Jim Brown Will Defenestrate Me Via Phone. Our Deadcast guest for Thursday is Jim Brown. Got a question for Mr. Brown you want asked over the air? Stick it in the comments. We’ll see if I have anywhere close to the balls to ask any of them. Brown is scheduled to appear in an interview on Real Sports tonight where he calls Tiger Woods a mamajama. The last time I heard that word, Triple H was using it to describe Chyna to the crowd. In a good way! And so there you have it. Tiger Woods and Chyna: two mamajamas.
Tags: quick hits, what a hothead
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Make that two BAD mama jamas.
/Carl Carlton’d
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Ask him what he thinks about Braylon Edwards and bring up the alleged incident where Braylon was asking a Texans defensive back questions about getting into modeling during the game.
Maybe hearing a pissed off Jim Brown rip him a new asshole will scare Braylon to the point he actually, you know, focuses during games.
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:19 pm
You could ask him his favorite running back in the game today, and cream your jeans when he inevitably says Purple Jeezo.
Or maybe you could coax him into admitting that Barry Sanders really is the best running back of all time, not him.
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Ask him if there are any current athletes who he would consider a badass
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Ask him about his preferred method of wife-beating! Better not be pimp slapping; those are so last year.
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Ask him if he was sorry he missed out on the Major League Lacrosse whatnot.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
J.L White beat me to it, but please please ask that hypocrite jackass about the wife-beating!!!!
Ask him if all players should beat women to earn respect from announcers so he can be seen in his stupid little racist green and black wife beater hat.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Ask him about getting up slow after each time he was tackled. Apparently he did it as a kind of mind game so the defense never knew if they actually got a good hit on him. My Q: How much does that kind of mental thing make the difference between success and failure in sports.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
maybe he learned that from the women he beat on.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Ask him what it was like to be in the greatest Wayans brothers movie of all time, I’m Gonna Get You Sucka!
/How much for one rib?
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
“mars Attacks!” great movie or greatest movie?
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Okay, I have a serious question: What are the most important social issues he thinks athletes should be tackling? Is it still race or are there others?
/compensating dick joke
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Ask him why he pissed away good years of his career to be a Z List actor.
June 23rd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Ask him about the time he was on “CHiPs” — and whether the most embarrassing part of the experience was (a) that the episode was called “Roller Disco,” (b) that his character’s name was Romo, or (c) that he was on “CHiPs.”
June 23rd, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Jim, I heard you died on December 25, 2006. How is that treating you, and would you recommend that career move for aspiring singers?
June 23rd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Ask him if he thinks the media fawning over a guy like Kobe Bryant is good or bad for the black athlete.
On the one hand, you have a guy who has shown to be selfish, childish, and a probable rapist (at the very least a philanderer) who has somehow managed to come through as squeaky clean as any white athlete ever could have.
On the other hand, is Kobe’s behavior brushed off because that’s the kind of behavior society has come to expect from the black athlete? Does it seem that most fans don’t give a shit as long as he produces because they don’t actually feel the need to respect a black athlete as a person rather than just a product that helps their team?
Or you could ask him why “Hammer & Slammer–The Complete Series” isn’t available on DVD yet.
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
ask him how many times he has “fisted” a chick. please.
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Doesn’t defenestrate mean to literally throw something or someone out of a window? How will he defenestrate you? Will he throw his own phone out of the window before he hangs up on you when you ask him a dick joke? That just seems like a silly thing to do … Phones are expensive as shit nowadays.
June 24th, 2009 at 12:50 am
Did you get that hat free with a bowl of soup?
June 24th, 2009 at 1:01 am
Ask Jim for his recollections on “I Challenge You”, a one-off competition against Franco Harris.
June 24th, 2009 at 1:34 am
Please ask him the toughest defense or defensive player he ever played against.
I’ve got 5-2 on Nitschke. And I hate the fucking Packers.
June 24th, 2009 at 2:10 am
*Drew reads through a stack of hard-hitting questions, realizes who he is talking to*
…Uhh
…Uhh
…Remember that time, you were playing football? You remember that? That was awesome.
