Peter King Celebrates 20 Years Of Loftiness
When we last left Back Bay-dwelling douchesipper Peter King, he was busy spoiling “The Office,” failing to understand the meaning of the word “tampering,” and revealing the existence of the dreaded Boston Izzo.
So what does Peter Peter Sphincter Eater have in store for us this week? Will he find decent coffee in Britain? Will he find an Amtrak quiet car that will finally enforce its policy? Will he indulge in more of Pam Whiteley’s signature buttermilk biscuits? The answer lies within…
Top of the morning to you, and here are the topics of the morning as we flip the calendar to June:
Austin Wood is my hero.
And somewhere out there, Mitch Puin gently weeps in his room. How soon you forget Mitch’s heroics, King.
Matt Millen may be on the verge of getting another job. Aren’t you Lions fans shaking your heads in amazement?
Incredible that someone that incompetent would be employed at multiple places. It would be like if, say, Sports Illustrated and NBC both hired a vacuous swag-moocher who spent 90% of his work day writing about being stuck in traffic.
Drew Brees is on an incredible run that you have no idea about.
He hasn’t used his car in 24 straight days!
I have nothing new to report on those column favorites, Brett Favre and Mike Vick.
And yet, here you are, still talking about them. “Nothing to report on Mike Vick and Brett Favre this week, folks. Nope, not gonna talk about them at all. Maybe Brett planted gardenias yesterday, maybe not. My gut feeling? He did.”
Randall McDaniel was really good.
Yes, he was.
I have an anniversary this morning. It crept up on all of us.
It’s been 35 years since Jack Bowers and I first went to Johnny Rockets. I know! I’m as stunned as you are.
The Austin Wood story’s a good one.
It’s an AMAZING story. One day Wood was pitching for Texas. And his pitching coach walked up to King and said, “Look, see that kid? He’s gonna be good one day.” ASTONISHING.
I’ll save it for Stat of the Week/Hero of the Week, an invented column department for this one day only. Ever hear of Austin Wood?
No. But if he’s anywhere near as interesting as Amanda Bowers, I think we’re all in for a treat.
He’s a college pitcher from Texas with a very sore arm this morning. Let’s begin with the other nuggets of the day, opening with …
The Matt Millen job fare.
Let’s open with a typo, shall we?
In the wake of NFL Network losing Gruden, the channel has considered a few options of analysts to pair with Bob Papa. One is Brian Billick, the quick-on-his-feet former Ravens coach who had a successful debut on FOX last season.
Billick? Okay. I guess he’d be all right.
Another would be a three-man booth, with Papa, Marshall Faulk and Joe Theismann, who, presumably, would walk to each game if the network would give him the gig.
What? WHAT?! Someone out there is seriously considering this? GAHHHHH!!!!
/runs to medicine cabinet
/opens everything
/ingests everything
I can’t even begin to fathom the horror that would be a booth of Theismann and Faulk. You’d have to sever your own head prior to watching.
Millen has already signed with ESPN to do college football games and analysis in the Monday night road studio. If he adds the Thursday duty, he’ll be busier than Cris Collinsworth was in the second half of the season. Imagine doing the Monday night gig, then leaving Tuesday morning for the site of the Thursday-nighter, doing the Thursday game, and then going directly to the college game on Friday morning.
OMG what a horrible workload! It’s as if he’s working in a Filipino sock factory! WON’T ANYONE LET POOR MATT MILLEN HAVE THE DOWNTIME HE SO CLEARLY DESERVES?
In the 89-year history of the National Football League, only one player has thrown for more yards in a three-year period than Brees has thrown for in his last three years. This is Drew Brees we’re talking about, not any of the very famous quarterbacks I’m going to show you in this chart:
That’s right. We’re not talking about overrated passers like Warren Moon here. We’re talking about Drew Brees, who you may not have even heard of until today. Do you know who Drew Brees is? Well, Peter will tell you in the Austin Wood section.
Players and team officials question me each year about the Hall’s picks. Always. But (Randall) McDaniel is one guy no one panned.
Know who panned him as a Hall entrant? Paul Zimmerman. And if my Google Fu were better, I’d show exactly where Dr. Z said he wouldn’t let McDaniel into the Hall because he didn’t like his footwork. Crotchety old bastard.
Happy Anniversary to me.
You don’t mind if Peter takes a quick detour away from football to talk about himself, do you? It’s so rare that he does such a thing.
