I Think Marty B Likes Cap’n Crunch
Just the thing you need to gonzo up your day is Marty B rap-rhapsodizing about his love for Cap’n Crunch, which is capped off with him cerealkkaking himself in the face. I’ve come to the conclusion that Martellus is a real life version of Big and is really a 9-year-old kid who went to a fortune telling machine and transformed in a full grown professional football player. Only he’s happy with the change and not interested in returning to his old life and having a proper childhood. Just think for a moment how close the Cowboys were to having Marty B., T.O. and Ocho on the same roster. They would created a strain of insanity that would a ripped a wormhole to another dimension where dinosaurs sing in barbershop quartets and women can drive well. That’s the Bay of Pigs close call of our lifetime.
As a side note: I don’t know what it is about bad amateur lyricists and the Cocoa Brovaz’ “Super Brooklyn” beat, but it’s like a match made in Awkward Heaven. Damn near every time I’ve been at a party or over at someone’s house and the itch to freestyle rap poorly is too overpowering, this is inevitably the beat those bars of white hot lyrical fire are laid over. I hope someday when our generation becomes the power brokers and we force our nostalgia on the youngins like the Baby Boomers did, this beat will be mandatory in any period piece about our era, like how you can’t set a movie in the ’60s without using “Green Onions” at some point.
Tags: hippity hop, marty b, MartyBTV, super cereal, xmas ape
June 24th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
YOU KNOW I REP FROOT LOOPS
(I GOTS IT TATTED ON MY SKIN)
AND IF YOU FUCKIN WITH THE TOUCAN
(THEN YOU FUCKIN WIT MY CLIQUE)
June 24th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Green Onions is only for early 60s, if you want late 60s you need Casino Royale
June 24th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Dope. Beats .
June 24th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
I EATS UP FIBER ONE
(WHEN I’M FEELIN KINDA CLOGGY)
AND IT MAKES MY DOODOO RUN
(SO IT COMES OUT LIGHT AND SOGGY)
Word, Grimey
/drops mike
June 24th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Goddamn I love Tellus.
/knows it’s going to backfire horribly
//orders Cowboys #80 anyways
June 24th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
THIS MORNING, I’M DROPPING APPLE JACKS
THEY BE SAYING DON’T TASTE LIKE APPLE
BUT, YO MAN, DAT’S WACK
ONE TIME FOR YA MIND
TO THE BEAT, Y’ALL
TO THE BEAT, Y’ALL
TO THE BEAT, Y’ALL
TO THE BEAT, Y’ALL
/does 720 on skateboard and flips off old people on the way to the mall
June 24th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
WHEN IT COMES TO GRIMEY
YOU KNOW I GET REAL CHOOSY
I LIKE MY LYRICS RHYME-Y
AND MY CEREAL MUESLI
June 24th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
YOU KNOW I IZ A PLAYA
MAKIN MONEY TAPPIN HO’S
BUT YO ASS IS GONNA PAY-A
IF YOU TOUCH MY CHEERIOS
CHEERIOOOOOOOOOOOS
(handsintheairlikeyoujustdon’tcare)
@Grimey, Ape: How’s my ass taste?
June 24th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Texas A&M grads at their finest
June 24th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
CRAZY ABOUT MY FRUITY PEBBLES LIKE BARNEY AND FRED
YOU GET CRAZY WITH MY PEBBLES, YOU END UP DEAD
June 24th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
is it mandatory to post lyrics in all caps?
YOU POSTIN ALL THESE LYRICS
TRYNA ACT ALL ROUGH AND TOUGH
BUT YOU’LL BE CRYIN LIKE A BITCH
IF YOU TOUCH MY COCOA PUFFS
June 24th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
I WAS OUT ONE DAY
WITH MY BITCH AT SUNDAY BRUNCH
I TOLD THAT HO HO ASS WAITRESS
BETTER BRING ME THAT CINA T CRUNCH
/that was really hard
//I am REALLY white
June 24th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I LOVE MY LUCKY CHARMS
I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO TELL YOU BITCHES
THAT’S WHY WHEN YOU SUCK MY D
YOU SAY “THAT’S MAGICALLY DELICIOUS”
June 24th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
How does this not have a ‘Cerealkakke’ tag?
June 24th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Chew my Trix like a cow chews cud
Huntin that rabbit like my man Elmer Fudd
Need that colored fruit all up in my mouth
Like Jon Voight on a river in the South
When my woman wants to eat my Trix
I tell her Honey’s Nuts’s where she can get her licks
Whoever wanna fuck with my silly rabbit
Ima get up in their eye and stab it
Only one thing make me leave my bowl in haste
When the milk at the bottom look like toxic waste
/two minutes….new career?
June 24th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
WHEN PUSSY AIN’T AROUND ME
I GO AND BEAT MY MEAT
BUT IT’S ALWAYS NICE TO POUND ME
SOME TOASTY CREAM OF WHEAT
/losing myself in the moment I own it
June 24th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
/proud of self for not rhyming “dicks” and “trix”
June 24th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
I’m expecting the “sometimes I wish I was black” tag any minute now
June 24th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
One two three and to the fo’
Snap Crackle Pop makin noises in my bowl
Ready to pour the milk on, so wake on up
(Cuz you know I’m bout to eat some up)
I’ll grab the spoon first so I can pop me some bubble
Get some toast and some butter, now you know I eat double
Aint nothin but Rice Krispies ba-by
Two bowls gon make me cra-zy
Kel-logg is the bitch that make deez
Unavailable so please don’t try to tweet me.
/owned The Chronic on cassette
//why yes, I’m a cracker…how did you know?
June 24th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Of all the words you’ve invented with the -kkake suffix, I think I like “cerealkkake” the most.
I had a similar thing happen this week, when you drink a full cup of coffee a little too fast and it shoots out the tiny travel lid opening all over your face: coffeekkake.
June 24th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Perils of Thinking wins hands down, though SoS gets love for the ode to Nuthin’ but a G Thang and Grimey had the best line with the lucky charms shit (the Honey’s Nuts is a close second, TPoT).
June 24th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
that made me think of one of my favorite Edan songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rqVrg8JaXA
June 24th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
IT’S TIME TO GET MY NOM ON
I’MA POUR EM DOWN MY THROAT
CUZ NOTHIN DO ME BETTA THAN HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS
WHAT THERE AINT NO TASTY OATS??
I’MA POP A CAP IN YA
WELL I GUESS I GOTS TO SETTLE FOR SOME DAMN COUNT CHOCULA
/honky
June 24th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
I love Frosted Flakes
Esspecially after i bake
They are great when you first awake
I eat them on the lake or even when i rake
I love to bake
June 24th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Wake up to the the sun
What’s this craving coming over Porky-One
Need some gimme some
in a bowl
How does Pork Dogg roll
Mikey puts it on his mama
And his best ho
I got Life
Not 15-to-20
No time served
Ain’t a damn thing funny
Bout Life
Tell ya momma tell ya daddy tell ya wife
Bitch
I’m gonna take yo Life
June 25th, 2009 at 1:33 am
Chain smokin beedies til his brain’s broken completely
Get back on his feet, work out and eat some Wheaties