June 24th, 2009 at 3:23 am
Oh, but it looks good on you though. Did everyone conveniently forget that Kobe wanted to be traded two summers ago? How does he get a pass after all the shit he’s said and done? Ask Jim Brown who his gay choice would be.
June 24th, 2009 at 3:28 am
“Mr. Brown,
When you chose to end your football career and move to Hollywood, why did you decide to make shitty movies? Was it to inspire shitty movie makers like the Wayans Brothers? Does today’s racism stem from those shitty movies?”
/gets ass kicked by a senior citizen
June 24th, 2009 at 3:35 am
Ask him who was the most surprising well endowed athlete in the locker room? Who was the most disappointing?
June 24th, 2009 at 6:11 am
Ask him how many white chicks he’s slept with. More than Wilt? More than OJ? More than Marcus Allen?
June 24th, 2009 at 8:10 am
I’m surprised no one here has suggested asking him what’s the best way to coax your girlfriend into anal.
June 24th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Just make sure you say ‘I agree’ to whatever he says, Drew. As for a question, how about, “Mr. Brown, with so many worthy candidates in today’s NFL, whose career would you most want to run over and destroy as you did so often in your career and as Bo Jackson did to that moron from Oklahoma–oh, what was his name?”
June 24th, 2009 at 8:57 am
@Arm Strongcock:
Don’t be too harsh about his movie career. It isn’t Jim’s fault that he thought that his career was going to be chock full of DIRTY DOZENs and ICE STATION ZEBRAs. At least he got to do TICK, TICK, TICK, aka the unfunny BLAZING SADDLES.
And with the passing of Ed McMahon, what better time to revisit SLAUGHTER’S BIG RIPOFF? Hey, ask Jim something about working with the world’s greatest sidekick.
June 24th, 2009 at 9:00 am
Ask him why he didn’t stay in Cleveland after his playing days or move back to Syracuse.
June 24th, 2009 at 9:01 am
For some reason, I don’t see this interview ending well.
June 24th, 2009 at 9:16 am
ask him how many licks does it take to get to the center of a woman’s skull
also, feel free to sprinkle some JIVE TURKEYS anywhere in there.
June 24th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Ask him how things have changed for a black kid growing up now vs when he was a kid. Better now or worse?
June 24th, 2009 at 9:19 am
be sure to ask the hardball questions that Rich Eisen missed:
if you were a cloud, what kind of cloud would you be?
June 24th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Semi-serious questions:
1. Besides yourself, name 3 players from your era who would be successful in today’s NFL?
2. Name 3 current NFL players who would have succeeded in the NFL of your era?
3. What’s the biggest obstacle facing blacks in America today?
Dick joke questions that you will never ask:
1. Put yourself in OJ’s Bruno Magli’s for a moment. How would you have handled Nicole fucking that Jewish waiter and letting him drive around in your car?
2. What’s the quickest way for a woman to turn Mr. Hand into Mr. Fist?
3. Who is the better role model for underprivileged African-American youth: Jim Brown, Barack Obama, or Flavor Fav?
4. Hottest Hollywood starlet you banged? Punched in the box? Threw off a balcony?
5. What’s with the fucking beanie?
June 24th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav. Flavor Fucking Flav.
Way to fuck up the punchline, asshole.
June 24th, 2009 at 9:55 am
i would like to ask jim brown how he plans on doing in the poker tournament this september for the sports legends challenge. i’m looking forward to see him play some cards. i hear he’s pretty decent at poker.
-ana
June 24th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Ask him what it was like to win the last championship Cleveland ever had.
Ask him what drugs he was taking to manage to never miss a game due to injury.
Ask him why Franco Harris is such a pussy.
Ask him whether Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger or Governor Jesse Ventura was on more steroids during the filming of Running Man.
Ask him what the hell he and Fred Williamson and Richard Roundtree and Pam Grier were thinking when they agreed to do Original Gangsters.
June 24th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Was anything ever more satisfying than crushing all those rich white kids with a stick on the lacrosse field?
