‘I did it! I finally won it without Shaq!’
KOBE BRYANT: Oh my Lord, this is the greatest feeling ever! Come here kids, give daddy a championship hug! I’ve won another world championship! By only beating teams in North America! This is the best! AND I FINALLY DID IT WITHOUT SHAQ! Woohoo! MVP!
PAU GASOL: Hey, Kobe. Congrats on the MVP, man.
KOBE BRYANT: Oh, Hey, big man! I finally did it without Shaq! This finally cements my legacy as A GUY THAT CAN PUT A TEAM ON HIS BACK! And carry them to the promised land!
PAU GASOL: [in Italian] Sure thing, guy, whatever!
ANDREW BYNUM: Great series, Kobe. Good job.
KOBE BRYANT: Hey, Andrew Bynum! I finally won it without Shaq! WHO SAYS I NEED A 7-FOOTER ON MY TEAM TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP?!
ANDREW BYNUM: Yeah, Pau and I were just talking about that. You had a great series. For a guy that was fifth on the team in field goal percentage and led all of us in turnovers. Nice work.
KOBE BRYANT: Thanks…man! Hey Derek Fisher! Why you dressed already?
DEREK FISHER: Hey, Kobe. There just aren’t many pictures of me online.
KOBE BRYANT: Derek, I did it, man! How ’bout a totally fake high five while the cameras are still on!
DEREK FISHER: I guess. [they high-five]
KOBE BRYANT: Derek, look at this. I DID IT! I AM THE GREATEST PLAYER IN THE WORLD, WEST OF THE MISSISSIPPI! Remember those two clutch shots I hit to win Game 4 for us?
DEREK FISHER: That was me!
KOBE BRYANT: …Oh. Hey, Coach! Coach! Whose the man now?
PHIL JACKSON: [distracted] Yeah, great work, Scottie. I’m proud of you.
KOBE BRYANT: Aw, come on, man! Can’t y’all see that IT WAS MY LEADERSHIP THAT GOT US HERE?! MY TEAMSMANSHIP?! DON’T HATE! EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS THAT I’M THE REASON WE WON! WE DIDN’T NEED SHAQ TO DO IT ONCE WE STOLE GASOL FROM THE GRIZZLIES IN THE ILLEGAL TRADE IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS! DON’T HATE! DON’T HATE!
…why don’t you turn that damn camera off so I can get rid of these kids already?
Tags: MMP, off-topic, Seriously? Fuck the Lakers
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June 15th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Fuck the Lakers indeed.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:18 am
I didn’t know you had locker room passes, Punte.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Judging from his comments on With Leather during the NHL playoffs, I’m sure Punter will have a Sidney Crosby one up shortly.
/knows Crosby didn’t really do shit in the SCF
//doesn’t care – W000000t Pens
///stops talking about hockey on this site
June 15th, 2009 at 9:20 am
KSK is a humor site dedicated solely to the whatever the fuck we say it is. Don’t like it? Fuck off.
No, seriously: FUCK. OFF.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Fuck the Lakers. Fuck LA. Fuck Kobe. Fuck Phil. Fuck Derek Fisher. Fuck all of Orlando.
That should cover it. I think.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Kobe has never won a championship without Derek Fisher.
Until he does, he will never be respected as a true star.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Moar of the tits behind Phil Jackson
June 15th, 2009 at 9:27 am
@mmp
Actually, Pau is a spaniard. And kobe speaks Italian.
/ashamed to know that.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:31 am
I’m proud to say that Kobe Bryant is the only Laker I’ve ever heard of, and that I have no idea what team Shaq is currently playing for. I am pretty sure he’s not retired though. It’s not Orlando, or we would have heard quite a bit about it. Is it Miami?
June 15th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Three things:
1) Gasol is from Spain.
2) Kobe speaks Italian (and Spanish for that matter).
3) Your hate is delicious.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:35 am
First of all, Pau is also fluent in Italian, (they do the multi-lingual thing in Europe) and if you’d allowed your retinae to be burned out for a short while watching Spike Lee’s croc-umentary, you’d've all known that.
As for this:
Have YOU written something about another sport that YOU think we should see?
That’s a reminder for YOU to not send US shit about non-NFL stuff. We do what we want. We always have.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Mmp
Keep up the good hate. Fuck the haters hating on your hate.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:47 am
So why is it you strictly tell us not to tell you about non-football and you write about them. For shame.
I hereby demand you tell us what you think of Cristiano Ronaldo.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Kobe’s pretty good at basketball. A megalomaniac rapist, sure. But fucking good at basketball. In fact, he’s the best player on my favorite team, that team being Team USA.
If you don’t like it I’ll dunk on you.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Where’s Odom?