Finally, a personal note. (As if I haven’t thrown enough “personal notes” and full-fledged “personal columns” at you in this space over the last 12 years.)
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME MY DAUGHTER PLAYED KICKBALL.
I don’t keep a lot of what I write, or the covers I’ve had at the magazine over the years. I’ve just never been that kind of “file it away you’ll be glad you did someday” guy.
Notable exception: Peter’s black book of baristas who have wronged him. HOUSTON STARBUCKS, DO A BETTER JOB FROTHING YOUR FUCKING MILK.
But the current cover, the June 1, 2009 edition of the mag with Tom Brady on the front and my story inside, is one I’ll keep.
Under my mattress!
Because that date –today — is my 20th anniversary at the magazine.
20 years? King has been there 20 years? Oh, Christ. That’s two decades of, “I had lunch with Paul Tagliabue the other day, and he told me the key dealmaker for the player’s union is GENE UPSHAW.” I wonder what King was like 20 years ago. Hmm… I really wonder…
/scratches chin
/wavy lines
/wavy lines
/wavy lines
King: Oh my God! You guys! I just moved to Montclair, New Jersey! You people in the suburbs never told me just how lovely it is out there, with the trees and the talk! Hey gang, call me nuts, but I think Jerry Rice could end up one of the all time greats! Driving Miss Daisy, now THAT is the picture of the year. Why can’t I see it at the Nutley multiplex? EXTORTION, THAT’S WHY. What is with all the traffic at the Lincoln Tunnel? SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE. Oh my God, who made this coffee? It’s disgusting! You people should really take a cue from the makers of General Foods International Coffees when it comes to brewing. I’m really liking this Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians! Jack Bowers just had a daughter! Good for you, Jack! Classless move, slapping a cop like that, Zsa Zsa Gabor. You should be ashamed of yourself. You can’t pay cops enough.
/wavy lines
/wavy lines
/wavy lines
Oh, man. That’s unpleasant to consider.
A few weeks before I got hired at SI, Pete Rozelle resigned as commissioner.
“What? You people hired Peter King? I fucking quit.”
I was at the meeting where Rozelle resigned in Palm Desert, Calif.
And what I remember vividly about that day was that they didn’t put out any free coffee for me before 8AM. HYATT PALM DESERT, YOU HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO BEFORE I CONSIDER STAYING WITH YOU AGAIN.
Think of those names that were the heaviest of hitters 20 years ago: Rozelle, Walsh, Brown, Landry, Hunt, Mara, Schramm, Finks, Donlan, Kemp, Upshaw, McDonough. All 12, dead.
But if we hold a $150,000 silent auction, we might just get them up and living again.
I think back to when I was hired, and I remember thinking what a plum job this was.
But now it’s just so HARD!
Mulvoy told me I’d be responsible for some NFL stories in the offseason, and maybe a story or two in other sports, but I’d be able to enjoy the offseason.
OH NOES! Now you don’t get seven months off a year! Matt Millen feels your pain, brutha.
In the first couple of years, I bet I had 10 weeks in the offseason when I didn’t have an assignment, including vacation. What a life!
Good life! Lofty life!
No TV, a little radio, no internet, no cell phones. I wrote my “Inside the NFL” column for the magazine each week during the season, and maybe six or eight times each offseason.
MAN, MY LIFE WAS A WALK IN THE PARK. ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL? ARE YOU NOT PLEASED FOR ME THAT I HAD GENEROUS AMOUNTS OF TIME TO PURSUE OTHER INTERESTS, LIKE NUTMEG?
I think in some ways we beat horses ’til they’re long past dead today.
But again, I have NOTHING to report about Brett Favre and Michael Vick.
In some cases, the pressure to be first causes those of us in the news business to react too quickly. The Boston Herald’s false Spygate report comes to mind. That concerns me.
Brett Favre just told me he’s definitely retiring! This time it’s for real!
When Brett Favre has thrown this spring to high school receivers near his Sumrall, Miss., home, one of the wideouts has been a 6-foot-1, 195-pound Division I prospect with Ole Miss, Mississippi State and Louisville chasing him.
But again, I’m not going to talk about Brett Favre this week.
Pretty good pedigree too. The wide receiver in question: Steve McNair Jr., the son the former MVP quarterback.
Sweet holy Jesus, McNair’s kid is about to play COLLEGE BALL? Was the child conceived in a moon bounce?
