance of his pithy quote.
Thanks, genius. If it weren’t for your reverse psychology I’d still have the gift of sight and non-wolfman palms.
Still, that’s the best yearbook quote I’ve ever witnessed.
bobman, that’s a Doc Holliday quote from Tombstone, but it is a good one.
“There is no normal life, there’s just life. Now get on with it.” – Wyatt Earp, “Tombstone”
You could fill a whole yearbook with Tombstone quotes.
“In the poker game of life, women are the rake. The fucking rake”. Ed “Worm” Norton
“And I get on my knees and pray, that we Don’t Get Fooled Again!”- The WHO
“A buddy will come bail you out of jail, a true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell.”
- Any number of people but most directly, my uncle.
I can dribble with my left. I can dribble with my right. I must be amphibious.
Charles Shackleford
“i been shot once…twice…three times. so i done know about getting shot. the way to not get shot is to avoid da bullets.”
- big baby jesus
“For those I love I will sacrifice, not for those I’ve never seen” – Indecision.
Pretty good senior quote for my year book considering I graduated from a pretty staunch Jesuit HS.
Make the most of the Indian hemp seed and sow it everywhere.”
- George Washington
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin
And…
“Some horses are so far behind that they actually think they are in the lead.”
-Junior Soprano
I know Patton has been taken, but fuck it:
“I’d rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.”
What I actually put:
The things you think are precious I can’t understand.
-Steely Dan
What I wish I had put:
If a pussy had the power to shrink itself, what would you ask it?
-Chris Rock channeling ODB
“Make love to the ass.” Jenna Jamieson.
My bunghole, it speaks loud.
Beavis
Never should have gave you N****s money. – Rick James
Fuck your couch. -Rick James
@ Gogetyourshinebox June 26th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
*High
Maybe I should go back and learn to spell. Dumbass.
Also, I knew a guy who used to say this and would make a good quote. “I don’t go to HIGH school, I go to school HIGH”
“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, and fuck you, I’m out!” – Scarface
Facts are stupid things.
~ Ronald Reagan
What Does an actor know about politics?
~ Ronald Reagan
“Seriously man, you and me, we’re fucking done professionally. Fucking ass.” – Christian Bale
(Hight school I went to didn’t have yearbooks quotes, but had an awesome ad in the back that said “Congrats to the class of 1995!” Too bad it was 1997. Fucking ass.
“Shoot ‘em all, and let God sort them out!”
- Marge Simpson’s Uncle Arthur
“Shit happens when you party naked” – shirt in Bad Santa