This Week In F—k You: F—k You, Doctors
We’re in the slowest stretch of the offseason now: the dreaded post-draft period. There’s no football on, and there won’t be football on for quite some time. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, we’re hateful too. Of all things, at all times. Hating is what we do best. So, in that spirit, I’d like to present you with our new off-topic offseason feature…
THIS WEEK IN FUCK YOU.
Every week or so, we’ll be taking our lack-of-football-related depression out on any number of deserving targets: people, things, abstract ideas, group dinners, etc. It’s just the kind of cathartic invective we excel at. This week, DOCTORS.
I have a bad back. This requires me to sometimes visit an orthopedic surgeon. I see the same orthopedic surgeon every time. I make an appointment, show up at his office and, WITHOUT FAIL, wait for at least 45 minutes to see him. Minimum. Sometimes, the nurse will call me out of the waiting room, which makes me think I’m about to see the doctor. But I’m not. I’m simply led to some empty room, ordered to sit there with no fucking pants on, and forced to wait even longer, this time all alone. With no good magazines anywhere in sight. Just three four-year old copies of National Geographic. They usually slap a magnetic number on the door of my room, as if I’m some kind of deli order. Every time I hear footsteps outside the door, I think to myself, “This is it. The guy is finally here.” Only it’s not him, and I wait for even longer.
During that wait, my blood will begin to fucking boil. I will fume, imagining all the ways I’ll tell off that fucking piece of shit doctor when he walks in the door. But I never do. Because I’ve waited so fucking long, it’s too much of a pain in the ass to make an issue of it. Also, I’m usually in agony, and I need drugs straight away. So instead of punching that fuck in fucking face, I’ll accept the doctor’s half-assed apology, let him write me a prescription for muscle relaxants or some shit like that, and then leave.
This is exactly how doctors want it. They make you wait forever. That way, you’ll be so eager to get the fuck out of there that you won’t take up too much of their precious time talking about whatever the fuck is wrong with you. And you’ll be so grateful that they gave you drugs that you’ll forget about the whole waiting bullshit. And to that I say… FUCK YOU.
Fuck you, doctors. Fuck you fucking sideways. If I make a reservation at a fucking restaurant for a certain time, and they make me wait an extra 45 minutes, I have a right to be pissed. I don’t know when doctors collectively decided it was okay to be late TO EVERY GODDAMN APPOINTMENT THEY SCHEDULE. I made an appointment with a doctor for 9AM once. When I got to his office, he hadn’t even arrived yet. HEY FUCKHEADS, DO YOU REALLY THINK YOUR TIME IS SOMEHOW MORE VALUABLE THAN MINE? I make an appointment with you at a certain time because that is time I want to see you. This is not California, where plans mean NOTHING. This is not fucking Space Mountain. I have shit to do.
Oh, you have a backed up list of patients to get to? Well, here’s a little idea for you, fucknugget: BOOK LESS APPOINTMENTS. That way, the 75-year-old man sitting in the waiting room won’t void his bowels in front of everyone in the process of waiting for you. But oh no, we can’t book less appointments! That would mean less money for you! And your job is so hard! Lemme re-enact your job for you.
/walk in
/scribble shit on a pad
/leave
/tell nurse to draw blood and collect piss
Real fucking strenuous, you cockgoblins. I hope your fucking insurance premiums eat up 95% of your goddamn revenue. I hope you fall ill with some form of terminal cancer, and then have to spend your remaining days sitting in the office of your oncologist, forced to wait for hours on end like a goddamn piece of meat, treated as if your some kind of inconvenience as opposed to an actual human being. I hope you’re stuck in some lonely office with your ass hanging out, doubled over in agony while YOUR doctor sits five doors down playing Minesweeper. You FUCKS.
Just because you spent eight years doing your residency or whatever the fuck it was doesn’t mean you now occupy some kind of Presidential territory where it’s some kind of privilege on my part to get an audience with your sorry ass. You fucks charge hundreds of dollars per appointment. You should be on your hand and fucking knees that I choose you as a provider of care. And you can’t even show up on time? DIE. DIE OF SOMETHING YOU CAN’T DIAGNOSE.
If you were occasionally late to your appointments, I would understand. Happens to the best of us. But you aren’t. You are ALWAYS late, and you’ve structured it specifically so that I have no choice but to sit there and take it like an idiot. I swear to God, if I didn’t need the Percocets, I would stuff a McDonald’s straw in your goddamn dickhole.
I fucking hate doctors.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, dentists are far better about being punctual, not wild about tv doctors either, this week in f--k you
May 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am
dammit Drew, don’t you know by now we musn’t disturb the delicate genius!
May 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Quality hatred. Lofty hatred.
And you’re right, Drew. Every 3 months I gotta see my doctor. I make an appointment at 9 AM. I get there at 8:30. I don’t see the fucker until 9:45. And they use that little “Come on back and wait in the room” trick to make sure your ass can’t just up and leave.
So you sit there…and wait…and wait…and wait…
May 13th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Preach it Reverend
May 13th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
My favorite is having to come into the office to renew my asthma prescription because the doctor wants to see me. The doctor doesn’t want to see me. The doctor is putting his fucking little bastard kid through catholic school and he wants the money my visit will generate. Hey asshole! Don’t call me in for my fucking asthma again unless you fucking cured it, ok?
Can you lump in those cunts that run the office for the doctor? Is there a bigger, more unorganized, more illiterate group of fucking hags ever put in charge of ensuring an office runs smoothly? Why do you need 500 copies of my insurance card? Haven’t you ever heard of computers? Why can’t you get these douchenozzle doctors to stick to a fucking schedule? Why do you wear scrubs? You’re not a medical professional! You’re a fucking secretary and a shitty one at that.
I just want to punch Patrick Dempsey in his smug fucking face.
/I feel better
May 13th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I certainly hope you touched your dick to everything in that room. Not that it would make any difference, but you’d have a nice laugh on the way home.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
And a special heartfelt FUCK YOU goes out to Drew for busting my good mood and getting me all pissed off at doctors right now…
/still thinks Drew’s rant was Toone P. Wiggins-quality though…
May 13th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Dear Lord, this post couldn’t have been better timed for me.
Just got home from a 9am appointment with my daughter’s pediatrician. And, of course, we didn’t get called back until 9:45 and actually seen until 10. The only thing worse than waiting on end for your doctor is waiting for your child’s doctor, while she does a spot-on impression of Ryan Leaf’s locker room meltdown for a full fucking hour.
I’m sorry, receptionist lady. Is my daughter’s banshee cry disturbing the other patients here in the waiting room? Maybe you could get us in to see the fucking doctor on fucking time you fucking fucks. But it’s nice to know you’re not a goddamn mannequin. When we came in — you know, five minutes early for our appointment — you sat there without even acknowledging us for five full minutes as we stood in front of you while you stared blankly at your computer. Do you hear us now? Fuck you.
Fuck me. What’s for lunch? Scotch?