/should have been co-MVP
June 15th, 2009 at 10:02 am
It’s a good thing Kobe is from Philly cause that’s the only way any championship will get back to that city.
/Iverson wasn’t the answer
//Fuck Kobe
///Fuck the NBA
////and fuck Isiah too
June 15th, 2009 at 10:04 am
I’d like to give MMP a +1 for the Scottie Pippen reference. Oh Scottie, you could never lead a team to anything but a second round defeat at the hands of the Knicks
June 15th, 2009 at 10:07 am
stupid lakers even ruin my favorite dick-joke blog.
j/k. i still love you guys. and breaking the 4th wall with Fisher was inspired.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:08 am
The NFL needs to throw us a bone this week. Something awesome needs to happen so the gentlemen scholars of KSK can write about it.
Hopefully, Matt Shaub’s maid will “accidently” drown in his pool or Coach Singletary will be exposed as a lover of choking sex.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Fuck basketball. COCK!
June 15th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Inevitably this is going to have to result in a Kobe/Marmalard crossover.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:25 am
DEREK FISHER: Hey, Kobe. There just aren’t many pictures of me online.
It’s the simple things that make the funny.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:30 am
I’m annoyed they were still playing basketball and hockey in mid-June. Yeah, that’s all I got.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:32 am
@ Animal Mother
The 2008 Philadelphia Phillies disagree heartily with that statement
@ PUNTE
Great hate. Lofty hate.
@ Ape
Keep talking hockey. I haven’t congratulated Sidney Crosby on breaking gender barriers and becoming the first woman to be on a Stanley Cup winning team.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Kobe raped the assholes of white women all over Orlando in celebration.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Who’s the chick behind Phil Jackson? WE MUST KNOW.
June 15th, 2009 at 11:09 am
@Westbrook
I always find it amusing how Flyers and Caps fans have a singular obsession with Crosby. Not a peep about Geno as he’s killing you, but if Crosby so much as touches the puck, it’s “KILL THAT FAGGOT CINDY CROSBY!”
June 15th, 2009 at 11:16 am
The hate this morning is so pathetic, and so delicious.
Sit on it, fucksticks: Kobe Bryant, 4-time NBA champion.
/Kobe: never won anything without a good big man
//LeBron: never won anything
///btw, this post sucked
////let’s turn KSK into an NBA-NHL blog because I’ve got sour grapes!
/////ok I’m done
June 15th, 2009 at 11:21 am
PHIL JACKSON: [distracted] Yeah, great work, Scottie. I’m proud of you.
Beautiful.
June 15th, 2009 at 11:22 am
@ Ape
I hate Malkin way more than Crosby, but really, the dirty Russian jokes got played out with all those fucking Russians on the Detroit teams of the 90s. Plus, Crosby makes himself an easy target with his shit-stached whining at officials.
All told though, Crosby hoisting the Cup is more palatable than Malkin or fucking MAF.
June 15th, 2009 at 11:25 am
heehehheheee. Thanks Punte.
Derek looks like an adult that would love to take Kobe to a dark alley and drop him off.
I have liked Derek since his cross country trips as a Jazz player when his daughter was sick with cancer. Since I had all Laker coverage muted, did that storyline get any more details? How is the daughter now?
June 15th, 2009 at 11:30 am
@Boatdrinks She’s doing ok. On the other hand, I hope her dad dies.
June 15th, 2009 at 11:48 am
I’m just glad the NBA playoffs are finally over. Wait…they are over right? This isn’t just a tease? As in no more basketball whatsoever (until the season starts again in a month)?
With each passing game the NBA just got a little bit shittier. I was hoping for an Orlando-Houston finals matchup just to punish that Rajon-Rondo-Humping, referee-fellating, league with some much-deserved terrible ratings. The entire playoffs are a little earring-in-the-wrong-ear if you catch my drift.
June 15th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Admit it.
Everybody loves the Champion Lakers.
For Life!
June 15th, 2009 at 11:49 am
The woman behind Phil? Seriously?
Unless you’re currently in a Supermax facility, there are hotter women within ten feet of you right now.
June 15th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
At first I was crushed to see a basketball post, but the hate was too delicious to not enjoy.
@Boatdrinks: Didn’t Fisher use his daughter’s illness to get out of his contract with the Jazz so he could go back to the Lakers?
June 15th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
@Otto: Agreed. Geez people WTF is wrong with you when that’s your definition of a hot piece of ass? Aren’t you all here on Friday afternoons? That chick up there is never on this site on Friday so that should tell you everything you need to know.
/now put away the wank socks
//Phil calling Kobe Scottie was great
///Had no idea Tracy Morgan played for the Lakers
June 15th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Lofty hatred Punte. Lofty indeed.