From lfitzgerald11, better known to you as Larry Fitzgerald of the Arizona Cardinals,
But close friends like me refer to him only by his Twitter handle.
tweeting to Oprah Winfrey over the weekend…
“BITCH, I KNOW YOU GOT SOME CRACKERS ON YOU.”
Absolute gut feeling: Boldin stays in Arizona and gets a new deal done, quietly, around Halloween.
“In some cases, the pressure to be first causes those of us in the news business to react too quickly… That concerns me.”
I think I wouldn’t be bothered so much by the news of Eric Mangini sending his rookie class on a 10-hour bus ride to Hartford to work at his weekend football camp for underprivileged kids — if he and his coaches hadn’t flown there. There’s something about that that’s just wrong.
Especially if they flew Continental.
Favre is flying very far under the radar and hasn’t been heard from all week, and I hear the Vikings don’t even know his plans, though they’re anxious to find them out.
You see, Brett is mysterious. He’s a riddle no one can solve. He’s like a stroke…
I think someone has to tell Reggie Bush that this thing with Kim Kardashian just might not be forever. Google the story about her engagement ring.
I’m too busy to do it for you now! If only it were 1989 again!
Mariano Rivera is not only the greatest relief pitcher of all time, but also one of the 10 best pitchers of all time. What an amazing specimen and competitor.
Isn’t Peter King supposed to be a Red Sox fan? All he seems to do is compliment players on the Yankees. “Derek Jeter. What heart.”
Coffeenerdness: Not to get all touchy-feely on you, but there is something about walking into a Peet’s and just breathing the air.
Smells like… drywall.
That’s what espresso smells like in Italy.
I’ve been to Italy, King. And not to sound all uppity, but when I went, the first thing I thought when I visited was NOT: “Say, this country smells just like a goddamn Peet’s.” Jesus. Way to piss off yet another entire European nation there.
You know there’s just something about walking into a P.F. Changs and breathing the air. One whiff, and you are suddenly in the rice paddies of the Hunan Province.
You go, Daniel Schlereth.
BOYYYYY!
The son of ESPN’s Mark Schlereth, the former Bronco and ‘Skin guard, made his major-league debut as a lefty reliever for Arizona Friday night in Phoenix, getting the Braves out 1-2-3 (Brian McCann, Garret Anderson, Casey Kotchman) Friday night with a very nervous dad in attendance, then followed it up with a second shutout inning Sunday. Careful, kid. You’re going to give your father a heart attack.
And we can’t have him having a heart attack. HE STILL OWES KING FOR THAT FREE MEAL AT CAPITAL GRILLE, YOU LITTLE SHIT.
(By the way, Drew Brees is a very good QB who plays for New Orleans. Now you know.)
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, FJM style, fun with peter king, PEPE GO FOR-A THE FACE, unfortunate milestones
June 1st, 2009 at 12:12 pm
“BITCH, I KNOW YOU GOT SOME CRACKERS ON YOU.”
She’s saving those crackers for the post-weed meal she’s sharing with Michelle.
Another lofty week Drew. Just think about it: in another 20 years, it’ll be 40 years with Peter King’s dribble filling up the Internets!
June 1st, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I’ve been to Italy, King. And not to sound all uppity, but when I went, the first thing I thought when I visited was NOT: “Say, this country smells just like a goddamn Peet’s.”
Was it ‘Say, this country smells just like my poop towel?’
June 1st, 2009 at 12:16 pm
brilliant
June 1st, 2009 at 12:16 pm
“Classless move, slapping a cop like that, Zsa Zsa Gabor. You should be ashamed of yourself. You can’t pay cops enough. ”
Jesus Christ, it took me a bit to remember that, but that is something he would have totally wrote.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Drew Brees is on an incredible run that you have no idea about.
Hmm… let’s see. He did almost break the single-season passing record last year… that wasn’t Pennington, was it? And the Saints have thrown the ball around like a video game for the past three years. Ok, then I’m going to take a wild stab at what this incredible run is about.
Has he thrown for a fuckton of yards over the last three years? Is that the completely obvious incredible run that I would never have any idea about in a million years? You are a shithead.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I like how King’s column has slowly shifted from low-grade gossip about washed-up NFL stars to low-grade gossip about the children of washed-up NFL stars. (I can’t wait to hear what the Travis Henry Bunch is up to!)
Huh. Does this mean King has changed his stance on gossip about other people’s children? Like, oh, his daughter?