May 13th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Once I went to a doctor’s office that had a TV. That was pretty decent. Too bad the bescrubbed landmonsters had commandeered it to watch Passions. Passions? Really? It’s bad enough that you’re going to watch something so devoid of plot, character development, and any semblance of rational thought, but this particular story arc had a wife cheating on her husband with a FUCKING PIG. No euphamism…she was fucking livestock. And they were discussing it! Medical professionals my ass.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
My first thought when I heard that Obama was pushing for electronic medical records was that it was going to be one more fucking excuse for doctors to sit on their dicks for an extra hour. I’m pretty sure my doc has Golden Tee in one of the unused exam rooms.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
@Otto: True THAT. Even worse when you gotta bring more than one kid.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Is there a bigger, more unorganized, more illiterate group of fucking hags ever put in charge of ensuring an office runs smoothly?
Preach it.
It’s a $15 co-pay at the pediatrician, and — again, once I get the old hag’s attention after standing there five minutes — I hand her a $20. She takes it from me, opens the change drawer, and then … answers the phone. “You need an appointment in August? OK, let me get out the paper notebook with the handwritten names so I can leaf through it slowly … slowly … slowly. How about August 14th at 2pm? No? … How about August 15th at 10? … No? How about ….”
It’s called a hold button, you fucking Mennonite. Make the caller wait three seconds, hand me back an Abe Lincoln, and let me get the fuck out of the ninth circle of hell.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
My last clinic visit, I got through 100 pages of Cat’s Cradle… now I just need to get sick again so I can finish it
May 13th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
@Otto: True THAT. Even worse when you gotta bring more than one kid.
That won’t happen with us. I just repeatedly slammed my nuts in the car door.
Never again, people. Never again.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I would stuff a McDonald’s straw in your goddamn dickhole.
Good choice. Those things are wide.
My advice: show up late for your appointment. Better yet, leave after 30 minutes. Do it a few times. They fucking hate that.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
And even better, schedule appointments and cancel them at the last minute. I used to do that all the time and it damn near sent them through the roof.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
The last time a doctor made me wait 45 minutes past my appointment time, I walked out.
I told the nice receptionist lady that I was a busy man, and I didn’t have time for this crap.
By the time I got home (20 minutes later), there was a message on my answering machine from the doctor (not the office) apologizing.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
@Otto and Drew,
I recommend a pediatrician with a flat screen tv in the reception area that is always playing Shrek, Finding Nemo, etc.. and a shit ton of toys. It usually keeps my girls quiet when we have to go to the doctor.
Anyway, my wife had to wait 30 minutes after her scheduled appointment just to get blood work done. Fuck that noise.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
I worked as a temp in a cardiology clinic for 4 agonizing weeks once. Saddest part of the day was whenever some octogenariate couple would come hobbling in and apologize up-and-down for being ten minutes late. I never had the heart to tell them “You could’ve been 2 HOURS late- you’d still be waiting in that chair over there”. F doctors indeed.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
BTW, just think about the wording: “The doctor will see you now.” I half expect to find him on a throne with his scepter extended towards me.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
@rusrus
I wouldn’t touch my dick to anything in a doctor’s office, except maybe one or two of the nurses. But seriously, best way to ensure you catch UltraHerp is to start rubbing your cock on the walls of a medical building.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Big surprise that a fat fuck has back problems. Maybe if you actually did curls that didn’t involve chips and sour cream you wouldn’t need to see a doctor. So in the end whose fault is it really?
/makes wanking motion
May 13th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
not to deny most of what’s in your rant, there, but….
maybe you just have a shitty doctor/practice. when i was 16, i worked medical billing and appointment desk in my aunt’s doctor’s office. every time someone came in, we threw the phone on hold (and damn if it didnt piss off those old people). we served the customer who was actually there, and all of our doctors knew their limits. there were a few people that were double booked each hour, but not a lot. the doctors knew how many patients they could see in a certain time limit, and still have time for lunch and crap.
also, blame the old people for showing up like 45 minutes early for their appointment. they get seen first because they’ve been there longer (never mind the fact that they were incredibly early, its just the way the system is)
as for why scrubs for the counter people, scrubs are like a uniform. and given the nuts who work at that job, a uniform is probably better than what they might normally choose to wear.
as for the insurance card thing, people (especially old people) have cards that change all the time. so if you go in every 6 months, decent chance your card will have changed slash the medical billing system wont take the dated photocopy of your old card.
but it sounds to me like your doctor is being an asshole, drew.
dick joke.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
It’s true, there is no such thing as plans here.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I’m going to love this feature. And need a soundproofed office.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Drew,
Do what I do – make friends with your doctors. I get scripts renewed with a phone call (unless its the really good stuff), and almost never go into the office. The layers of bullshit will still be there if I do, so unless something needs to be sewed back on, I just call his wife with my symptoms, and pick up my scrip the next day.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
“This is not California, where plans mean NOTHING.”
do. not. get. me. started. on. this. subject.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Just what we needed, FUCK YOU Wednesday. SWEET.
And my doctor had me wait an hour before I got in to see…not him…but one of his nurses. After I was there for 2 hours (this was a Saturday and I had scheduled a physical), I got to see him for 5 whole minutes. Yeah, I’m sure my insurance company will probably think that he was doing all the tests himself and analyzing all the blood work in his underground lab based on what he’s charging them.
Cool thing about the visit? I got to read 50 pages of Men With Balls (not sucking up)
Tuuurible thing about the visit? That’s So
LendaleRaven was on the TV. Thought I was going to eat a bullet at some point.May 13th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I’ve had both sides of it. Luckily our kids’ Pediatrician is absolutely awesome. After seeing us a few times and figuring out we weren’t whack-jobs, he gave us his v-mail and email and he will diagnose based upon history and our description of the issue. Two of our kids have Asthma and bad allergies and require various prescriptions throughout the year. He took the time to learn about their chronic conditions and has the confidence to prescribe medication based upon our previous interactions. We have $20 co-pays for visits, so all of the vmail, email based work he does saves us (and my company insurance) serious jack. We’re estimating he saves us over $200 a year, out of pocket.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
I had a doctor who misdiagnosed my gall stones for a year and a half. I told him the problem was gall stones, but he asured me that I was wrong and this I just needed a high-fiber diet and to lose weight. For 11 months, I had a gall bladder attack every month (a woman I know who has given birth to four kids says gall bladder attacks hurt the same as giving birth). I suppose that’s why it’s called “practicing medicine.”
/Waited at a pediatrician’s office for 1 hour 55 minutes
//Walking out after you see the receptionist costs you the co-pay (why do you think they take your co-pay immediately after you enter office?)
///Pricks
May 13th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
On the bad side, I fricken hate doctors who seem squirmish at doing their damn job. I’ve had physicals where the doctors seemingly don’t want anything to do with the nether-regions. Dude, you’re a fucking doctor. I’m a high cancer risk, check my damn balls, asshole and prostate. I don’t like getting ass-finger-banged yearly, but I know I’d like Prostate cancer a whole lot less.
Also, I try to get the early appointments but what’s the fuckin point. Half the time I’m through triage and sitting in the room and the doctor’s not even in the office yet. I think I should schedule a meeting at work and simply come in the office 30 minutes after it was scheduled to start. I’m sure that would go over well.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
My wife recently went to her OB/GYN for a six-week post-birth checkup. Waited 45 mins (with all three kids in the waiting room) then was told he wouldn’t be showing because he was at the hospital delivering a baby. I mean, I know that’s part of his job, but I’m still keying that asshole’s Audi in the very near future.
