Get ready, ladies of Houston, because the Sex Cannon is heading your way. Want to know what that physical will reveal? That the cumslinger is 210 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal, and he’s ready to go deep, all damn night.
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How does Dan Orlovsky – he of less than 1,700 career passing yards – get a 3-year, $9 million contract while Grossman barely finds a 3rd stringer job for the League minimum? Just goes to show that the vitriol spewed about Grossman from every media outlet does indeed have an effect.
Sometimes I feel bad for the Sex Cannon, and then I think about his sexual conquests and I sleep soundly at night.
I still think the F It I’m Throwing it Down Field is the greatest piece of literature ever written, and I was an English Major.
The Houstan REXans is now a popular fantasy football team name, but not as good as “Farve Dollar Footlongs”
FUCK YEA!!!
Houston hasn’t been this sexy since Michael Pollack left!
Funny, I always pictured him as being a good fit with the Vikings. But what do I know?
today is a good day.
/off to get fixed.
Please take that overrated d-bag. Never cared for him when he was on the bears.
Plus he was trying to bang all the talent in Lake Forest.
The Sex Cannon was Kenny Powers before there was a Kenny Powers.
Anyone else notice this announcement comes on the same day that this happened? Surely, this is no coincidence.
/resisting urge to call them the Sexans
People will care about the Texans now!
Fuck it, we’re going deep!
That motorboatin’ son of a bitch! Rex isn’t even short for anything. It’s just Rex, what a ripoff
“Everything is bigger in Texas” just took on a whole new meaning.
A little Freudian slip there Rosenhaus, combining the words Physical and Facial. Don’t worry the Sex Cannon will do that even to the best of us. And worst. Like you, gigantic douchebag. Oops! Freudian slip!
If you are seated in the first 40 rows of Reliant Stadium, you may get wet.
I’m just waiting for the day that a team has a QB trio of tom brady, matt leinart, and the sex cannon. Ladies, hide your vaginas. The only thing standing between us and national impregnation will be the dynamic duo of kurt warner and marmalard.
The real question is: When will the Sex Cannon hook up with Alexis Texas and make the universe explode?
Jesus, I don’t even remember writing that.
So does this make Senor Sexy the “Veteran Backup”?
I remember when he was an overhyped Florida QB.
Wow, I’m glad that trend ended.
And the comedy just gets better for the Texans.
The Sex Cannon…Deep in the heart of Texas.
The only way this could get better…if Jerry Jones hijacks the deal and brings the Sex Cannon to Dallas.
We may have to shut KSK that day.
Clicked on the Sex Cannon link to take a walk down memory lane, but then saw the link for the post after that and came across this:
I know that PK is a great football mind, despite his penchant for douchebaggery occasionally veiling his knowledge.
What the fuck were you high on when you wrote that bullshit, Maj?
It is all formal standard operating procedure, he must take a physcial before he ophyscially becomes part of the roster.. I didn’t know Rosenhaus represents Emmit Smiff!!
There are too many Hurricane names to choose from here … Hurricane Cum Slinger? Hurricane Dragon Arm? Hurricane Sex Cannon? I’m sure you’ll come up with something …
Physical. It’s a tough word to spell.
Jackass.
I can’t imagine Kubiak would have the patience to deal w/ the Cum Slinger. But given that our backup is Dan “What boundry marker” Orlovsky, guess you gotta do what you gotta do.
Oh yes. Houston is going to have a seriously skewed “Cumsling” Rating for Madden 2010.
RosenhausSports
Sounds like a shitty strip mall sporting goods store.
My cousin moved out of there just in time.
“Holy dog shit. Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Grossman. And you don’t look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?”
Espn is dusting off all rocket related headlines: houston, we have… Sexual tension
Like Houston isn’t malodorus enough now it could add that stale semen odor.
Andre Johnson better pray Matt Schaub miraculously stays healthy for an entire season, or learn how to catch footballs covered in semen.
What a douchy pic to use on your Twitter feed.
“Here I am looking pensive”
fuckface
BTW, this Twitter thing must make KSK’s life so much easier!
ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Texas girls are easy, too. This should be very amusing….
Watch out ladies of Houston, the Cum Slinger plans on going deep.