June 1st, 2009 at 12:35 pm
“Randall McDaniel, not Larry Allen, is the best lineman of this era, says Paul of Fargo, mainly because he was a puller, gifted at the open-field blocks, whereas Allen was an inline mauler. A fair point, and I should have mentioned McDaniel on my class of 2007 list, but he, uh, slipped through the cracks. I like Allen better because he was much more effective at the point, but I’ll concede the fact that McDaniel was good in space. Hall of Fame? He’ll be up against Bruce Matthews, and I don’t think two guards will make it the same year. After that? Might have an outside shot.”
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/writers/dr_z/08/13/drz.mailbag/index.html
June 1st, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Reading PKs column is probably what killed Bill Walsh, Tom Landry, etc. They’d rather die than read such horseshit. I cant blame them.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Wait wait. [i]New Orleans[/i] has a football team these days? What a country.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:49 pm
You skipped over my favorite –
6. I think I cannot believe — and will refuse to believe until I see him stink it up in training camp, which won’t happen — that Byron Leftwich will not beat out Luke McCown for the Tampa Bay quarterback job.
That’s some high faluttin’ triple-negative work goin’ on there, sir.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Re: Schlereth’s son
“Careful kid, you’re going to give your father a heart attack.”
Yeah, CAREFUL, asshole! Stop pitching those heartstopping 1-2-3 innings!
June 1st, 2009 at 12:52 pm
THIS fat fuck. Who the hell is HE to opine on the engagement of Reggie Bush (or anyone else, actually, other than maybe Mary Beth “The Toad” King)? What THE FUCK does his opinion matter?
“I think someone has to tell Reggie Bush that this thing with Kim Kardashian just might not be forever.”
What does this even mean? Why is it any of your business? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO SAY THIS?
“I think someone has to tell Peter King that this thing with Brett Favre just might not be forever.”
There. fixed it.
You slimy sack of shit. 20 years of shit have come out of you. and guess what? nobody gives a fuck.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Somehow Ralph Wilson has survived through King’s “writing”. Eh, he’s probably just too senile to read anymore.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:54 pm
The “Pepe Go For-A The Face” tag – Horribly underused
June 1st, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Just curious, how many other sports writers make use of “I think…” and “Gut feeling…” and “Maybe / maybe not, but…” as much as PK? Way to skirt any solid speculation, there Chief.
[/leaves finger on chess piece for five minutes while mulling it over]
June 1st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Mary Beth “The Toad” King? Hmmmm, I never got to see those pictures of her. Is she really Toadsome? How about the other daughter? And, if you had a chance to have sex with either of them, would it be too difficult not to be ‘angry sex’ due to her father?
June 1st, 2009 at 1:08 pm
who’s worse, King on baseball or Simmons on music? Mariano Rivera isn’t even one of the ten best pitchers of the past decade, cockfarmer. If that elfin freak had had to throw 200+ innings a year like real pitchers, he wouldn’t have lasted five years in the league.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:13 pm
a la nothing: listening to golf on the radio last night and one announcer said “He’ll have to perform a miracle right here” and the other one said “And that miracle will be hitting this shot.” Does anyone know where PK was last night?
slightly more on point: Joe Morgan last night “if you’re suspended for fifty games, I think you should be suspended.”
/hires Mr. Parker
//recites…now I lay me down to sleep….
June 1st, 2009 at 1:17 pm
I think someone has to tell Reggie Bush that this thing with Kim Kardashian just might not be forever. Google the story about her engagement ring.
What the fuck is this, the E! network? Write about real football stories you rimjobber and not about whether or not Bush is going to marry is GF. I don’t care about these athlete’s personal lives you shitstain. I only give a fuck about the games and whether or not these players are helping or castrating my fantasy team. Fucking hell man.
And I would disagree about the Mariano Rivera comment, but I don’t want to be excommunicated by the Gay Mafia for talking beisbol on this site.
/feel free to ban BabySexCannon though
//not really
June 1st, 2009 at 1:21 pm
@Otto Man
at the rate T-Hen is going, a team could have an entire defensive backfield full of his progeny in about 15 years.
/needs to occur
//hopes Al Davis is still around then
June 1st, 2009 at 1:29 pm
NFLN should take the NBC approach. Go with a 9-man booth: Papa, Millen, Faulk, Theisman, Billick, PK, Emmit, Bill Simmons and Mike Florio. It would be terrible for actually following the game, but would still be entertaining.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:33 pm
That picture of Kevin Arnold was awesome.