I did recently go into an Urgent Care facilty where they had a flat screen with the NBC-feed hockey game on. Unfortunately, it didn’t have cable so every 5 seconds was a faulty picture and screaming static noise. Hey “Doc in the Box”, spring for some GD DirecTV, would ya?
May 13th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
I find drug dealers to be more reliable than doctors and pharmacists.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
HCSS wins. That was pretty funny.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
@ Otto: Or worse, when you call for an appoinment because the kid is sick or complaining about a stomachache or whatever, they make you feel like the lowest form of filth if you can’t/won’t drop everything immediately to drive the delicate snowflake to the office. Hey, bitch. My kid has an earache, not ebola. She’s not fucking dying. She can survive for a few hours so daddy can make sure he can keep the job he needs to pay all your bullshit fees.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
My stories:
1. My son was sick. He was 8 months old. A nursing student was allowed to perform the spinal tap (nobody told me this cunt was a STUDENT). after 5 (FIVE!!) attempts, each one making my son scream harder in pain, i couldnt take it anymore. I grabbed her by the arm and threw her out of the room, all while unleashing a BigDaddyDrew-worthy cursing shitstorm.
2. At my other son’s doctor’s office, there was a nice, pretty Latina lady crying her eyes out. When I asked what was wrong, she said she had been waiting, with her very sick son, for over 2 hours, and nobody had helped her. She spoke no english, and her son (who did) had fallen asleep. she had been crying for over 20 minutes maybe 15 inches in front of the receptionist, who could not give a fuck.
3. I was hospitalized for meningitis two years ago. i was deliriously high on morphine, and had no clue as to how to use the bed pan, seeing as I was not allowed to sit up. A nurse (hot black chick) told me, and I quote: “Just, like, put your….thing… in it, and, like, pee…”. Fucking idiot whore.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
@Spatula – Everyone has a boss, you need to complain. I have a friend who experienced a similar issue and over a year later she ended up having the gall bladder removed. Bad doctors jump on overweight-ness too quickly.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Good doctors are like good mechanics, hard to find but when you do find one you keep them for life. When my daughters elbow come out of joint our doctor meet us at his office at 9pm at night to put it back in place.
great doctor, lofty doctor.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Not a week ago, I go into the orthopedic office for my third appointment for a shoulder issue after the usual battery of MRIs and X-Rays. Asshole comes in, pulls out the laptop, points at my MRI and says “Yep, you have a torn labrum. I’m gonna go ahead and make you an appointment with our other shoulder specialist to confirm.”
I’m looking at said MRI, it’s obvious where the tear is, the dickhead I’m seeing is the one who does the surgery anyway, and I have to wait a goddamn month with a ruined shoulder to see his asspal just so he can confirm the diagnosis, so I can finally have the effing surgery i need.
/didn’t get painkillers either
//likes this new forum to gripe about worthless shit
May 13th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Best part of all that, doctors are like that for shit they need to book appointments for! I work at a bank in Canada (where we get to keep our jobs) and when I have to meet with a doctor, he doesn’t accept that I have other appointments. He demands I meet him at 5pm (when we close at 4:30), and I tell him I can’t see him till 9am the next morning. He demands it’s urgent, he needs it done that day. SOOO I go out of MY way to see him at 5pm instead of going home to MY family, and what does that cock slop do? Shows up at 5:20pm, saying “Sorry I was late, had an emergency?” Really? An emergency? I wanted to choke him with my tie and explain that just because he’s a doctor, “emergency” isn’t an every time excuse he can pull when he’s late. Slipping his dick in the new male resident to get him used to the “rounds” isn’t an emergency Asshole! I’ll show you an emergency when I give you a traichiotomy with my pen here.
Thanks for the hate Drew. I love hate. My fiance says it’s an irrational hate, but I tell her that’s just cause her and her family is the source of so much of it, she’s too close to the hate to see!
May 13th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
and you know what happens then Drew,
people get pissed at the doctors and vent it on their pharmacists so while the retail pharmacy industry thinks it’s perfectly ok to answer the phone, try to deal with fucking insane insurance companies (usually some fucking non-english speaking idiot from India- great job outsourcing), councel patients, run the register, call the doctor (b/c they write worse than anybody and you can’t read the script) about the script or that patient X has an allergy or drug interaction that the doc or the nurses missed and work about 5 different counters at the same time- while each customer is screaming at you.
Oh yeah, I forgot fill the script as well……no wonder the medical industry sucks
May 13th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
@Gordon, maybe his emergency was the slow foursome in front of him on the golf course?
May 13th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
I won’t bore you with a doctor story. I will bore you with a grammar lesson.
Drew, it’s fewer appointments, not less appointments. Because you can count appointments one-by-one, “fewer” is the proper term.
Really funny dick joke to make up for the grammar lesson.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Totally agree here. My doc is pretty quick, if I arrive 10 minutes before my appt time I can usually be out by 30 minutes AFTER the appt time. So maybe a 45 minute total. But it is dumb.
And was that a sorta “Brand New” quote on that die of something you cant diagnose, or just coincidence?
May 13th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Are there really no physicians who read/comment on KSK willing to defend their practices? I’d have figured that there’d be dozens of docs who blog and comment on blogs all damn day.
seconding Otto’s order of the Scotch bucket lunch.
May 13th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
@Slothrop – No. They are all lawyers … while billing hours.
May 13th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I waited 3.5 hours for an orthopedic surgeon a couple of weeks ago. The best part was the Fox News channel set loud enough for people on Mars to hear. After that I figured I earned the narcotics.
But the dude with the baby spinal tap wins. Those things BLOW.
I let my kids be as obnoxious as possible — and believe me, their capacity is high — when we’re stuck in the pediatrician’s office. The nurse pulls us out of the waiting room — you know, that place with the toys and the flat screen — as soon as possible, only to leave us in the exam room for a damn hour. I encourage my kids to jack with the table, the otoscope, the tongue depressors, all that shit. Don’t make me wait, asshole.
May 13th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Great feature! next week, the dmv?
/sitting here now
/holding ticket 94
/they’re serving ticket 20
May 13th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I’m a doc (cardiologist) but too busy seeing my patients right now. Will retort later.
May 13th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Whoa, McDonalds has the fat straws!
May 13th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
@CC: I’d have punched that idiotic bitch. Spinal taps are not something to be done by freakin’ amateurs — nevermind on a child.
As for the wait staff at the doctor’s office…hmm, let’s see: rude, annoying, couldn’t care less, uninterested in helping or taking care of you. I swear, it’s like if you fail at everything else at life, you can become a medical staff member.
And thanks to all the damn community colleges pushing their medical assistant/technician/ballscrubber degrees, we are sure getting the best and brightest to take care of us and keep our records safe.
May 13th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
The people who work in my docotor’s office seem to be afraid of answering the phone, so I’m always having to deal with their damn voicemail, even during standard business hours. The worst thing is that the outgoing message is about the same length as “Stairway to Heaven” and there’s no way to bypass it- you have to listen to the whole fucking thing.