As for Kobe, I just hope he doesn’t celebrate this ring like he did his last ring. Kobe go get yourself a barely legal Hispanic nurse just off the boat from Cuba — she won’t call the cops!
June 15th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
seriously? one of the best KSK tags and posts ever. Fuck the Lakers, indeed.
June 15th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
So now that Kobe won a championship with out Shaq is he still a rapist?
June 15th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
“@mmp
Actually, Pau is a spaniard. And kobe speaks Italian.
/ashamed to know that.”
I think that’s part of the joke. Kobe isn’t even speaking to Pau is his native language.
This was the best post in awhile. truly hilarious and cutting.
Most hated franchise in North American sports? Lakers or Yankees?
I vote Lakers.
June 15th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
I vote both.
Along with the Falcons.
What?
June 15th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
In the last picture, is it me or does it look like the reporter has just been told she will need to undress and sleep with Phil? The look of terror on her face is palpable.
June 15th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
pau gasol looks like a llama. that is all.
June 15th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Pau is Spanish jackass, not Italian.
And obviously nobody living in Europe would ever learn more than one language.
Can you do my laundry? I’m under a restraining order and my laundromat is right next to a school.
June 15th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Pau’s first tongue is Catalan, then Castillian Spanish- and everybody knows that Spanish and Italian are the same language. The scary thing, though, is that Pau learned his English in Tennessee, then Los Angeles. “How ya’ll dewin’, brah?”
June 15th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I HATE HATE HATE Derek Fisher with a passion, but Doris Burke (Whitest. Name. Ever.) asking Fisher about Kobe right after they all won was the lamest shit I’ve seen since Matt Millen tried to “raise the roof”
June 15th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
DEREK FISHER: Hey, Kobe. There just aren’t many pictures of me online.
Awesome. The irony is that I can envision him actually saying that during an interview, in his down-home-I’m-just-a-hard-working-guy sort of way.
June 15th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
@ Gino: thanks for pointing out that Pau’s Catalonian, I didn’t want to be that guy.
Still, if I’m Pau I pretend I don’t understand Castellano just to fuck with Kobe.
June 15th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Oh, and w00t Fedotenko bringing the Cup back to town.
June 15th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Kobe is now the greatest rapist ever. Shawnee Merrimen? You’re Kobe’s superior in the art of rape, but you need to win a few Super Bowls to take the crown.
June 15th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
“If you’re wearing any Lakers paraphernalia, you get a free tube of K-Y!”
K-Y: The official Kobe Lube of #24
June 15th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
This seems to imply that Pau Gasol is good at anything. Therefore, this article is a sham.
June 15th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
What a dumb article. Haters gonna hate
June 15th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Kobe is now the greatest rapist ever.
Just out of curiosity, what would that top ten list look like? Or do I sense this weeks commentator draft?
June 15th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Laker hate? This is the funniest post Bill Simmons ever wrote.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Laker Lover since 1974. Kobe Hater since 1998. It’s not an easy thing (kind of like the way certain Vikings fans are going feel about Favraro.)
Seriously, the verbal dick-sucking of Kobe by the ABC announcing team in the second half of Game 5 bordered on pornographic. And the Yankees are still far more hated than the Lakers because Yankee hate actually made a huge chunk of America latch onto the Red Sox bandwagon out of sheer hate (and good old fashioned frontrunning as most of them were just replacing their Yankees hats.) The Celtics didn’t get anywhere that kind of cunt-bump, probably because the Sawx “B” logo hat is such a natural douchessory.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
“Fuck the Lakers. Fuck LA. Fuck Kobe. Fuck Phil. Fuck Derek Fisher. Fuck all of Orlando. That should cover it. I think.”
You forgot Fuck the whole NBA!
All the front desk girls in Colorado hotels better watch their ass this summer. Literally!
June 15th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
@Ape
It’s not just Flyers and Caps fans, but Rangers fans too. They still haven’t taken off the tinfoil hats, and all 3 fanbases have proof that Crosby was behind the Grassy Knoll, and Malkin in the Book Depot.
But I wouldn’t suggest drinking their tears out of the Stanley Cup. Kris Draper’s daughter pooped in it last summer.
June 16th, 2009 at 12:05 am
Methinks we protesteth too much. I hate myself for just typing that.
June 16th, 2009 at 2:18 am
Hilarious.
June 16th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
The Kevin Garnett trade was pretty ridiculous too.
June 16th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
fuck boston fuck orlando and fuck all you haters most of bostons titles were in the days when they had only 8 teams so suck a dick
June 16th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
fuck boston fuck orlando and fuck all you haters most of bostons titles were in the days when they had only 8 teams so suck a dick
Most of their titles were also won against the Lakers.