But that’s not all you can learn from Marty B’s new video tour of his “house” aka Cowboys Stadium. Oh no, there is so much more.
Brandon Marshall Successfully Cuts Ties With Terribly Unsupportive Team That Covered Up His Wife Beating. It’s “Get Away With Murder Day” at KSK today. See if you can follow this logic. Talented Broncos wideout Brandon Marshall is accused of beating his ex-girlfriend multiple times, and for coming at her with a brick. In turn, the Broncos ask the victim, more or less, to keep quiet on the matter. Outside The Lines airs the whole sordid affair, including a reported fight between Marshall and his NEW fiancee. Marshall responds to this whole thing by demanding the Broncos trade him. Because they were so disloyal, you see. A real class NFL team would have taped his fists before he started wailing on his lady. That’s how the Bengals would have done it. Anyway, the Broncos actually AGREED to trade him today (They haven’t traded him yet, but Pat Bowlen enjoys bargaining without leverage. He’s a real wild man like that.). Apparently, you can force a trade in Denver simply by asking Bowlen, “pretty please with sugar on top.” Congrats, Broncos fans. Your team has again vastly downgraded its skill positions in order to acquire first round picks it will then trade for fourth round picks. Drink up.
In an effort to establish better rapport with his teammate, Bengals wideout Chad Ochocinco decides to take the drastic step of moving into the home of quarterback Carson Palmer, in a spirited attempt to get the two men to understand one another.
Carson: Honey? Honey?! I’m going to the store. Do you have anything you need me to add to the Honey Do list? It says we need berries, but it doesn’t specify what kind. Do I just get whatever’s on sale? Honey?
(doorbell rings)
Hmm. I wasn’t expecting any visitors today.
(door flies open)
Donte Stallworth was sentenced to 30 days in jail after pleading guilty today to DUI-Manslaughter charges in Miami. Back in March, he got plastered (2x the legal limit) and killed a man named Mario Reyes. Tonight Stallworth and Leonard Little will go out and celebrate in style.
Remind me again, why the fcuk did Mike Vick have go to prison?
UPDATE: Looks like there’s two years of house arrest tacked on to that 30 days. OH NOES! He’ll have to rough it for 700 or so days playing Xbox Live (which is down today – jerks) while feasting on expensive sumptuous cuisine and generally not being in federal PMITA prison.
All right, people, if you’ve got HBO and you’re watching this aborted douchefetus, let us hear your thoughts. Those without pay cable, follow along in the comments. It’s the poor man’s live blog.
Reports surfaced today that a Vikings trainer visited the Brittfar feudal land barony on Sunday to suggest to his lordship a regimen of exercises for his recently operated upon shoulder, so that the quarterback may be fine enough physical condition to torpedo the Vikes season by Week 1.
Sometimes we feel like we maybe have maybe a tad too much Favre antipathy on this site. So, concerned that a trainer from a team already fraught with inept quarterback play would only make things worse, we have some other suggestions to get that gun in slinging shape.
Surely you can think of some more. And not only hoisting a gun to discharge into his head.
Allow me to apologize in advance for the lack of venomous vulgarity in this week’s breakdown of Peter King’s reviled Monday Morning Quarterback column. Drew’s unavailable today, and while Princess Assloaf provides the usual amount of retardation today, I can’t help but soften my stance somewhat, given that King kindly filmed the above segment as the opener for Saturday’s Blogs with Balls conference, where Christmas Ape and I both appeared on panels to swear about how to “make it big” in blogging. Yes, do it right, and you, too, can barely eke out an existence! Join the movement!
After the jump, prepare to not talk about Favre (read: talk about Favre) and get informed with totally unbiased recommendations for summer reading!
Brady Quinn Is A Goddess
06.15.09
Over the weekend Ohioans from all over the state descended on Cedar Point to enjoy the rides and take part in the celebration of Brady Quinn Day. For one special young lady the day provided an opportunity to stand by gasping for air while the love of her life walked past her. Fortunately the Sandusky Register was there to capture her reaction to such a thrilling close encounter.
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