I think next time I call them, I’ll stuff the voicemail with a shitload of maximum-length messages that say nothing; I’ll just repeat my different phone numbers over and over and remind them that “if this is a life-threatening emergency, hang up and dial 9-1-1.” Answer the fucking phone, fuckwads. It’s not like you’re busy or anything. Fuck you.
May 13th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
fuck you, FTBuzzsaw
/gov’t lawyer – not billing
May 13th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
The problem with the practice of medicine in this country is that we don’t have enough doctors. Every year, the AMA figures out how many doctors are going to retire, die, give it up to stay home with the kids or get into medical sales (those lazy fucks are a whole separarate rant) in eight years and that number, plus the usual washout overage, is the number of people admitted to medical school that year. They have insured that demand will always be high by intentionally limiting supply.
I nominate insurance companies for Fuck You Wednesday.
May 13th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Nice CobraCommander…so because you’re too stupid to figure out how to use a device made for patients who can do little more than shit themselves the nurse who needed to explain to you how to evacuate yourself is an “idiot whore.” I mean really, it is essentially a bucket used to collect human excretion, but she’s the idiot. And somehow, also a whore. Good to see you have at least two male offspring onto whom you can pass your misogyny.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
One time my doctor told me to stop drinking so much, it was contributing to my high blood pressure. What a bitch!
May 13th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Crap, I have to go to the doctor this weekend. Thanks for making me fear the worst.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
@RBP’s: That reminds me…I especially like the teachers who couldn’t get into a four year school, so started out in CC. What’s that, your D average wouldn’t get you into the 4-year state school? Ok, go to CC for 2 years, transfer, then go teach our kids.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Rocco: if we paid teachers like we pay doctors, that wouldn’t be an issue. You’d get a lot of the law/med school crowd trying to become teachers.
Of course, then we’d have to raise our standards to where they’d have to know what the f–k they were teaching and demand that they don’t f–k the students…just give handjobs to the dads during PTA nights.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
@ Morbo
Get menigitis and high on morphine and let us know if you’re capable of having higher brain functions.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
I highly recommend that nobody here ever, ever watches “Sicko.” It will make you want to move to Canada or even g-d France.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Fuck You Wednesday is brought to you by Morbo, totally missing the point since 2009.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
All right bloggers…all together now…1…2…3…”FUCK YOU MORBO!!!!”
Didn’t that feel good? Great.
And CobraCommander: I would have knocked that student on her ever loving ass for stabbing my kid in the back 5 times without knowing what in the fuck she was doing. We have to pay all this GD money for medical care and you are giving me a fuckin’ med student? No, no, no. You will bring your minesweeping, golfing, overbooking appointments ass over here and earn this co-pay and overinflated medical insurance claim.
/ranting is good for the soul
May 13th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
It sounds like an overwhelming majority of the hate and frustration being described here could have been avoided by investing in some condoms. Children are the f’ing devil.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
“I nominate insurance companies for Fuck You Wednesday.”
I’ll second that. Finally found a moderately competent doctor/staff and now I continue to wage a never ending battle against Humana to get them to give me some value for their biweekly hijacking of my paycheck. Those assclowns will not approve any claims without a fight.
Long story short, I ended up with a $1,000.00 bill for a test that my old doctor assured me would be covered (I know, ultimately my fault) that those fucktards wouldn’t allow. When I called the patient line, they told me that the doctor just had to have the test approved and they would cover it. I sat in his office with him while he called the practitioner line on speaker phone and they told him there was no basis for the test and they were denying the claim.
When he wouldn’t even split the cost with me it was time to find a new doctor.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Last Thursday. My day starts at 7:30 when I have to remind the “staff” that people care about their insurance payments and records… FOR THE 80th time. You think patients like waiting? Fuck up their insurance and you’ll hear from their attorneys. Oh, and this whole junior college “I’m gonna be a medical assistant” noise is Bullshit. Just TRY to find help. Help that can write a sentence. Help that can be bothered to answer the phone. Help that will let you know when a patient passes out in the office.
Back to last Thurday… You think I like being late? Fuck that. I’m a doctor which means the only thing I love is golf, right? (Fuck you. And fuck golf by the way.) But when the first patient has a hemmorhoid and swears it cancer, the second patient actually has cancer and is fucking freaking out because she doesn’t know how to tell her kids, and the the third patient has – no joke – some really freaky (medical term) tissue damage as the result of a brown recluse spider bite that requires me to consult a whole battery of specialists, and send him to the hospital, I can get a little backed up. NO ONE DENIES THIS.
Waaah, I have a bad back. Pussy. Waah, turdwater doctor is late. Well, maybe I’m late because I had to tell a lady that her 5 year olds left nut may or may not drop. Maybe I’m trying to get the hot-as balls prescription saleschick to blow me in my office. Maybe, I have my finger up some gay guys ass doing the ole prostate dance after enduring a monologue about how nice his place at the shore is. Maybe, I wolfed down a chili-dog and some ho-hos for lunch (yes, I take lipitor, too, whipdick) and have explosive mud-butt.
Waah, your back hurts. Bring a flask. Take some of your wife’s xanax. I’ll fucking get to you; I might even give you a little valium. You’ll just have to wait until old Mr. Velez repeats the same sad story about his heart trouble for the 40th time. Or I’ve been able to convince the prescription chick.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Maybe I’m trying to get the hot-as balls prescription saleschick to blow me in my office.
Maybe? There ain’t no maybes there. If you’ll agree to start selling their drugs, the saleschick are trained on how to give the toe-curlin’ kind of BJs.
Why you think they’re all 18-27, hot-as-hell and wearing the kind of outfits that’d make strippers blush?
May 13th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Doc:
That was quality hate. Did you learn that on a psych rotation or did it just ooze up as a result of 100 hr work weeks as a resident? Nicely done.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
“We don’t need more doctors”
http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/05/13/christensen.doctors/index.html
Or so says a tenured professor at Harvard’s business school who probably receives complimentary blowjobs from the nursing staff while he waits for the dean of the medical school to come rushing in.
\Big fan of This Week in Fuck You
\\Nominates every person who comes to my door not delivering Girl Scout cookie or Amazon goodness.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
I have a simple rule for my doctors. Make me wait an unreasonable period of time and I hand your whore billing clerk a bill for my hourly rate ($250/hr. after a 30 minute wait) for waiting or give them the chance to waive the co-pay (which they mark paid so the insurance company will reimburse the rest of the visit). Works for me 95% of the time. The fact that I’m screaming at them in front of an office full of patients (and giving them the same idea) probably helps!
May 13th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
@Mike…hard as it is to believe, I’ve been in a similar situation and was able to find the bucket located conveniently underneath my shit chute. So have millions of Alzheimer, Parkinson, and dementia sufferers.
@Claude…I thought the point of the post was wrath towards incompetent doctors, not nurses who weren’t prepared with a slide show on how to fill a pail.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
To add to Doc and Reggie Bush’s Pimp’s points:
The power that the pharmaceutical industry wields is scary. One of their most insidious tricks is the lady pharmaceutical rep (AKA respectable pusher). She flirts and shakes her ass in front of the doctors to sell her company’s over-priced drugs. Every female pharmaceutical rep I’ve seen (or known) is young, perky and hot. Big pharma actually recruits college cheerleaders (SEC and Pac-10 tail are particularly sought-after) because they’re smart enough to know a man’s suggestability (and tolerance for bullshit yakk-yakk) is at its highest when he’s talking to a hot cheerleader.
