Hi! Billy Mays Here For The St. Louis Rams, The Portable Pro Football Team!
It’s the NFL team that moves WHEREVER YOU WANT.
With the NFL Rams, there’s no more hopes of turning the corner for that championship season! No more flamboyant marquee players! With the NFL Rams, it’s DEFEAT AND REPEAT!
Tired of rooting for a loser in a market where nobody cares about pro football? NOW WITH THE NFL RAMS, you can pick up your team and go wherever you want! Los Angeles! Las Vegas! London! Monterrey! The NFL Rams work ANYWHERE YOU CAN SUBSIDIZE A NEW STADIUM! You’ll get the players if you can screw the taxpayers!
The NFL Rams allows YOU THE UNIQUE ABILITY to root for whatever team YOU WANT. Root for the Rams, or cheer for the visiting team! Or do what most St. Louis fans do…AND DON’T CHEER AT ALL! You’ll never be tiring OF PLAY SO UNINSPIRING!
CALL NOW and receive the RAMS’ storied, 73-year-old franchise RIGHT NOW! For the low, low price of 939 million dollars! But wait! Act now and I’ll triple the offer! We’ll also include the CFL’s Hamilton Tiger Cats and the New Orleans Voodoo of the Arena Football League ABSOLUTELY FREE!
BUT WAIT! Call in the next 20 minutes and we’ll throw in 2005 NFL Most Valuable Player Shaun Alexander! A 2o-dollar value! Yours, ABSOLUTELY FREE!
Here’s how to order!
Tags: MMP, Someday I'll be able to paint on my own beard, the one millionth Billy Mays parody
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June 1st, 2009 at 8:46 am
Has Shawn been boiled down into a fine adhesive? I’d buy that for a dollar.
June 1st, 2009 at 8:48 am
Oh, Shawn still plays football?
June 1st, 2009 at 9:10 am
I heard that the winning bid gets the remains of Georgia Frontiere.
June 1st, 2009 at 9:21 am
Needs more cheerleader ass licking.
June 1st, 2009 at 9:25 am
Applying the “small ball” approach to football ever since Vermeil left.
June 1st, 2009 at 9:42 am
Nice…
We need a bundle with the Detroit Lions.
June 1st, 2009 at 9:49 am
They’ve still won more Super Bowls than my Vikes
/weeps
June 1st, 2009 at 9:50 am
starting the day off right.
June 1st, 2009 at 10:42 am
How does this make them different from any other franchise? The Dallas Cowboys will be playing about 15 miles west of Dallas because neither Dallas or Irving would pony up for a new stadium.
June 1st, 2009 at 10:52 am
Dallas didn’t have the available property support the massive seat of God. Arlington was the only place with area available/no zoning laws.
June 1st, 2009 at 10:59 am
Apply directly to the forehead.
June 1st, 2009 at 11:02 am
I saw this on pitchmen the other night…with the volume turned waaaay down.
June 1st, 2009 at 11:22 am
-1 for the painted beard
real men grow theirs
/checks junk
//still no hair yet
///waits for the day to come…
June 1st, 2009 at 11:46 am
As somebody currently living in St. Louis, I will attest to this. The people here only give a shit about the Cardinals and Blues. The only people associated with the Rams they care about are Vermeil, Marshal Faulk and Kurt Warner, cause they did things “the right way.”
June 1st, 2009 at 11:48 am
Cardinal nation takes notice of the possible move of the Rams… and then they go back to analyzing the swing mechanics of their backup 2nd baseman.
June 1st, 2009 at 11:48 am
Chip and Lucia, we’ve got the numbers back from the test markets, and the early results are… not good.
June 1st, 2009 at 11:49 am
But does it top Vince the ShamWow douche telling America to “love his nuts”? I don’t think so.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:56 pm
RE Mo Charlo Says:
“Dallas didn’t have the available property support the massive seat of God. Arlington was the only place with area available/no zoning laws.”
Or, you know, it could be about money (from WFAA.com in 2008): “With interest on the construction bonds, Arlington taxpayers will shell out closer to $650 million, instead of $325 million…. According to the fine print, Jones’ share of the costs of the Cowboys complex will come from a 10 percent ticket tax and a $3 parking tax, city tax dollars handed over to Jones to help him pay his share of the billion dollar stadium costs.”
They haven’t found anyone willing/able to shell out for naming rights yet, and I don’t know how the luxury suites are selling. Last I heard, not too well. So, so sad.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:13 pm
1. I don’t want the stadium to have corporate whoring attached to the name
2. Don’t worry about the metroplex. We’re rich.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:38 pm
RE Mo Charlo Says:
“1. I don’t want the stadium to have corporate whoring attached to the name
2. Don’t worry about the metroplex. We’re rich.”
JJ assures us they’ll get a naming rights deal when the economy turns around. As for the metroplex, I guess we’re doing better than a lot of places, I wasn’t too worried about it. Certainly not worried about the prospect of JJ losing money. I haven’t heard lately how much luxury suites are going for or how many have sold. Go Google… from a Star-Telegram story in March: “Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said recently that 273 of the approximately 300 suites had been sold. The prices range from $100,000 to $500,000 a year, which includes tickets and parking but not food or drinks.”
June 1st, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Oh, oh, oh…
I want the Rams in Monterrey!
/search for 1 billion USD in pocket, finds moths…
crap
June 1st, 2009 at 5:19 pm
HAHHAHA! That’s great
June 1st, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I love the part about Shuan Alexander. That’s some funny shit.
Check out http://www.thegridironpalace.com/forums
June 1st, 2009 at 7:53 pm
The Rams need to move to fuckin Reno. That way, they can tell Vegas and LA to suck a shitdick.
June 28th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
pretty crazy. Makes you wonder who will be next. I’ve grown to like Billy over the last few months.