I’d imagine Peter King 20 years ago would be fellating Joe Montana, and give you a heads up about “unknown” QB’s like Moon and Kelly.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Wow. i had forgotten that Tom Landry was dead.
Still very insensitive of PK to reference flying given what happened today.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I just quickly wiki’d the 1989 Superbowl. It was a 55-10 49′er blowout over the Broncos. The halftime show was a tribute to the comic strip Peanuts. Mohammed that’s lame. Couldn’t we send a robot back in time to stop King from writing, and this stupid halftime show?
June 1st, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Had a mocha frappichino from Starbucks yesterday. Lofty. Between PK and KSK, all the news that is fit to print. Oink.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Think of those names that were the heaviest of hitters 20 years ago: Rozelle, Walsh, Brown, Landry, Hunt, Mara, Schramm, Finks, Donlan, Kemp, Upshaw, McDonough. All 12, dead.
To think that a bunch of old guys would ALL DIE a mere 20 years later! What a country.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Arizona? I bet Daniel Schlereth DOES NOT RESPECT THE SUN!
June 1st, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Think of those names that were the heaviest of hitters 20 years ago: Rozelle, Walsh, Brown, Landry, Hunt, Mara, Schramm, Finks, Donlan, Kemp, Upshaw, McDonough. All 12, dead.
But if we hold a $150,000 silent auction, we might just get them up and living again.
Snort causing moment of this column.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:08 pm
At first I read lefty reliever as “lofty reliever.” I was about to shit my pants if King had actually written that.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Millen will probably say the same trite, canned inanities at all of his jobs.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:14 pm
“Drew Brees is on an incredible run that you have no idea about.”
You know, I’m pretty sure that just about every single person who has participated in fantasy football since about 2006 knows a great deal about the “run” that Drew Brees has been on.
“Mariano Rivera is not only the greatest relief pitcher of all time, but also one of the 10 best pitchers of all time.”
But can he give Mark Schlereth heart attacks? That’s the real test for any pitcher.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:16 pm
The son of ESPN’s Mark Schlereth, the former Bronco and ‘Skin guard, made his major-league debut as a lefty reliever for Arizona Friday night in Phoenix, getting the Braves out 1-2-3 (Brian McCann, Garret Anderson, Casey Kotchman) Friday night with a very nervous dad in attendance, then followed it up with a second shutout inning Sunday.
After the game, the elder Schlereth said: “If my son keeps pitching like that, he’s got a chance to make it in Major League Baseball.”
June 1st, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Not that the class of ‘07 is composed of stiffs. They’re good players, but going down the list, the strongest candidates I can find — Matthews, QB Randall Cunningham, guards Randall McDaniel and Steve Wisniewski, safety LeRoy Butler, tackle Erik Williams — are not, to my mind, Hall of Famers, at least compared with the people who have lost out in recent years.
http://artmonk.wordpress.com/2006/06/28/dr-z-on-the-hof-class-of-07/
June 1st, 2009 at 2:32 pm
This just in from King’s desk: Mariano Rivera demoted from closer to reliever. Or he was talking about Mo circa 1996. Could go either way.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:35 pm
King has a coffee nerds blog:
http://coffeenerdness.wordpress.com/
it sucks, of course…
June 1st, 2009 at 2:38 pm
So if sports-related items like Michigan State making the Final Four can inspire a bunch of shit stain/out of touch writers similar to old PK to wax on and on about how it “gives Detroit reason for hope” or what the fuck ever, does the Matt Millen employment saga need to be reported on equally? Does it cause a rash of Detroit area abortions or suicides or cheese grater masturbation accidents?
June 1st, 2009 at 2:38 pm
And, if you had a chance to have sex with either of them, would it be too difficult to broadcast that videotape on Football Night In America, complete with analysis from Tiki Barber and the Bus?
God, I hope not.
Drew Brees is on an incredible run that you have no idea about.
Actually douchetard, every Saints fan can tell you all about Drew Brees. Too bad you can’t hear shit with Brady’s thighs sealing your ears shut.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Mary Beth King is on Twitter:
https://twitter.com/SeahawksMBK
Why? Because she is the lead writer for the Seahawks website’s mailbag
oh yes..two King mailbags for Drew to shit on
June 1st, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I just quickly wiki’d the 1989 Superbowl. It was a 55-10 49′er blowout over the Broncos. The halftime show was a tribute to the comic strip Peanuts.