“Hmmm. Fascinating. Tell me more.” (So I can keep looking at your tits.)
May 13th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
@Slothrop –
There’s hate to spare. Nothing that a little gin and lorazepam can’t suitably address.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Bill your doctor for excessive time spent in his waiting room. Get on your computer-box, mock up a bill, print the fucker and mail it to her office. $120 per hour sounds about right. Bill ‘em right down to the minute. 55 Min at $2 per min? $110 bucks fucko! If you are a professional with a real billing system you are waaaaaay ahead in this little game.
/wenier witticism
May 13th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
That’s quality self-medicating, Doc. My own Rx is whiskey and whisky, but then, I’m in higher ed, so I see actual cheerleaders in their natural environment. Of course, I’m in D3, so it’s not like I see SEC/Pac10-level talent very often.
But back to the hate. Tell us about the hypochondriacs and the drug addicts who won’t leave you alone. That’s got to be some pent up fury.
May 13th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Wow, a scathing attack on doctors. What’s next, the first rant ever against the post office? This feature should’ve drowned in the Gulf Coast w/ the Oakland Raiders linebacker.
May 13th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
There’s hate to spare. Nothing that a little gin and lorazepam can’t suitably address.
For fun, I once popped a couple lorazepams with a double whiskey, then had a couple beers and a joint after that. I remember sitting down to watch TV, then waking up seven hours later in the same chair, in the same position, holding a warm, half-drunk (and unspilled) beer in one hand and the remote in the other. Strong stuff.
May 13th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
“Nothing that a little gin and lorazepam can’t suitably address.”
My son has been asking what I want for my birthday. Now I have an answer.
May 13th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
So many things I want to echo and agree with here, but the main point is the mandatory appointment when I want my number refill on my medication for a chronic illness. Fuck you guys – as if my prescription doesn’t already cost enough, I need to come see you to confirm that absolutely nothing has changed and I still need the same medicine I have been on without any changes for the last 20 years?!? Fuck that.
It’s only slightly related, but the incompetence of medical personnel is at its highest in the laboratory. My wife has a chronic illness that has required intermittent bouts of hospitalization of varying lengths over the last 10 years. As a direct result of these hospital stays and the accompanying I.V.s, all of here veins are shot. That means when she has to have lab work done, she is what is commonly referred to as “a hard stick.” I often go with my wife to get her blood drawn for various tests and it always plays out the exact same way.
1. 45 minute wait
2. We explain to the lab tech that my wife is a difficult stick and that she knows exactly which vein they will be able to get blood out of and in what manner it will be possible.
3. the arrogant fucking lab tech explains that he/she is really good at his/her job and won’t have any problem getting blood
4. arrogant lab tech ignores my wife’s advice and picks whatever vein he/she feels like picking
5. that vein doesn’t fucking work, nor do the next 3-4 veins they try, leading to multiple needle sticks and needles being dug around in her arms for 10-15 minutes
6. first arrogant lab tech says “wow, you really are a hard stick! Let me go get someone else.”
7. repeat steps 2-6
8. Either 2nd or maybe even 3rd lab tech finally does exactly what my wife said to do close to an hour ago
9. Blood is drawn successfully
10. We leave, my wife crying, me so angry that I can’t even speak and the lab techs unaware how close they came to being beaten to death
What is it about working in the blood lab that makes people so arrogant and unwilling to fucking listen?
May 13th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I actually haven’t had terrible experiences with doctors. I do hate waiting alone in the exam room, that’s creepy as shit. And boring. They need the flat-screen in the exam rooms, so you have something to watch while you’re waiting alone.
BTW, my sister was the office manager for a doctor (is currently office manager for a much bigger medical practice). She has little but contempt for most patients, many of whom are completely fucking insane, to judge by her stories about them. She also has very little but contempt for most of her coworkers (present and past). She says most of them are stupid, lazy, worthless bitches. She wasn’t too crazy about the doctor she used to work for, either, or his whackjob wife (third wife).
May 13th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
So, it’s not your sister, it’s everyone else?
May 13th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
I don’t know about private practice, but in the ED where I work, RNs and MDs are nearly at war, though the MDs can just barely conceive of anyone not cowering to them. Completely different sets of goals. Kindness to the RNs will likely be repaid; kindness to the MDs will be seen as weakness and license to make you wait an extra couple hours before they order yet another unnecessary test.
And ALWAYS argue your bill. Every line of it.
May 13th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
RE claude balls Says:
“So, it’s not your sister, it’s everyone else?”
To hear her tell it, yes.
To hear everyone else tell it, kinda sounds like everyone involved in every step of our medical system is a giant asshole, starting with the unreasonable patients, the apathetic and incompetent office staff, the uncaring doctors, the whorish pharmaceutical reps, the herpes-ridden anuses that run the insurance companies… what we really need is the well-oiled machinery of the federal government to take over and make it just about perfect.
May 13th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
And fuck the ER, it does not matter how much pain your in they will make your ass wait, and give you nothing for it except a brace and ice for a fucking broken wrist….. FUCK!
May 13th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
doctors blow, no doubt. i had terrible back pain for years and went through the same shit you do….one word, chiropractor….very fast and the shit works. never been back to fuckface doctor
May 13th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
This has been a wonderful day of group therapy.
I’m already looking forward to next week’s installment of “You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?”
May 13th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
The only bad experience I’ve ever really had was when I had kidney stones. I waited so long (in the little room all alone) that when I came out to see what was taking so long, the waiting room was empty and half the receptionists were gone. Yeah, the office was closing for the day and they’d forgotten about me and my inability to piss.
/saw Sicko and was really mad for about a week
May 13th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
what you are all complaining about will get much worse with universal health care. rather than think ‘waiting room’ think ‘line at the dmv’. and rather than thinking ‘doctor’ think ‘person behind the counter at the dmv’. and no, it will not cost less. it will cost more, and you will wait longer.
have fun, boys and girls.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
RE Carrie Says:
“Yeah, the office was closing for the day and they’d forgotten about me and my inability to piss.”
Man, somebody should have gotten a cock/ovary punch for that.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Otto Man – you touched a very important tangent hate on waiting for your Abe Lincoln, which is for those don’t want to scroll all the way back up…YOU go to the store, are talking to the clerk/salesman/whatever and the phone rings, and your ass is dropped like a hot rock just hit their hand…and of course it happens 2 or 3 times more…after the second time, I just give him the stink eye…third time, I have to verbalize…something along the lines of I’m the bird in hand, and yet you chase after every bird that lands in the nearby bushes…one of these days, I’m going to whip out my cell phone and call while I’m in line to cut in front of the two or three people standing in front of me just because I can.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Otto Man – you touched a very important tangent hate on waiting for your Abe Lincoln, which is for those don’t want to scroll all the way back up…YOU go to the store, are talking to the clerk/salesman/whatever and the phone rings, and your ass is dropped like a hot rock just hit their hand…and of course it happens 2 or 3 times more…after the second time, I just give him the stink eye…third time, I have to verbalize…something along the lines of I’m the bird in hand, and yet you chase after every bird that lands in the nearby bushes…one of these days, I’m going to whip out my cell phone and call while I’m in line to cut in front of the two or three people standing in front of me just because I could.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Josh – fuck you and the right wing radio show you are obviously programmed by.