June 24th, 2009 at 10:53 am
What makes a more satisfying sound against a woman’s kindeys, your fist or a sack full of oranges?
June 24th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Do you feel it is at all hypocritical to criticize the behavior of current athletes considering your own problems with the law?
You rightly criticize current athletes because they don’t take public positions on civil rights or politics. How would you respond to an athlete criticizing you for your history of domestic violence?
Considering your own experiences, what would you say to Brandon Marshall about his allegations of domestic violence? (Follow-up dick joke: Would you recommend he use the forehand or the backhand when his bitch gets too lippy?)
Admit it: Deion Sanders is a bitch.
Is Rich Eisen a moaner or a screamer?
You’re having lunch with several young, talented but troubled players including Adam “Pacman” Jones, Santonio Holmes and Larry Johnson. Who beats up the waitress?
June 24th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Ask him how he plans on replacing Shark at Middle Linebacker and if he’ll miss coaching with Tony D’mato.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Questions for Jim Brown’s time in jail:
1) Were you the husband or the wife in your jailhouse relationship?
2) How many times a day did you have to suck your wife’s dick during your incarceration?
June 24th, 2009 at 11:27 am
“If I shit my pants out of pure fear during this interview, would you hold it against me?”
June 24th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Would Lee Marvin have needed more than one arm to kick your ass on the set of The Dirty Dozen?
June 24th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Jim, who passed and bequeathed upon you the sainted role of determining how much a black athlete ought to contribute to a cause you find important?
Follow up: and while you certainly have the right as a citizen to voice your criticisms of modern athletes, are you right to assume that your perspective is the only appropriate one?
Follow up to the follow up: Hello? Jim? Mr. Brown, are you there?
June 24th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Is there an athlete today who satisfies his criteria for off the field activism?
Was he serious about joining the Raiders when he was 47 years old?
June 24th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Mind if I call you “Sweet Georgia”?
Do you hit women to compensate for a small penis?
If you were Frank Gifford, how long ago would Kathie Lee have been locked in a Brazen Bull?
Mind if I call you “Uncle Tom”?
How much smarter are light-skinned Blacks than dark-skinned Blacks?
June 24th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
What is the most effective technique for smashing your wife’s car’s windows in with a shovel – overhand chop or baseball swing?
How do you determine when the 20-something model you’re banging has crossed the line from ‘deserves a beating’ to ‘must be tossed over my balcony’?
Was the most satisfying stiffarm you applied during your lifetime against an NFL player or a 100-pound woman?
Ok, one semi-serious one – if you were playing in today’s NFL, would you gain 3,000 yards per season?
June 24th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Mr. Hypocrite McWomanbeater:
Do you really think that there is a segment of the population that is honestly going to be influenced to make a real social change because a couple of black athletes did some fundraisers, made some speeches or volunteered at a fucking soup kitchen a couple of times?
I’m no black guy, but do you honestly think that MJ and Tiger have enough “street cred” to be able to communicate an effective message that would possibly resonate on a black youth that is looking for direction?
There’s plenty of seemingly worthless white, American Indian and Latino people in US society as well. Can they listen to these highly influential black people that you’re trying to push on them or do they have to wait for someone with the same skin color to give them the message?
Since kids are having kids and certain segments of the population (ALL races) are having kids simply for monetary gain through federal subsidies, have you thought about offering some kind of payment for elective sterilization in order to break this cycle?
/hiiiiiiiilarious dick joke
June 24th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Mr. Brown,
Does it piss you off that Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Inglorious Basterds’ is in fact a bastardization of your great righteous prison veteran work in ‘The Dirty Dozen’… now with just Jews?
June 24th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Ask him, “Who was the jivest turkey of them all?”
Source of inspiration: MenaceIIsobriety.
June 24th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Ask him if he’s ever partied with twisted tea at the Cross!
June 25th, 2009 at 1:47 am
I would like to ask Jim Brown what he would do if he was Hitler
June 25th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Didn’t he kill Hitler in the Dirty Dozen?
November 4th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Hmm