Pfft. That was nothing compared to the 1989 Oscars. Featuring an opening musical number with Rob Lowe and Snow White.
Sweet fucking Christ, the ’80s sucked.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Wait, how is appointing four experienced owners (Dan Rooney, a future ambassador no less) over Jerry Jones (has his own KSK motto: “WOOHOO I AM FUCKING CRAZY”) and Eddie DeBartolo, Jr. (pled guilty to one count of failure to report a felony, fined $1 million, barred from owning for a year) a “stupid, old-guardish” decision??? In retrospect, it’s a wise, measured decision. In King-trospect, it’s, well, brain poo…
June 1st, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Thank you very kindly for skipping the Austin Wood section. No Mitch Puin, indeed.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:08 pm
“Think of those names that were the heaviest of hitters 20 years ago: Rozelle, Walsh, Brown, Landry, Hunt, Mara, Schramm, Finks, Donlan, Kemp, Upshaw, McDonough. All 12, dead.
But if we hold a $150,000 silent auction, we might just get them up and living again.”
Yup: thanks for getting my boss’ boss to leave his office to inquire as to if I was “okay”.. I was (unsuccessfully) trying to stifle an outburst of laughter which made it sound like I was choking to death.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:12 pm
@ CobraCommander:
Make it three. Mary Beth follows the tweets of one Laura King. I am guessing Laura also is PK’s spawn.
These women desperately want attention. Someone should give it to them.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:21 pm
So who the hell is Austin Wood? You can’t expect me to go read PK’s column. That would be torture.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Am I traitor for having a little thing for the Birdman??10:23 PM May 29th from web
Oh, Laura. PETER DOES NOT APPROVE OF THAT YOUNG MAN.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Can’t wait until PK drives 2800 miles in 4 weeks to totally negate the 11 days he went without driving.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Too bad you can’t hear shit with Brady’s thighs sealing your ears shut.
Nice.
June 1st, 2009 at 5:20 pm
Excerpt from PK’s first NFL column for SI in 1989:
a) America’s best comedian? Yakov Smirnoff, formerly (and hilariously) from the USSR. “What a country!”. Get used to him, folks. He’ll be around a long time.
• I think there might be some real chemistry between Sam and Rebecca on “Cheers”. It makes me want to move to Boston.
3) Call me crazy, but I think RB Barry Sanders out of Oklahoma State will make the Detroit Lions an NFL powerhouse for years to come.
e) I love driving! I just met a great young QB at a rest stop in Hattiesburg, Miss. Real potential. Lofty potential.
June 1st, 2009 at 6:57 pm
-1 for not commenting on:
“I got Austin Wood on the phone around noon Sunday.”
-1 for not giving Fran Tarkenton props for his quotes on Favre
+100 for “Lofty life” though
June 1st, 2009 at 10:39 pm
How the fuck was Tom Landry a “heavy Hitter 20 years ago? He had just been fired after a 3-13 season and would never coach in the NFL again.
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:40 am
# @SWR28 : Hmmmm. Fondest memory of last 20 years … Probably spending a week inside the Packers, seeing everything. that was fun. ‘95.about 2 hours ago from web in reply to SWR28
I did not edit that. Straight from his twitter feed.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:38 am
The KSK look back at 1989 Peter King was great. I hope to see a mini-feature that shows Peter King pontificating throughout various points in history.
“There’s this up-and-coming seamstress you should be marking down in your parchments by the name of Betsy Ross. You should have seen the amazing flag she’s put together for our new nation. Great flag. Lofty flag. You might have heard the news from yon town crier, but I was heartily disappointed that he doesn’t issue forth the local news during the hours that I’m awake. I fear that not being able to hear him read the day’s proclamations when I’m available is EXTORTION and I will distribute many a pamphlet about that charlatan!”
“I was at the local apothecary with my dear friend Jackson Montgomery Bowers…he was enjoying a barley soda, whilst I sipped an aromatic cup of Dr. Hastenstein’s Magick Awakening Bean Water (much better than that putrid swill you get down the boulevard at the Inn of the Hamptons), when I happened upon a young chimney sweep by the name of Bretthais Favre. I took quite a shine to the lad, having plied his trade in Atlanta-town, and would soon make the long arduous trek to Wisconsin to become a flue baron…”
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:59 am
Jayson Ach: wonderful use of language. We don’t hear flue baron enough in the lexicon.