Don’t you get it from reading the above? The system we have now SUCKS.
/dick joke
May 13th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Stop listening to Fox News, Josh. I lived with universal health care in the Netherlands for five years, and it was fantastic.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
Excellent Premiere of This Week Fuck You — Kudos!
Drew, why the fuck are you seeing an MD for your back, try Bowen Technique 10 visits and you will not only feel no more pain, but will also be more relaxed and happier . Bonus! You can then use drugs for their best purpose, recreation!
I’m Canadian, we don’t pay so that pretty much puts my fuck you in perspective, and besides if I really got going my rant would exceed dear Drew’s. If I lived in the states I would be dead as my illness hit young and I have not been able to make enough money to pay more than rent and food — these are the good years. At least here I don’t have to worry about affording the best medical care; I just had to be sick enough to get it and fucking fuck fuck I was sick enough, and fucking fucking fuck there’s a good chance I will be again. Fuck You fucking chronic illness.
Glad to be alive and ranting.
Be Well All
May 13th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
i haven’t learned about healthcare from the radio. i am a doctor, and i agree that the system sucks. a large part of the reason why it sucks, and is expensive, is due to government involvement. many of the things that people have complained about here are due to the government. and very few of these problems will get better with more government involvement.
May 13th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
i am a doctor, and i agree that the system sucks. a large part of the reason why it sucks, and is expensive, is due to government involvement. many of the things that people have complained about here are due to the government.
Really? The government must run my HMO and my insurance company then.
Fucking moron.
May 13th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
The ER is a complete pain in the ass. I broke my collarbone playing hockey. Teammates made a sling out of hockey tape and a towel. I walk into the emergency room (it’s Canada so it’s fairly quiet) and the dude behind the counter looks at me and asks what the problem is. I tell him my knee hurts. He looks at me stone faced and says to fill out this form. I now mention that I broke my collarbone. He asks if anybody diagnosed that. I tell him that I can feel the bone sticking out so I have a pretty damn good idea at what’s going on. Again fill out this form. The X-Ray and attending was good but that douche behind the desk can suck it.
May 13th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Golly, Josh, your repeated insistence that the government is going to ruin everything completely refutes my personal experience that universal health care works and works well. Impeccable argument.
Maybe next time just start screaming “boogity-boogity! the government is coming to get you!”
May 13th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Wanted to stop back & see how the discussion was going. Very interesting to experience the bile spewed at my chosen profession. Oh, I’m sorry you fuckers hate to wait……..just got home FROM AN EMERGENCY! True Story!
Actually, I’ve been a cardiologist for 17 yrs & have had to work with some of the most obnoxious, uptight assholes God put on this earth. Guys I would have beaten up (repeatedly) in school.
I appreciate the provocative analysis of some of the failures of our current medical system & wish to review some of the highlights:.
BDD, how can can you possibly have back problems with your healthy diet, perfect posture & toned abs?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/30594631@N05/3012460999/in/set-72157608766348961/
This may interest only me but: I’ve seen orthopods many times & not once did I have to take off my pants . Is there something more you want to share with the group?
I see you don’t like the magazines, perhaps we can interest you in some coffee-flavored water to help pass the time of your visit.
I understand you get frustrated while you’re waiting & I heard you almost kicked Joey Porter’s ass cause he was too slow laying his bet at the blackjack table….figured you’d just collect your winnings & move on.
Of course I want to make you wait. That way I take my precious time & stay at work even longer ….allows me to avoid the uncomfortable group dinners my wife plans
I gotta ask: How long do you dipshits wait for the cable guy to come install the system . “We’ll be there between 10am-4pm on Saturday”….now there’s a fuck you….and you bitch about 45min
Now I like the “Book Less Appointments” angle. That way, the next time I’d have to hear your whining ass would be in the year 2525…..and we can’t renew narc prescriptions over the phone!!!
Lemme re-enact my job for you….
/phone rings at 2 am because there’s a patient with a heart attack in ER
/drive to hospital, stick a catheter into his heart, clear out the fuckin Double stuffed Pizza crust lodged in there (all within 90 minutes of the call)
/talk to his ever-so-calm family
/get home at 5am, back out at 7am, listen to patients bitch about how long they waited to see me, home at 7pm… Oh, I GON DRANK
/repeat as needed
…..much less stressful than….say …….a blog of dick jokes…..
I personally know guys who spent all eight years of their training playing “DOOM”
Did I mention how honored I am to take care of people like you…….there’s always the chiropractor. Maybe he’ll show up to give you a nice massage & happy ending during your next cardiac arrest
Wait….so all this bitching is for a few quick percocets?………………..why didn’t you just say so
Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?
/to set the record straight, there are no more hot pharma sales reps….more dudes now
//no more free pens either!
///I need to meet the pompous dick who wants to charge $250/hr while he’s waiting for his visit…….GEE, counselor…… let me guess your profession…..
May 14th, 2009 at 1:14 am
I can get surly and indifferent treatment for free at the DMV. Really, I can’t wait until doctors make less money. Wasn’t that an Obama campaign promise — confiscatory income taxes for medical professionals? And that’s our point today: Fuck you, Josh.
May 14th, 2009 at 1:52 am
@Martinriggs
Preach!
May 14th, 2009 at 3:24 am
MdFlaWa?
May 14th, 2009 at 5:35 am
Look, I hate long lines and inconvenience as much as the next person, but the political dipshittery on here is getting out of hand. It’s got nothing to do with Fox news. Socialized medicine is not affordable in this country. It’s basic addition, which never got in the way of an obese axe-grinder like Michael Moore in Sicko. Watch Farenhype 911 if you want to see how he preaches to his choir in exactly the same way as Rush Limbaugh does to his.
As for the story about the Netherlands, um, yay. A middle-upper class person in a country with a 20th of our population, which is much more homogenous and affluent then ours, really enjoyed socialized medicine. Great! You ever try to provide, regulate and administer health care for an ethnically and financially diverse population of 300 million people? Good luck. A much smaller undertaking nearly bankrupted Britain in the late 70s, at the end of the same stagflationary cycle we’re about to re-enter. In France, it’s great to be a middle-upper class white woman – in the meantime, slightly less than 25% of men under 25 are unemployed, 50% of the Algerian population is unemployed, and around 1 in 4 people who DO have jobs work for the government. And THAT government doesn’t even pay for things that our government does, like, say, defense, or ridiculously ill-advised white collar bailouts. It is so inefficient and wealth-limiting that the top tax brackets are in the 70% range. You think you’re mad now? Try working until Thursday morning just to pay taxes to the government. Waiting lines somehow seem a lot less annoying.
