Happy Birthday, You Big Putz
06.10.09
That’s right, SI’s preeminent coffee and travel blogger turns 52 today. In honor of the momentous occasion we’ve compiled some first-rate gift ideas.
-Land
-Elite flyer medal (really just the plastic wings they give to kids to get them to behave on the plane)
-Red Sox championship ring
-Brett Favre stubble
-Walking cane
-Reimbursement from Schlereth
-Long term parking for one seldom used car
-Toone P. Wiggins gift card
-A copy of Coldplay’s Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends
-Season 3 of House on DVD
Continue after the jump for our own special gift to the birthday boy.
Don’t eat it all in one sitting…ah, who the fuck am I kidding. Just try not to eat the aluminum foil.
Image via Flickr
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Happy Happy Birthday to you?
uggs, so PK can finally figure out what the big deal is with them.
Future Mr. Brett Favre t-shirt?
With apologies to FMRA
The Greatest Gift of All…….Jes……I mean Relevence! I know it’s impossible, but…..we can all dream can’t we?
nom nom nom:
http://www.carm3d.net/MySpace/BirthdayCat.JPG
$300,000 parking space in Boston: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090611/ap_on_re_us/300000_parking_space
One way ticket to Columbia for all the coffee he can drink. Mr. Valdez! You know how to make a cup of coffee!
a coffee enema
Chemistry set.
A life time supply of Grandaddy sized Depends. Because a colonoscopy is nothing to fuck around with kids.
That’s all I have to say about that.
Brett Favre should’ve announced his return to the NFL to Peter King for his first birthday present. The second obviously is them fucking on the floor like animals.
5 more people on the FNIA show to make it even better!
Am i the only one that thinks that looks delicious?
-XXXL “Fuck Me, Brett Favre” t-shirt
@bethie:
I see no problem with either translation. I’m sure Peter King has had KitKatkkake on many occasions. Probably combined with other ‘kkakes.
Football season can’t get here fast enough.
J.L. White wins the thread.
Peter King NEEDS a wolf t-shirt for his birthday -
http://www.amazon.com/The-Mountain-Three-Wolf-T-Shirt/dp/B000NZW3KM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1244675379&sr=8-1
I heard Biloxijim gave him J-Rod’s autograph.
Technically, is he a putz or a yutz? I need some insight on this.
I hear Dr. Z’s present was allowing PK to blow him. That defines clutch.
one .338 cranial implant…
I was going to get him dinner with me and Dustin Pedroia, but I’m not sure the false prophet eats grown up food.
I wonder what North by Northwest is getting him.
We should all be a little bit thankful that caffeine addict is around. after all, without PK, they might have to resort to sexy monday or something.
Although he has no trouble writing about which hotels don’t serve coffee to his exacting standards and a Mississippian that he’d like to fuck, I thought about giving him something he could use:
http://www.amazon.com/Sports-Writing-Beginners-Steve-Craig/dp/0965657493/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244669661&sr=1-1
Maybe this book will teach how to FUCKING USE BULLET POINTS PROPERLY!!!
Those are all great gifts. Lofty gifts.
- A pedometer to track his fleet footin’ around Boston
- Austin Wood autographed baseball (stolen from small child)
- Advanced Twitter lessons
- Name and address of owner of Blue Maxima
New-fangled walking sneakers…for all that walking he’s going to do now that he lives in a city.
Lube by the drum.
-Travel defibrilator
A copy of Gran Torino on DVD.
At first I mistook the photo tag for “Kit Katkakke” rather than Kake to be Kute. Still funny.
Twitter lessons from @GOOchoCinco
A GPS unit, so he won’t have to depend on government bureaucrats’ poorly-drafted signs when he leaves his walkers’ paradise of Boston.
Round Trip airfare to Peet’s Coffee East. Or, as the old timers call it, “Italy.”
A time machine to transport him to present day in pop culture.
Here’s hoping your lasagna has plenty of nutmeg!
How about a Thomas Guide?
Happy Birthday, you big galoot. You know we’re all only kidding with the insults and the uh….
(looks around)
…uh…look, Maj made you a Kit Kat Kake! Now with 30% less feces!
But who will wish him a happy birthday? Other columnists don’t address people directly the way he does.
-The name of a good cardiologist
-Baked doggie treats
-Rand McNally Road Atlas
-Three month ocean cruise for Deanna Favre and the kids
-Autographed Dustin Pedroia baseball stolen from a seven year-old
-The chance to sing “Hip To Be Square” with Huey Lewis and The News at another Zimmerman benefit
True gifts. Lofty gifts.
A “coffee-flavored water”-flavored KitKat bar would have been so much more thoughtful…
The fact that that’s not made of feces is really disappointing.
Brett Favre blow up doll….
I thought that picture was what he left in the DFW airport’s bathroom?
May you respect the Sun for many more years, or until Drew murders you in an act of “mercy killing”