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Just thought you guys would want to know there is a MMQB Book coming out. I saw it at Book Expo America this weekend. The sub title has caffeinated guide in it. It is from Time Inc. so you know it will suck.
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:25 pm
So um, I admit I was wondering wtf the Reggie Bush Kim Phatasshian thing was about, apparently she had looked at or had picked out her ring…price tag twenty million.
USC is going to have to up Bush’s salary.
And you need friends if the ones you have aren’t beating you with a lead pipe to wake up the one brain cell left that the price tag is fucking stupid. Hell Terry fucking Schiavo can tell you that.
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
This may be a first….PK admitting today his journalistic malpractice by revealing a colossal fuckup from MMQB: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/peter_king/06/02/mail/index.html
“A couple of points from yesterday’s column that I screwed up.
One: Jack Donlan is not dead. That’s a pretty big mistake, and I’ve apologized to Donlan, the longtime management council czar with the league, for killing him in the column…I have no excuses for the screwup; it’s just one of those things that happens when you don’t check all your facts, and it’s a good warning to me.”
Good fuckup. Lofty fuckup.
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
To tide us all over until there is more news about Favre to report, Peter King will host a special program entitled “The Top 10 Voicemails I Have Received”. Hilights? Favre retires, Favre unretires, King’s daughter begs for money, Vick’s dog reaches out for help, Favre retires and then unretires in the same message, the Marriott begs King to give them another chance, and much, much more.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:33 am
“In the first couple of years, I bet I had 10 weeks in the offseason when I didn’t have an assignment, including vacation. What a life!”
This man has giant testicles to say this. I hope every other reporter who’s ever worked a 12-story-a-week gig with an infection so bad their lymph nodes stick out from their neck rise up and slay this monster at the next journalism symposium at which he speaks. Ten weeks with no assignment, and that doesn’t include vacation? I now long to piss on this vacuous fuck’s grave.
June 3rd, 2009 at 3:33 am
I could King sitting on in his coffee house prontificating that this General George Washington is a terrible general and despite his success in the French-Indian war “has really not proven himself in the big game”.
Coffeenerdness:
*BEELCH* “SLAVE! THIS LATTE IS COLD!” So I called the N#$$%r police who strung the sub-human on the whipping post and we had a lovely time beating the little bitch to death.
Later I called MaryBeth who is pregnant with a N#$$er baby after she was most defintely raped. Those n#$$@3s just cant get enough of her, this was the 4th time in a year those n#$$@rs have violated her. I personally led the lynchmob and strung his ass on a tree making his family watch while my buddy Brett Favre 1st and I lit them on fire in the public square.
June 3rd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Know what, Peter King? Fuck you. Fuck you in the eye sockets, the ears, your cavern-like belly button, fuck you everywhere!! You got to have ten weeks off–not counting vacation–at the START of your “glorious” run at SI? Die in a fire, you asshole!!! I’m sweating bullets here hoping I don’t get fired in a downsizing event, and I have to listen to your fat fuck ass tell me about how pleasant things are for you? FUCK OFF. Yeah, I get time off, too, Petey, it’s called “furloughs.” Never heard of it, Petey? Oh, they’re just wonderful, sir! You get to sit around at home all day and drink all the coffee you want, only nobody pays you! Isn’t life just lofty, Peter!?!?
Oh, and don’t you DARE fucking condescend from your lofty, reinforced perch to talk about Drew Brees, asshat. If you didn’t already know Drew Brees was amazing…wait, what the fuck am I saying? Of course you had not fucking clue, because you’re ABSOLUTELY SHITTY AT YOUR JOB!!! And you get rewarded for it, you overweight hot air zephyr!! I hope you spontaneously combust while Twittering how wonderful the checkout counter is the Marriott. Do you even know what it’s like to actual report? To write complete, coherent sentences on one or two subjects instead of this stream of conscious vomit you churn out like you’re writing a poor man’s Larry King column?
“For my money, BLUE is a good color.”
Fuck off, Peter King, with your “life was so wonderful for me” bullshit. I’m riding the shit train to Brokesville (population: LOTS) while your lofty ass gets to make EVEN more money by offering up some nonsense cash-in book this fall. Fuck you, Peter King!
Get your fucking phony ass smile out of my face before I shove a VENTI sized double mocha latte up your ass!!!! GAAAAAH!!!
(Breathes.)
Okay, I feel better. Good hate. Lofty hate.