To reiterate – you can get away with socializing medicine if you a.) have smaller populations and a steady stream of income from countries like America (Norway, with oil, and the Netherlands due to a highly taxed corporate sector that profits from third-world former colonial monopolies) and b.) a society that has a comparatively healthy and wealthy ethnically homogenous majority (Japan and Canada). The US has neither of those things. As a consequence, we just don’t have the money for a universal health care system, and if we try to pay the bills anyway, the resulting inflationary pressures will be unreal. Try pumping $1 trillion of nonexistant money into the economy per annum and see what happens. Hope you enjoyed your savings, because they are now worthless.
I hate waiting for doctors. Let me get that out there. But If everyone on this board thinks life is great for doctors, hey go join them! Yeah, some doctors make you wait because they are dicks. Others, though, are overbooked because they have to pay their premiums, med school debts or staff and can’t afford no-shows, especially when those same no-shows file lawsuits six months later. Don’t like it? Work your ass off and join them! Apparently anyone can do it – it just takes a ton of golf money and spare time to get bjs from dipshit pharma reps! Oh wait – not anyone can do it. That’s why so many people take English Lit or history of jazz instead of organic chemistry in college, and go to NYC or Miami and try to get laid through their twenties instead of going to med school and pulling 36 hour shifts. Tell you what – spend ten years doing hardass science in college and then do med school and residency, instead of majoring in “business management” and getting drunk, and then maybe we won’t have a shortage of doctors. AND, according to the posters on this board, all of their problems will be solved since they’ll have endless money, access to the drugs they want/need, and poon from SEC cheerleaders!
But since pretty much everyone on this board is or was unwilling to make that effort, in part because we all know what reality is in our hearts, we are where we are. So let’s just live our lives and hope our team has enough fans and merchandising pull to be handed a Super Bowl win. Back to the football, Drew.
May 14th, 2009 at 7:11 am
mercury morris’s [sic] specs – yeah, actually they do to a larger extent than you realize, obviously. and, it is doctors who provide you care, and they, sure as shit, are controlled by a large extent by the federal government.
mamacita – your point is ‘fuck you josh’? great argument. i already addressed the dmv similarities about 5 posts earlier.
tracy – if you think universal health care will work well in the united states, i invite you to walk into any VA hospital, and witness first hand the pathetic care our vets receive there. with the nurses on the floor, you get to pick one order each day. hmm, should my patient get their antibiotics, their cardiac medication, or should they be fed?
i would read the second to last paragraph of tim the enchanter’s post. well worded. just imagine getting to see ‘dr. lexus’ in about 10 years.
May 14th, 2009 at 7:40 am
“Wow, a scathing attack on doctors. What’s next, the first rant ever against the post office? ”
Nope. Airplane food!
May 14th, 2009 at 8:04 am
“That’s why so many people take English Lit or history of jazz instead of organic chemistry in college”
Hey I took both history of jazz and organic chem in college. I’ll let everyone guess which one was easier.
May 14th, 2009 at 9:33 am
@UU: I took OChem too. Good class. Lofty class. Good grade. Lofty grade. Defined clutch.
Worked much, much harder in a Modern Lit course. Faulkner is concrete cyanide.
I ended up taking the MCAT and the GRE with the English Subject Test. Guess which was harder? Here’s a hint: modern science is about 250 years old. English Lit is about a 1000.
May 14th, 2009 at 9:50 am
I gotta ask: How long do you dipshits wait for the cable guy to come install the system . “We’ll be there between 10am-4pm on Saturday”….now there’s a fuck you….and you bitch about 45min
Are you using a cable company that makes you drive all the way downtown and sit in a windowless room with nothing but year-old copies of Field and Stream? Because my cable guy usually installs the cable in my own house, where I sit on my own couch, and while waiting, am free to do a million other things I’d ordinarily do.
May 14th, 2009 at 9:54 am
“Wow, a scathing attack on doctors. What’s next, the first rant ever against the post office? ”
I’m working on a ten-page guest post about Ovaltine.
And to the people who are getting their panties in a twist about how mean we’re being to the poor little doctors, the second you start using a retarded Glenn Beckism like “socialized medicine” is the precise moment I stop giving a shit about anything you have to say.
May 14th, 2009 at 10:06 am
I’ve had pneumonia approximately 7,989,134 times. Well aware of the fact I have it from past experiences Dr. Douchebergersteinman, a new doctor at my doctor’s office, assured me that I did not, in fact, have pneumonia. He instructs me to call back if conditions don’t improve in 2 days. I call back in 2 days and see my regular Dr. who tells me I have “a very advanced case of pneumonia” and asks why I didn’t mention it to the other Dr. The fuckface didn’t even write it down in my chart.
/Hacks up something nasty all over his car
May 14th, 2009 at 10:51 am
i took organic chemistry as a freshman in college – i was 18 years old.
i worked more than 80 hours a week for four years as a resident. was the resident on call in a trauma intensive care unit taking care of 28 critically ill patients for 34 hours at a time. was on call every third day for said 34 hours. did this for two months of my residency.
guess which one was harder.
May 14th, 2009 at 11:00 am
i worked more than 80 hours a week for four years as a resident. was the resident on call in a trauma intensive care unit taking care of 28 critically ill patients for 34 hours at a time. was on call every third day for said 34 hours. did this for two months of my residency.
Well, Josh has convinced me that our current health care system is fucked up beyond belief.
Why don’t you sit this one out, champ? You’re not helping your side of the argument. At all.
May 14th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Dear Josh,
While I understand the medical profession is stuck in the past, ie. I had to compromise patient safety and work unhealthy hours because every other doctor did in his residency, that is really no reason to make your customer wait unnecessarily for the honor of your wisdom and sage advice. I think they should have mentioned at some time in your training something along the lines of “Do no harm”, but maybe you were too tired to remember that.
May 14th, 2009 at 11:30 am
National Healthcare, socialized medicine, free shit from the government, whatever you want to call it is in fact a bad idea. Right now I’m in the Air Force, working with the US Embassy out of Ankara, Turkey, but when I was back in the states, going to a VA hospital was a complete fuckin joke. It is absolutely impossible to make an appointment. You know why it’s impossible to make an appointment? Because the care is FREE, and since it’s free, you have people going to the doctor every single fucking time they don’t feel well. Instead of sucking it up when they have a sore throat, or may have a slight temperature, they decide to go to the doctors office to waste EVERYONE’S time.
You think the lines are bad now, you think the wait is bad now? Wait til it’s all “free”, then price won’t be an issue, and you’ll have these drama queens, or people with drug seeking behavior going in there all the fuckin’ time to see the doctor when they don’t feel good. Actually having to pay for the doctor is what’s keeping the doctor’s office less crowded than it already is. Good luck when it’s all ‘free’.
Oh, and if you smoke….well, since the government is paying for it, they may decide that since you engaged in risky behavior, you’ll have to pay for this on your own. In the future, if you are sick or need care because of ‘unhealthy behavior’ they may just decide to not pay for it, just remember, it is the governments money and system, and they can do whatever the hell they want to. They’d rather pay 36,000 dollars to ship a handful of 5 cent lug nuts to Afghanistan than pay for a smoker’s or alcoholic’s surgery. And if you don’t believe me, then read the fuckin news and look at how they’re trying to ‘raise money’ for Obama’s health care plan….tax cigarettes more, tax soda, alcohol, and other sugary foods. They’re trying to tax the ‘unhealthy’ behavior right out of you.
