Reports surfaced today that a Vikings trainer visited the Brittfar feudal land barony on Sunday to suggest to his lordship a regimen of exercises for his recently operated upon shoulder, so that the quarterback may be fine enough physical condition to torpedo the Vikes season by Week 1.
Sometimes we feel like we maybe have maybe a tad too much Favre antipathy on this site. So, concerned that a trainer from a team already fraught with inept quarterback play would only make things worse, we have some other suggestions to get that gun in slinging shape.
Carrying chip on shoulder because deep down he knows Ted Thompson is right.
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25 Responses to “If Only Text Messaging Could Work, He’d Be Set”
Gah. This has been the most painful of off seasons I have experienced. My sweet Vikings are still run by a man who both coaches and looks like Dr Funke. Instead of putting his powerful chrome dome to work on getting the Chosen Jew ready for the season he has been flirting with a sack of shit over ripe cunt cheese of a man. If anyone knows how to configure Firefox to block out any mention of Brett Favre, it would be greatly appreciated.
Get him one of those “Man of the Year” mirrors like the Big Lebowski has on his I Love Me Wall. Only instead of Time magazine, make it Sports Illustrated or American Denim Enthusiast. Then place the mirror in such a way that he has to exercise in order to view his reflection. Put it in front of a treadmill, or attach it to a barbell to get him to do curls, really anything repetitive will do. He’ll become so strong that opposing safeties will get chest bruises when he hits them between the numbers.
He should write long letters to Peter King. What’s that, he can’t write? Oh, well, then he should practice lifting a loaded .45 to his temple. Maybe we’ll get lucky.
Ugh. Brett Favre fucked the Vikings when he was a Packer. Now he’ll fuck the Vikings as a Viking. The only national off-season coverage the Vikings get is about whether or not that self-absorbed drama queen will eventually do what he’s been scheming on all along. I’d rather hear more about what’s going on with the two key D-linemen named Williams and their bullshit looming suspensions.
You know how he spends that entire Wranglers commercial throwing shitty passes to a wide-open wannabe actor? I think if he just does that the rest of the offseason, he should be fine.
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
June 15th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Peter King squat thrusts
June 15th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Ed Werder Mustache Ride
June 15th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Hyberbaric ego chamber.
June 15th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
1000 yd stalking off to a deer stand somewhere.
June 15th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
needs the “gratuitous Simpsons reference” tag.
And in keeping with that, I don’t know the name of it, but whatever exercise it was when Burns says, “Push out the jive, bring in the love.”
June 15th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Throwing under the bus exercises.
June 15th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
One-armed land working.
Incidentally, was Favre working out prior to this? Is there any reason to believe he is going to be in any kind of shape come training camp?
June 15th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
• Raise your left hock. Aerate.
Also, does one push-up still equal both an upward AND downward motion?
June 15th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Packer fucking.
June 15th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Gah. This has been the most painful of off seasons I have experienced. My sweet Vikings are still run by a man who both coaches and looks like Dr Funke. Instead of putting his powerful chrome dome to work on getting the Chosen Jew ready for the season he has been flirting with a sack of shit over ripe cunt cheese of a man. If anyone knows how to configure Firefox to block out any mention of Brett Favre, it would be greatly appreciated.
June 15th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
“And not only hoisting (Peter King, John Madden, Rachel Nichols, et al.) to discharge into his head.”
Fixed
June 15th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Get him one of those “Man of the Year” mirrors like the Big Lebowski has on his I Love Me Wall. Only instead of Time magazine, make it Sports Illustrated or American Denim Enthusiast. Then place the mirror in such a way that he has to exercise in order to view his reflection. Put it in front of a treadmill, or attach it to a barbell to get him to do curls, really anything repetitive will do. He’ll become so strong that opposing safeties will get chest bruises when he hits them between the numbers.
June 15th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Get a hobo to wear an opposing team’s jersey, so Favre can practice throwing interceptions. Like he needs the practice. am I right?
/need to see more Teddy Roosevelts, and less Franklin Roosevelts
June 15th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Long romantic sunset walks off short piers.
June 15th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
“Overhand cock thrust” is more commonly known as the reverse grip.
June 15th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Flipping PK over to spice things up a bit.
June 15th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
He should write long letters to Peter King. What’s that, he can’t write? Oh, well, then he should practice lifting a loaded .45 to his temple. Maybe we’ll get lucky.
June 15th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Ugh. Brett Favre fucked the Vikings when he was a Packer. Now he’ll fuck the Vikings as a Viking. The only national off-season coverage the Vikings get is about whether or not that self-absorbed drama queen will eventually do what he’s been scheming on all along. I’d rather hear more about what’s going on with the two key D-linemen named Williams and their bullshit looming suspensions.
FUCK YOU, BRETT FAVRE.
June 15th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
True lunges. Lofty lunges.
June 15th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
No live Joe Buckkake for Favre’s announcement tonight?
June 15th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Someone needs to photoshop a Flag or a Crest/Sheild for Farve’s internationally-recognized independent baroncy. Farvaria? Answer the call, Freek!
June 15th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
He’s like a roach. He just won’t go away no matter what you try.
June 16th, 2009 at 2:46 am
You know how he spends that entire Wranglers commercial throwing shitty passes to a wide-open wannabe actor? I think if he just does that the rest of the offseason, he should be fine.
June 16th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Climb up a tree and go long spear huntin’ with Jared Allen. Don’t forget to cook up those backstraps with yo good arm.
June 16th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Slightly OT, but I’m beginning to fall into line with this Cooley-worship around here. Great stuff.