And here’s the funny thing…people that live longer are more of a burden to the government than people that live a shorter life.
May 14th, 2009 at 11:53 am
“Socialized medicine.” Single payer. Not likely. Look for reform along the lines of allowing associations, small business consortiums, etc. to band together to get better deals from insurance companies. The Blues will hate it. The doctors probably will like it up to a point, if for no reason other than this will give more people insurance of one sort or the other.
I’m no fan of insurance companies, particularly when they argue about what can and should be covered. But I can yell, scream and cajole insurance companies into doing the right thing. I have NEVER had that experience with any governnment bureaucrat. Not sure I cold support too much government involvement. Not sure, my patients will benefit.
May 14th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
tr – my argument at that point is that organic chemistry is a walk in the park compared to residency. my previous argument was that universal health care, while a desirable situation, is not economically feasible. if you question this, either read the first paragraph of what jmill wrote just above, or walk into any VA hospital. furthermore, i have already said that the current healthcare system is full of flaws.
miles o’toole – i find it to be somewhat offensive that you say i compromised patient safety. i wasn’t too tired to remember how to care for those patients. so, i would say, i wasn’t too tired to remember ‘primum non nocere’
May 14th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
tr – my argument at that point is that organic chemistry is a walk in the park compared to residency.
And seeing how the point which you were trying to rebut was UU’s point that organic chemistry was easier than English lit, your retort about organic chemistry being much easier than your residency had about as much argument and logic in it as anything else you’ve written here.
My point: You’ve been saying the current system is just fine and dandy, and then you provided a nice example of how it overworks residents in a ridiculous counterproductive fashion, which suggests it isn’t fine and dandy.
And the bigger point stands — you suck at making a case for your point of view.
May 14th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
so, the bigger point is i “suck at making a case for your point of view”? i would think that the issue of health care in the united states is a much larger point than my ability to argue.
futhermore, if you were able to read what i have written, you would have already garnered the point that i think health care in the united states certainly needs to be improved (see the last sentence of the first paragraph of my last post). i think that it sucks. what i am also saying is that what has been proposed is not going to work, for some of the reasons that i will not repeat, but have been brought up in this thread.
right now i am more concerned about the educational system in this country, seeing as how you can’t read what has already been written.
i can see that i will have no impact on you, due to your own inability to listen to someone who knows more about this subject than you.
May 14th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
I hate doctors. My own personal experience, I was missed diagnosed twice, and now I have two metal plates in my shoulders due to doctor’s incompetence.
I also hate them because whenever I go and visit my mom, she always bitches about being in the doc’s office for 2-3.5 hours just to get a fucking prescription. God damn that shit pisses me off.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Just stopped by to see where things are going. A recap:
WAAAH, the doctor is late for my appointment……sorry, I just spent an extra 15 min with the daughter of an 84 yo lady to explain her mom’s condition……..you selfish pricks……happened today……TRUE STORY
Otto. Good point for you….. but spending 6-8 hrs waiting for the TV is acceptable to you….20-30 (or 45) min for the doc & your health is not….we agree to disagree on that I guess
Socialized medicine…..I won’t go there….this forum is supposed to be about dick joke & busting balls.
I will say that the current rules for limiting resident work hrs will bring a firestorm of problems in the next decade….estimate that it will take 1.5-2.5 new docs to make up the work currently being done by one doc since they are only used to “shift work”….and there aren’t enough being trained at present. If you think “tired docs” make mistakes, wait til your case is handed off from doc-to-doc every 8 hrs. It will also have our new trainees taking more years to gain the proper experience to perform their duties since they can only work limited hrs during training. (Not my opinion, the American College of Cardiology’s). This is the “Pussification” of medicine IMO. “Oh, Mr Drew, you’re having severe chest pain? I’m going off duty now & will be signing out to the next shift in a few minutes…..gotta get my rest so I don’t make any mistakes that my archaic predessors did….good luck, see you tomorrow…..maybe.
IS THAT REALLY YOUR POINT M.O.T? I’ve seen resident leave the site of a cardiac arrest because they couldn’t work beyond a certain number of hrs…..NO ONE DENIES THIS!
Although medical training is tuff, I have too many friends that went Marines or Ranger training to complain. By the way, they tend to go without much sleep during their training too
“I hate docs”…..I’ll just say that crushing chest pain is a great equalizer (as Al Pacino would say, “all the sudden I’m their daddy. Come the wetass hour I’m everybody’s daddy.”)
What did I learn here? You guys don’t like to wait….got it……we gotta do better……and I’ll stock some better magazines to keep you occupied when I don’t.
AND DON”T FORGET THE FUCKING PERCOCETS!!
LACK OF NFL….. MAKES ME FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!
/need sex jokes now
//if a pizza/stromboli is anonymously delivered to your door,enjoy, it’s on me….better than investing in the stock market!!
May 14th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
You know when a doctor passes an undertaker on the street, those old boys wink at each other.
May 15th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Oh, and if you smoke….well, since the government is paying for it, they may decide that since you engaged in risky behavior, you’ll have to pay for this on your own. In the future, if you are sick or need care because of ‘unhealthy behavior’ they may just decide to not pay for it, just remember, it is the governments money and system, and they can do whatever the hell they want to. They’d rather pay 36,000 dollars to ship a handful of 5 cent lug nuts to Afghanistan than pay for a smoker’s or alcoholic’s surgery. And if you don’t believe me, then read the fuckin news and look at how they’re trying to ‘raise money’ for Obama’s health care plan….tax cigarettes more, tax soda, alcohol, and other sugary foods. They’re trying to tax the ‘unhealthy’ behavior right out of you.
No wonder you people (specifically paranoid idiots like JMill, here) don’t have socialized medicine. Paranoia the destroya!
Man, I’d like to slap you smart,
Never will you get my OHIP card.
Cause theres a red, under [your] bed,
And there’s a little yellow man in [your] head…
89% of the reason to go to war is due to this kind of paranoid thinking exactly, which then allows idiot to by 36,000 dollars to ship a handful of 5 cent lug nuts to Afghanistan so s/he can line her pocket with kick backs, which they can then use to buy smokes, booze and crappy food.
Reality check please: In no country that has universal health care are people refused care based on their lack of being smart enough to not eat/drink/smoke the shit that may cause them to require extensive medical care later. The medical profession get’s that stupid behaviour (read human) (and no, dipshit I did not spell behaviour wrong; I’m Canadian) and addictions of all kinds are as much a medical condition as anything else.
And yes, you dip, the taxes on those things which cause us harm are a perfectly reasonable way of gaining funds to pay for said medical care — I think it’s called pay as go you poison yourself, or taxation of stupid, so the care will be for you later — bonus, these things cost more being taxed and all, so that some people may be less inclined to pay for the thing that will cause them harm. S’cuse me while I light one of my $0.37 cent cigarettes (hey sick people are human too!)
And in the words of the hilarious Tracy “boogity-boogity!”
– let’s go for a beer, dear.